Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump

But it’s a silly comparison really, it’s like comparing Apples to Oranges.

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?"

I said: "No it doesn't."

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?

Because it said 'concentrate'.

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? 🦜

A carrot.

The purple man lives in the purple house. The blue man lives in the blue house. Who lives in the White House?

The orange man.

Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.

You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.

I dreamt of rafting thru an orange river

But it was just a fanta sea.

I drove by a truck carrying canned orange juice and almost got into an accident.

I should have concentrated on the road.

My last job was at an orange juice factory.

I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

I had a dream last night where I was drowning in an ocean made from orange soda...

It took me a while to figure out that it was a Fanta sea.

What do you get when rubbing two oranges together

Pulp friction

A man in an orange jumpsuit breaks into a nice house and ties the couple he finds in the bedroom up.

After tying them up, the husband watches as the man walks over and slowly kisses the wife’s neck, before standing up, walking into the bathroom, and closing the door.

The husband says to his wife, “Look at his jumpsuit - he must’ve just gotten out of prison. I saw how he kissed your neck - yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.

After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lulu was a prostitute, but didn't want her grandmother to know.

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes lined up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu"s grandma came by and saw her grandaughter. Grandma asked, "why are you standing in lin...

What do you call it when the Annoying Orange tells lies?

Pulp Fiction

You know they say orange is the new black

I guess that's why Trump is president

Things are not going well in the orange branch

That was just said on a press conference.

Orange, apple, strawberry...

April foods!

My buddy told me nothing rhymes with orange.

I told him no it doesn't.

What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?

Agent orange, duh.

There is a way of telling if an orange is male or female.

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

I went to the shops to buy some apples, oranges and bananas... I came back empty handed.

It was a fruitless endeavour.

What’s the difference between orange juice and a Jew? (This is a racist joke)

None, they are both concentrated

Do you think oranges become juice willingly

Or are they getting pressured into it?

What’s Mr. Lahey’s favorite smoothie?

Orange Julian

My Dad likes to eat every part of an orange

I never found it too apeeling.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A white man, a black man and an orange man walk into the bar.

The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?"
"Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor."
Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the barman. "Yes I am", Obama responds....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a giant orange for a head...

A man walks into a bar with a giant orange for a head. He strolls up to the barman and says “hiya mate, could I get a pint of bitter please?”. The barman looks him in the face and says “no, you absolutely cannot. I’m not serving you. You’ve got a fucking massive orange for a head!”. The man, slightl...

Why is an orange smart?

Because it Concentrates.

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor...

They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.

One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

Few minute...

What do Trump and a Tupperware have in common?

A long time ago they used to be white, now they're orange.

A buff man with a orange-sized head..

A well built man with a head the size of an orange walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender quite shocked inquires “do you mind me asking about the size of your ahead?”. “Sure..” he acquiescently replies.

“Not long ago I was lost in some woods. I don’t know how I got there. As I was...

A friend bought two tickets to the Alabama-Oklahoma Orange Bowl game but can't go.

He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize that the game is on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...

​

It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3:00 pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good c...

I haven't been able to have any orange soda since my wife left me

It takes 2 to Tango

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute

and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but littl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just sprayed some orange scented air freshener in the bathroom.

Now it smells like shitrus.

Someone asked if I ever put an orange slice in my beer.

Once, in a Blue Moon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A drunk Guy goes to the doctor with a totally orange penis.

doc asks the guy, “Any itching?”


“No.”

“Used any weird lotions or creams?”

“No.”

“Is this recent?”

“Oh, the last few weeks, since I got a new job.”

“Anything different about your routine since the new job?”
...

Hitler didn't like oranges...

He hated the juice.

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There’s a squirrel sitting in an acorn tree, doing squirrel stuff...

When he notices an elephant approach and begin to climb the tree. He’s baffled and yells down ‘WHAT are you doing?!’

The elephant nonchalantly replies ‘I’m just coming up to eat oranges’. The squirrel snorts and shouts back ‘you IDIOT; this is an acorn tree!’

The elephant, now nearin...

What do you call a fizzy orange drink that you hide from others?

Secret Fanta

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between an apple and an orange?

We don't have an apple bastard for president.

Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

"Impeach."

Room #39

A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss.

-The client: is room 39 empty?
-The boss: yes, sir.
-The client: can I book it?
-The boss: of course you can.
-The client: thank you.

Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Orange Dick

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he has a bright orange penis. The doctor takes a look and sure enough, the man's penis is bright orange. The doctor asks the man about his daily habits to see if he could get a clue about the cause of the malady.

The man says "My day is pretty norma...

What's the difference between Orange County and r/Jokes?

OC is short for one and the other's short of OC.

I dont really like orange soda.

Im not a fanta be honest

What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?

The Pulp.

What’s orange and black and comes together in October to really terrify people?

Donald and Kanye

I just got diagnosed with color blindness.

I gotta say this diagnosis came out of the orange.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between an orange and the Torah?

One can make acidic juice and the other can make Hasidic Jews

(Just made this up today)

I was walking past a prison the other day, and

I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.

I thought to myself, “now that’s a little con descending.”

How are Melania Trump and LeBron James alike?

Both made their fortunes playing with orange balls.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven’t ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.” The doctor is rea...

If Steve Jobs was still alive and a presidential candidate, he would have won the 2016 Election...

But let's not compare Apples to Oranges.

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