If life gives you melons...

You have dyslexia.

What did the girl melon say to the boy melon when he asked her to run away and get married?

I’m sorry, cantaloupe

Why couldn't the two melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe

Why did the melon have a shotgun wedding?

Because she can’t elope.

Why did the orange fleshed melon have to have a traditional marriage ceremony?

Obviously because it Cantelope.

Two melons are sitting in a field and the first one turns to the second and says

"We've been together all this time we should run away and get married."

The second melon replies, "We cantaloupe, we're melons!"

One melon asks another melon to marry it. The other melon said-

"Sorry I cantaloupe."

Do you know the reasons why most melons live alone?

Because they can't elope

My wife's most recent obsession is growing melons, and she makes me help her in the garden.

It's always "honey do this" and "honey do that"

Two melons are madly in love

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.

Two honeydew melons in a patch had just met, but immediately fell madly in love with each other.

One of the melons came from a strict and abusive family, and desparately wanted to get married. The other melon loved her so much, that he went to the father's patch to ask his permission to marry.

"Sir, I am in love with your daughter, and I wish to marry her. Do I have your permission?", th...

3 hookers are chatting in a bar

The first says "I've worked it so much I can fit a squash up there." The second says "that's nothing, I can stick a melon up mine." The third just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

My girlfriend of six years is a melon. She broke my heart when I proposed to her today.

She said, “I just cantaloupe with you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, why is my sister called Melons?"

"This is because your mother has big breasts."

"Thanks, dad."

"No problem, Shorty."

What's the difference between a handsome man and Ross from friends searching for a melon?

One's a good looking fella and the other's a food looking Geller

Two melons were in the supermarket

When one exclaimed to the other “Let’s run away from this place and get married!!”

The other one replied “Honey I do want to, but you know I can’t elope”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do melons have to reproduce asexually?

Because they cantelope

Breast reduction surgery clinic motto:

When life gives you melons, make life take the melons back!

Two muskmelons fell deeply in love. One day, the first muskmelon asked, "Honeydew, will you make me the happiest melon in the world and run away with me and get married?" The second muskmelon replied, "I love you and I will marry you, but...

... we cantaloupe."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The marketing lesson

This really happened, at least by what I've heard. A guy went to the market and saw a stand selling watermelons with a cardboard reading: "1 melon - 3$, 3 melon - 10$".

He decided to teach the seller a math lesson and bought a melon for 3$. Then he said "you know what, I would like one more" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make ...

A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable drinks has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide...

Their "Melon-Cauli" smoothie has now been withdrawn...

Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love..

"Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"

"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"

What do you call a group of sad melons?

A melon-colony.

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

Did you hear about the two melons who are being pressured by their parents into having a traditional wedding?

They cantaloupe

A farmer kept getting water melons stolen, so one day he puts a sign up that says 'one of these watermelons is poisoned' next day he gets up and goes out to work in his watermelon patch and sees another sign

'now there are two'

Water melon and flies

There's a little girl who rides her bike up and down her street every day. *mind you it's the deep south and mid-summer* and she's see's the same middle aged overweight woman eating watermelon on her front porch in her moo-moo and the woman just so happens to not be wearing underwear. Any of these d...

What did the one engaged melon say to her groom melon?

Sorry we canteloupe.

Two Melons Fall In Love

The guy says, “I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don’t want to wait. Let’s run away to Vegas together.”

The girl replies, “No, baby. I cantaloupe.”

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

Two melons are sitting in a field, talking about how much they love each other...

The first melon talks about how it wants a great big wedding, and how all their fruit and vegetable friends will be there to celebrate. The other melon wants them to run away together and have a 4-H judge do a quick ceremony. They argue passionately back and forth, when exasperated the second melon ...

Why must melon families always consent to a marriage?

Because they cantaloupe!

I tried marrying a melon...

But apparently we cantaloupe

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: A Melonccoli.

A melon and a banana fall in love...

After dating for many years, the banana goes to the melon's father to ask for her hand in marriage. Papa Melon, who never really liked the banana and hoped he was just one of his daughter's phases, says he cannot give them his blessing. Heartbroken, the banana runs back to his girlfriend, begging wi...

What is a wedding planner's favourite melon?

Cantaloupe

I wanted to marry a melon

but I cantaloupe.



2nd attempt because marry not merry

Why do melons hold the traditional ceremony of marriage in such high regard?

Because they can't elope.

What do you call a Mexican melon?

A cantelopez!


Came up with this on all by myself. I'm a new Dad, so I feel as if I've significantly leveled up my Dad Joke ability.

Why do melons always ask their parents before getting married?

Because they canteloupe.

Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license?

Because it means they *cantaloupe*

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