When life gives you melons...

You are dyslexic

Melons really got screwed with restrictions on big weddings this year. They can't just go off and get hitched on their own...

...because they cantaloupe.

Two Melons ran away to Mexico to get Married

The first asked the second, "Honey, do you really think we should do this?"

The second replied, "You're right, we can't elope."

What did the melon say when her boyfriend proposed?

Yes, but we cantaloupe.

When life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia.

There should be a sub for stolen jokes.

What did the Melon say to his son about running off with his girlfriend?

Son, You can't elope

Why did the melons have such an expensive wedding?

Because they canteloupe.

The orange asked the melon: "Hey, want to get married?"

The melon said: "Sorry, I canteloupe"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman: "Hey honey, I went to the gynecologist and he said my vagina is like a melon..."

Man: "Is it that big?"

Woman: "No, I think is kinda sweet."

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon and says

“honey, I love you and I just can’t wait to get married. Let’s just run off to the farmers market and get it done.”

And the melon says, “baby I love you too, but I just cantaloupe”

Why did the melon go to jail?

Because it committed a melony.

Why is the quarantined melon couple sad?

Because they cantaloupe :(

Why won't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why couldn’t the melon get married without permission?

He cantaloupe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make ...

Where do melons go for summer fun?

John Cougar Mellencamp

A Daughter Melon and a Daddy Melon Are Having a Heart To Heart...

The daughter melon says "But daddy I love him! We're getting married!"

The daddy melon replies "Alright fine. But you can't elope!"

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why do melons hate modern laws?

Because they cantaloupe.

One melon asks another melon to marry it. The other melon said-

"Sorry I cantaloupe."

There are three melon farmers with different marital statuses.

One has a wife and farms honeydew.


The second has a husband and sells watermelon.


The third cantaloupe.

What did the melon say to his daughter when he caught her running off with her boyfriend?

You’re too young, you cantaloupe!

Why did the melon have a shotgun wedding?

Because she can’t elope.

Two melons are sitting in a field and the first one turns to the second and says

"We've been together all this time we should run away and get married."

The second melon replies, "We cantaloupe, we're melons!"

My mother has schizophrenic episodes

She lives in a nice house next to the San Francisco Bay, on a small melon farm (her choice...). She's an excellent farmer, even in her old age. And honestly she's a wonderfully sweet woman. But increasingly I find it very hard to visit. The problem is that when she has her schizophrenic episodes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Day at the University

I posted a joke that gained some popularity before getting deleted for breaking the rules of the community. As there are people who ask me what the joke was, I'll try to reformulate it so that it complies with the rules.

Carrynegie Melon University, Penisylvania. Prof. Mary Armstrong gives a ...

I'm not sure how to feel about this...

but I was sold a herding dog for my cantaloupe patch. He's a little melon-collie.

Why did the orange fleshed melon have to have a traditional marriage ceremony?

Obviously because it Cantelope.

Do you know the reasons why most melons live alone?

Because they can't elope

Two melons are madly in love

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.

My wife's most recent obsession is growing melons, and she makes me help her in the garden.

It's always "honey do this" and "honey do that"

My dog got a cantaloupe stuck on his head

Ever since then he's been a little melon collie.

Gave my dog some melon

He didn't like it. He was melon-collie

Watermelons

A farmer has transported his watermelons to a roadside stand to sell. At the end of the day there are a couple hundred left and he isn't looking forward to the tedious process of loading them back on the truck, taking them back to the farm, then reversing the process the next morning. He comes up wi...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

My girlfriend of six years is a melon. She broke my heart when I proposed to her today.

She said, “I just cantaloupe with you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 40 years old man goes to a circus show

He went there to remind himself of his most precious childhood memories, but mostly because the flyers advertised a pretty peculiar act.

The clowns, the animals, the magicians, all did their part but by the end of the show enters a little old man in his seventies, wearing a bathrobe. The old ...

Two melons were in the supermarket

When one exclaimed to the other “Let’s run away from this place and get married!!”

The other one replied “Honey I do want to, but you know I can’t elope”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, why is my sister called Melons?"

"This is because your mother has big breasts."

"Thanks, dad."

"No problem, Shorty."

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do melons have to reproduce asexually?

Because they cantelope

My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.

He says the breed are Melon Collies

Two muskmelons fell deeply in love. One day, the first muskmelon asked, "Honeydew, will you make me the happiest melon in the world and run away with me and get married?" The second muskmelon replied, "I love you and I will marry you, but...

... we cantaloupe."

Did you hear about the two melons who are being pressured by their parents into having a traditional wedding?

They cantaloupe

Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love..

"Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"

"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"

I tried marrying a melon...

But apparently we cantaloupe

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

What did the one engaged melon say to her groom melon?

Sorry we canteloupe.

What do you call a group of sad melons?

A melon-colony.

Two Melons Fall In Love

The guy says, “I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don’t want to wait. Let’s run away to Vegas together.”

The girl replies, “No, baby. I cantaloupe.”

Water melon and flies

There's a little girl who rides her bike up and down her street every day. *mind you it's the deep south and mid-summer* and she's see's the same middle aged overweight woman eating watermelon on her front porch in her moo-moo and the woman just so happens to not be wearing underwear. Any of these d...

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