Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of ...

A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol

Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubb...

I told her she is adopted and….

She just walked away and meowed for food

So, why did you adopt, asked one friend to another

Because my wife couldn't get pregnant, he answered, and neither could I.

Why do PC builders hate adoption?

Because they dont want a pre-build

An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy. After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him. After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.

The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they threw him a party and made him a chocolate cake with orange icing.

The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange i...

My friend once dared me to adopt a baby cow, so I did, and now I have a barn full of them.

I guess that's what you'd call raising the steaks.

A father tells his son that he is adopted

The boy starts crying and screams, "I wanna meet my real parents"
Father says, "We are your real parents. Now pack your bags, they are waiting outside."

Son, you were adopted

— I always knew it somehow! I never had anything in common with you guys..
— No, you didn’t understand. We are your biological parents, it is you who were adopted, pack your things, your new parents are coming to pick you up!

My wife just found out she's adopted.

She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears.

On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.

I recently adopted an African child. He, was just 7 pounds!

Plus shipping, of course.

Don’t adopt a puppy to see if you’re ready for kids

Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don’t go anywhere.

Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?

Because he was told to get a long little doggie.

My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.

Homeschooling for us was fun though

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach...

I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie.

They keep pressing paws.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. 

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.

He resp...

A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption...

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee...

During lockdown, middle aged women are adopting dogs at a rapid rate.

It's called the manypaws.

I'll see myself out.

Dad, me and my wife just adopted our first child!

Dad: Congratulations, is it a boy or a girl?

Me: Good question, looks like a Thai.

Joke I just thought up: What did the orphan say to the Star Trek fan thinking of adopting?

Bring me up, Scotty!

My parents sat me down and told me I was adopted.

Me: "What! WoW!! Do you know who my biological parents are???"


Parents: "We are your biological parents, you have been adopted by another family. They will be here in 30 mins, go pack your stuff!"

"One mans trash is another one's treasure" A great saying

But a terrible way to find out that you are adopted.

My son stumbled upon his adoption papers and got upset

I was waiting for the right time to talk about the matter.

Not too worried as he will be with a new family by tomorrow.

Father looks hard at his teenage son and says, “James, you’ve been adopted.”

James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.”

Did you see the news about the trans couple adopting kids?

It was *Transparent*

A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.

A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.


The first twin is adopted by an Egyptian family and is then named "Amal."


The second twin is adopted by a Spanish family and is then named "Juan."


After 25 years, Juan sends a picture of himself to his biological moth...

Most people choose to raise their own kids...

but I'm proud to say my kids were adopted. And honestly I don't miss them.

A blonde couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the ...

Why did Sean Connery adopt a cat?

Because teaching his dog to sit proved too messy.

I went in my son's room today and told him he was adopted. He said "I knew it, who are my parents?"

...I told him he didn't understand... we were his parents, and he had ten minutes to pack.

I adopted a duck with a substance abuse problem.

He’s addicted to quack.

I asked my parents am I adopted

They answered, "Of course no, why do you think we would choose you?"

When I was younger I asked my mom if I was adopted

She said "not yet"

A father finally tells his son he's adopted...........

Son: I wonder who my real father was

Father : no you don't get it. I am your real father, your new father is on his way

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew tumed up
to start building a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 5.year.old daughter naturally took
an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll
spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, more or...

Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"?

Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."

Mom, was I adopted?

-Not yet son, I just put the announcement yesterday

A guy adopts a pink parrot from an old sailor....

unfortunately, it swears like an old sailor. He tries everything to get it to stop. He even destroyed the parrot's old cage, but that just made it worse. Then he noticed his mom coming up to the house. What could he do? He couldn't let his dear sweet mother hear this foul mouthed bird. So, he p...

A husband and wife who travel with the circus go to an adoption agency, but are met with skepticism.

"Do you really feel that a traveling circus is suitable evironment to raise a child?" the lady from the adoption agecy asks.

"Certainly," he couple reply. "We have a beautiful, fully equipped, state of the art nursery that we will be traveling with.

Still showing reservations, the woma...

Kidnapped?

I prefer the term "Surprise Adoption"

"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.

"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."

A father says to his son: Son, you're adopted

Son asks in shock: Who is my real dad?

Father: Me, but your new parents are coming in thirty minutes, so pack your stuff

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith today..

First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.

What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?

Orange is the new Black... 🙃

My brother recently adopted a chimp

Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog he's adopted?

I'm 22 now

A British couple decided to adopt a German baby.

They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."

His pa...

So this British couple adopt a German baby...

... and as it grows from a babe-in-arms, to a toddler, it never makes a sound.

As the child grows into a young boy, he stays silent and it gets to the point where his adopted parents are really worried.

As the boy gets older, he still never says a word.

Then one day, the family ...

"Dad, was I adopted as a child?"

The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:


"We tried, but nobody would take you"

At school one day, a bully told me I had a face only a mother could love.

I went home and found out I was adopted.

Parents: "We don't know how else to tell you. You're adopted. Your actual parents are from Alaska."

Kid: "Inuit all along!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just adopted a new puppy. I love him and he's great but I hate driving with him in the car.

Its so fuckin hard to find a barking spot.

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

True Story: My Aunt Just Adopted a Deaf Pitbull and was Wondering what to call him.

I told her, "It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway."

A trans friend of mine was recently able to adopt a kid.

Haven’t really seen him around lately, though, now that he’s a trans parent.

After a lifetime wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

“Yes, you were, son" his mother said as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I adopted a female dog. Her name is

Karma. Karma is a bitch.

My wife has decided to adopt a "Feng Shui" approach to our apartment

Which is a Chinese translation of "you no longer get an opinion"

America hasn’t fully adopted the metric system yet…

… but believe me, we’re slowly inching towards it.

Hi everyone, if you know someone who has animals to give up for adoption, tell them to contact me before Christmas.

I'm interested in:
Turkeys, chickens, snappers, bream, lobsters, prawns and lobsters.
Thanks

What do French children call their adopted dad?

Faux Pa.

Father :"Son, your mother and I have decided it's time to tell you you're adopted."

Son: "That's OK father! I will always love you and mom neither what!"

Father: "That's good son. Now pack your bags your new parents will pick you up in one hour."

I adopted a goat the other day, but my mom said I'd have to get rid of it...

I guess as long as I live with my parents, I'll have to make sacrifices.

People that sag should put their pants up for adoption

Cause they sure can’t raise them

Step 1: Adopt a religion.

Step 1: Adopt a religion.
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Prophet.

Would anyone like to adopt my grades?

I can’t raise them myself.

The European Union commissioners announce that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications...

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil ser...

I adopted a retired K9 the other day.

I've found more cocaine than ever!

A Chinese couple adopt a white baby...

A Chinese couple adopt a white baby.
Although it’s obvious, everywhere they go, someone inevitably asks them if they adopted their child.

“What? Of course we did!” They’d say... “Don’t you know two Wongs don’t make a white?”

When Olivia was 24 years old, her parents gave her a kitten for her birthday. The following year, Olivia broke up with her lover, and her lover's two year old tabby cat ended up staying with Olivia.

The following year, the tabby gave birth to six kittens. A year after that, Olivia adopted an orphaned black cat she saw on Facebook. Three years later 2 stray cats moved into her apartment. How many cats does Olivia have by the age of 30?


Enough to stay single forever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.

Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.

"How nice!" said the teacher.

"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"

The dog we adopted keeps eating our paper towels

Turns out he was trained as a Bounty hunter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a girl crying in my driveway, so I went out to ask her “Where are your parents?”

She said Fuck you Dad being adopted isn't funny.

I just adopted a cat with twelve nipples. It’s apparently a common birth defect, but I prefer to think he was exposed to radiation in the womb.

That makes more sense, dozen tit?

A father has something to confess to his daughter

Dad: Daughter i need to tell you something
Daughter: yeah dad, what's up?
Dad: you were adopted
Daughter: OMG, no way, then i want to meet my biological parents!
Dad: Oh yeah, don't worry, that's us! and you already know us, your new parents are coming to pick you up tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irishman Without A Job

My uncle is an old Irishman and retired sheriff for the county. To pass the time during retirement, Uncle Bob has been working with a staffing organization for years. It’s an Irish organization that helps people of Irish descent find work.

One day, Bob gets a call from a young man named Geral...

I’m putting my grades up for adoption. You know why?

Because I can’t raise them.

I walked into an adoption center today

The lady at the front said “I can’t believe it’s you , I haven’t saw you since you were a baby!”

My dad told me he loved me so much, he would adopt me a second time.

1.5 rounds to 2, right?

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