Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you clean up after a spitroast sex?

With 2-in-1 shampoo.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the German clean his window?

He could Nazi out of it.

Why is space so clean?

It's a vacuum

What does Snoop Dogg use to clean his clothes?

Ble-otch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you make clean water out of raw sewage?

You boil the shit out of it

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

What do frustrated English lords use to clean their castles?

Scotch Brite

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mom decides to clean her sons room.

Under his bed she finds a large collection of BDSM porn. Disturbed and not sure what to do she goes to her husband. "What should we do about this?" she asks. He replied, "Well we sure as hell can't spank him!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near...

...His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast .
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra...

How do you clean a sheep?

Give them a baaaath.

I will see myself out now.

Dirty hands are a sign of clean money....

Unless you’re a grave robber

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wife calls her mother in-law and asks her "If your baby puked and pooped, who should it clean it up?" Mother in-law yells "the mother!"

Wife - "Then come clean up your drunk son!"

Eating clean

means I just took a shower and I'm heading to McDonald's..

Holmes and Watson are out hunting one day. John spies something moving in the bushes, and with practiced aim, levels his rifle and fires. They pull aside the brush to reveal a severed leg, with a clean bullet wound just below the ankle.

“Watson!” Holmes cries out. “The game’s afoot!”

Starting the year on a clean slate

Bank account nice and empty

I used to be heavily addicted to soap...

Don’t worry, I’m clean now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I will never clean a litter box

that’s pussy shit

What do Germans use to clean their shoes?

Polish.

A story about cold water

I visited my papaw who lives in a cabin in the woods after he was widowed. I planned to stay for a few days.
The first day he made dinner, as I was going to make my plate, I noticed my dish was dirty.
I asked papaw "do you have any clean dishes around?"
"No, that's about as good as cold ...

A woman takes her husband to see a psychiatrist... (OC) (Clean)

"Things are terrible," she begins. "Every time he opens mouth it's to insult me!"

"How do you mean?" asks the doctor.

"Well, three days ago he said I was too crabby," the woman sniffs.

"HORSESHOE!" her husband suddenly cuts in.

"And the next day, he questioned my faith i...

I had to clean all my whetstones yesterday

Now my sponge can cut through glass

Want to Hear a Clean Joke?

Mike took a bath with Bubbles.

​

Want to hear a dirty joke?

​

Bubbles was a man.

​

Want to hear a bad joke?

What happens when you hire indigenous women to clean your house?

Ethnic cleansing

How do Counter Strike players clean their computers?

They dedust it

What’s the best vegetable to clean your teeth with?

Brushles sprouts

Why doesn't Mrs. Clean get pregnant?

Because Mr. Clean comes in a bottle.

I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean...

I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't blind people clean up their guide dogs' poop? .

Because they can't see shit

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

What do you call a car that cleans?

Broom broom.

How do you greet a very clean woman?

Hi Jean

How do Runescape players clean themselves?

They don't. That would be an XP waste.

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

I hired a special needs guy to clean my driveway, but he must have misunderstood...

He's re-tarred it.

Dark humor is like clean water.

Not everyone gets it.

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

[Help] please help me find reasonably clean jokes to tell at a wedding. Greatly appreciated.

I am going to be the master of ceremonies and would greatly appreciate two or three clean jokes to break the ice. Thank you very much

Clean joke

If you shove a bar of soap up your ass, you can fart bubbles.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During meditation, a monk asks his master… “Master. If a man shaves his ass, is he gay?”

His master thought for a moment and replied:
“A man who cleans his house, clearly expects a visitor.”

What cleans the dishes, spends most of its life in the kitchen and occasionally takes a load from the husband...

A dishwasher

What do you call a clean white board?

Remarkable!

What does a mermaid use to clean her tail?

Tide!

I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

Grandfather, are these plates clean?

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go o...

I’m finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I’ve had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

I had a polish cleaner helping around the house, it took them 4 hours to clean the front room carpet.

It turns out she was a slo-vak.

What do you call a dinosaur with clean teeth?

A Flossaraptor

I clean my kids’ aquariums but they don’t appreciate it...

It’s a case of “tanks but no thanks.”

Clean Underwear

My mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case I was ever in an accident. I never thought this was a real thing until I read about a car accident in the paper. They said the officers at the scene checked and there were no skidmarks.

Dirty joke, clean joke, adult joke

Timmy played in the mud. That’s the dirty part.
So Timmy took a bath with bubbles. That’s the clean part.
Bubbles is the girl next door.

A clean Nantucket limerick

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket

His daughter, named Nan,

Ran away with a man

And as for the bucket, Nan tuck it

I'm proud to say I've been clean for one year.

But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.

Wife: "Why are the dishes still in the sink?"

Husband: "Because if I let them soak for long enough, getting them clean will be effortless.

 

\**Wife rolls eyes*\*

 

Wife: "Oh forget it. I'll do it myself."

 

\**Wife goes to wash the dishes*\*

 

Husband (...

A nice clean jewish joke

The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.

On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.

An angel who witnessed this...

I always used to lick the bowl clean.

Until mum told me to flush it like everyone else.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. ...

What do you call someone who cleans vacuums?

A vacuum cleaner.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

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This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Japanese aren't the only ones to clean up after a sporting event.

The Warriors, for example, just swept the Cavs.

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was a kid, my mom always used to tell me to put a clean pair of socks on, everyday...

By the time Saturday rolled around, I could hardly even fit in my shoes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

What is something kids love to and clean the most?

Their browser history

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

I'm 30 days clean now

Taking a shower every day was hard, it's a good thing I had meth to get me through it

Blessed is he, whose mind is clean.

He removed my blouse
I kept quiet

He removed my bra
I kept quiet

He removed my skirt
I kept quiet

He removed my underwear
I kept quiet

Then carefully he removed my panties

Then, I shouted: Bill! Is that space not enough for you to hang your clothes? M...

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

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I was screwing my mistress in my marital bed when she got all guilty and weepy and insisted that we come clean.

So I finished her off in the shower.

(I figure things will be all back to normal after I work out where to stash her body.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to f...

I like my women like I like my microwave

Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.

Someone once told me to drink bleach to quickly clean me out for a drug test. What an idiot...

The emergency room nurse said I still had drugs in my system when I woke up...