How did I get out of Afghanistan?

Iran.

The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."

"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."

Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."

"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian P...

The geography of men and women.

The geography of a woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered , half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like ...

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

How I escaped Iraq

Q: How did you escaped Iraq?

A: Iran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people ask me how I got out of Iran

Well the answer to that is...

Iraq

Oh wait crap

Some street joke from IRAN

Somewhere in Iran a Mullah is walking the street and suddenly falls into a hole.

Some people walking around rush to the top of the hole to help him :

\- Give us your hand !

The Mullah stand still in the bottom of the hole while the people keep shouting to him.

After a fe...

Iran bans Americans from traveling there.

Won't beheading there anymore

Got kidnapped in Iran

Luckily iran

A couple of hours after Trump approved "offensive" cyber strikes against Iran's missile systems, he is heard shouting at his generals

Trump : WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE NOT SENDING THE TROOPS????

General : But..But… sir, this is an attack via cyber space..

Trump : DO YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID?? WHAT'S THE SPACE FORCE FOR THEN???

Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.

When asked how much time they needed, they said, “10, 9, 8…”

A lot of people in Iran think that president, Hassan Rouhani went way over the line when he threatened the US with the mother of all wars in his latest speech.

In fact they are so concerned about the angry Twitter response from president Trump that they are going to set up their own ‘Mullah investigation’ to look into the matter.

President Trump has refused to release the full report proving claims that Iran is developing a fighting force of flying dinosaurs. He’s released a version of the report but

It’s been pterodacted

The Nun

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I will explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier run by here?"

The nun replied, "Nope, not today sir, god bless you" After t...

The Persian empire fell

So Iran.

I didnt see anything

An iranian, an english, and a french lady decide to tell their husbands that they are tired from doing chores and they dont want to do housework anymore.
After a week they reported the results as such:

The english lady: I didn't see anything the first three days but on the fourth day my hu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between American girls and Iranian girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE sex.

A flock of seagulls wanted to fly to Iran...

..but Iran so far away!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did I get out of Iran?

Iraq.

What did the Arab Nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?

OMAN...

In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders..

But in Iraq, no phobia.

What was the name of Iran’s first 80’s cover band ?

Quran Quran

With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.

If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

I was banned from the Middle East, so this is what I did...

Iran

Just bought a new game where you have to paint pictures of Ancient Iran

It’s called Prints of Persia

2 Iranian Religious Leaders

...are discussing some of the finer points of sharia law. The first exclaims after a silent minute of intense googling, "Huh, I guess you were right!"

The second says "Ayatoldyah!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan?

Because there are already too many targets.

(credit: some old veteran bum looking guy sleeping on a bench at the police station I went to today.)

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name.

Unfortunately Iran was already taken.

My middle eastern friend was held at gunpoint.

He told me he was able to get out of the situation,

I asked him, “How?”

He said

“Iran”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel

So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet

Punchline not included.

Timmy : I'm Hungary.

Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !

Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy : I know, I gu...

I met a guy from the Middle East after a marathon

I asked him if he walked it.
No, he said, Iran.

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

That weird middle eastern guy insisted on giving me a ride home

Iran

A Persian and his friend...

A Persian guy and his friend are walking through a field. All of a sudden, a lion comes chasing after the two.

After getting split up, the men reunite and discuss the situation.

The Persian’s friend asks: “Well, how did you escape?”

The Persian replies: “Iran.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

Anyone got any jokes about the Middle East?

I guess Iran out of ideas

I was studying abroad in the Middle East, when a flock of seagulls attacked

Iran so far away.. ‘Couldn’t get away

I hear the weather in Saudi Arabia is very Sunni...

But the weather in Iran is Shiite.

A man in Terhan finished a marathon.

A fellow entered the state marathon, in Terhran. The runner suprised everyone by finishing in record time. With great curiosity, the judges and government asked how he could possibly finish in such a speedy time. The man, humbly, responds with...

'Iran.'

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar.

Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says, “The media are really tearing you apart for that scandal.”

Hillary: “You mean my lying about Benghazi?”
Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean the massive voter fraud?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: ...

If you get caught stealing in most countries, the police take your fingerprints and release you...

If you get caught stealing in Iran, the police take your fingerprints and you don't get them back.

Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?

Iran.

Oman the whole story is ridiculous.

I basically had to Qatar cross the border.

Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.

I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.

Honestly I could tell you more but it Ku...

What did i do to escape Iraq?

Iran



Don’t worry this story Israel

Persians are funny...

...Their jokes are always so Iran-ic.

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

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