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Shuck Jokes

Roses are red...

Violets are blue...

WOLOLOLOLOOO!!!!

Ah shucks now the roses are blue too!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with IBS?

Well, one you have to shuck between fits...

My dad CLAIMS to have invented this joke. I think it's too good and don't want to give him credit, but I can't find it online.

This story takes place in 1860. Back 150+ years ago, presidental candidates didn't have nearly the luxuries current candidates do. The didn't stay in five star hotels or travel by private jet - they stayed with normal families on their campaigns and in exchange for a place to stay, would do chores a...

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So a guy walks into an ice cream shop..

He asks the clerk 'hello sir may I have a quart of vanilla?'

The clerk politely responds 'Im sorry we're fresh out of vanilla'

The man clearly disappointed says 'ah shucks alright I guess I'll just take a pint of vanilla'

The clerk slightly agitated states 'Sir we are complet...

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What's the difference between an epileptic chef at an oyster bar and a hooker with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

The other fucks between shits

if chuck norris owned and operator an oyster bar...

it would be called shuck norris

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What's the difference between an epileptic oyster schucker and a diahrettic prostitute?

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster schucker and a diahrettic prostitute?
- The epileptic oyster schucker shucks between fits.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?
- the pickpocket spends all day snatching watches.

What's the difference ...

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The att...

What did the oyster say to his friend before they went into the pot?

Welp, we're shucked.

3 rednecks were working on a cell tower...

Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.'


Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do ...

A farmer and his corn

A farmer was trying to impress a girl so he put an ear of corn in his pants. The girl got excited and went to unzip his pants. She sees the corn and is confused. The farmer says, well it ain’t gunna shuck itself.

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

Sobriety self check

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?



The first shucks between fits....


If you can say that without screwing it up then you're not too drunk to drive.

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been ad...

The world is your oyster...

Anybody know how to shuck it, cause I'm lost

I was in a car accident

wasn't my fault the driver in front car stalled, as we were both getting out of our cars I realized he was a dwarf. He walked over to assess the damage, shuck his head and said, I'm not happy, to which I replied well then which one are you?

What does corn say when it gets a compliment?

Aw shucks!

What did the ear of corn say to the cute puppy?

Aww Shucks

What did the oyster say to his girlfriend when she finally got him to open up?

Aww shucks

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There once was a sweet little spider...

There once was a sweet little spider

who thought a dark corner would hide her.

Whilst a fly she was shucking

A dyson came sucking

Was I sad? No 'cause fuck little spiders.

Alex Trebek and Sean Connery are at a seafood restaurant enjoying a dinner together.

Alex decides to get an order of oysters and when they come out they're still in the shell. Alex tries everything he can, but for some reason just can't even get one open. Exasperated, he looks over at Sean Connery and asks "how am I supposed to open this damn thing?" Sean Connery smiles, hands him a...

What did the corn cob say when all of its clothes fell off?

OOHH, SHUCKS!

Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...

And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.

"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."

"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.

"Listen, I'm the President o...

What does corn say when it's frustrated?

Aw shucks!


(Yes, I know this joke is very corny)

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Two boys were playing in their room about to go for breakfast.

One 8, one 5.

The 8 year old looks at his brother and says, "You know what, I think it's about time we can curse. We should give it a try."

"Oh, I dont know about that, mom could get mad at us!"

"Thats silly, we're big boys now, we can do it."

"Ok, I can try."

"Jus...

Not stupid joke at all involves no puns.........

There was a bamboo stalk and a corn stalk who lived in the same neighborhood. The corn didn't really know the bamboo but the bamboo liked to watch the corn and sometimes follow him. The bamboo sometimes said "Sup my HUSKY bro". One day the corn turns around and yells at the bamboo, "STOP STALKING M...

I got a job peeling corn all day...

It really shucks.

Just got hired on at a high end restaurant, my main job so far has been oyster preparation

And I've gotta say, it really shucks

Restaurant owner warns his employee: "one must open oysters carefully"...

The employee answers: "no shucking fit!"

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What's the difference between a dyslexic farmer and a constipated prostitute?

Edit: What's the difference between an epileptic farmer and a constipated prostitute. Thanks @Jean-Luc-Kenobi

The farmer shucks between fits.

- My grandfather told me this joke when I was 12. He was awesome.

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