UPJOKE
tehranafghanistanpakistaniraqrussiaazerbaijanarmeniaisraelturkeyturkmenistanmiddle eastsyriapersian languagelebanonlibya

Ya know I hear Iran has no Walmarts

Only Targets.

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

Got kidnapped in Iran

Luckily iran

What is the national bird of Iran?

An US drone

The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."

"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."

Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."

"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian P...

Iran bans Americans from traveling there.

Won't beheading there anymore

What did the Arab Nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?

OMAN...

Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.

When asked how much time they needed, they said, “10, 9, 8…”

4 former US Presidents are caught in a tornado

Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.

After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Jimmy Carter...

Why doesn't Iran have an Walmarts?

Because they have a Target at every corner.

Some street joke from IRAN

Somewhere in Iran a Mullah is walking the street and suddenly falls into a hole.

Some people walking around rush to the top of the hole to help him :

\- Give us your hand !

The Mullah stand still in the bottom of the hole while the people keep shouting to him.

After a fe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was traveling on a 10 hour flight and thought I'd have a quick chat to make time go by faster

So I turn towards the young person beside me.

Me: Hello, would you like to have a quick chat to make time go by quicker?

She: Sure. What do you want to talk about?

Me: So why don't we talk about Iran's Nuclear Program?

Then she goes "All right then" and puts down her cra...

A Serb, a Croat and a Bosniak are arrested in Iran for drinking alcohol.

The court sentences them to 10 whip lashes each, but everyone is allowed to make a special request beforehand.

First up is the Serb. "I request a pillow strapped on my back!" he says. After 2 lashes it rips apart and his back gets completely torn open.

Second up is the Croat. "I reques...

The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, r...

My dog's mother is from England and his father is from Iran

He's a pom-iranian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people ask me how I got out of Iran

Well the answer to that is...

Iraq

Oh wait crap

People in Iran are scared of spiders

But in Iraq, no phobia.

What's all this news about Iran?

Sounds like they are stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

Just got back from my trip to Iran

It was a blast!

Word on the street is Iran needs a new General.

Trump is doing so great, he’s even creating jobs in Iran.

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

Why is the unemployment rate increasing in Iran?

Because of all of the women quitting their 'Jabs

Never take a person from Iran seriously!

You never know when they're being Iranic.

Following the protests, Iran has announced a controversial move to reopen outdoor markets.

Experts have described the move as a bazaar decision

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name

Unfortunately Iran was already taken

How did i escape Iran?

I ran

What did I do when a terrorist attacked?

Iran

Someone told me to go back to my own country

So Iran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did I get out of Iran?

Iraq.

Why did a flock of seagulls never tour in iran?

Cause, Iran's so far away!

A couple of hours after Trump approved "offensive" cyber strikes against Iran's missile systems, he is heard shouting at his generals

Trump : WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE NOT SENDING THE TROOPS????

General : But..But… sir, this is an attack via cyber space..

Trump : DO YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID?? WHAT'S THE SPACE FORCE FOR THEN???

Just bought a new game where you have to paint pictures of Ancient Iran

It’s called Prints of Persia

The Nun

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I will explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier run by here?"

The nun replied, "Nope, not today sir, god bless you" After t...

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

Apple in the Middle East is releasing a shelf.

They're calling it the iRaq.

iRan to buy it the day it was released.

But it was sold out... O-Man!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few years back, three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an Aussie are all walking together one day...

...
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total',
Says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '
POOF! With the blink...

The military told me that I was being drafted. You know what I did?

Iran.

So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet

You know why Iran's new navy has glass bottom ships...?

So they can see the old Iran navy.

My girlfriend wanted to visit another country, so I wrote an algorithm that crawls all the travel sites online...

She wanted to go to either Canada or Iran.

Canada, Canada's pretty close, I just ran Canada in about 2 minutes; I found a way that fit our budget.

And Iran, Iran's so far away, I just ran Iran all night and day; I couldn't get a way.

The US declares war on Iran (OC)

In the fallout at the termination of the nuclear deal, the US declares war on Iran. There is a specific strategically located base that has stumped the US military leadership. They decide to call up their Israeli allies in Mossad, hoping they had stolen plans for the base.

The Mossad guys tel...

How Did I Make It To The Middle East?

Iran there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[my original] Why have human fossils never been found in Iran?

Because homos in Iran do not exist.

A man was walking through a park

He stopped by a flock of seagulls sitting on the grass verge next to a pond trying to snap up some worms from the mud. One of the seagulls drops a worm and shouts "oh for god sake".

The man is intrigued that it can talk so he goes and asks it where it's from. "I'm from around London but I tr...

Looking forward to Iran vs USA in the World Cup. A bunch of semi-literate religious fundamentalists stuck in the 19th century.

But I think Iran can probably beat them

Trump is a genius threatening to attack historical cultural sites in Iran

He knows that the Iranians won't find any of these in the US to retaliate

With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.

If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

An Arabian person asked me and said “How did you get out of Iraq”

“Iran”

Whats an athlete’s favorite country?

Iran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel

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