UPJOKE
watermelonmuskmelonfruithoneydewmelon vinepineapplepearcucumbermangoguavagrapefruitpumpkinpeachpomegranatetomato

Melon Jokes

If life gives you melons...

You have dyslexia.

What did the melon farmer say to disappoint their forbidden lover?

Cantaloupe.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

Why is the melon sad that he has to wait to get married?

He can't elope.

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

What did the one melon say to the other melon?

We're too young to marry. We cantaloupe.

What did the melon say to her fiancé when he asked her to run away with him?

I cantaloupe.

What do you call a sad community of melons?

A melancholy melon colony.

A Daughter Melon and a Daddy Melon Are Having a Heart To Heart...

The daughter melon says "But daddy I love him! We're getting married!"

The daddy melon replies "Alright fine. But you can't elope!"

What did the melon say when his lawn looked dry.

Guess it's time to watermalawn.

Why were the melons forced into a traditional marriage?

Because they canteloupe

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.


Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!

Why do melons have big weddings?

They cantaloupe

Why can't melons get married?

They cantaloupe ^sorry ^I'll ^leave

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would never ever refer to an older woman's sagging boobs as melons...

That would be low hanging fruit.

My fiancée wants us to skip town and get married, but I think we should harvest our melon crop first

Honeydew you even know watermelon farm entails? We cantaloupe now.

Why did the melon go to jail?

Because it committed a melony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Americans and a German gynecologist were having a drink...

After a few they start sharing stories from their professions. Since all 3 were gynecologists it soon became a brag-fest.

American 1: "I once had a patient who had a clitoris like a blueberry!"

American 2: "that's nothing, my last patient had one like a cherry!"

German: "I would...

I tried marrying a melon...

But apparently we cantaloupe

Two melons are in love...

After decades of conflict and war, the people of Watermelon Kingdom and Cataloupe Country are trying to ease diplomatic tensions between their peoples. A student exchange program is started to foster cross-cultural understanding.

Through the exchange program, Wally Watermelon meets Cassandra...

Did you hear about the two melons in love?

They want to run away together but unfortunately they cantaloupe.

Why did the melon have a shotgun wedding?

Because she can’t elope.

Water melon and flies

There's a little girl who rides her bike up and down her street every day. *mind you it's the deep south and mid-summer* and she's see's the same middle aged overweight woman eating watermelon on her front porch in her moo-moo and the woman just so happens to not be wearing underwear. Any of these d...

Where do melons go for summer fun?

John Cougar Mellencamp

[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

Two melons are madly in love

But they are completely broke, so they can't elope.

Two melons: A Love Story

One day two melons were laying next to each other in the sunny field. The same thing is also going on in an alternate universe. Tom Melon looks over and sees the most beautiful melon he’s ever laid his melon eyes upon. “I have to get over there and say something to her” he thinks to himself. So he r...

There are three melon farmers with different marital statuses.

One has a wife and farms honeydew.


The second has a husband and sells watermelon.


The third cantaloupe.

Did you know that cultures with arranged marriages typically serve melon at the wedding feast?

Yep. It symbolizes the fact that they cantelope.

I wanted to marry a melon

but I cantaloupe.



2nd attempt because marry not merry

Two Melons ran away to Mexico to get Married

The first asked the second, "Honey, do you really think we should do this?"

The second replied, "You're right, we can't elope."

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

Melon love

Two melons in a romantic relationship were discussing their feelings for each other.

"Honeydew you love me?" asked the first.

"Yes," replied the second, "but we cantaloupe."

Two Melons Fall In Love

The guy says, “I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don’t want to wait. Let’s run away to Vegas together.”

The girl replies, “No, baby. I cantaloupe.”

What did the Melon say to his son about running off with his girlfriend?

Son, You can't elope

Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love..

"Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"

"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"

What did the melon say to his wife when he lost his keys?

Honeydew you know where my keys are?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.