Adopt Jokes

"I Knew it! I want to meet my biological parents."

"We are your biological parents, your adoptive parents will come for you tomorrow."

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o... read more

The first goes to a family in Egypt, which names him Ahmal.

The second goes to a family in Spain, which names him Juan.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Excited at receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a pictur... read more

Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."

She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears.

On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.

"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."

A) Yes

B) Tidak

C) nuk e di

She said - why would we choose you..

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee... read more

Bananas foster

The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:


"We tried, but nobody would take you"

"Are you sure the circus is the best place for a child?" asks the social worker. "I mean, all those dangerous animals, the constant traveling..."

"The animals are trained," says the wife. "And we have a state-of-the-art 55-foot motorhome equipped with a large nursery."

"How will you ed... read more

Mom: No you’re not Nathan! Why would you say such a thing!?

Nathan: Well, I’ve just got the results back from a DNA test that I did and it says I’ve got no living relatives?!

Mom: This is nonsense, let’s show this to your dad…

Dad *walks in*: Well of course he’s not our son, don... read more

looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise conce... read more

She stormed into my room and said "I think it's time you and I had a little chat"

- what do you mean I was adopted? I saw a picture of mom pregnant..
- No. I mean you were adopted! Pack your things. Your new family is coming to pick you up!

I walk up to him and ask him "Are you adopted?"
He replies "Yes, I am what gave me away"
I responded "Your parents"

In hindsight, "one man's trash is another man's treasure" was probably not the best way to start that conversation.

Son: Mom, Am I adopted?
Mom: Nuh, you think we would have chosen you?

They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."

His pa... read more

So he could get a long little doggie.

Until I saw this ad on TV, and I learned that for the cost of adopting her, I could buy a cup of coffee. Every day.

I really hope my boss doesn't find out.

Ever since the oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico the turtles have been different. Apparently some of the dish soap used to clean the animals leaked into the ocean and the turtles drank it. It doesn’t harm the turtles, but they have the weird ability to pee out the dish soap.

Anyway the turtle... read more

Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don’t go anywhere.

Dad: Of course not son. You think I’d choose you?

Homeschooling for us was fun though

unfortunately, it swears like an old sailor. He tries everything to get it to stop. He even destroyed the parrot's old cage, but that just made it worse. Then he noticed his mom coming up to the house. What could he do? He couldn't let his dear sweet mother hear this foul mouthed bird. So, he p... read more

I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!

"Do you really feel that a traveling circus is suitable evironment to raise a child?" the lady from the adoption agecy asks.

"Certainly," he couple reply. "We have a beautiful, fully equipped, state of the art nursery that we will be traveling with.

Still showing reservations, the woma... read more

No L

So he could get crow cane from his vet

A young punctuation couple, Mr. Apostrophe and Mrs. Comma, wanted to have a child, but sadly, could not. So, they decided to adopt a little Period and named him Edward. They loved Edward very much and he grew to be a fine young punctuation mark. However, Edward knew he was different, as he didn't... read more

— I always knew it somehow! I never had anything in common with you guys..
— No, you didn’t understand. We are your biological parents, it is you who were adopted, pack your things, your new parents are coming to pick you up!

The employee there shows him two powerful looking dogs and one small, cute dog.


The man asks if it’s possible to have one powerful dog and the cute dog.


‘Unfortunately,’ says the employee, ‘the two powerful dogs are twins, so they can’t be separated. As they are completely i... read more

As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.

The European Union has just announced an agreement whereby English will be its official language rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year ph... read more

\- I recieved a predeclined credit card in the mail.
\- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
\- Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
\- McDonald's is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
\- Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
\- Moms and Dad's in Beverly Hills let go of ... read more

... and as it grows from a babe-in-arms, to a toddler, it never makes a sound.

As the child grows into a young boy, he stays silent and it gets to the point where his adopted parents are really worried.

As the boy gets older, he still never says a word.

Then one day, the family ... read more

Because teaching his dog to sit proved too messy.

Because my wife couldn't get pregnant, he answered, and neither could I.

FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.

Step 1: Adopt a religion.
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Prophet.

There's no way I can raise it by myself.

She just walked away and meowed for food

Because they dont want a pre-build

Me: yes, I would like to put up my grades for adoption

Adoption Agent: wth?... sir...you must be mistaken... we...

Me: *crying* Please...help...I can't raise them on my own

finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up.

Because they are proud of their incan descent.

I can’t raise them myself.

I guess that's what you'd call raising the steaks.

The boy starts crying and screams, "I wanna meet my real parents"
Father says, "We are your real parents. Now pack your bags, they are waiting outside."

Son asks in shock: Who is my real dad?

Father: Me, but your new parents are coming in thirty minutes, so pack your stuff

A Chinese couple adopt a white baby.
Although it’s obvious, everywhere they go, someone inevitably asks them if they adopted their child.

“What? Of course we did!” They’d say... “Don’t you know two Wongs don’t make a white?”

-Not yet son, I just put the announcement yesterday

Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

Faux Pa.

The wife asks if she can adopt a cat since all of their kids have grown and moved on, so she was having some empty nest syndromes going on

The husband agrees and they adopt a cat from the local shelter

And this woman adored the cat, lavishing all kinds of love onto the animal

Un... read more

Because the shelter was non prophet.

The man is was old and blind; while his wife was deaf. After a week, the old blind man had enough and told his wife, "That damn bird is too loud, get rid of it!"

The deaf woman replied, "But she's so pretty!"

Haven’t really seen him around lately, though, now that he’s a trans parent.

He is fine physically, and he is content. But he hasn't started speaking. At two, three, even four years old, he is mute.

Then, one October, at five years old, his parents give him a hot chocolate.

“Zis is a bit tepid,” he complains.

“Gunther, you can speak! Why have you never s... read more

The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the ... read more

… but believe me, we’re slowly inching towards it.

I guess as long as I live with my parents, I'll have to make sacrifices.

...I told him he didn't understand... we were his parents, and he had ten minutes to pack.

A stork market.

"Yes. But they brought you back."

so they head down to adoption agency. They say to the matron,

"We'd like to adopt a child please."

She responds, "Well, we only have one child left. And he's a head."

"What?"

"He has no arms or legs. He's really just a head, poor thing."

But the new parents deci... read more

Plus shipping, of course.

James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.”

But there was no point.

I look so much like my fathers.

He’s addicted to quack.

Me: "What! WoW!! Do you know who my biological parents are???"


Parents: "We are your biological parents, you have been adopted by another family. They will be here in 30 mins, go pack your stuff!"