If life gives you melons.

You've probably got dyslexia

Why don’t melons ever get married?

They cantaloupe

Did you hear about the two melons who couldn’t get married?

They can’t elope

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

Two melons are in love...

After decades of conflict and war, the people of Watermelon Kingdom and Cataloupe Country are trying to ease diplomatic tensions between their peoples. A student exchange program is started to foster cross-cultural understanding.

Through the exchange program, Wally Watermelon meets Cassandra...

What did the melon say when her boyfriend proposed?

Yes, but we cantaloupe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman: "Hey honey, I went to the gynecologist and he said my vagina is like a melon..."

Man: "Is it that big?"

Woman: "No, I think is kinda sweet."

Two melons: A Love Story

One day two melons were laying next to each other in the sunny field. The same thing is also going on in an alternate universe. Tom Melon looks over and sees the most beautiful melon he’s ever laid his melon eyes upon. “I have to get over there and say something to her” he thinks to himself. So he r...

Two Melons ran away to Mexico to get Married

The first asked the second, "Honey, do you really think we should do this?"

The second replied, "You're right, we can't elope."

What did the Melon say to his son about running off with his girlfriend?

Son, You can't elope

The orange asked the melon: "Hey, want to get married?"

The melon said: "Sorry, I canteloupe"

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon and says

“honey, I love you and I just can’t wait to get married. Let’s just run off to the farmers market and get it done.”

And the melon says, “baby I love you too, but I just cantaloupe”

Why did the melon go to jail?

Because it committed a melony.

Why is the quarantined melon couple sad?

Because they cantaloupe :(

Why couldn’t the melon get married without permission?

He cantaloupe.

Where do melons go for summer fun?

John Cougar Mellencamp

A Daughter Melon and a Daddy Melon Are Having a Heart To Heart...

The daughter melon says "But daddy I love him! We're getting married!"

The daddy melon replies "Alright fine. But you can't elope!"

[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

Why do melons hate modern laws?

Because they cantaloupe.

There are three melon farmers with different marital statuses.

One has a wife and farms honeydew.


The second has a husband and sells watermelon.


The third cantaloupe.

What did the melon say to his daughter when he caught her running off with her boyfriend?

You’re too young, you cantaloupe!

One melon asks another melon to marry it. The other melon said-

"Sorry I cantaloupe."

Two melons are sitting in a field and the first one turns to the second and says

"We've been together all this time we should run away and get married."

The second melon replies, "We cantaloupe, we're melons!"

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Men and the Cannibals

Soon after their plane crash landed in the middle of the jungle, three survivors were captured by a cannibalistic tribe.

They were bought to the tribe's chieftain.

"I'll let you go with two conditions. First, you must go and find me 10 fruits of the same type!" said the chieftain.
<...

Do you know the reasons why most melons live alone?

Because they can't elope

Two melons are madly in love

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.

Just found out there was a anew town in America for sad people who just ate fruit.

Twas a melon colony.

My wife's most recent obsession is growing melons, and she makes me help her in the garden.

It's always "honey do this" and "honey do that"

What do you call a Mailman who only delivers watermelon?

Post Melone

My mother has schizophrenic episodes

She lives in a nice house next to the San Francisco Bay, on a small melon farm (her choice...). She's an excellent farmer, even in her old age. And honestly she's a wonderfully sweet woman. But increasingly I find it very hard to visit. The problem is that when she has her schizophrenic episodes...

My girlfriend of six years is a melon. She broke my heart when I proposed to her today.

She said, “I just cantaloupe with you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Day at the University

I posted a joke that gained some popularity before getting deleted for breaking the rules of the community. As there are people who ask me what the joke was, I'll try to reformulate it so that it complies with the rules.

Carrynegie Melon University, Penisylvania. Prof. Mary Armstrong gives a ...

I'm not sure how to feel about this...

but I was sold a herding dog for my cantaloupe patch. He's a little melon-collie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, why is my sister called Melons?"

"This is because your mother has big breasts."

"Thanks, dad."

"No problem, Shorty."

What's the difference between a handsome man and Ross from friends searching for a melon?

One's a good looking fella and the other's a food looking Geller

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

Two melons were in the supermarket

When one exclaimed to the other “Let’s run away from this place and get married!!”

The other one replied “Honey I do want to, but you know I can’t elope”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do melons have to reproduce asexually?

Because they cantelope

I tried marrying a melon...

But apparently we cantaloupe

Did you hear about the two melons who are being pressured by their parents into having a traditional wedding?

They cantaloupe

Two muskmelons fell deeply in love. One day, the first muskmelon asked, "Honeydew, will you make me the happiest melon in the world and run away with me and get married?" The second muskmelon replied, "I love you and I will marry you, but...

... we cantaloupe."

Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love..

"Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"

"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"

My dog got a cantaloupe stuck on his head

Ever since then he's been a little melon collie.

What do you call a group of sad melons?

A melon-colony.

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

Watermelons

A farmer has transported his watermelons to a roadside stand to sell. At the end of the day there are a couple hundred left and he isn't looking forward to the tedious process of loading them back on the truck, taking them back to the farm, then reversing the process the next morning. He comes up wi...

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