What do an eggplant and a chicken have in common?

They’re both purple... except for the chicken.

What do you get if you rub an eggplant?

A little aubergenie

A teacher asks their 3rd grade class, "What vegetable makes you cry?"

Tommy raises his hand and replies "An eggplant."

The class giggles and teacher gives him a confused look and says "No Tommy, eggplants don't make you cry.."

Embarrassed, Tommy yells back at the teacher, "Well apparently you've never been hit in the nuts with an eggplant!"

...

Durex's "Eggplant Flavoured" condom won't be the first time a woman's being pleasured by a vegetable.

Just ask Mrs. Stephen Hawking.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there’s this lady, shopping in a grocery store.

She walks over to the produce section and picks out a nice sized cumber, some large carrots, and a decently sized eggplant. As she continues shopping, she picks up a Barry Manilow cd from the $5 discount bin and a few pumpkin spice scented candles. As she heads to the register she grabs her last ite...

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A farmer is selling produce when a woman walks up to him and asks for some onions.

"Sorry, but we don't have onions here. How about some broccoli or peas?" he suggests.

The woman thinks about it for a moment, then says, "nah, do you have some onions instead?"

The farmer, slightly pissed off, says,"I already told you. We don't carry onions. What about some eggplants ...

A dude walks into a convenience store...

...and asks if they got any eggplant juice. The clerk says no so the dude thanks the clerk and leaves.

The second day, the dude goes to the convenience store again to ask if they got any eggplant juice and the clerk again says no so the dude thanks the clerk and leaves.

On the third da...

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Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines....

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am ge...

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

Have you ever heard of the ckicken plant?

I guess the eggplant came first!

I work at a grocery store and a guy in the produce department told me this. He thought it was hilarious

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Joke from orange is the new black

So a penguin and a farmer walk into a bar. The penguin starts eating the tiny fancy drink umbrellas. The Bartender says to the Farmer, "Hey, your eggplant's gotta pay for those." And so the Penguin says "Dude, he's not an eggplant, he's retarded."

homophobic strawberry

A strawberry walks up to his friend the eggplant and asks him what he thinks of the tomato. The eggplant answers "I don't know, he seems like an alright guy. Why? What do you think of him?" The strawberry answers "I don't know, man. He seems like kind of a fruit".

Master List for Easter Dad Jokes

Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? From Eggplants

Why do we paint Easter eggs? Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days.

What kind of bunny can’t hop? A chocolate one!

Why did the Easter egg hide? He ...

There was a guy who wanted a vegetable garden

Being the artistic person that he is, he decided to grow different kinds of vegetables in a four concentric circles in his garden around a trimmed, flowery bush in the center of the garden. In the outermost circle, to ward off animals, he planted chili growing plants. In the next circle, he planted ...