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Please dont call us grammar nazis

we prefer the term "alt-write"

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Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

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The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

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Sex & Good Grammar NSFW

**On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.** **The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who** **was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medic...

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I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

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How do you comfort a grammar nazi?

Say softly "Their, there, they're"

I hate when I get heckled by Christians about my grammar.

Jesus, people suck.

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

Some commentor tried to correct a journalist's misspelling of "grammar."

Then Andy Grammer said, "But... that's how you spell my surname."

Back in school, grammar was always my worst subject...

Something about spending an hour reading grammar rules always left me commatose.

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What’s the best way to comfort a grammar Nazi?

“...there, their, they’re.”

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

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How many Grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Too!

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Proper Grammar, Guys

Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

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What do you call a grammar nazi?

Alt write

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How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

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One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
...

It's Time for a clear, serious grammar lesson...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5...

Once a guy asked me a grammar question

He said,"In the sentence , " The mother beat her daughter after she was drunk",who was drunk? You boast a lot about your grammar, prove me you're an expert at it"
I said, giving him a deathly stare in his eye," SHE "

Quick grammar lesson:

You're: You are

My: fire

The one: desire

Believe when: I say

I want it: that way

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I've had it all with the grammar nazis

We should not tolerate antisemanticism.

You guys might have heard this before also sorry if I have really bad grammar

So there’s these two hunters walking in the woods. They’re just walking around when suddenly one of them falls down as if he’s dead. Immediately the other whips out his phone and calls 911.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“I think my friend is dead!”

“Ok sir, you need to calm down....

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How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

I'm thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.

I'll gerund to it later.

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A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

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Everyone calls me a grammar Nazi...

but I am really just a grammar Commie with an insatiable love for collective nouns.

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He forgot to use a colon, she missed a period, they both hated contractions, and when they think of their future life, it's only a parent they see.

I spoke with Bill Withers and I told him that "Ain't no sunshine" was bad grammar.

He said "I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know"

Poor grammar and the Coronavirus both made me..

[sic]

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”

“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.

“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”

“All right,” Tammy says. “I am the letter that ...

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven (repost with correct grammar)

They are received in heaven by St Francis who says, "As you can see, there're a lot of ducks on the floor. If you step on one, you will be forced to live with an ugly woman for the rest of eternity." The men agree.


Five minutes later, the first man accidentally steps on a duck, so an ang...

There's only 1 rule in English Grammar:

Won: Their our know rules.

I blocked a girl for correcting my grammar

It feelded good

People threaten me when I correct their grammar.

But they’re the ones who end up in comma.

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Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

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What is grammar?

The difference between Knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

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Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

Grammar tells us, " 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' "...

But science tells us otherwise.

Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

So many people are bothered about correct grammar

But I couldn't care fewer

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Grammar Nazi's!!!!

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.


She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect.


Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

I failed my grammar exam today.

Apparently, "before Christmas" was not a good example for present tense.

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I really wouldn't call myself a grammar nazi

I would perfer to be called alt-write

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

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I just found out my girlfriend is a Grammar Nazi.

She's going crazy because she missed her period.

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Grammar Nazi

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
*Hitler rubs chin*
"So, mine less"
*Grammar Nazi bursts through door*
"MINE FEWER"
*Hitler looks up*
"Yes, soldier?"

I’m so bad at grammar.

I’m so bad that I tripped and fell down a good.

Bad, long, and written by Russian who doesn’t know English grammar

Old poor man is traveling on his old camel through the desert under intense heat

His camel had no opportunity to drink for too long, and so it is very tiered.

Then, a caravan of camels loaded with various goods, food and water and leaded by a strong young man catches up with an old m...

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I met a girl who was a grammar nazi

We liked the same music. The same movies. The conversation was so effortless. After only two dates, I knew she was the one. We had a third date lined up, and I knew we were going to have sex, but then she went to jail.

I wrote to her constantly, counting the days until she'd be free and we c...

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My English teacher told me "your grammar is shit"

I replied "Yeah, well your grandad's a cunt".

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

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What do you you call grammar nazis who listen to Radiohead?

The Comma Police

My teachers told me I should pay attention and check my grammar.

Like what the heck nana has been dead for years now

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A general approaches hitler

“Sir, our mining operations are overwhelmed, we aren’t able to ship what we produce. We are simply producing far too many tons of ores!

Hitler responds: “Just mine less”

A grammar nazi interjects: “Mine fewer”

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I hate Grammar-Nazis.

I think it's because of how anti-semantic they are.

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The person who proofread Hitler's speeches....

Would he technically be a grammar nazi?

A humped man(bad grammar sorry)

A humped man walk around cemetery. Suddenly,a ghost appear and ask a man."Do you have hump"? A man says:Yes I have."So give me that",says ghost a takes a man hump. Man straighten up himself,walk away happily.Another day he meet a friend without legs.He say:Hey I can normally walk,there is a ghost on...

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Why are there so many grammar Nazis on the internet?

Because English majors have no jobs.

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Grammar Nazi: Knock Knock.

Me: Who's there?

GN: To.

Me: To who?

GN: To WHOM.

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A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

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If your wondering whether your going to annoy grammar nazis with your typos

*you are

Declare grammar puns!

Give me all your grammar puns, it's imperative!

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

My niece was upset when I told her that she's benign. She told me that she was actually ten and that I had terrible grammar.

I told her I meant no harm.

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Whats the geometric equivalent to a grammar Nazi?

A circle jerk!

Grammar Lesson

Small mistakes in grammar and unfortunate uses of vocabulary can have a big impact. For instance:

Q.) What is the difference between "Having someone over for dinner" and "Having someone for dinner"?

A.) The number of place settings at the table.

Helpful Grammar tips

Farther is for physical distance.

Further is for metaphorical distance.

And Father is for emotional distance.

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You wanna hear my favourite grammar joke?

Two girls were talking on the phone, making plans for their night. One girl says to the other, "where's the party at?" and the other girls says, "don't end your sentence with a preposition!" So the first girl says, "fine... Where's the party at, Bitch!?"

I’m getting one of the first covid shots

I got choosen to receive one of the first covid vaccines shots. Since I’m 78yo old Vietnam veteran. I said, "Can I get it in my left arm". They said sure. I said “Well good, it got blown off in Vietnam in 68, can you bring me back my West Point ring while your over there.”




Edit f...

If you think you have a grammar or spelling mistake, simply post it to Reddit and you’ll know within seconds if you made one or many.

Make sure you write "sorry for grammar mistakes English is not my first language"

If you’re genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you’re…

…typo positive?

Silent Grammar

Tsunami : T is silent

Honest : H is silent

Island : S is silent

Queue : ueue is silent

After hearing the joke : Everyone is silent

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When I meet a grammar Nazi...

I hold them close and while patting them on the back gently whisper, "There, they're, their."

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The term 'Grammar Nazi' is outdated and offensive...

...we prefer to be called the Alt-Write

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Grammar can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

I am a nazi.

I am a grammar nazi.

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How did the Grammar Nazi die?

Colon Cancer.

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example:

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

What was your favourite pastry that Grammar used to make?

Mine was the delicious synonym rolls and my adjective was to eat at least half of them off the plate

My son's teacher has been giving him poor marks for grammar.

At a parent-teacher conference, she was really lording it over me.

"You know, I consulted on the latest version of the Chicago Manual of Style."

"Oh, wow, that's—"

"And I have a Master's from Cornell."

"Yes, I saw the degree when I walked in, but my son really needs—"...

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People whom correct grammar mistakes are called grammar nazis.

It’s because there anti semantic.

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

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Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

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A hungry man approaches a Grammar Nazi cannibal.

"Whatcha making in that cauldron?"

"You mean *which* Jamaican."

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Three married women are having a "girls only" night out

**NOTE: I'm TRYING TO TRANSLATE THIS JOKE FROM MY LANGUAGE TO ENGLISH HOPE IT TRANSLATES WELL AND SORRY FOR BAD GRAMMAR**

They are enjoying a lovely evening talking about their lives as they usually do every week when they meet up, one of them is particularly excited and fails to hide her exc...

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Winning an online argument with a grammar rule is like camping in an online shooter

If someone does it to you, they’re an ass. If you do it to someone else, it’s a legitimate strategy!

My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.

I'd steak my reputation on that.

How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills?

There, their, they're.

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