The 94+ Best Grammar Jokes

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How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

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How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

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How many grammar nazis does it take to change a lightbulb

Too

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SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man....

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

In honor of my uncle, an English professor who just passed away, here’s one of his jokes about grammar pedants

A grammarian fell into a sewer. Someone came and said, “Need help?”

The grammarian was offended at his language. “You would have made sense if you had said, ‘Do you need any help?’” he rebuked.

A second man came and spoke as the first. Again, the pedant was offended and said, “You wou...

Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect

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What motivates a grammar nazi?

Word domination.

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

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A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

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Grammar Nazi

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
*Hitler rubs chin*
"So, mine less"
*Grammar Nazi bursts through door*
"MINE FEWER"
*Hitler looks up*
"Yes, soldier?"

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I am not a "Grammar Nazi"...

I prefer the term "Alt-Write".

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"Grammar Nazis are literally the worst."

"No, actual Nazis are literally the worst."

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

I just spoke to Bill Withers. I told him “ain’t no sunshine” is bad grammar

He said “I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know”

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What do you say to console a grammar nazi?

"Their, they're"

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I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis

Well, sort've.

English grammar

The plural of Karen is HOA.

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Grammar Nazis no longer exist

Their called the Alt-Write now

First rule of English grammar,

Double negatives are a no no.

Have you ever heard a grammar teacher tell a story?

It's always intense!

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Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?

Because English majors can't find jobs!

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The best way to irritate a Grammar Nazi...

is to tell them there wrong.

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My English teacher said " Your grammar is shit."

I replied " Your grandad is a cunt."

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Southern grammar: tied

Y'all might not know it, but southern USA grammar is more complex than up north. We have many different ways of using the same word, with completely different meanings.

Take the word "tied" for instance. You might say two people, or animals "tied up" which means they fought.

You could ...

Quick Grammar Lesson.

They're = they are

We're = we are

You're = you are

My fire = the one desired

Believe me = when I say

I want it = that way.

Once a guy asked me a grammar question

He said,"In the sentence , " The mother beat her daughter after she was drunk",who was drunk? You boast a lot about your grammar, prove me you're an expert at it"
I said, giving him a deathly stare in his eye," SHE "

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Jewish grammar nazis

Personally I'm anti-semantics

Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

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Some people call me a Grammar Nazi and I HATE it!

I am clearly not Anti-Semantic.

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Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

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Please dont call us grammar nazis

we prefer the term "alt-write"

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

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Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

I am unhappy with my made up, mediocre cheesy joke about my bad grammar.

I want to make a gouda one.

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Grammar Nazi Motto

We have ways of making you talk.

Little Jimmy and Suzy are in class when their teacher begins to go over grammar and sentences.

The teacher looks at Suzy first and says
"Suzy can you use the word stupid in a sentence?
"Yes I can. Jimmy is very stupid."
"Great!" said the teacher. "Now can you use ugly in a sentence?"
"Jimmy is very ugly."
The teacher turns to Jimmy and says "Can you upstage her, Jimmy? Try us...

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He missed a colon, she missed a period, and they both hated contractions.

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The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

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Batman and Robin go out for a few drinks

Both superheroes are exhausted after a long week of non-stop crime fighting, and decide to chill for a few a hours at the local watering hole.

Robin knows his friend has been working way too hard and for long hours. So he thinks, what the heck, he can get drunk and relax. He decides to remain...

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven (repost with correct grammar)

They are received in heaven by St Francis who says, "As you can see, there're a lot of ducks on the floor. If you step on one, you will be forced to live with an ugly woman for the rest of eternity." The men agree.

Five minutes later, the first man accidentally steps on a duck, so an ang...

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I've had it all with the grammar nazis

We should not tolerate antisemanticism.

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

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Grammar is the difference between helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse, and helping your uncle, Jackoff, a horse.

I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not related to a horse.

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Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

Some commentor tried to correct a journalist's misspelling of "grammar."

Then Andy Grammer said, "But... that's how you spell my surname."

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One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
...

I'm thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.

I'll gerund to it later.

It's Time for a clear, serious grammar lesson...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5...

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”

“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.

“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”

“All right,” Tammy says. “I am the letter that ...

Poor grammar and the Coronavirus both made me..

[sic]

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I met a girl who was a grammar nazi

We liked the same music. The same movies. The conversation was so effortless. After only two dates, I knew she was the one. We had a third date lined up, and I knew we were going to have sex, but then she went to jail.

I wrote to her constantly, counting the days until she'd be free and we c...

I blocked a girl for correcting my grammar

It feelded good

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What do women and grammar Nazis have in common?

One missed period is enough to freak them out.

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People whom correct grammar mistakes are called grammar nazis.

It’s because there anti semantic.

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I just found out my girlfriend is a Grammar Nazi.

She's going crazy because she missed her period.

What does someone who doesn’t know grammar say when they see a droid?

Hey look, an droid

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I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore...

They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.

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A grammar nazi stood trial for indecent exposure.

He got off on a technicality.

So many people are bothered about correct grammar

But I couldn't care fewer

Grammar tells us, " 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' "...

But science tells us otherwise.

There's only 1 rule in English Grammar:

Won: Their our know rules.

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Grammar Nazi's!!!!

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.

She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect.

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

People threaten me when I correct their grammar.

But they’re the ones who end up in comma.

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I really wouldn't call myself a grammar nazi

I would perfer to be called alt-write

It is important to follow the laws of grammar.

Rules is rules.

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

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Grammar Nazi: Knock Knock.

Me: Who's there?

GN: To.

Me: To who?

GN: To WHOM.

Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"

I’m so bad at grammar.

I’m so bad that I tripped and fell down a good.

The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied...

"Yeah, right!"

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Whats the geometric equivalent to a grammar Nazi?

A circle jerk!

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Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine, and they have a meeting with a consultant. The consultant tells them that the mine is flooding the market with too many cheap diamonds, and their income is dropping as a result.

Captain America says, "Well, if you're correct, ...

My teachers told me I should pay attention and check my grammar.

Like what the heck nana has been dead for years now

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When I meet a grammar Nazi...

I hold them close and while patting them on the back gently whisper, "There, they're, their."

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example:

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

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Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

A humped man(bad grammar sorry)

A humped man walk around cemetery. Suddenly,a ghost appear and ask a man."Do you have hump"? A man says:Yes I have."So give me that",says ghost a takes a man hump. Man straighten up himself,walk away happily.Another day he meet a friend without legs.He say:Hey I can normally walk,there is a ghost on...

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As a Grammar Nazi, it absolutely irritates me when I see anyone ending a sentence with a preposition.

That is just the sort of English up with which I simply cannot put.

My grammar school is too cheap to have mouses for our computers

They have mice

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

...I'm so sorry.

Edit: grammer, and i guess I'm not sorry :p

Edit2: grammar, damnit

Edit3: dammit!

Silent Grammar

Tsunami : T is silent

Honest : H is silent

Island : S is silent

Queue : ueue is silent

After hearing the joke : Everyone is silent

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If your wondering whether your going to annoy grammar nazis with your typos

*you are

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

Grammar tip

Farther = physical distance

Further = metaphorical distance

Father = emotional distance

If you’re genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you’re…

…typo positive?

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How did the Grammar Nazi die?

Colon Cancer.

Bad, long, and written by Russian who doesn’t know English grammar

Old poor man is traveling on his old camel through the desert under intense heat

His camel had no opportunity to drink for too long, and so it is very tiered.

Then, a caravan of camels loaded with various goods, food and water and leaded by a strong young man catches up with an old m...

If you think you have a grammar or spelling mistake, simply post it to Reddit and you’ll know within seconds if you made one or many.

Make sure you write "sorry for grammar mistakes English is not my first language"

I got pulled over by the Grammar Police.

The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.

What do you get when you teach Android grammar?

A droid

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