A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later,...

Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

The fat one brought cereal.

A very arrogant man walks into a restaurant...

A very arrogant man walks into a restaurant. The waiter approaches him with the menu and the arrogant man exclaims: "You are giving ME a menu?! Please man, I know it all, just bring me a fork from the kitchen."


The waiter quickly goes into the kitchen and comes back with a fork, handing...

TEA PATIENT

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I tired to force feed my child...

After a while my wife just said “Use a fucking spoon, you’re not a Jedi”

Why did the spoon go to the dentist?

It had a concavity.

Where's the spoon?

A man is sitting in a restaurant and calls the waiter over.

Man: Try the soup.

Waiter: What is wrong with the soup? Is it too salty?

Man: Just try the soup.

Waiter: Is the soup too hot?

Man: Just try the soup!

Waiter: Is the soup too cold?

Man: JUST T...

The Spoon

So a man is having dinner and drops his spoon on the floor, and a waiter quickly comes over and hands him another one from his shirt pocket. The man said, thanks, that was quick. And the waiter says, yes, the manager asks us to keep extra spoons because people often drop them. The man says thanks an...

Why didn't Neo ever cuddle Trinity from behind in bed?

Because there is no spoon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why didn't the fork and spoon want to hang out with the butter knife?

He was just too dull.

Last night I went to a restaurant and noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

I looked around and saw all the waiters had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came I inquired, "Why do you place the spoon in your pocket?"

He explained, "The boss hired Accenture Consulting to re-engineer our processes. They discovered the spoon was the most frequently dropped ...

What do you call a person who is unable to tell the difference between a ladle and a spoon?

Fat.

What did the spoon dress up as to the Halloween party?

A cereal killer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table…

As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow.

A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table.

The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blind man walks into a restaurant and asks for a used spoon.

The restaurant owner finds it odd but obliges. The man takes a lick and thinks for awhile, and declared "Hmm, lobster linguine in tomato and habanero sauce! I think I'll have one of those!" The restaurant owner was incredulous as that was one of the restaurant's best dishes, and serves him one.
...

What does a spoon hate to see when driving?

A fork in the road

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A waiter has a spoon tied to his pocket.

At a resturant a waiter has a spoon tied to his right pocket with a small rope.

One of the costumers asked him what is the purpose of this spoon?

The waiter said that he uses the spoon to align eating utensils, that way he doesnt touch them with his hands.

The costumer then a...

An old Jewish man walks into a restaurant

He orders some soup. The waiter quickly brings his soup but the old man doesn’t eat. The waiter returns after some minutes. “Excuse me sir. Is there something wrong with your soup?”
“Try it and find out.” The old man responded.
“Is the soup too cold?”
“Try it.”
“I-is it too hot?”
“Jus...

WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"


CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."


WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"


CUSTOMER: "Taste it."


WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."


CUSTOMER: "Taste it."


WAITER: "Sir,...

What happens when a fork and a spoon get into a fight?

Civilwar!

What did the chef say after he lost his favorite spoon?

I'm sad, but only a ladle.

Why do spoons live such diverse lives?

They like to mix it up.

My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.

The sooner she's old enough to buy her own heroin, the better.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Erectile dysfunction

Tom had erectile dysfunction from years had gone to different doctors to resolve his problem but hadn't been able to. The words spread over the village that a doctor had brought a miraculous medicine from overseas and could solve his problem. So he went to see the doctor and he prescribed him a teas...

A man is eating his soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

He waves the waiter over and tells him he dropped his spoon and would like a new one.

The waiter pulls a fresh spoon out of his apron pocket and hands it to the man.

The man, impressed, says he's never seen such fast service. The waiter replies by saying that statistics show that the s...

What do you call an orangutan holding a spoon?

I don't know I was asking you

Two spoons...

A man and his wife were seated in a restaurant, when the man noticed that all the waiters carried two spoons in their vest pocket.


Curious, the man asked their waiter the reason for this.


"Well, sir," the waiter explained, "an efficiency study conducted by the management deter...

People ask me why I don't like spoons.

Idk why really. They just seem pointless to me.

what do you say when you're out of spoons?

fork it.

[Dad joke] A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea

He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciati...

A guy goes to a restaurant

and notices all the waiters had a spoon in their shirt pocket. He can't help but ask his waiter about the spoon and the waiter says: "Well, a Consulting Firm told us that having a spoon cuts the wait time when a patron drops theirs on the floor, we don't have to go all the way back and get another, ...

I used to get sharp pains in my eye when I drank coffee...

My doctor said, take the spoon out of the mug

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...

He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.

The man leave...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The waiter and the spoon

So a man decides to try out a new restaurant on his lunch break and decides to order the soup. Some time later the waiter brings the soup, and clumsily while he's eating he drops the spoon.

"Waiter, I dropped my spoon, could I trouble you for another?" The waiter, without hesitation, pull...

The spoon (long joke)

A family is eating in a restaurant and as the waiter is refilling their drinks the dad drops his iced tea spoon. Not missing a beat the waiter puts a spoon back in his glass. Curious, he asks "how did you know I was going to drop it?" "I didn't. Studies show that the most dropped utensil is the spoo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth

My parents were into some kinky shit

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Waiter and the soup spoon

A man is at a restaurant and gets soup before his entree. He notices right away that he doesn't have a spoon, so he asks the waiter for a spoon. The waiter promptly pulls one out of the pocket of his apron. The man says, "Wow, you carry a spoon around with you in your pocket? That's pretty smart...

The guy with spoons up his nostrils

A man goes into a hotel, orders for a cold drink with a straw to sip it, and sits there with the handle of the tablespoons up both his nostrils. People find it weird, but he does it, every day.

It's about a month, and no one knows why he is doing what he does. Finally, the waiters decide that...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Spoon in the pocket

Heard this one at work today:

A married couple are sitting down at dinner when the waiter comes up to their table and asks what they would like to eat. The wife and the husband both order a soup, but before leaving the wife notices a spoon in the waiter's shirt pocket, and he walks away b...

A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili o...

Doc I got a problem.

Patient goes on a checkup.
Doctor: What’s the problem?
Patient: Whenever I drink tea my eye hurts.
Doctor: have you tried taking the spoon out.

Three restaurant owners were arguing about their food

The first one said, "My spicy sauce is super hot! I put a bottle of pepper spray in every batch, and after just one spoon, people can't take anymore and shout for water."

The second one replied, "My spicy sauce is even hotter! I put three bottles of pepper spray in every batch, and the smell ...

A man to a psychiatrist:

“How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?” The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.” The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.” The Psyc...

Why can't you eat soup in The Matrix?

Because there is no spoon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bob was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang...

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best...

What is the worst food to eat with Demi Lovato?

Soup because it is really hard to eat without a spoon

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Frank the penguin is driving down the highway in his convertible, with the top down, enjoying the cool breeze on a hot summer day when he notices that his “check engine” light is on.

He pulls over into the nearest auto body shop, and after a few minutes of inspection, the mechanic tells him that there’s something up with the oil and it should only be about 30-35 minutes.

“You have some time to kill, why don’t you head into town for a few minutes?” the mechanic suggests. “...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There once was a man named McMoon

Who was born three months too soon

He hadn't the luck

To result from a fuck

Just a wet dream shoved in with a spoon

A man went to a restaurant and ordered a soup

When he got his soup, he noticed something very odd, so he called the waiter over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" The waiter asked

"Something is odd with my soup, would you mind tasting it please?"

So the waiter looked over the table and back at the man

"There isn't...

So, if terrorists had kids...

Would they say “Here comes the Airplane!” and just shove the spoon around the child’s face?

Heard this from a coworker

Mr. Red, Mr. Green, Mr. Yellow, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Blue all live on the same street.

Each morning, Mr. Red wakes up in his red room, in his red house, pulls the red covers off of his bed, puts on his red robe, opens his red door, goes down his red stairs to his red kitchen and gets his red b...

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

"Why would you ever do such a thing!" He exclaimed.

"Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven't been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crys...

An old man goes to a restaurant.

He sits down and orders his favorite bowl of soup.

After a small wait the waiter returns with his bowl of soup.

A few minutes go by and the waiter returns and asks the older gentleman how his soup his.

“It’s ice cold” says the man.
“Impossible!” Says the waiter “I watched the...

A penguin is driving down a desert road...

...when he hears a strange sound coming from his engine.

At the next town he pulls into the service shop and asks for help.

The mechanic says, “It’s gonna take about 20 minuets to check this out. You look pretty hot, you should go get an Ice Cream at the shop across the street to coo...

My next door neighbor was found murdered.

He was discovered face down in his bathtub that had been filled with milk. A spoon had been stuck in his ass.

Police suspect a cereal killer.

Heard this joke a long time ago in highschool.. when band aid and Ethiopia were big news..

Ahmed runs a little eatery in Ethiopia.

One day, just when he was about to close up, an Ethiopian runs in, grab a plastic fork from the self serve area and runs out.. before Ahmed can process whether he's just been robbed.. another runs in, grab a fork but this time, the Ethiopian says thanks...

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

But I'd rather take my chances against someone with a spoon.

Spooning with the GF this morning...

and she says to me, "Am I the little spoon?"

I said "No, you're more like the cake tin."

Didn't go down well.

A man was suffering from a sore eye every time he had a hot chocolate.

He went to see his eye doctor who performed tests on his eye. It was red and inflamed but the doctor couldn’t find the reason why.

Baffled, the doctor analysed the hot chocolate, and had it sent off to the best labs to see if the man was suffering from an allergy. The results all came back i...

A young Italian couple were just married...

The year was 1901 and a young couple was just married in a small town in Italy. They were staying at the brides parents house, as it was customary for the first few days while their living situation was sorted out. The mother was making a delicious red sauce when the bride decided she would join h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a 6 year old and a 4 year old brother. It was the 6 year olds birthday that day. They wake up in the morning and...

The 6 year old says to his younger brother “Hey, I think today is the day we start using swear words around Mom. After all I’m 6 now.”

The younger brother starts getting excited and says, “Ok! What swear words should we use?!”

The older brother replies with, “I’m going to say hell, and...

Why is the spork so bad in relationships?

Because when he’s done forking he never wants to spoon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fuck its hot.

Hotter than a spoon at Demi Lovato's house.

Did you here about the latest new thing to serve salad?

It's just a big fork 'n' spoon!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Breakfast for the twins

Jimmy and Johnny were a couple of rambunctious kids, always pushing the envelope and often getting in trouble.
One morning they woke up and went downstairs to find their mother in the kitchen. "What would you like for breakfast this morning, boys?" she asked.
Jimmy says, "How's about s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Blind man in a Hotel...

Manager - Menu Sir ??

Man - I'm blind, just bring me ur kitchen spoon, I'll smell it & order.

Manager got a spoon
Blind man smelt & said "Yes, I'll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes...

"Unbelievable" said the manager...

Every week he came & was corre...

A Mom visits her son, who lives with a girl roommate, for dinner.

A Mom visits her son, who lives with a girl roommate, for dinner.

During the course of the meal, his mother could't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the even...

I once toured an mental asylum...

I definitely saw some people who clearly needed to be there and others that seem normal, I asked the asylum doctor/psychologist how they determine if someone is truly 'insane'.

'We fill a bath tub up with water and present the patient with a spoon, tea cup and a bucket. We then ask them to em...

Teacher: "What's the most important thing to learn in a chemistry lesson?"

Student:

**"Don't lick the spoon."**