Two sausages in a frying pan

One says, wow it’s hot in here! The other looks over and says, oh my god! A talking sausage!

Wife cheats on her husband with the mailman

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope....

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world.

How do you make a sausage roll?

You push it down a hill!

A night out with 1$ [NSFW ?]

Two men only have a dollar for their night out and they want to get wasted.

So they go into a night shop and buy a sausage. The first bar they go in they order 2 beers each.

When they decide to leave, one takes out the sausage and places it between his legs. The other bends over and ...

TIFU by taking my girlfriend to a food themed costume orgy.

Obligatory didn't happen today, but a few weeks ago, me and my girlfriend decided to spice up our relationship by going to an orgy. A mutual friend of ours gave us the adress, and told us to wear costumes. I was broccoli, my girlfriend was a tomato.

When we arrived, the door was unlocked. Th...

What is the difference between a street seller and a sausage dog??

A street seller bawls out his wears on the pavement..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Free drinking with a sausage

English is not my first language, so if you can improve the joke, let me know! :)




It was a Saturday night, and 2 friends (John and Mike) wanted to drink badly, but had no money.

So Mike had an bright idea and said:"hey so hear me out John. I got a sausage, I'll put it in m...

I scared a German the other day

I was in Berlin at a beer garden, so I decided to get a brew in one of their traditional mugs (with the metal tippy cap). After the beer, I got hungry and went for a sausage. The guy was horrified when I told him to save a plate and just put the sausage in my mug. I guess Germans really are afraid o...

A programer’s wife sends him to the market and says, “Take some sausages... And if there are any eggs, take 10”

Half an hour later the programer comes back home with 10 sausages. His wife asks him, “Why are you bringing 10 sausages?”
“They had eggs.”

My German relatives brought me endless sausages.

Now I don't know where to start.

I hate jokes about German sausages.

They’re the wurst.

Man walks into a library and says to the receptionist “Two sausages please”

The receptionist says “ this is a library sir”
So the man lowers his voice and whispers “sorry , two sausages please”.

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.

I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

I‘m developing a phobia of german sausage

I fear the wurst

Spaghetti

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send m...

I used to work at a sausage factory.

It was the wurst.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters a butcher's shop

The man wants to buy some spread sausage: "Good morning, can I get some from the coarse and thick one, please?"

Butcher: "I'm sorry, but she's at trade school today."

I've stopped using duolingo for a while now

And my German skills are going from bath to sausage

What Aisle is the Polish Sausage in?

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days................

A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had aske...

2 Men drink in a bar

after they had a few beer they noticed, that they don't have money.

ONe of them had a plan: "Here, take the sausage and put it in your zip of your pants. The other guy did it and Man 1 begins to suck the sausage. The Barkeeper sees it and throw them out. Without asking for the money.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob goes to the zoo

One day, Bob decided to go to the zoo. When he got to the ape cage, he found himself looking at a big male ape, who was staring right back at him. When he scratched his head, so did the ape.

Noticing this, Bob decided to have some fun. So he started to scratch under his arms and jump aro...

The german Flag stands for:

RED : Sausages
YELLOW : Beer
GREEN : Not causing two world wars

My father nearly died choking on a sausage in Germany

From that moment on, we feared the wurst.

I once worked at a slaughterhouse and saw a pig get killed

I never sausage a thing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters a restaurant in a foreign country...

...he doesn't speak the language, but he tries to order breakfast anyway. He makes a slicing motion, then moves his finger like he is spreading butter on a slice of toast. The server understands this and notes it down.

He then clucks like a chicken and pretends to crack and beat an egg. The s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drinking for free

Two old friends wanted to go drinking but didn't have any money. The oldest of the two told his friend it's no problem, he had an idea to get drinks for free so away they went to the local pub and ordered a bunch of drinks. After slamming down some beer the friend asked how they would get this for ...

[NSFW] Why is it called morning wood

When it should be called breakfast sausage

you know why i didnt go to the bratwurst festival this year?

it was a sausage fest

I went to the doctor the other day and he said to me, “don’t eat anything fatty”

I said “what, like bacon or sausages?” He said “no fatty, just don’t eat anything”

A man went to his dad's house for a weekend.

For breakfast the man ate eggs,sausage, and toast. He notices there is some food specks from the dinner the night before he asks his dad "hey dad why isn't this plate clean?" his dad responds "it's the best Cold Water could get it".

Around lunch time the man is given a sandwich and chips by h...

Why is working at a Pork Sausage factory the worst job?

Because every day is Ground Hog day.

Did you know some people get turned on by sausages?

It's the wurst fetish.

I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.

On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hotdog.

She walks to the nearest hotdog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst. He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it, and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the...

An 80yr old couple go to the doctors for a routine check up.

The doctor comes back with the results and says "Physically you are both fit as fiddles for your age. However mentally you are both beginning to lose it a bit. My suggestion for now is write things down when you think of them, that way you can keep on top of your to-do's".

So they go home, re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old couple had been married for many years. They loved each other very much, but there was one thing which had been annoying the woman through all the the years:

Every morning when they woke up, her husband would let out the nastiest wet and loud farts.

Over the years she had asked with him to stop, or at least wait till he got to the toilet, but no matter how much she pleaded with him, he still refused to change his ways.

Finally she decided t...

2 Irish men walk into a bar

2 Irishmen (joe and bob) have only 5 cents between them. Joe takes the 5 cents and buys a sausage. They go into the first bar and get their drinks. When it's time to pay Joe puts the sausage in his pants and unzips them and bob starts sucking on the sausage. They, of course, are kicked out of the ba...

I work in a meat market

Every day is a sausage party.

What do you get when you cross a brain tumor with a german sausage?

The wurst headache

You guys want to hear a sausage pun?

Nevermind they are the wurst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(The joke from "The Breakfast Club" that was never finished.) A naked woman walks into a bar with a female poodle under one arm and a six-foot salami under the other.

The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink," to which the woman responds, "I sure as hell do, after what happened to me." The bartender, of course, asks what happened, and the woman says, "My boyfriend and I went up to my room when he said that he would pound his favorite bitch with...

What did the sausage say when he won the race?

I'm a weiner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hobos with a sausage walk into a bar.

First one tells the other,

"Let's order a ton of food and drinks. Once we're drunk, I'll whip out this sausage link, and you go under the table and start sucking this thing. When security sees what we're doing, they'll have no choice but to kick us out before we pay."

For the next cou...

A family member told me that my sausage puns are dreadful

but I've told wurst.

I bought Kosher sausages from the local deli for the first time, and it looks a little weird.

Is it normal that a bit of the skin is missing from the top?

3 women are sat at a bar

They're having a conversation about how loose they are

The first says "I could fit a sausage up mine"

The second says "Only a sausage? I could fit a cucumber up there"

The third slides down the bar stool

Blacksmithing & sausage

One day at work, a coworker tells our team about their hobby - blacksmithing. Their usual approach is to load up a crucible with coals, get a good fire going, then pound out ingots for a few hours. When they're all done, they throw a few sausages into the crucible because - and this is the reasoning...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.