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Grammar Jokes

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How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

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SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man....

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How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.
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How many grammar nazis does it take to change a lightbulb

Too

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Grammar makes all the difference...

Grammar makes the difference between "Help your uncle Jack off of the horse.", and "Help your uncle jack off the horse.".

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I don't like the word "grammar nazi", since it has the word nazi in it

I prefer to be called a write supremacist.

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

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Grammar Nazi

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
*Hitler rubs chin*
"So, mine less"
*Grammar Nazi bursts through door*
"MINE FEWER"
*Hitler looks up*
"Yes, soldier?"

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When I become leader of the grammar Nazis, offenders will not be hung.

They will be hanged.

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My English teacher told me "your grammar is shit"

I replied "Yeah, well your grandad's a cunt".

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People whom correct grammar mistakes are called grammar nazis.

It’s because there anti semantic.

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Why is a Grammar Nazi the best pregnancy test?

If you miss a period, you’ll know right away.

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect
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What do you say to console a grammar nazi?

"Their, they're"

I’m so bad at grammar.

I’m so bad that I tripped and fell down a good.
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A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

English grammar

The plural of Karen is HOA.
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"Grammar Nazis are literally the worst."

"No, actual Nazis are literally the worst."

March forth is National Grammar Day

March forth, it is National Grammar Day on March 4th!
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What do Grammar Nazis support?

The Third Write

First rule of English grammar,

Double negatives are a no no.
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Quick Grammar Lesson.

They're = they are

We're = we are

You're = you are

My fire = the one desired

Believe me = when I say

I want it = that way.
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Southern grammar: tied

Y'all might not know it, but southern USA grammar is more complex than up north. We have many different ways of using the same word, with completely different meanings.

Take the word "tied" for instance. You might say two people, or animals "tied up" which means they fought.

You could ...

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.
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I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

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Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

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The best way to irritate a Grammar Nazi...

is to tell them there wrong.

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Grammar Nazi Motto

We have ways of making you talk.

Have you ever heard a grammar teacher tell a story?

It's always intense!
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Please dont call us grammar nazis

we prefer the term "alt-write"

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The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

Once a guy asked me a grammar question

He said,"In the sentence , " The mother beat her daughter after she was drunk",who was drunk? You boast a lot about your grammar, prove me you're an expert at it"
I said, giving him a deathly stare in his eye," SHE "
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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

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Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?

Because English majors can't find jobs!

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Grammar Nazi's!!!!

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.


She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect.


Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

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I hate Grammar-Nazis.

I think it's because of how anti-semantic they are.

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

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Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

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Some people call me a Grammar Nazi and I HATE it!

I am clearly not Anti-Semantic.

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

...I'm so sorry.

Edit: grammer, and i guess I'm not sorry :p

Edit2: grammar, damnit

Edit3: dammit!
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In honor of my uncle, an English professor who just passed away, here’s one of his jokes about grammar pedants

A grammarian fell into a sewer. Someone came and said, “Need help?”

The grammarian was offended at his language. “You would have made sense if you had said, ‘Do you need any help?’” he rebuked.

A second man came and spoke as the first. Again, the pedant was offended and said, “You wou...
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Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...
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It's Time for a clear, serious grammar lesson...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5...
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I just spoke to Bill Withers. I told him “ain’t no sunshine” is bad grammar

He said “I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know”
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Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.
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Grammar tip

Farther = physical distance

Further = metaphorical distance

Father = emotional distance
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Silent Grammar

Tsunami : T is silent

Honest : H is silent

Island : S is silent

Queue : ueue is silent

After hearing the joke : Everyone is silent
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I've had it all with the grammar nazis

We should not tolerate antisemanticism.

Grammar Lesson

Small mistakes in grammar and unfortunate uses of vocabulary can have a big impact. For instance:

Q.) What is the difference between "Having someone over for dinner" and "Having someone for dinner"?

A.) The number of place settings at the table.
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Grammar Nazi: Knock Knock.

Me: Who's there?

GN: To.

Me: To who?

GN: To WHOM.

Poor grammar and the Coronavirus both made me..

[sic]
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There's only 1 rule in English Grammar:

Won: Their our know rules.
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I met a girl who was a grammar nazi

We liked the same music. The same movies. The conversation was so effortless. After only two dates, I knew she was the one. We had a third date lined up, and I knew we were going to have sex, but then she went to jail.

I wrote to her constantly, counting the days until she'd be free and we c...

I blocked a girl for correcting my grammar

It feelded good
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Declare grammar puns!

Give me all your grammar puns, it's imperative!
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Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing
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What do women and grammar Nazis have in common?

One missed period is enough to freak them out.

So many people are bothered about correct grammar

But I couldn't care fewer
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A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

Grammar lesson

Two people were camping in a campground. The first says, "I think I'll go for a run." The second replies, "Don't you mean 'ran,' since it's past tents?"
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A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”

“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.

“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”

“All right,” Tammy says. “I am the letter that ...
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When I meet a grammar Nazi...

I hold them close and while patting them on the back gently whisper, "There, they're, their."

I'm thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.

I'll gerund to it later.
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Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

People threaten me when I correct their grammar.

But they’re the ones who end up in comma.
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I really wouldn't call myself a grammar nazi

I would perfer to be called alt-write

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.
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Some commentor tried to correct a journalist's misspelling of "grammar."

Then Andy Grammer said, "But... that's how you spell my surname."
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A humped man(bad grammar sorry)

A humped man walk around cemetery. Suddenly,a ghost appear and ask a man."Do you have hump"? A man says:Yes I have."So give me that",says ghost a takes a man hump. Man straighten up himself,walk away happily.Another day he meet a friend without legs.He say:Hey I can normally walk,there is a ghost on...
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Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"
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WARNING... Dad joke ahead.

This actually just happened.

Wife and Son are playing an intense game of battle ship.

Son: I-8

Me: I haven’t ate... I’m hungry

Wife: (not finding the humor)... miss... E-10

Me: Grammar Nazi.

I am unhappy with my made up, mediocre cheesy joke about my bad grammar.

I want to make a gouda one.
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How did the Grammar Nazi die?

Colon Cancer.

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I just found out my girlfriend is a Grammar Nazi.

She's going crazy because she missed her period.

Who corrects Santa's grammar?

A subordinate Clause.
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Whats the geometric equivalent to a grammar Nazi?

A circle jerk!

Grammar tells us, " 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' "...

But science tells us otherwise.
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I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore...

They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.

Math teachers don't know proper grammar

I asked one who or what is the most imaginary thing in his opinion.
He said "I is".
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Correct Grammar

A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where yall from?" The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Oklahoma sat...

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.
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You wanna hear my favourite grammar joke?

Two girls were talking on the phone, making plans for their night. One girl says to the other, "where's the party at?" and the other girls says, "don't end your sentence with a preposition!" So the first girl says, "fine... Where's the party at, Bitch!?"

I got pulled over by the Grammar Police.

The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.
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Little Jimmy and Suzy are in class when their teacher begins to go over grammar and sentences.

The teacher looks at Suzy first and says
"Suzy can you use the word stupid in a sentence?
"Yes I can. Jimmy is very stupid."
"Great!" said the teacher. "Now can you use ugly in a sentence?"
"Jimmy is very ugly."
The teacher turns to Jimmy and says "Can you upstage her, Jimmy? Try us...
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Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven (repost with correct grammar)

They are received in heaven by St Francis who says, "As you can see, there're a lot of ducks on the floor. If you step on one, you will be forced to live with an ugly woman for the rest of eternity." The men agree.


Five minutes later, the first man accidentally steps on a duck, so an ang...
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A hungry man approaches a Grammar Nazi cannibal.

"Whatcha making in that cauldron?"

"You mean *which* Jamaican."

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As a writer, I often correct grammar online and get called a Grammar Nazi because of it.

I'm not a Grammar Nazi, okay? I'm just alt-literate.

What do you get when you teach Android grammar?

A droid
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My grandfather was a Grammar Nazi

I'm getting really tired of listening to his antisemantic rants.

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