Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

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What do you say to console a grammar nazi?

"Their, they're"

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Jewish grammar nazis

Personally I'm anti-semantics

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Grammar Nazi Motto

We have ways of making you talk.

I am unhappy with my made up, mediocre cheesy joke about my bad grammar.

I want to make a gouda one.

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Some people call me a Grammar Nazi and I HATE it!

I am clearly not Anti-Semantic.

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Old Woman

An old lady is walking down the street carrying 2 large sacks and one is leaking $20 bills.

A cop stops her and asks "Where did an old lady like you get all that money?" and she replied,

Well you see I live behind a golf course and when the golfers need to pee they stick their penis in...

Quick Grammar Lesson.

They're = they are

We're = we are

You're = you are

My fire = the one desired

Believe me = when I say

I want it = that way.

I just spoke to Bill Withers. I told him “ain’t no sunshine” is bad grammar

He said “I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know”

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Sex & Good Grammar NSFW

**On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.** **The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who** **was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medic...

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I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

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Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

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Please dont call us grammar nazis

we prefer the term "alt-write"

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How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

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How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

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The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

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What’s the best way to comfort a grammar Nazi?

“...there, their, they’re.”

I hate when I get heckled by Christians about my grammar.

Jesus, people suck.

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How many Grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Too!

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

It's Time for a clear, serious grammar lesson...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5...

You guys might have heard this before also sorry if I have really bad grammar

So there’s these two hunters walking in the woods. They’re just walking around when suddenly one of them falls down as if he’s dead. Immediately the other whips out his phone and calls 911.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“I think my friend is dead!”

“Ok sir, you need to calm down....

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

Once a guy asked me a grammar question

He said,"In the sentence , " The mother beat her daughter after she was drunk",who was drunk? You boast a lot about your grammar, prove me you're an expert at it"
I said, giving him a deathly stare in his eye," SHE "

Some commentor tried to correct a journalist's misspelling of "grammar."

Then Andy Grammer said, "But... that's how you spell my surname."

Back in school, grammar was always my worst subject...

Something about spending an hour reading grammar rules always left me commatose.

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I've had it all with the grammar nazis

We should not tolerate antisemanticism.

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One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
...

I'm thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.

I'll gerund to it later.

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”

“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.

“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”

“All right,” Tammy says. “I am the letter that ...

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven (repost with correct grammar)

They are received in heaven by St Francis who says, "As you can see, there're a lot of ducks on the floor. If you step on one, you will be forced to live with an ugly woman for the rest of eternity." The men agree.


Five minutes later, the first man accidentally steps on a duck, so an ang...

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I wish Frasier would have a show about a copy editor in 1942 Germany that's blind, bilingual, narcoleptic, and obsessed with weights and measures.

He'd be a Grammar Grammer gram-er Nazi not-see nod si.

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

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A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

I blocked a girl for correcting my grammar

It feelded good

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.

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What is grammar?

The difference between Knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

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Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

Poor grammar and the Coronavirus both made me..

[sic]

There's only 1 rule in English Grammar:

Won: Their our know rules.

People threaten me when I correct their grammar.

But they’re the ones who end up in comma.

Grammar tells us, " 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' "...

But science tells us otherwise.

So many people are bothered about correct grammar

But I couldn't care fewer

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Grammar Nazi

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
*Hitler rubs chin*
"So, mine less"
*Grammar Nazi bursts through door*
"MINE FEWER"
*Hitler looks up*
"Yes, soldier?"

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Grammar Nazi's!!!!

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.


She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect.


Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

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Proper grammar and punctuation are important.

They’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"

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I just found out my girlfriend is a Grammar Nazi.

She's going crazy because she missed her period.

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My English teacher told me "your grammar is shit"

I replied "Yeah, well your grandad's a cunt".

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I met a girl who was a grammar nazi

We liked the same music. The same movies. The conversation was so effortless. After only two dates, I knew she was the one. We had a third date lined up, and I knew we were going to have sex, but then she went to jail.

I wrote to her constantly, counting the days until she'd be free and we c...

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I really wouldn't call myself a grammar nazi

I would perfer to be called alt-write

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A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

I failed my grammar exam today.

Apparently, "before Christmas" was not a good example for present tense.

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

I’m so bad at grammar.

I’m so bad that I tripped and fell down a good.

Timothy goes to a birthday party

A little boy named Timothy goes to a birthday party with his father. When he arrives, the hostess asks him, "How are you, Timmy?"

Timothy replies, "I'm good."

"I think you have the wrong word there," the host chuckles, wanting to correct his grammar.

"Eh, whatever," Timothy shru...

Bad, long, and written by Russian who doesn’t know English grammar

Old poor man is traveling on his old camel through the desert under intense heat

His camel had no opportunity to drink for too long, and so it is very tiered.

Then, a caravan of camels loaded with various goods, food and water and leaded by a strong young man catches up with an old m...

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Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

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What do you you call grammar nazis who listen to Radiohead?

The Comma Police

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Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine, and they have a meeting with a consultant. The consultant tells them that the mine is flooding the market with too many cheap diamonds, and their income is dropping as a result.

Captain America says, "Well, if you're correct, ...

My teachers told me I should pay attention and check my grammar.

Like what the heck nana has been dead for years now

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Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?

Because English majors can't find jobs!

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As a Grammar Nazi, it absolutely irritates me when I see anyone ending a sentence with a preposition.

That is just the sort of English up with which I simply cannot put.

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Whats the geometric equivalent to a grammar Nazi?

A circle jerk!

A humped man(bad grammar sorry)

A humped man walk around cemetery. Suddenly,a ghost appear and ask a man."Do you have hump"? A man says:Yes I have."So give me that",says ghost a takes a man hump. Man straighten up himself,walk away happily.Another day he meet a friend without legs.He say:Hey I can normally walk,there is a ghost on...

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Grammar Nazi: Knock Knock.

Me: Who's there?

GN: To.

Me: To who?

GN: To WHOM.

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The term 'Grammar Nazi' is outdated and offensive...

...we prefer to be called the Alt-Write

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If your wondering whether your going to annoy grammar nazis with your typos

*you are

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

Helpful Grammar tips

Farther is for physical distance.

Further is for metaphorical distance.

And Father is for emotional distance.

If you’re genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you’re…

…typo positive?

If you think you have a grammar or spelling mistake, simply post it to Reddit and you’ll know within seconds if you made one or many.

Make sure you write "sorry for grammar mistakes English is not my first language"

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When I meet a grammar Nazi...

I hold them close and while patting them on the back gently whisper, "There, they're, their."

Silent Grammar

Tsunami : T is silent

Honest : H is silent

Island : S is silent

Queue : ueue is silent

After hearing the joke : Everyone is silent

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

A joke from Ukraine about cultural differences [my translation].

[edit - grammar]

In a psychological experiment, three women - Arab, French, and Ukrainian - are asked the same question: "suppose you survive a shipwreck and are stranded on an uninhabited tropical island ... with fifteen brutal, muscular, stressed-out sailors, and noone else, what would you ...

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You wanna hear my favourite grammar joke?

Two girls were talking on the phone, making plans for their night. One girl says to the other, "where's the party at?" and the other girls says, "don't end your sentence with a preposition!" So the first girl says, "fine... Where's the party at, Bitch!?"

Grammar Lesson

Small mistakes in grammar and unfortunate uses of vocabulary can have a big impact. For instance:

Q.) What is the difference between "Having someone over for dinner" and "Having someone for dinner"?

A.) The number of place settings at the table.

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example:

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

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How did the Grammar Nazi die?

Colon Cancer.

My niece was upset when I told her that she's benign. She told me that she was actually ten and that I had terrible grammar.

I told her I meant no harm.

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People whom correct grammar mistakes are called grammar nazis.

It’s because there anti semantic.

Math teachers don't know proper grammar

I asked one who or what is the most imaginary thing in his opinion.
He said "I is".

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Grammar can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

I am a nazi.

I am a grammar nazi.

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Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

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A hungry man approaches a Grammar Nazi cannibal.

"Whatcha making in that cauldron?"

"You mean *which* Jamaican."

What was your favourite pastry that Grammar used to make?

Mine was the delicious synonym rolls and my adjective was to eat at least half of them off the plate

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