When life hands you melons...

You might be dyslexic

Why are melons incapable of having affairs?

They cantaloupe!

Did you hear about the two melons who couldn’t get married?

They can’t elope

When life gives you melons...

...you're probably byslecix.

Did you hear about the two melons in love?

They want to run away together but unfortunately they cantaloupe.

What did the melon say when his lawn looked dry.

Guess it's time to watermalawn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50 they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes, you see them and they make yo...

A man got worms in his stomach

He went to all the doctors available but non could give him the proper treatment so he decided to go to some wise old man , the man told him " simple , go and buy the sweetest watermelon you can buy , cut it in half and sit on it , Naked . So the leader of the worms would go down to taste the waterm...

Did you know that cultures with arranged marriages typically serve melon at the wedding feast?

Yep. It symbolizes the fact that they cantelope.

I studied the cantaloupe joke

I’ve done it! I studied the origin of the cantaloupe joke. Then I then fact checked it into the night, and oh my God, it works on every level! I now present to you, the cantaloupe joke, and why it works.

Why must a melon get married in a church and nowhere else?


Because, due to i...

What did the melon say when her boyfriend proposed?

Yes, but we cantaloupe.

Two melons are in love...

After decades of conflict and war, the people of Watermelon Kingdom and Cataloupe Country are trying to ease diplomatic tensions between their peoples. A student exchange program is started to foster cross-cultural understanding.

Through the exchange program, Wally Watermelon meets Cassandra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

You know why you cant marry a melon?

.
.
.
.
They cantaloupe ;)

Where does cantaloupe go for summer vacation?

John Cougar's Melon Camp.

Two Melons ran away to Mexico to get Married

The first asked the second, "Honey, do you really think we should do this?"

The second replied, "You're right, we can't elope."

The orange asked the melon: "Hey, want to get married?"

The melon said: "Sorry, I canteloupe"

[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why did the melon go to jail?

Because it committed a melony.

Why couldn’t the melon get married without permission?

He cantaloupe.

Why is the quarantined melon couple sad?

Because they cantaloupe :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman: "Hey honey, I went to the gynecologist and he said my vagina is like a melon..."

Man: "Is it that big?"

Woman: "No, I think is kinda sweet."

Where do melons go for summer fun?

John Cougar Mellencamp

A Daughter Melon and a Daddy Melon Are Having a Heart To Heart...

The daughter melon says "But daddy I love him! We're getting married!"

The daddy melon replies "Alright fine. But you can't elope!"

One melon asks another melon to marry it. The other melon said-

"Sorry I cantaloupe."

Two melons are sitting in a field and the first one turns to the second and says

"We've been together all this time we should run away and get married."

The second melon replies, "We cantaloupe, we're melons!"

What did the Melon say to his son about running off with his girlfriend?

Son, You can't elope

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

There are three melon farmers with different marital statuses.

One has a wife and farms honeydew.


The second has a husband and sells watermelon.


The third cantaloupe.

Why do melons hate modern laws?

Because they cantaloupe.

What did one melon say to the other when it was asked by it to run away and get married?

We cantaloupe

What did the melon say to his daughter when he caught her running off with her boyfriend?

You’re too young, you cantaloupe!

Do you know the reasons why most melons live alone?

Because they can't elope

Two melons are madly in love

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.

Orange and apple walk into a bar

Okay, so there's this orange and an apple and they walk into a fruit bar.

Well, they don't exactly *walk*, they more or less *roll*. Anyway, the apple says to the bartender, who is actually a banana, "What does one have to do to get a …."

Ah....wait. I think I messed it up.

... ...

My wife's most recent obsession is growing melons, and she makes me help her in the garden.

It's always "honey do this" and "honey do that"

My girlfriend of six years is a melon. She broke my heart when I proposed to her today.

She said, “I just cantaloupe with you.”

What did the melon say to his wife when he lost his keys?

Honeydew you know where my keys are?

I tried marrying a melon...

But apparently we cantaloupe

Gave my dog some melon

He didn't like it. He was melon-collie

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a we...

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

Two melons were in the supermarket

When one exclaimed to the other “Let’s run away from this place and get married!!”

The other one replied “Honey I do want to, but you know I can’t elope”

What's the difference between a handsome man and Ross from friends searching for a melon?

One's a good looking fella and the other's a food looking Geller

Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license?

Because it means they *cantaloupe*

Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love..

"Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"

"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, why is my sister called Melons?"

"This is because your mother has big breasts."

"Thanks, dad."

"No problem, Shorty."

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