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Orange Jokes

A woman asked me if I'd care for an orange?

I said "If it needed me"

I dream of one day swimming in an ocean of orange carbonated water

It's my Fanta sea.

Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice for hours?

Because the label said: "concentrate".

My buddy asked me if I’d ever tried a slice of orange in my beer.

I told him “Once in a Blue Moon”.

What do you call an orange that spent too much time in the sun?

A tangerine

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

Why did the apple break up with the orange?

Because the banana was more appealing.

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour.

They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes lat...

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Guy with an Orange Penis

Guy with an Orange Penis goes to the Drx and says "Doc, my penis turned orange"

The Doctor says " that's odd. Have you changed your behaviors recently, or diet, or is there an increase of stress in your life?"

Guy replies back " No, No, and no"

The Doctor says " Ok that's odd. N...

What do you call a haunted orange peel?

Po-zest

They say Donald Trump was charged with crimes that would have been ignored if someone else had committed them

I guess orange really is the new black.

The man with an orange for a head

A bartender is working on a quiet Sunday when an unusual man comes in.

The man has an orange for a head. Perfectly normal body up to the neck, then just a massive orange instead of a head.

The bartender serves the man and says "I hope you don't mind me asking you mate, but ... what h...

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Orange Penis.

A man went to see his doctor with a concern for his penis which had turned orange.The doctor asked the man what sort of employment he had to which the man said he was currently unemployed.The doctor asked the man what he did with his time all day to which the man replied I watch Porn and eat Cheetos...

A man walks into a bar and half his head is a big orange.

A man walks into a bar and half his head is a big orange. He says, ‟I'll have a beer, please.”

The bartender says, ‟Excuse me, I could not help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.”

The guy goes, ‟Yeah, had that for a while now.”

So the bartender says, ‟How d...

The girl who sat behind me in 7th grade math class loved to pour orange soda on my head

Only looking back now, do I realize she had a Crush on me.

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A man with a head the size of an orange walks into a bar

He sits down, and orders a thimble of beer. The bartender looks confused, but gets him the drink. "Here's your drink, sir," says the barman. "But I have to ask. Are you, um, okay?"

^("Yes, I'm fine,") says the man. ^("It's not painful or anything.") He gestures at his tiny head.

"But, ...

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The orange juice complained to his therapist that no one wanted to drink him because he had too much pulp.

He was so depressed that he wanted to throw himself from the highest refrigerated shelf.

“Try to restrain yourself,” said the therapist.

I wish orange was a common color option for android phones

Would make it easier to compare them to Apples.

Yo mama so dumb

that she spent 5 hours staring at a glass of orange juice because it said ‘concentrate’ on the package.

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Guy goes to Doc because his dick is orange.

A guy goes to the doctor because his dick is orange;

Doctor looks at it and say, “yep, it’s orange alright”

Guy says, “why is it orange doc? What could it be?”

Doc thinks for a minute… then asks the guy, “do you work around dyes or paints or anything like that?”

Guy says,...

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Freudian Slip

Two men are sitting at a bar, both of them have a fresh black-eye.

First guy: (pointing at shiner) **So what happened to you?**

Second guy: **Freudian slip**

First guy: **What's that?**

Second guy: **That's when you accidentally say what you're thinking subconsciously, I ...

If I have five oranges in one hand and six in the other, what do I have?

Very big hands.

what do you call a criminally bad orange juice?

Not innocent.

(It's a brand fyi :3)

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A white man, a black man and an orange man walk into the bar.

The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?"
"Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor."
Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the barman. "Yes I am", Obama responds....

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How to tell the sex of an Orange.

If it squirts in your eye without warning it's a Male.

If it's bitter for no fucking reason it's a Female.

What Star Wars character likes orange juice the most?

Emperor Pulpatine

What do you call someone who dyes their hair orange?

Transginger

Little Johnny doing Math

The math teacher asks Little Johnny: “If I give you 3 cats, and then another 3 cats, and then again another 3 cats, how many cats would you have?”

Little Johnny responds: “ten.”

Teacher: “Ok… that’s not correct, let’s do this again. But pay attention this time. If I gave you 3 cats, a...

My friend got fired from his job at the orange juice factory

He couldn’t concentrate

George the mailman

It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope....

What is orange and lives in a forest but isn't a fox?

I lied. It was a fox

My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine, so I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now...

She’s sangria then ever!

it's orange and you can't see it, what is it?

an orange behind a corner

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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?

So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

"Nothing rhymes with Orange', said my wife.

I replied, "No, it doesn't".

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A guy goes to see his doctor

The doctor, as per routine, asks, "What brings you in today?"

The guy sighs and says, "My penis is orange."

The doctor looks up from his chart, slightly confused and askes, "Is that a metaphor or...."

The guy stops him and says, "No, doctor. My dick is bright orange."

Eve...

Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

"Impeach."

What's orange and plays the guitar really well?

Fantana

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a big orange head sitting alone in the corner.

He walks up to the barman and asks: "What's with that guy over there with the big orange head?"

The barman replies: "Buy him a drink and he might tell you his story"

So the man buys two drinks and walks over to the man with the big orange head sitting in the corner. He sits at his tabl...

What does orange juice and my dad have in common?

They both slap harder when mixed with alcohol.

Two oranges walk into a bar..

One turns to the other and says: "you're round".

Does anyone else remember seeing the Annoying Orange on YouTube?

I sure do.

He was in the white house for four years.

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Expat moving to Canada.

August 12,
We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow.

October 14,
Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades of yellow and orange. I dr...

Orange Head

A man goes to see his friend to check out his new house. He arrives at the address and finds himself outside an incredible mansion. He knocks on the door and his friend answers, but there is something very different about him. His friend has a huge orange head. "What the hell happened to you?!" the ...

Apples are a lot like oranges

They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.

My buddy said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I pondered for a while and thought..."No, it doesn't."

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A tomato an orange and an apple seed walk into a bar…

The tomato says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary.”

The orange says, “I’ll have a screwdriver.”

The apple seed says, “oh shit, I didn’t know we were supposed to bring our own juice.”

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Dr. explained that it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.

What do you get when you cross an orange with Quentin Tarantino?

Pulp Fiction

Credit to the movie The Starving Games

What is Donald Trump’s Spy Name?

Agent Orange!

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A man goes to the doctor because his penis has turned orange.

After a thorough physical examination:

Doctor: "We can't find anything physically wrong with you that would turn your penis orange. I'll be honest, I've never seen anything like this, perhaps it's a psychological issue. Have you been under a lot of stress lately, maybe at your job?"

Ma...

Want to know why is fired from my job at the Orange Juicing plant?

They said I wasn't concentrating properly.

Recently a man murdered his wife of 40 years by poisoning a glass of orange juice.

I guess its, not the first time OJ has killed a woman.

A man is losing his mind and his hair…

When he looks at himself in the mirror, the man is upset to see his once flowing locks are now but a thinning patch. His adoring wife is slowly losing interest as her once Fabio-looking groom is aging quickly.

Determined to regain his confidence and looks, the man tries everything. First he r...

What's a dry orange good for?

Nothing at all. It's juiceless

How are Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump similar?

They both made fortunes just by playing with orange balls.

One morning the Viceroy of India went to visit his old army pal Major Barrington, who owned an orchard.

Walking through the orchard, the Viceroy marveled at all the different varieties of fruit: oranges, apples, bananas, pineapples, mangoes, guavas. "Why, you must have twenty different types of apples I've never heard of!" he remarked.

"Oh, that's nothing," replied the Major. "I'll bet you ther...

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My life should be perfect!

I mean, come on. I get free food and housing, nice orange clothes, and sex every day! But I still hate it.

...Man, I can't wait to get out of prison...

Yesterday I saw a marine mammal swim along the coast holding a glass of orange juice in it's flippers.

Turned out to be a Vitamin C-lion

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A girl was a prostitute, but she didn’t want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and the girl was among them.

The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, the girl’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, “Why ar...

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The local brothel is hiring

This to be told at parties - needs to have women in the audience.

So, the local brothel has been losing business for a while and the owner thought it's time to add some new faces to shore up some business. She had 3 rooms open and could hire 3 more girls.

She puts up an ad on the loc...

A man was having a few in the local bar

when he noticed a sailor sitting at the other end of the bar. The sailor had a completely normal physique except for one anomaly: his head was tiny, about the size of an orange.

The man stared at the sailor in puzzlement, and after a few more drinks screwed up his courage to go over and ask t...

Orange is my favorite colour

I love it more than red and yellow put together

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

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A young guy goes to a doctor, complaining that his penis has turned orange.

A young guy goes to a doctor, complaining that his penis has turned orange. The man looks healthy enough, dressed well, clean shaven, etc., but when the doctor asks him to pull down his pants, sure enough, his penis is bright orange! The doctor has never seen a case like this before, so he begins to...

Orange and apple walk into a bar

Okay, so there's this orange and an apple and they walk into a fruit bar.

Well, they don't exactly *walk*, they more or less *roll*. Anyway, the apple says to the bartender, who is actually a banana, "What does one have to do to get a …."

Ah....wait. I think I messed it up.

... ...

Doctor, I’m worried about my son. He spends all day measuring imaginary bottles of orange soda.

Don’t worry ma’am, it’s normal for boys his age to spend their time fantasising.

I called my dad from the shop saying I’d forgotten what orange juice he asked for.

“Concentrate” he said, but I still couldn’t remember!

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk a carton of eggs a quart of orange juice a head of romaine lettuce a 2 lb. can of coffee a 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict'...

What did the orange say to the door?

Mind if I squeeze in?

Written by my 4 year old daughter and I think it is hilarious.

What do you get when rubbing two oranges together

Pulp friction

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I’ve always dreamt of having a penis as long and wide as a 2 litre bottle of orange soda,

Fanta sized really

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New shoes for dad

I took my dad to the mall the other day to get him new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him... the teenager had spiked hair in all different colors — blue, red, green, and orange.

My dad kept sta...

What's fat, orange and that everyone avoids?

A traffic cone.

*what did you expect?*

What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?

Agent orange, duh.

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot! :)

My baby girl came up with this and most of the laughter just comes from her ecstatic joy of saying it.

What’s Orange and Lies Constantly?

A rotting clementine, but I like where your head’s at.

This just in: A Burger King employee in Kalispell, Montana was arrested today after being caught putting vodka in the orange Hi-C.

Local police say it was the first reported case of a Flathead screwdriver.

What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?

The Pulp.

I finally figured out why Donald Trump is orange.

He lives in a Fanta Sea.

I went to the grocery store today to buy some oranges and couldn’t find any that i wanted

none of them looked appealing


pls be nice, i thought of this in the shower :)

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Me: "Doctor doctor, the Covid pandemic has made my dick go orange..."

Doctor: "That's strange, can you tell me about your daily routine?"

Me: "Well we've been stuck in the house so I've been pretty much just watching porn and eating Cheetos"

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One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

What is the difference between a Peach and a Orange?

You can't imorange a Peach but you can impeach an Orange.

If you say "gullible" slowly enough, it actually sounds like"oranges"

Give it a try

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