That's Jokes - 17 Hilarious That's Jokes

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It was a long day at the gates of heaven, and St Peter was ready to go home

The final man in line walked up. He was a little man, wearing a tuxedo which looked like it had been scorched, and he was holding a golden baton. The man's appearance was otherwise unremarkable, but for the gigantic, shit eating smile on his face.

"What happened to you, sir?"

"I got ...

A duck walks into a tavern and orders a beer.

The bartender thinks "Wow, a talking duck," and pours him a beer.

The bartender asks "I don't think I've seen you in here before. Do you live in the neighborhood?"

The duck says "No, I live across town. I'm a drywaller, and I'm working the office renovation across the street. I...

"Waiter, there's no chicken in this chicken soup!"

"That's all right, sir. There are no cottages in our cottage cheese, either."

My wife and I were walking along the beach the other day...

"It's interesting, isn't it." I said. "A woman can walk down the beach in her bra and panties and people would stare and go, 'oh my, that's a bit wrong, that!' and yet, if she walked along the beach in a two piece bikini people wouldn't even bat an eyelid. And, when you think about it, a two piece b...

Three friends celebrate with a night on the town...

Three friends celebrate with a night on the town. The day after, hung over, the three friends meet.

The first friend says, "I can't believe how much we drank last night! I was so drunk, I blew chunks!"

The second friend shakes his head and says, "You think that's bad? I got so drunk...

Four guys are in a bar...

Four guys are in a bar; one of them has a completely flat head. The other three keep buying him drinks, each time loudly proclaiming, "And another for the Polish hero here!"

Finally the bartender asks what's up. "None of us would be here if it weren't for our Polish friend," says one guy. "W...

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3 Choices...

A man dies, and finds himself in a plain-looking hallway. After a couple seconds, Satan appears in a puff of smoke.

"Hey there. Welcome to hell. It's not like the stereotypes or the movies, though. There's no fire or anything like that. Basically, the way it works I'll show you 3 rooms. After...

Never blame someone else for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

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Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

The first economist says to the other "Ill pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.

They continue walking until they come across a second pile of...

Did you know that birds like hawks and falcons can commonly be found at churches?

That's because they're birds of pray.

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A man gets pulled over by the police...

The officer asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No I don't officer," he replies

"You were speeding. That's going to be big ticket in this area."

"Well, you caught me, and while I'm at it, I might as well be honest with you. I have a dead body in the trunk along with some...

I used to say 'Only the sky is the limit'

Guess that's why I lost my job at NASA.

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Two drunk guys are standing atop a tall building

While opening another beer, one guy says "It's crazy how windy it is up here!"
The other answers in slurred speach "Yeah, it's because of all the tall buildings here in the city center. This building is actually a special spot. There are such strong crosswinds here that you can actually jump of...

I am trying to overcome procrastination...

That's the setup. I'll do the punchline tomorrow.

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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.<...

3 friend went on a ski trip

When they got to the lodge, there was only one bed. So they all slept together. In the morning the guy on the right said, I had the most vivid dream last night about getting a hand job. The guy on the left said, that's incredible, I had the same dream. The guy in the middle said, I had a dream I was...

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Royal Union 2

Once upon a time, the royals of two neighbouring kingdoms decided to cement their friendship and their boundaries by marrying one's princess to the other's prince.

The youngsters were introduced to each other and, as luck would have it, they fell in love. The prince's father, however, wanted ...

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