Take Away Jokes - 23 Hilarious Take Away Jokes

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?

pear

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

I phoned up my local take away and asked for a kebab.

I said: do you deliver? The guy said no, just lamb or chicken!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked if a customer wanted to dine in or take away...

When at work one evening, someone wanted some fish and chips...

I asked if they wanted to dine in or take away.

He replied with ‘Fuck off you piece of shit!’

I work in a prison.

So few people today disassemble their watches, take away the hand showing seconds and sell it to other people

the second-hand second hand market is minute.

what did the robot order at the take away place?

computer chips with a dessert of raspberry pi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Will that be dine-in or take away?

A bloke walked up to the counter and said "Burger & Chips thanks "

"Certainly sir" I said. "Will that be dine-in or take away?"

"Piss of ya bastard" he snapped before storming off with the food

I love working in the Prison Canteen!

My wife tried to take away my baby marijuana plants from me when we divorced

Thank god the court granted me joint custody

What do you get when you take away a seal's electron?

A sealion

The FCC is trying to take away Net Neutrality.

This isn’t a joke it’s real my dudes

Which take away food produces the most energy?

Fission chips.

I¨ve lost 20% of my couch

ouch

AI will never take away my job.

Only an idiot would do my job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mum always told me to lock the doors or else robbers are going to take away everything I have

Guess who'll lose his virginity tonight

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its broom.

How do you take away an Italian's freedom of speech?

Handcuff them

If you have three tuna and take away one half, what do you have?

Two 'n' a half -OR- tuna half.

A man calls the police and reports that his girlfriend has gone missing

A male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird but I think she disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused...

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

How do you make a baby snake cry?

Take away its rattle

A librarian is at work at a pubic library and sees a chicken walk in.

The chicken walks up to the counter and says "book, book, book, book."

This continues until the librarian passes a book to the chicken who takes it and pushes it out the door.

A few minutes later the chicken comes right back on, pushes the book up to the counter and says "book, book, b...

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher.

She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever...

my most cherished childhood memory.

Is when I was building sandcastles with my grandfather until my mother would take away the urn from my hands.

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