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[Long] A man tries to buy half a cauliflower.

A man in Tesco's tries to buy half a cauliflower. The young assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers.The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,

"Some prick out...

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There I stood wearing a coat of carrots and a hat made of cauliflower.

"What the fuck is this?" asked my wife.

I said, "You told me to put the vegetables on."

Aldi recently copied Lidl's idea to reduce their prices on courgettes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, celeriac, cabbage and cauliflower, and now they're being fined for breaking piracy laws.

It's because they sale'd the seven Cs.

What do you call a cauliflower growing at the edge of a garden?

a border cauli!

What did the cauliflower bank robber say to the broccoli getaway driver?

Floret.

Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

My favorite vegetable...

I work at a grocery store. This kid comes up to me today and asks me what my favorite vegetable is.

“Cauliflower,” I tell him. “What about yours?”

“Grampa,” he replied.

How do you propose to a vegan?

With an onion ring and a bouquet of cauliflowers.

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A collection of OC jokes!

Well I hope they're funny, anyway. The past few months I've been writing down anything that seems vaguely amusing to me. I imagine that some of them might be already-existing jokes without knowing it, but I hope you enjoy!

* I was offered a job studying fog but I turned it down. In hindsight,...

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A lady walks into a grocery store.

She says hello and looks around the place for five minutes. Finally she walks up to the owner and says,

'Good morning sir. I was wondering if you have any broccoli left.'

'Really sorry ma'am, we're fresh out of broccoli. We might have some more tomorrow.'

'Oh. I see.'

Des...

I asked my doctor how bad my breath is.

"You see that broccoli over there?" he pointed.

"Yes..." I replied.

"That was a cauliflower before you started talking."

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Penis Problem

A man went out with his buddies for a night on the town, ending up in a house of ill repute.

A week later, he was at his doctor's office, complaining about the large green lump on the end of his penis.

After a thorough exam, the doctor consulted a large book, flicking through it until...

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Angel's Food vs. Devil's Food

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream ...

Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset?

He was a melon-cauliflower.

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, n...

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables...

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.

She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.

After ...