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A man is fired from his job at the pickle factory NSFW

A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory. “Honey, I got fired today for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer.”

Wife: “My God! What’s happened?”

Husband: “She got fired too”

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Guy comes home from his job at the pickle factory

He says to his wife “i need to talk to you about something that happened at work”
Wife - “ok, what’s up?”
Husband - “well lately at work I’ve been having this compulsion, an almost uncontrollable need to put my penis in the pickle slicer.”
Wife - “ My god! Are you crazy? Don’t do it!”
H...

A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today

I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle

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John worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed at the factory for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but John indicated th...

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were sitting around talking about how much they hate their lives... [NSFW]

The cucumber said, "man my life sucks the most, whenever i get big, fat, and juicy someone chops me up and throws me in a salad. The pickle speaks up, "man you dont know shit, when i get big, fat, and juicy someone sticks me in vinegar, covers me in spices, and closes me in a jar. The penis has had ...

I got fired from the pickle factory for putting my finger in the pickle slicer.

....she got fired too.

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A pickle and a penis are talking to each other on how shitty their lives are.

The pickle says, they take me, a perfectly good cucumber, put me in a nasty solution to live with my friends until we shrink and then we're jarred together until we're eaten.

The penis says, you think you have it bad, my owner, every chance he gets, stuffs my face in a tight rubber bag, shove...

A pickle walks into a casino and sits down at a card table

He says “Dill me in”

What did the pickle say to the lemon?

I relish our time together


I'll see myself out

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

What do you say to a pickle in the morning?

Rise and Brine!

My new girlfriend has a fetish for being covered in cheese and pickle.

She's a cracker.

I once tripped on a pickle.

I'm over it now but it was a big dill at the time.

What do you made pickle bread out of?

Dill dough

What's a pickle's favorite game show?

Dill or No Dill,
hosted by Howie Mandill.

What do you called pickled bread?

Dill-dough!

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Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.......

......for many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave...

What did the pickle do when it won the championship?

He just stood there to relish the moment.

My pickle order was totally under-cooked.

It was really a raw dill.

I tripped at a store and knocked over some pickled items.

An employee asked if I was ok.

I said that olive.

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A man works at the Branston Pickle factory, and comes home at lunch time one day.

His wife asks, "why are you home so early?"

To which he replies, "I got fired. I got caught putting my willy in the pickle slicer."

The wife thinks this is absolutely obscene and horrible - so she immediately pulls his pants down and whips out his cock. It's fine. She sighs a sigh of r...

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A guy works at the pickle factory

After work, at the pub he says to his buddy: Hey you know I keep having this urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer at work.
His buddy is like "you are crazy", "don't do it", "you will regret it".
One day after work, he sees his friends and says, I finally did it.. I put my penis in the p...

How do pickles forgive people?

“It’s not a big dill”

Just came back from the state fair and saw the world's smallest pickle

It was no big dill

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

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A cucumber, a pickle and a pecker were hangin out together...

they talked, and stumbled upon the topic of their demise.

Cucumber: My end sucks, when I get big, thick and juicy, they slice me up for their salads.

Pickle: wAhWaH. When I get big, thick and juicy, they grind me up into bottles for their burders.

Pecker: That ain't shit! When ...

Whats the difference between a pickle and a chick pea

~~I’ve never had a pickle on my chest before~~
The texture

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Pickle Slicer

A man who worked at a pickle factory came home to his wife one afternoon and admitted to his wife that he had thoughts of sticking his manhood into the pickle slicer at work. His wife, worried about his well being, suggested he seek sexual counseling.
After weeks of counseling, the husband came ...

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Rough life

A cucumber, a pickle and a penis are in a heated debate over who's life is more difficult.

The cucumber says "man, I've got it rough...when I get big, fat and juicy, they rip me off the vine, slice me up, put me in a salad and eat me!"

The pickle laughs and says "that's nothing. When I...

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Pickle Joke

I actually work in a mortuary and was responsible for training a new shift worker to clean and prepare bodies for embalming. This one particular guy was advanced enough in his training for me to give him a go at working solo while I went back to the office and took care of some paperwork.

Bef...

What do you call a pickle when you use it to pleasure yourself?

A dill-do.

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

What do you call a pickled deer?

A dilldoe.

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

a dilldoe

I'm like a jumbo kosher pickle

Guess you could say I'm a pretty big dill.

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Quite the Pickle

When my grandmother died, as an only child my father had to clean out her place. When he came upon her recipe box, he sat on the floor and went through them slowly. Many had been handed down to her from her mother, my great-grandmother. One by one, he closed his eyes and remembered the simple joy of...

What did the giant pickle say to sound modest?

I’m kind of a big Dill.

Did you hear about the new pickle flavored bread?

So since Pickle flavor is in style now with sonics new pickle juice shake, I think I'm going to launch a line of pickle flavored pastry. I'm going to call it Dilldough.

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A man is fired from his job at the pickle factory.

He returns home to his wife and tells her the bad news. "What did you do?" She asks. The man sighs and says, "I put my dick in the pickle slicer". Horrified, the woman pulls down his pants to see he penis intact. "What on earth happened to the pickle slicer?" She yells. The man sighs again and says,...

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

I'm gonna start a company that makes medium sized pickles

Not to brag or anything but it's kind of a big dill.

What did the cucumber say to the pickle?

Nothing, they can’t talk.

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I have a friend who used a cucumber as a dildo but got it stuck for a long time...

Is she stuck in a pickle or is a pickle stuck in her?

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A large pickle walks into a bar

A large pickle walks into a bar, sits down, looks at the bartender, and asks for his usual to be put on a tab. Having never seen the large pickle before, the bartender says "Who even are you? Tab priveleges are reserved only for celebrities, well-known people, or dicks that try to get out of paying....

Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was

It was a big dill

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A penis, a pickle and a cucumber.

A penis, a pickle and a cucumber are sitting at a table all of whom are distraught.

Cucumber: “Man my life sucks. Every time I get big fat and juicy, these humans slice us up, toss us in a salad and eat us”

Pickle: “Man, that’s nothing. When I’m plump and juicy they slice me up, lay m...

You hear about that crazy pickle who thought he was a flower?

What a daffy dill!

A Book Never Written

Do These Pickles Smell Funny?

By: Fardhina Jarr

I watched a documentary about how pickles are made.

It was jarring.

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Husband comes home after getting fired from the pickle factory...

his wife asks, what the hell happened?! He says "I got caught sticking my dick in the pickle slicer." "Dear lord!" she declares. "Are you OK?" "Yea, I'm totally fine." he says. "Was the pickle slicer turned on?" she says, to which the husband replied "Yea, she loved it."

Why isn’t pickle-flavored bread a thing?

Because no one wants to eat a dill dough.

My girlfriend really enjoyed the pickle bread I baked...

I used a dill dough

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Pickle Slicer

A guy comes home from work and tells his wife that he was fired. Wife asks why? Husband says he got caught sticking his dick in the pickle slicer. Wife panicked - asked to look at his penis. Penis looked good, didn't have a cut on it. Puzzled, the wife asks, 'What happened to the pickle slicer?'
...

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So, this guy works at a pickle factory...

...and one day when he comes home from work, his wife can immediately tell something is wrong. "What's the matter?" she asks. "Well," says the husband, "Lately, at work, I've been having bad thoughts... really bad. I feel compelled to stick my dick in the pickle slicer." "That's horrible!" shouts hi...

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A banana, a pickle, and a penis are sitting in a bar...

They are all bullshitting about their lives and how bad they each have it.

The banana pipes up and says "Man, my life really sucks. Ya know, when I get big, ripe, and juicy they take me, slice me up, and throw me on an ice cold ice cream sundae."

The pickle says "Ha! That's a laugh! I...

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A guy walks in on his daughter masturbating with a pickle

"Sick!" he says. "I was going to eat that. Now it's going to taste like pickle."

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A man working for a pickle company came home one day very distraught and upset...

"What's wrong baby?" His wife asked.

"I don't know, all day today I was thinking about putting my penis in the pickle slicer for some reason." He said.

"Oh my God. Why?"

"Not sure babe, but it was all I could think about." He replied.

"Jesus, that's messed up. You think...

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A man worked at a pickle processing plant and came home one day...

A man worked at a pickle processing plant and came home one day and told his wife, "I have this really strong urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer."

His wife was aghast and told him, "Honey, that would be horrible, just resist the temptation."

This goes on for some time, with the ...

Why couldn't the pickle leave the bar?

Because the door was ajar!

A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

The vendor drops a kosher beef hot dog into a seed-covered bun and tops it with yellow mustard, chopped white onions, a dill pickle spear, tomato slices, relish, hot peppers, celery salt, and black pepper.

The monk hands over a $100 bill and takes the hot dog. The vendor takes the note and sm...

Three construction workers

three construction workers are having a break, building a large complex. the first says:"dammit, my sandwich has ham again. if I get one again tomorrow, I will jump off, I swear." the second one says:"I got eggs again. if I get eggs again, I'm going to jump off." the third said:"pickles. dammit, if ...

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis at bar...

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored ...

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The pickle slicer

There was a married couple, wife was a stay at home mom and husband worked at a pickle factory.

The usual day, wake up in morning and wife cooks breakfast. They eat, then husband goes to work. At the end of the day husband comes home and wife asks

Wife: Hows was your day?

Husban...

Why do terrorists eat baby dill pickles?

They want to kill the infant dills!

What do you call a slice of a pickle that's not an edge slice?

A mid-dill slice

Have I ever told you about the Monk living on the hill and the tiny pickle in a jar?

Once upon a time there was a Monk who lived on a hill. He lived a simple life and was quite content, nothing out of the ordinary ever seemed to happen in his life. However, one day as he was settling down to watch his favourite shows with a mug of hot cocoa, he saw on the weather channel that a horr...

A banker died. When he arrived at the junction between heaven and hell, God gave him a choice between the two. The banker decided to take a tour.

He toured heaven. It was calm, serene and comfortable. Then he toured hell. There were nightclubs, endless bars, girls all around and loud music. He obviously chose the hell.

When he entered hell, there were fireballs, demons spitting java and not a pickle to eat. He turned to God and asked ...

I dared my friend into running into a cucumber field holding a bottle of vinegar... my friend tripped and spilled vinegar everywhere. Shortly afterwards, a farmer came to check on the commotion and began scolding my friend...

Guess my friend got himself in a bit of a
Pickle.

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The cucumber, the pickle and the penis...

After a long, difficult day, a cucumber, a pickle and a penis are all sitting at a bar and talking about all the reasons life sucks. The cucumber goes first.
"I know I've got it the worst; when I get big and juicy, they slice me up and put me on a bed of leaves or drown me in water, it's terrible...

Pat worked at a pickle factory.

Pat worked at a pickle factory, and Mike would always bet him that he wouldn't put his pecker into the pickle slicer. He would always decline and recuse to do it. One day, after ten years of hearing it every day, he finally took Mike up on his bet.
Later that day, Pat arrived home early and...

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The pickled cucumber factory

Darren used to work at a pickled foods factory. He worked with the cucumber slicer that would be one of the last steps before the cucumbers went into their little jars. Everything was going well, until one day, he came back to his wife feeling ashamed and sad.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked....

What do you get when you cross King Kong and a pickle?

Ron Burgundy.


Perhaps you've heard of him, he's kind of a big dill.

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pickle slicer

a man was laying in bed next to his wife. he turns to her and says "honey, recently at work ive had an uncontrollable urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer". the wife was shocked and promised to make an appointment the next day with a shrink. the husband comes home the next day and says "sorry...

A man sees a pickle jar filled with money

A man goes into a bar for a drink. He gets a few beers and then sees a pickle jar behind the bar filled with 10 dollar bills, he asks the bartender "What's with the money in that jar?". The bartender replies, "It's a challenge we have in here, everyone puts in 10 dollars and then tries their hand at...

Pickle joke

I was walking down the street eating my tiny pickle.

And someone bumped into me, knocking it out of my hand.

He apologized and I told him "it's not a big dill."

Thank you:)

My teacher used to tell me that I'd never amount to anything.

But ten years later, guess who I saw at mcdonalds? My teacher.

I served him a bic mac with no pickles even tho he wanted extra. Who's laughing now?

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A man and a pickle slicer

A man works at a factory. One day, he goes to see his doctor.
"Listen Doc, I have to be honest. Recently I've been wanting to stick my dick in the pickle slicer at work."
The Doctor, shocked, says "Wh-Why? No, don't do that!"
"But it's just so tempting."
"Listen, just get some rest, go t...

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