A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing...

I dig

You dig,
He digs,
She digs,
We dig,
You dig,
They dig.

I know this isn't a good joke but it's deep

What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard?

“Well, well, well”

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Why did the priest dig a rabbit hole for the rooster?

So he can stick his cock in before the first hare

Just hurt my wrists digging a hole between two koi ponds.

I think it's carpal tunnel.

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

I was digging in our garden when i found a chest full of gold coins

I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, but then i remembered why i was digging in our garden

No one digs a well at the top of a hill.

What the hell were Jack and Jill really doing up there?

A father calls his son in prison and tells him he’s getting to old to dig his garden

A few days later 20 policemen turn up at his fathers house and proceed to dig up the whole garden.
The father calls his son in prison and tells him what happened.
His son says “that’s ok dad I told one of the wardens I hid the stolen jewels in your garden “

I asked my friend about His new digging job

He said is boring on many different levels.

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"

I was digging in my yard and I found some old coins

I got so excited i ran inside to tell the hooker then, I remembered what the hole was for.

A man has found water while digging in his backyard

For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine and dug a deeper hole until he found water...

Why don’t people dig holes underground anymore?

It’s boring

I walked into the lawn and saw my father digging a deep hole

There was still water at the base of the hole.

“What the hell is that dad?”

“Well, son”

“Yes dad?”

After years of digging, two gold rush enthusiasts finally found a small amount of the precious metal

It was a miner success

What do you call a pirate that digs for fossils?

An Arrrr-cheologist

Elon Musk’s tunnel-digging venture just got approved for expansion...

Even more boring than before!

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Two Irish men were digging a great, big hole

After a few hours of digging, the one Irish man turned to the other and said, "I wonder who died this time, this will be an expensive grave."

To which the other replied, "Yes, and our boss is a real arsehole. While we dig our butts off, he probably sits in his office, sipping bloody tea! It's...

Why can't you dig to the other side of the world with a shovel

Because it will break, you need 2 shovels

A young american man was digging a massive pit for a Roman Catholic graveyard.

At 10 AM, he saw a priest leading a congregation to a nearby clearing with a wooden pedestal. The priest preached and the group listened intently. After an hour, they left.

The young man asks his supervisor, "Why are they praying on an empty field?"

His supervisor replied, "they were p...

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

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A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing, the head of the team declared: 'This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high position. The donkey shows that they were intelligent enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means that they were able to forge tools. Even further ...

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

A convict finally escaped prison after digging a tunnel in his cell for years

He resurfaces in a kindergarten playground with children playing and no cops in sight. He could barely contain his excitement and screams, "I'm Free! I'M FREE!" A kid next to him looks at him and says, "So what? I'm four"

How to catch a bear

Dig a hole and fill it with ash. Surround the hole with peas. When the bear comes to take a pea kick him in the ash hole.

Three workers digging a ditch

Bob and John are in the ditch digging and Bill is standing above them supervising. Bob says to John, "How come we're down here doing all the work and Bill is just watching us and getting paid more than we are?" John says, "I don't know, why don't you ask him?" Bob says, "That's just what I'm going t...

I'm really digging these NSFW jokes.

It's a shame it's not for miners.

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Two rednecks are at work, digging a trench

Two rednecks, Billy and Bob, are at work digging a trench. The sun is beating down on them, sweat is dripping off their faces, and their hands are blistered from the shovels.

After slogging away at this for days, they start to grumble at the misery of their lot. Eventually Billy says to Bob,...

Digging a hole in the garden.

Lock down has had some highs and lows. For instance, I've had a bit more time to spend in the garden while the weather was fine.
I was digging a hole one day and couldn't believe it when I found a large number of what I think are roman coins. I was so excited that I ran back into the house to te...

I was digging in the front garden when my neighbor saw me struggling with the shovel and came over to help with a rotortiller. A couple minutes later the other neighbor brought his garden tractor, and the guy down the street show up with a backhoe...

Well that excavated quickly.

Twelve years ago today, I buried a time capsule. Tomorrow I'm going to dig it up and open it.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got!

2 guys on the road. One was digging a hole , the other one waited a minute and filled the hole back.

Then they moved on and after about 10 feet they did the same - digging up , waiting a minute , and filling it back up.

They went on doing this the whole morning, covering almost 3 miles of land.

One guy who was watching them eagerly just couldn’t resist any more, and asked - are yo...

A blonde in a powder blue Mercedes convertible is pulled over for speeding.

"Okay" says the cop, "let's see some ID."

The blonde looks at him in bafflement. "ID? Like, what do you mean?" and he sighs: "Lady, it'll be in your purse, it's rectangular, and it has your picture on it."

So she digs through her purse, finds her compact, flips it open, the little ligh...

Two Amish women are digging potatoes in a field. The first turns to the other, hefts two large taters and says "These potatoes remind me of my Jacob".

The second replies "They're that big?"
"No", the first says. "They're that dirty."

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The Traffic Stop

A man is pulled over by a police officer.

The policeman approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem, Officer?"

The officer says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."

"You don't ha...

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A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

You know how when we were kids, we thought if you dig a deep enough hole, you get to China?

The NBA is going to try to find out!

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During a recent archaeological dig, researchers believe they have found the worlds first tampon...

...but they don't know from what period.

What are Captain Crunch, Tony the Tiger and Dig 'Em most afraid of?

Cereal Killers

What do you tell a grave robber when they're tired?

Dig deep.

My dad told me to stop petting the cat because its claws were starting to dig into his skin.

I kept petting the cat. Who am I to stop this poor soul from getting what it kneads?

If someone tried to make me dig my own grave I would say no.

They're going to kill me anyway and I'd love to die the way I lived : avoiding manual labor.

When I was a little kid I had a pet turtle. Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium. When i went to camp, the turtle died. When i got home, my dad lied to me. He said, "your turtle is live and well, it just went to go live with your mother." And i believed that til i was digging in the backyard

...found my mom's body.

Smh worst day of my life,
I loved that turtle

Archaeologist digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in Chocolate and hazelnuts

And believe it to be Pharoaoh Rocher

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"...

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My friend is an archaeologist and found a used tampon during one of his digs

He doesn’t know what period it’s from

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An elderly Italian man in New Jersey...

An elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,...

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A VERY elderly wealthy man and a gold digging show girl get married in Las Vegas.

She figures that she will show him such a good time on their wedding night that he won't survive and then she will inherit his fortune.

They get to their honeymoon suite and the show girl announces that she is going into the bathroom to freshen up. She comes out wearing a sexy little outfit t...

A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prison

He is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.

After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison grounds.

He is overwhelmed with happiness and the thought of finally bein...

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

A man walks into a diner during a terrible blizzard, but only has enough money to order a cup of coffee.

He hasn't eaten anything all day and is terribly hungry. Down the bar he sees another man leaning over a steaming bowl of chili, but the man isn't eating his chili, just looking at it.
Stomach rumbling he calls out to his neighbor "are you planning on eating that?"
The other man shakes his he...

A Doctor is visiting a patient at an asylum

Doctor: What is this?

Mad man: This is a book i wrote. It has a total of 500 pages.

Doctor: You wrote 500 pages! Wow, what did you write?

Mad man: On the first page i wrote 'One king rode on a horse and went towards the jungle'.

And on the last page i wrote 'The king reac...

A man sees two blonde workers in a field digging holes.

One worker is digging the holes, and the other one is following close behind filling the holes in.

After watching this go on for a while, the observer decides to ask them that they are doing.

"Excuse me sir, but I have to ask. Why are you simply digging holes and filling them back in?...

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A Russian is digging around an old battlefield.

He occasionally finds bits of metal worth scrapping, or something interesting enough to keep. Today, he finds a small clump of smooth metal, only a few inches wide. He tosses it from hand to hand, appreciating the way the morning light glares against the surface of the metal. The man wonders if ther...

Dig the holes

One day a farmer wrote to his son in prison, "Son I won't be able to plant my potatoes this year because I can't dig the holes. I know if you were here, you'd help me." The son sent a reply, "don't even think about diggin them holes pop, cuz that's where I hid the money." The police read the letter,...

Why do shovels hate digging up metal?

Because of the irony
I guess you couldn’t handle the joke
I’m gonna dig up some more
I’ll spade you of any more puns
If you couldn’t handle that you’re a tool
This is comedy gold!
Please don’t steel the joke
I’m probably just digging my own grave with this joke

A man sees his neighbor's son digging a hole....

He asks the boy, "What are you digging the hole for?" The boy replies, "I am burying my goldfish." The man then says, "That hole seems big for a goldfish, no?" The boy answers, "Well your cat still had it in it's stomach."

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:

"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the hol...

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L‌‌ittle 8‌‌ y‌‌ear o‌‌ld S‌‌usie i‌‌s i‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ack y‌‌ard d‌‌igging a‌‌ h‌‌ole.

Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says, "Gee Susie, what's going on?"

Susie says, "I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious."

Mr. Johnson asks, "Why are you digging a hole?"

Susie replies, "I'm burying my gold fish."

Mr Johnson laughs and asks, "Why is the ...

Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"

I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"



That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.

Just came home from my first paleontology party where we spent the night searching for the lower leg bone of a new dinosaur.

It was quite the shin dig.

Where's the annoying neighbor you told me about? I don't see him anymore.

"Hes in the garden"

"Really? "

"Yeah, but you have to dig a bit."

I visited my wife's grave today

Bless her heart she still thinks I'm digging a pond.

"Daddy, I don't want to see grandma!"

"Shut up and keep digging!"

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A man suspected his wife was cheating on him.

He came home at lunch time and snuck in the house, to find his wife with another man on top of her. So he hit the guy upside the head with a lamp, knocking him out cold.

When the guy woke up, he was in the detached garage with his dick trapped in vise, with the handle broken off so there was ...

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A fable

The mouse was fleeing from the cat. She ran up to the cow and said "Cow, please help me, for the cat is chasing me and if she catches me, surely she shall eat me!"

The cow turned her back to the mouse and dropped a huge, steaming cowpat on top of the mouse so it was fully covered right all th...

Joke translated to English from German

A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.

"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"

"What's a driving license? "

"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."


She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic m...

Sometimes I hug people I don’t like

It helps to gauge the size of the hole to dig in the back yard.

City counsel decides not to fine restaurant owner for digging a hole in his own establishment with a pickaxe...

They say he was just mining his own business.

What do you call repetitve and monotonous tunnel digging work?

Boring work.

Carpenter bees used to swarm our exposed cedar beams outside

Carpenter bees dig into wood and bore out entry holes as well as a labyrinth of tunnels.

My aunt came to visit once and was on the phone with her husband. She was complaining about the swarm of “boring bees” because she couldn’t find the term “Carpenter”. Although mostly mostly harmless, th...

My mate has just won an award for beating another 12 men in a bait digging contest.He has now been crowned.

The master baiter.

Digging a hole for yourself

A grave mistake

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A little girl was digging a hole in her back yard and the dad came out and saw her.

Dad: “Hey honey what are you doing?”

Girl: “I’m digging a hole!”

Dad: “I can see that but why?”

Girl: “Cause my fish died. So I’m burying him!”

Dad: “Aw that’s cute! But why is the hole so large”

Girl: “Cause it’s still inside your fucking cat!”

An American tourist in Ireland...

An American tourist is on holiday for a few weeks in country Ireland.

On his second day he has to cash a cheque at a bank so he goes to the bank on the high street.

While waiting in line he looks out the window & notices 2 irish council workers going up 1 side of the street, then t...

I caught a bunch of social justice warriors in my yard digging up large wooden stakes

They said the posts had to be removed before they caused a fence.

I went digging for gold but didn’t find anything

It was a miner frustration

Read about a small accident involving young children digging up shiny rocks...

It was a minor miner, minor catastrophe.

Why do females make the best archaeologists?

Because they absolutely love digging up everything that has happened in the past.

How to catch an elephant

Elephants live in the jungle, so first, you have to go into the jungle.

Your going to have to dig a hole big enough to trap the elephant in.

Next you have to gets lots of leaves, sticks or anything that you can burn and place it into the hole, then burn it to ash.

You have to f...

I was going to show you a video about a drill machine digging a tunnel.

But it's too boreing.

I should dig a hole and name it love

So I can watch people fall in love and cry at my lonely, depressing life

I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. That’s not a very complex peom.

But it’s pretty deep.

Not everyone may think digging tunnels is exciting

Some may even call it boring

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