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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

Which sequel is clearly better than the original?

World War 2.

The mind of a fool is immune to change, and who can think it strange? The reasons clear for all to know...

A fool has no mind to change.

A guy driving a Kia.

A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce...

The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls looks over and says s...

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

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There were 3 men.

There were 3 men who grew up together in a small town Jim, George, and Jerry. They were known for the quirks, Jim being a fire bug, George being a nature lover, and Jerry being a deep sea diver. One day Jerry happens upon a bottle with a note on it along the coast. He rushed to show his friends hi...

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A husband gets into bed with his wife.

A husband gets into bed with his wife. He's feeling especially horny and starts kissing and caressing her. A couple minutes into foreplay and the wife stops her husband.

"Sorry, honey we can't do it tonight. I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning."

The husband rolls ...

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Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there...

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The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
...

I came up with this joke about a month ago, just remembered to post it.

A young woman had a real big problem, all her life it took her forever to go pee. Sometimes she would be sitting on the toilet for several minutes of agony before she could squeeze out a drop. It also made her so self-conscious that she was scared to date, despite being a fairly attractive woman....

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A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke in...

Four rabbis are having a debate

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...

A great tragedy befalls Russia

At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"A...

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The Russian conscript

Ivan had just been conscripted to fight in Ukraine. As part of his basic training he had to participate in a war game. The day of the war game, Ivan realised he had misplaced his rifle, so he went to his Lieutenant: “ Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?”
“I don’...

The old man's pool

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm, there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer d...

It’s clear that Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell had a deep bond.

Even with one of them dead, they’re still finishing each other’s sentences.

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I nearly got sacked today, simply for refusing to serve a girl who'd clearly had too many.

The fat cunt complained to my McManager.

What do you call a politician with a clear conscience?

An Alzheimer's patient.

Plato didn't have a wife or kids..

Clearly, all his relationships were platonic.

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

One 23rd of December, Santa's doorbell rings.

He opens the door and there is a little man there in a blue uniform with a peaked cap. "Evening!" he says, "...or whatever time it is up here. Hopkins, Civil Aviation Authority. It's time for your checkride".

Santa begs his pardon politely and Hopkins digs through the satchel he is carrying a...

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MacGregor

A young man was drinking in a bar when he noticed an older gentleman sitting alone and clearly deep in thought. He asked the man, “Sir, with all your years of experience, what wisdom can you give me?”

The man replied, “Always do that which you would want to be remembered for.”

“I’m not...

A nurse went to the hospital for her first day on the job

Due to a miscommunication she did not know the name of the ward she had been assigned. Instead she was told to take medicine to the ward since the supervisor was running late

Upon reaching the spot, she saw there were only 3 men in the hospital beds. Starting her shift, she began to hand out ...

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Two guys are out on a boat in the middle of a lake.

One guy takes out a cigar and asks the other if he has a lighter on him.
His friend pulls out one of those long lighters and passes it to him.
He says “wow that’s quite a lighter you keep on you.”
His friend responds, “yeah I got it from a genie.”
“A genie?” He asks, “you really have a g...

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Four prisoners are killed in a prison bus accident

A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isn’t ready for them. He says “you died a little too soon. So we don’t have anywhere to put you. I will be clearing out a few places for you but...

2 hunters, Bill and Tom, were out in the Blue Mountains one wintery day – looking for some feral game.

After nearly an entire day without a sighting they spotted a herd of feral goats and started stalking.

So excited & intent were they on their targets that one of them, Bill, didn't watch his footing and had the misfortune to trip and fall off a 12m cliff. Tom found him at the bottom in g...

So I arrived at the restaurant……………..

So I arrived at the restaurant a bit early for a family meal.
-"Would you mind waiting for a while?" asked the manager.
"Not at all," I replied.
-"Good," he said.
And then added,
-"Take these 2 Coq au Vins over to the couple by the window, then start clearing tables 4 and 7"

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I'm married, but I have a mistress named Ophelia who I've nicknamed "Off".

So when the wife and I have an argument and she tells me to go Fuck Off, I have a clear conscience

Supermarket franchise moves into small town

A big, nationwide operating grocery franchise opened a store in a small, rural town in the midwest. Since there was only a local farmers store across the street, the manager decided to bankrupt the local store and monopolize on the town. So he approached potential customers at the door of the local...

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Trucker goes into a truck stop...

And takes a seat next to a colleague. They chat about their routes and generally shoot the breeze for a while, until a woman passes by them and goes into the bathroom.

As she comes out, the second trucker mutters "tickle your ass with a feather?"

The woman, in shock, whirls around an...

A bartender walked over to a table where two people were on a date

He spoke to the woman first- "Madame, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off. You both have clearly had too much to drink; your husband just slid under the table!"

The woman said "No, my husband just walked in the door!"

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What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,

\-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

\- “John,” the new seaman replied.

\- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call a...

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit are in a car wreck

They are rushed to the hospital where it becomes clear that the priest and the pastor will need blood to survive. The priest has blood type A, while the pastor has type B. By the grace of God they are saved, as type Os can donate to both.

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.

She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says "I want you to see this."

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made ...

The two medical examiners

A seasoned medical examiner brings his new trainee to their very first crime scene. The grizzled veteran tells the rookie that “this is a messy one – are you sure you can handle it?”

The rookie says “of course – I’ve got this.”

So they go in and it is a mess. All sorts of human bits an...

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Two young Mormon missionaries are spreading the good word around South-East Asia when they accidentally walk in to a brothel

This becomes increasingly clearer to the two young men as the attractive, scantily clad women begin to make poorly veiled sexual entreaties in broken English. The two have practically no knowledge of, or experience with, women, and begin sweating profusely when the truth dawns. The first missionary ...

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The National Anthem

A drunk guy’s watching the World Series at the bar. The game hasn’t even started and the dude’s already pretty wasted. They just finished singing the National Anthem when the guy says to the bartender, “I betcha $500 I can fart the National Anthem.”

The bartender seeing some easy money take...

My husband asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it

a russian man

(Not my joke, it's a classic)

A russian man places a call to the local authorities.

He says, "Comrade Commissar, I want to report that my parrot has escaped."

Annoyed, the Commissar replies, "Comrade, we have much more important things to do than trying to find your parrot." ...

a Chicken drives up to a gas station.

Fuels up and goes to pay. Clerk: That'll be 80 bucks. Chicken sighs, clears his throat and starts: Buck... Buck..

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John was visiting Germany when he met a local named Gunther.

They immediately struck up a friendship and began chatting. After a pleasant chat John asked Gunther what he did for a living. Gunther explained “while, I am the creator of the minions from the Despicable Me franchise.” “Wow, that is so cool, John says excitedly.” “My son loves those little guys. On...

An old farmer got up in the middle of the night to use the toilet.

As he was heading back to bed, he looked out the window and saw the lights on in his shed. A closer inspection revealed men loading his tools and farm machinery into their truck.

He rushes to the phone and calls 000 (911)

"I need the police! There are some guys clearing out my shed!"...

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A city slicker retires to the country...

Following a successful career on Wall St, Jim buys some land out in Nebraska to live a simpler life.

He has some of the land cleared and a huge, brand new ranch built.

Construction crews finish up, landscapers complete the final touches, and he moves the family in.

The next morn...

I need to get a new friend

I’ve been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python

After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn’t work at ...

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Three men are strolling along the Seafront…

Three men are walking along the seafront when they encounter a mermaid lazing about in the surf below them. The mermaid seems friendly, and the men are amazed at seeing this beautiful woman, so they strike up a conversation with her and make their way down to the beach.

Eventually, the first...

During a show, a magician asked for a volunteer from the audience and a blonde walked up to the stage.



"Think of a number between 1 and 10," he said.

Silence.

After a moment he cleared his throat.

Nothing.

After another moment he asked the blonde, "Are you ready?"

She started crying and said, "If you keep interrupting me I'll never be able to come up with on...

Gifts for the Teacher

It was the end of the school year, and a teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florists son handed her a wrapped gift. She gently shook it, held it overhead and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "Thats right!", the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess" ...

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Bank manager

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always r...

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose.

I was being transparent.

A desperate man prays to God for help but God reveals that He is an Atheist

The stunned man struggled to phrase his very confused emotions.

"H-How can you be an Atheist? What does that even mean!? You're right here! You clearly exist!"

God looked at him with Sad Eyes and mumbled unconfidently.

"Sorry, I just don't believe in Me."

Will caskets with clear lids ever catch on?

Remains to be seen.

π mathematicians walk into a bar and order beers.



The bartender says "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're clearly irrational."

I was nearly at the freeway entrance...

... when I suddenly remembered that since I had the SUV today, I was stuck with dropping our Great Dane off at the vets that morning. A screeching u-turn, more than a few rolling stops and made it back in record time. Bursting into the house, I tore from room to room, calling for the dog. Throwing ...

If you're ever locked out of your house, start talking to your lock, calmly and clearly.

After all, a good communication is the key!

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Pervert Bear and Genious rabbit

A bear hunts a rabbit in the forest. After several hours of running, they arrive in a clearing with a large rock in the center, and on top of this rock stands a golden frog. Surprised, they approach and the frog starts talking to them:
" For having found me, I grant you 3 wishes each."
The b...

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but Saran wrap…

The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, “I can clearly see your nuts”.

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I'm divorcing my wife. First it was the poolboy, then the mailman, her ex-boyfriend, and my best friend. It's pretty clear...

I just really love dick.

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We cleared out my grandma's house this morning

We sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay, and then went to the estate agents to put her house on the market.

She's gonna be pretty pissed off when she gets back from bingo.

An Irishman is walking on a beach when he stubs his toe on an old metal box

He opens the lid
And a Genie pops out and praises him for letting him out after 500 years…

He offers him a wish… and the Irishman says… every evening after dinner when I pee, I want to pee the finest Irish Whiskey…

Done says the genie and vanishes in a flash…

That evening af...

Did you hear the Mississippi governor’s mansion burned down?

It was a total loss. Clear down to the axles.

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

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Mary comes home to tell her father she is a prostitute

A staunch catholic - he is outraged.

Father: "How can you do this to your mother and I! After how we raised you, took you to chapel and taught you to live by the ways of the Lord! What in heavens name will the rest of the family think of you? Think of us!?

No, I won't have it, you'l...

A woman walks into a shop and tells the clerk she's looking for a new bag.

The clerk says "Right this way--we've got a great selection."

The woman picks out a bag, the clerk takes it to the counter and looks it over before saying "Great choice...and a bargain at £50. Very spacious too; you'll be able to fit nearly anything in here."

"Why this wallet fits," th...

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A clearly inebriated, stark naked, woman jumps into the back of a NYC taxi cab...

The old cab driver, opened his eyes wide & began to state at her but made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back & said 'what's wrong, honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old cabbie says" let me tell you something lady, I wasn't staring at you ...

Can anyone recommend a better way to clear the ice from my windscreen?

I tried using my discount card but could only get 20% off!

There once was a town out west...

There once was a small town out west, nestled between the Rocky Mountains. The town was built on a stream, with a small lake the stream snaked outward from. Most of the town was employed by multiple large orchards nearby, and the town's inhabitants spent their days at the lake enjoying their time of...

Russian police officer pulls over a man in Lada...

Russian police officer pulls over a man in Lada, who was swerving across the road. He asks: "Did you have anything to drink?"

"No," says the man.

The cop doesn't believe him and gives him a breathalyzer test. The man blows into the device and the result comes back negative. The police ...

Reporter to the old guy sitting next to his wife: "what's your secret for 80 years of happy and successful marriage?"

The old man replied "i'm gonna tell you a story, 75 years ago we were on a trip, we were horseback riding just ive two of us, out of nowhere her horse went crazy and throw her off on the ground, she calmly got up, cleared herself of dust and facing ive horse said "that's one" then got back on the ho...

My ex's cooking was cold and bland.

Clearly, she put her heart and soul into it.

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A taxi driver goes home after a very long shift.

On his way home he sees a very drunk man that can’t even stay on his feet. “Can’t let that poor guy go home alona like this” he puts him in the passenger sit, asks him where he lives and starts driving to his house while the drunk guy sleeps. On their way there the taxi driver sees a women who’s hot...

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

I was walking with my girlfriend when a random guy whistled at her and said "nice ass". She was clearly annoyed and demanded I say something.

So I turned around and said: "Thank you I've been doing squats"

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In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods

This is going on for weeks. Every day they run through the same clearing until one day they kick over a mound of dirt and uncover a genie’s lamp.

The genie pops out of his lamp and says “I’ve been listening to you two running through this forest for weeks now! I will grant both of you 3 wishe...

A Hunter

A man goes hunting and runs into a bear. He takes dead aim and fires. When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. The bear taps him on the shoulder and says: bend over or I eat you. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. When the smoke clears, the...

Men's Helpline for Women

Dear John,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV.  My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He wa...

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily.
“Gold of course...

Guinness

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer...

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . ...

My dad felt he was clearly a woman

I guess that makes him TransParent

I paid a guy £10,000 to smash into my ex's bumper. After it was done, I watched her converse with police office, clearly upset.

I don't know why she was sad, though.

She's always liked being hit from behind by random men.

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What did H.P. Lovecraft say when he saw your penis ?

He was able to fully and clearly comprehend it, understand it and describe it.

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot up ...

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

Jesus, the Christ, decides to to give humanity a second chance...

Arriving on Earth, he does a tour.

He travels the Middle East and everything goes well. He then goes through Australia and he's welcomed with open arms. Afterwards, he goes to Europe, and all the Europeans love him. Then he goes to America...

whilst in one of the Southern States, one...

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Being a teenager is the worst. I've jerked off more than I've studied.

Which is ironic. One of then requires you to clear up space, look up the material, make sure theres no distractions around you and focus.

....and the other ones studying.

My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"

"That's nothing!" I retorted. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."

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The king was looking for a prince to marry his only daughter.

Naturally the king was very picky and decided to devise a set of tests only the bravest, storngest and most feirce would even dare.

Princes from all around the world showed up and the tests begun.
After a growling month where more then half didn't even survive, a clear winner came forward...

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While I was doing some clearing out, I found an old cum jar I started

That was a blast from the past

Landmark

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system."Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when ...

A programmer and his project manager board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no other place to sit, except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it becomes quite clear that the woman and the programmer are interested in each other, as they keep looking at each other.

Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is the sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train finally e...

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An XM station was looking for a sportscaster...

An XM sports station was looking for a new sportscaster for play-by-play commentary for football games. The producer had two possible candidates lined up, and he brought them to meet the station manager.

The station manager was impressed by the first young man. He was bright, well-spoken, dre...

A young man was showing of his new sportscar to his girlfriend she was thrilled at the speed.

"If i do 200 km/h, will you take all of your clothes off?"

The girlfriend felt adventurous, and said "yes, of course"

He brought the car up to the 200 km/h benchmark. However, he was unable to keep his eyes on the road and the car swerved, then flipped over. the Naked girl was thrown c...

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man asks “do you mind if I say a word” “no, go right ahead” the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says...

“Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

Why do British people put milk in their tea?

It's not clear.

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NSFW My Favorite Gilbert Gottfried joke

NSFW

A man goes to see his wife in the hospital. She has been getting sicker and sicker and is clearly in the final days of her life. He goes to her and holds her hand and stares into his wife's eyes and asks her if there is anything at all he can do for her. His wife can barely speak and he...

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Three Safari Men

There were three men (a pastor, a father, and a good 'ol boy redneck) that happened to be taking a safari of the Amazon rainforest when they are separated from the rest of the group. After a few days and trying to find their way back to civilization, they were captured by a local tribe, bound and b...

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A shepherd was herding his flock

in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, ...

Whilst clearing out the shed I found a box full of dead batteries.

I’m giving them away free of charge

What do you call crystal clear urine?

1080pee

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Little Johnny runs into the farmhouse yelling "Paw! Paw! You'll never guess what!"

Paw says "What?" and Little Johnny says "Old man Henderson's farmhouse just got sucked clear away by a whirlwind!"

"I know," says Paw calmly. "It's in the paper."

Disgruntled, Little Johnny trudges off, but a couple of days later he's running into the farmhouse again yelling "Paw! Paw!...

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The Man who could only Drink Milk

I know an old man who had lived a life full of adventure, but his health started to catch up with him. He'd run the Boston Marathon, was an avid surfer, and climbed Everest, but he'd started to have abdominal pains around his 85th birthday and went to see a doctor. Sadly, he ultimately was diagnosed...

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A ship goes down at sea

Two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.
The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.
The man event...

Just so everybody's clear...

I'm going to put my glasses on..

There was clear fraud and cheating in the 2020 United States Presidential election

and despite cheating, Trump still lost!

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