UPJOKE
syntaxlinguisticsclausephrasevocabularylanguagevernacularsentenceactiveillativedependentsubjectobjecttransitivesubjunctive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What motivates a grammar nazi?

Word domination.

Have you ever heard a grammar teacher tell a story?

It's always intense!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grammar Nazis are literally the worst."

"No, actual Nazis are literally the worst."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many grammar nazis does it take to change a lightbulb

Too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Southern grammar: tied

Y'all might not know it, but southern USA grammar is more complex than up north. We have many different ways of using the same word, with completely different meanings.

Take the word "tied" for instance. You might say two people, or animals "tied up" which means they fought.

You could ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jewish grammar nazis

Personally I'm anti-semantics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say to console a grammar nazi?

"Their, they're"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people call me a Grammar Nazi and I HATE it!

I am clearly not Anti-Semantic.

Quick Grammar Lesson.

They're = they are

We're = we are

You're = you are

My fire = the one desired

Believe me = when I say

I want it = that way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex & Good Grammar NSFW

**On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.** **The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who** **was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medic...

Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar?

There, their, they're.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi Motto

We have ways of making you talk.

I just spoke to Bill Withers. I told him “ain’t no sunshine” is bad grammar

He said “I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know”

I am unhappy with my made up, mediocre cheesy joke about my bad grammar.

I want to make a gouda one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy drank too much on a party and passed out...

He finds himself in front of the heaven's door. He's asking, "What's happening?". And a voice from above is saying "Don't you see? You drank too much. You drank so much that you're dead now! But you won't be passed into the heaven because you were a sinner." The guy replies "I see... I'm ready to be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please dont call us grammar nazis

we prefer the term "alt-write"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the best way to comfort a grammar Nazi?

“...there, their, they’re.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

Once a guy asked me a grammar question

He said,"In the sentence , " The mother beat her daughter after she was drunk",who was drunk? You boast a lot about your grammar, prove me you're an expert at it"
I said, giving him a deathly stare in his eye," SHE "

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've had it all with the grammar nazis

We should not tolerate antisemanticism.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Woman

An old lady is walking down the street carrying 2 large sacks and one is leaking $20 bills.

A cop stops her and asks "Where did an old lady like you get all that money?" and she replied,

Well you see I live behind a golf course and when the golfers need to pee they stick their penis in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
*Hitler rubs chin*
"So, mine less"
*Grammar Nazi bursts through door*
"MINE FEWER"
*Hitler looks up*
"Yes, soldier?"

Some commentor tried to correct a journalist's misspelling of "grammar."

Then Andy Grammer said, "But... that's how you spell my surname."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is grammar?

The difference between Knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.

It's Time for a clear, serious grammar lesson...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5...

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”

“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.

“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”

“All right,” Tammy says. “I am the letter that ...

I hate when I get heckled by Christians about my grammar.

Jesus, people suck.

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven (repost with correct grammar)

They are received in heaven by St Francis who says, "As you can see, there're a lot of ducks on the floor. If you step on one, you will be forced to live with an ugly woman for the rest of eternity." The men agree.


Five minutes later, the first man accidentally steps on a duck, so an ang...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband liked to fart in bed (Long).

A husband liked to fart in bed, much to the dismay of his spouse. He named his farts, he gave them scores, and he often invited anyone around to smell it. He even farted in his sleep without waking. His spouse told him, “One day you’re gonna fart your guts out.”

Months later, on Thanksgiving,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

I'm thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.

I'll gerund to it later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

I blocked a girl for correcting my grammar

It feelded good

There's only 1 rule in English Grammar:

Won: Their our know rules.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My English teacher said " Your grammar is shit."

I replied " Your grandad is a cunt."

Grammar tells us, " 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' "...

But science tells us otherwise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi's!!!!

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.


She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect.


Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

So many people are bothered about correct grammar

But I couldn't care fewer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a girl who was a grammar nazi

We liked the same music. The same movies. The conversation was so effortless. After only two dates, I knew she was the one. We had a third date lined up, and I knew we were going to have sex, but then she went to jail.

I wrote to her constantly, counting the days until she'd be free and we c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out my girlfriend is a Grammar Nazi.

She's going crazy because she missed her period.

Poor grammar and the Coronavirus both made me..

[sic]

People threaten me when I correct their grammar.

But they’re the ones who end up in comma.

Tense

Teacher teaching English grammar ,
Types of tense : Past Present Future ,
Sub types : Simple Continuous Perfect ....
........ ,
Teacher explaining 'Simple Future' Tense ,
A kid who was quiet till now ,
Shouts ,
Impossible!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Proper grammar and punctuation are important.

They’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?

Because English majors can't find jobs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really wouldn't call myself a grammar nazi

I would perfer to be called alt-write

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between me and Adolph's father's mother?

Edit: between Adolph's father's mother and me

>!I'm a grammar nazi and she was a nazi gramma.!<

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi: Knock Knock.

Me: Who's there?

GN: To.

Me: To who?

GN: To WHOM.

Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

My teachers told me I should pay attention and check my grammar.

Like what the heck nana has been dead for years now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you you call grammar nazis who listen to Radiohead?

The Comma Police

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine, and they have a meeting with a consultant. The consultant tells them that the mine is flooding the market with too many cheap diamonds, and their income is dropping as a result.

Captain America says, "Well, if you're correct, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the geometric equivalent to a grammar Nazi?

A circle jerk!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I meet a grammar Nazi...

I hold them close and while patting them on the back gently whisper, "There, they're, their."

Bad, long, and written by Russian who doesn’t know English grammar

Old poor man is traveling on his old camel through the desert under intense heat

His camel had no opportunity to drink for too long, and so it is very tiered.

Then, a caravan of camels loaded with various goods, food and water and leaded by a strong young man catches up with an old m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The term 'Grammar Nazi' is outdated and offensive...

...we prefer to be called the Alt-Write

Helpful Grammar tips

Farther is for physical distance.

Further is for metaphorical distance.

And Father is for emotional distance.

Silent Grammar

Tsunami : T is silent

Honest : H is silent

Island : S is silent

Queue : ueue is silent

After hearing the joke : Everyone is silent

If you’re genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you’re…

…typo positive?

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the Grammar Nazi die?

Colon Cancer.

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example:

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

A humped man(bad grammar sorry)

A humped man walk around cemetery. Suddenly,a ghost appear and ask a man."Do you have hump"? A man says:Yes I have."So give me that",says ghost a takes a man hump. Man straighten up himself,walk away happily.Another day he meet a friend without legs.He say:Hey I can normally walk,there is a ghost on...

If you think you have a grammar or spelling mistake, simply post it to Reddit and you’ll know within seconds if you made one or many.

Make sure you write "sorry for grammar mistakes English is not my first language"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If your wondering whether your going to annoy grammar nazis with your typos

*you are

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hungry man approaches a Grammar Nazi cannibal.

"Whatcha making in that cauldron?"

"You mean *which* Jamaican."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.