UPJOKE
syntaxlinguisticsclausephonologyphrasevocabularylanguagevernacularsentenceactiveattributivedependentsubjectphoneticsobject

Grammar Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many grammar nazis does it take to change a lightbulb

Too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man....

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

In honor of my uncle, an English professor who just passed away, here’s one of his jokes about grammar pedants

A grammarian fell into a sewer. Someone came and said, “Need help?”

The grammarian was offended at his language. “You would have made sense if you had said, ‘Do you need any help?’” he rebuked.

A second man came and spoke as the first. Again, the pedant was offended and said, “You wou...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What motivates a grammar nazi?

Word domination.

English grammar

The plural of Karen is HOA.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grammar Nazis are literally the worst."

"No, actual Nazis are literally the worst."

Have you ever heard a grammar teacher tell a story?

It's always intense!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
*Hitler rubs chin*
"So, mine less"
*Grammar Nazi bursts through door*
"MINE FEWER"
*Hitler looks up*
"Yes, soldier?"

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Southern grammar: tied

Y'all might not know it, but southern USA grammar is more complex than up north. We have many different ways of using the same word, with completely different meanings.

Take the word "tied" for instance. You might say two people, or animals "tied up" which means they fought.

You could ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jewish grammar nazis

Personally I'm anti-semantics

Quick Grammar Lesson.

They're = they are

We're = we are

You're = you are

My fire = the one desired

Believe me = when I say

I want it = that way.

I just spoke to Bill Withers. I told him “ain’t no sunshine” is bad grammar

He said “I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar?

There, their, they're.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people call me a Grammar Nazi and I HATE it!

I am clearly not Anti-Semantic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am not a "Grammar Nazi"...

I prefer the term "Alt-Write".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi Motto

We have ways of making you talk.

Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

Once a guy asked me a grammar question

He said,"In the sentence , " The mother beat her daughter after she was drunk",who was drunk? You boast a lot about your grammar, prove me you're an expert at it"
I said, giving him a deathly stare in his eye," SHE "

I am unhappy with my made up, mediocre cheesy joke about my bad grammar.

I want to make a gouda one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please dont call us grammar nazis

we prefer the term "alt-write"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

First rule of English grammar,

Double negatives are a no no.

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

I hate when I get heckled by Christians about my grammar.

Jesus, people suck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My English teacher said " Your grammar is shit."

I replied " Your grandad is a cunt."

Some commentor tried to correct a journalist's misspelling of "grammar."

Then Andy Grammer said, "But... that's how you spell my surname."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've had it all with the grammar nazis

We should not tolerate antisemanticism.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

It's Time for a clear, serious grammar lesson...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5...

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven (repost with correct grammar)

They are received in heaven by St Francis who says, "As you can see, there're a lot of ducks on the floor. If you step on one, you will be forced to live with an ugly woman for the rest of eternity." The men agree.


Five minutes later, the first man accidentally steps on a duck, so an ang...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
...

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.

I'm thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.

I'll gerund to it later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?

Because English majors can't find jobs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The term 'Grammar Nazi' is outdated and offensive...

...we prefer to be called the Alt-Write

What does someone who doesn’t know grammar say when they see a droid?

Hey look, an droid

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

I blocked a girl for correcting my grammar

It feelded good

There's only 1 rule in English Grammar:

Won: Their our know rules.

People threaten me when I correct their grammar.

But they’re the ones who end up in comma.

Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.