I told you I was broke

A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"

"G...

Dark humor is just like clean water

Not everyone gets it

Want to hear a clean joke?

I took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is my neighbor.

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you clean up after a spitroast sex?

With 2-in-1 shampoo.

My friend used to clean clocktowers...

He kept telling me how exhausting it was and how he never got much sleep.

So I asked him why and he said:

“It’s so tiring because I work around the clock!”

People named Jean are always clean

Because the first thing they're greeted with is "Hygiene".

Numerous people in Africa are falling ill due to a lack of clean water above ground

I hope they 'get well soon.'

If I were ever to win the lottery, first thing I'd do is hire someone to clean my kids room...

and then buy some chicken wings with the $20 I have left over.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office."

Doctor: "Turn him around. Make it look like he was walking in."

Why does Cristiano Ronaldo always cleans his house?

becuz he can't stand it looking Messi.

What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?

A chalkboard.

It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.

You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.

Actually true: a guy in Oregon called the police today because he thought he was being robbed. Turned out the noise was his just Roomba getting trapped.

Seriously, look up the story if you don't believe me.

Anyway, it was all fine in the end. The alleged burglar made a clean getaway.

Why is space so clean?

It's a vacuum

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the German clean his window?

He could Nazi out of it.

What do you call a German cabbage that's getting clean?

Shower-kraut
^I'm ^sorry..

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Willy Wonka use to keep his factory clean?

Oompa Roombas

I'm really scared to tell my wife to clean up after cooking breakfast...

I've been walking on eggshells all day.

What did Thanos use to clean up the mess he made by disintegrating half of all life?

The vacuum of space.

What does Snoop Dogg use to clean his clothes?

Ble-otch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mom decides to clean her sons room.

Under his bed she finds a large collection of BDSM porn. Disturbed and not sure what to do she goes to her husband. "What should we do about this?" she asks. He replied, "Well we sure as hell can't spank him!"

How does Luke Skywalker clean his pool ? [OC]

With midichlorian

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you make clean water out of raw sewage?

You boil the shit out of it

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

Dirty hands are a sign of clean money....

Unless you’re a grave robber

What do frustrated English lords use to clean their castles?

Scotch Brite

What do Germans use to clean their shoes?

Polish.

I used to be heavily addicted to soap...

Don’t worry, I’m clean now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near...

...His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast .
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra...

Holmes and Watson are out hunting one day. John spies something moving in the bushes, and with practiced aim, levels his rifle and fires. They pull aside the brush to reveal a severed leg, with a clean bullet wound just below the ankle.

“Watson!” Holmes cries out. “The game’s afoot!”

Eating clean

means I just took a shower and I'm heading to McDonald's..

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wife calls her mother in-law and asks her "If your baby puked and pooped, who should it clean it up?" Mother in-law yells "the mother!"

Wife - "Then come clean up your drunk son!"

A woman takes her husband to see a psychiatrist... (OC) (Clean)

"Things are terrible," she begins. "Every time he opens mouth it's to insult me!"

"How do you mean?" asks the doctor.

"Well, three days ago he said I was too crabby," the woman sniffs.

"HORSESHOE!" her husband suddenly cuts in.

"And the next day, he questioned my faith i...

Starting the year on a clean slate

Bank account nice and empty

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I will never clean a litter box

that’s pussy shit

A story about cold water

I visited my papaw who lives in a cabin in the woods after he was widowed. I planned to stay for a few days.
The first day he made dinner, as I was going to make my plate, I noticed my dish was dirty.
I asked papaw "do you have any clean dishes around?"
"No, that's about as good as cold ...

I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean...

I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them...

Why doesn't Mrs. Clean get pregnant?

Because Mr. Clean comes in a bottle.

What happens when you hire indigenous women to clean your house?

Ethnic cleansing

What’s the best vegetable to clean your teeth with?

Brushles sprouts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't blind people clean up their guide dogs' poop? .

Because they can't see shit

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

How do Counter Strike players clean their computers?

They dedust it

I had to clean all my whetstones yesterday

Now my sponge can cut through glass

How do you greet a very clean woman?

Hi Jean

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

I hired a special needs guy to clean my driveway, but he must have misunderstood...

He's re-tarred it.

[Help] please help me find reasonably clean jokes to tell at a wedding. Greatly appreciated.

I am going to be the master of ceremonies and would greatly appreciate two or three clean jokes to break the ice. Thank you very much

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During meditation, a monk asks his master… “Master. If a man shaves his ass, is he gay?”

His master thought for a moment and replied:
“A man who cleans his house, clearly expects a visitor.”

How do Runescape players clean themselves?

They don't. That would be an XP waste.

Clean joke

If you shove a bar of soap up your ass, you can fart bubbles.

I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

What do you call a car that cleans?

Broom broom.

What do you call a dinosaur with clean teeth?

A Flossaraptor

What do you call a clean white board?

Remarkable!

What does a mermaid use to clean her tail?

Tide!

I’m finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I’ve had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

A nice clean jewish joke

The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.

On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.

An angel who witnessed this...

Grandfather, are these plates clean?

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go o...

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

I clean my kids’ aquariums but they don’t appreciate it...

It’s a case of “tanks but no thanks.”

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

I always used to lick the bowl clean.

Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.

I had a polish cleaner helping around the house, it took them 4 hours to clean the front room carpet.

It turns out she was a slo-vak.

A clean Nantucket limerick

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket

His daughter, named Nan,

Ran away with a man

And as for the bucket, Nan tuck it

Dirty joke, clean joke, adult joke

Timmy played in the mud. That’s the dirty part.
So Timmy took a bath with bubbles. That’s the clean part.
Bubbles is the girl next door.

Clean Underwear

My mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case I was ever in an accident. I never thought this was a real thing until I read about a car accident in the paper. They said the officers at the scene checked and there were no skidmarks.

I'm proud to say I've been clean for one year.

But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.

Wife: "Why are the dishes still in the sink?"

Husband: "Because if I let them soak for long enough, getting them clean will be effortless.

 

\**Wife rolls eyes*\*

 

Wife: "Oh forget it. I'll do it myself."

 

\**Wife goes to wash the dishes*\*

 

Husband (...

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”