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Sausage Jokes

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The sausage trick

Fred and Ray go to the liquor store to buy a cheap bottle of booze. Once in the store, they discover that they only have $1.50 between the two of them.

Ray says, 'I've got an idea', and goes next door to the butcher shop and comes back with a polish sausage. 'here Fred, stick this in your pan...

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Free drinking with a sausage

English is not my first language, so if you can improve the joke, let me know! :)




It was a Saturday night, and 2 friends (John and Mike) wanted to drink badly, but had no money.

So Mike had an bright idea and said:"hey so hear me out John. I got a sausage, I'll put it in m...

What do you call a sausage that can't walk?

A sausage roll.

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if ...

What's a good brand name for a tofu sausage?

Not dog

My friend keeps talking about sausage every time he responds.

Links in comments

I‘m developing a phobia of german sausage

I fear the wurst

Sausage Factory

A Mississipi Man took his son to visit a sausage factory.

- See this my son? This is a modern machine in which a donkey was placed on one side and the sausage came out ready on the other side.

- Dad, is there a machine like this one, where we put the sausage and it releases a donke...

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My uncle used to work in a butcher shop. He got fired for putting his dick in the sausage maker...

...to be fair, she got fired too. But then they got married and had a couple kids, so it all worked out.

Two eggs, a bagel, and a sausage walk into a bar. “Bartender, my friends and I would like a cold one,” says one of the eggs.

“Sorry,” the barman replies. “We don’t serve breakfast.”

What's the opposite of a sausage fest?

Clambake.

Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage?

They say he fears the wurst

Have you heard the song about the pork sausage?

It's a banger.

With everything so expensive this year, it could be just German sausage and cheese for Christmas dinner.

But that's a Wurst-Käse scenario.

Pancakes asks Sausage to go to the movies

Sausage asks: Hey, should we invite Bacon?

Pancakes says: Of course! I love Bacon.

Sausage asks: What about Eggs?

Pancakes shakes his head and says: Nah man, Eggs Benedict lately.

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The body of the recently deceased Sausage Tycoon will be cremated next week..

5 minutes on each side, it's what he would have wanted

I just wrote a song about a sausage that I like to serve with mashed potatoes.

It's a banger.

A couple decided to enter a local cooking competition. He did very well in the sausage category, but she got last place with chicken.

Together, they made the best wurst and the worst breast.

The other day I saw a sausage delivery truck crash.

It took a turn for the wurst.

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.

I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell.

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire.
The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, yo...

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Pornography is like a good sausage

As long as you don't know what went into making it, you can enjoy it.

Why should you eat pork sausage on February 2nd?

Because it is ground hog day.

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Difference between a Frank and sausage?

A sausage doesn't show up in every goddamn joke in this motherfucking sub.

Did you hear I got food poisoning from eating sausage?

Yeah, it was the wurst.

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“Susie asks, “Mommy, why do you always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?”

“Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Granny”, asks Susie the next time her grandmother visits. “Why do you and mommy always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. “You’ll have to...

What is the difference between a sausage in a bun and Pacman?

One's a hotdog and the other's a dot hog.

I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it turns out it was a seabird.

I took a tern for the wurst.

This is the first joke I wrote by myself, feedback appreciated

A man came back home to his wife after a long business journey. After a happy reunion, their parrot suddenly started talking out of nowhere.

"Yes, put it in that hole!" it squawked loudly with a female voice.

"What the hell?" said the man. "Where did the parrot learn that?"

"No,...

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

A sailor enters a sketchy watering hole. In the entrance a sign reads: Sausage roll 10$

And underneath it continues: Hand job 13$

A curvy barmaid is at the bar. He approaches her.

- Are you the one giving the hand jobs?
- Yes my sweet, are you feeling lonely? Do you want one?

He says

- No I will need you to sanitize your hands though...

(taking ...

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

How to cook sausages

Once upon a time there was a little girl and one day her mommy decided it was time for her to learn how to cook sausages.


So she explains, slowly and patiently:


"You cut off the ends of the sausages, put a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and then add the sausages. Keep co...

I bought a German sausage shop on the most expensive road in my suburb.

They always say you should buy the Wursthaus on the best street.

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

My dad just decided to invest in a sausage company.

It was the wurst decision of his life

Ben and Tim want to go drink in a bar (NSFW)

Problem is, they have no money. "No problem" says Ben, "I have a cunning plan. Take this sausage and put it in your boxer. We go into the bar, drink a couple of beer and when they come with the tab you open your pant and let the sausage out. I go down on it and they will kick us out and we won't hav...

A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.

It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.

I found a way to make cured sausage halal for Muslims to eat.

I offered it to an Imam for testing. He takes a bite and says "Ah, Salami okay, yum!"

What do you call a German sausage fest?

Wurst orgy ever.

I was in a pub and I ordered a large cup of beer and a German sausage. It took them 20 minutes just to get me the cup of beer.

I am afraid the wurst has yet to come.

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I just took my sausage dog back to the pet shop. Really disappointed with it.

The sausages it made were fucking disgusting.

My Kid left some uncooked sausage out of the freezer overnight...

When I discovered it, I realized I was dealing with a spoiled brat.

I got my sausage dog neutered yesterday.

Now it's just a dog.

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A night out with 1$ [NSFW ?]

Two men only have a dollar for their night out and they want to get wasted.

So they go into a night shop and buy a sausage. The first bar they go in they order 2 beers each.

When they decide to leave, one takes out the sausage and places it between his legs. The other bends over and ...

I just ran over some sausages

Those brats never saw it coming

I had a dream about a sausage last night

It was more of a nightmare to be frank.

Chocolate Sausage

I went to a church men's campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.

Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.

A few minutes go by, then someone asks, "Hey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good." to which Joe repl...

Apparently, due to COVID Germany is running low on sausage and cheese.

The government considers this to be the Wurst Käse scenario

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.

Hans is literally the wurst.

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Was having dinner with the in-laws and my MIL said …. ….’How many sausages would you like?’

I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’

She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’

‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid fat hairy cunt”

They're closing sausage factories in Germany

They're calling it the wurst case scenario.

My friend has just fed German sausage to a bird.

He’s taken a tern for the wurst.

A man came into the butcher shop yesterday and asked if we serve soft Italian sausage…

‘N do ya?

Yeah that’s the one.

sausage bread will always be by your side

for batter or for wurst

What recipe uses chicken, shrimp, okra, and elephant sausage?

Dumbolaya

No one laughs at my sausage jokes.

Probably because the're the wurst

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing.

A redneck is selling sausages.

A redneck is selling sausages. A woman walks up to him and places an order.

The woman asks, "Can I have one hot dog please?"

"How would you like your *meat*?"

The redneck gives the woman a wink

The woman replies, "In bread."

She shoots a wink back at him

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A famous sausage factor gets set on fire.

The flames quickly grew out of control and all near by fire departments are called. The owner of the factory told the firemen that his secret sausage recipe was stored in a vault inside. He proclaimed that the first department to fight off the fire and get the recipes would get a 50000 $ reward. All...

Zayn leaving one direction is just like putting a fork into a sausage..

It leaves four little pricks.

My wife is a terrible cook. Tonight she's making German sausage.

I'll hope for the best, and prepare for the wurst

Did you hear about the guy who went around the corner for a sausage?

He took a turn for the wurst.

When a guy walks into a room full of other guys he usually comments on how its a sausage fest...

So I wonder do girls walk into a room full of girls and comment on how its a fish fest or total clam jam?

I hate jokes about German sausages.....

They're the wurst!

Two sausages in a frying pan

One says, wow it’s hot in here! The other looks over and says, oh my god! A talking sausage!

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An English man meets a Chinese woman in his travels...

They fall in love and live a happy life in England. The woman, however cannot speak in English and has to have her husband translate for her. One day, the man was rather busy and asked his wife to make duck breast. She goes to the butcher but then realizes she doesn't know how to tell him what she w...

What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest?

A clam bake

How do you make a sausage roll?

You push it down a hill!

I was tempted by an offer which read, “Sausage Biscuits 2 for $1.00". "How much is it for one?” I asked.

"75 cents”, she replied.
"Ok, I'll have the other one".

I don't know why Germans call sausages the Wurst!

I think they are the best!

My wife wanted to dress up as sausages for Halloween

I first tried to talk her out of it by lying, but I had to be frank further down the conversation.

Fire at Australian sausage factory (long)

One dark night in the small town of Woopwoop, W.A, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage com...

Why don't Germans have sausage for breakfast?

Because that would mean things went from bed to wurst.

A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.

While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"

When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.

Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, de...

You guys want to hear a sausage pun?

Nevermind they are the wurst

I went to a great restaurant the other day -- it has absolute best brats, franks, and other sausages I've ever had!

It was literally the wurst place in town.

What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

My friend found a brilliant sausage website

I’ve asked him to send me a link

Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

I said to my psychiatrist, "My wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages." He replied, "I don't think you're crazy. I like sausages too."

"Really?!" I shouted. "You should come over to my house and see my collection!"

I used to work in a sausage factory

Until I backed into a grinder and got a little behind in my work.

I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.

My German relatives brought me endless sausages.

Now I don't know where to start.

I've heard some terrible German sausage jokes in my time...

...But this one's definitely the wurst

What did the sausage say when he won the race?

I'm a weiner.

Two with sausage and meatballs, two without

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a ...

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Two hobos with a sausage walk into a bar.

First one tells the other,

"Let's order a ton of food and drinks. Once we're drunk, I'll whip out this sausage link, and you go under the table and start sucking this thing. When security sees what we're doing, they'll have no choice but to kick us out before we pay."

For the next cou...

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