Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there's a long break in the ledge they can't cross.

"Something for this, I have." Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape. He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda's hovel, t...

There are four stages of life and they all involve Santa

1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don't believe in Santa.
3. You are Santa.
4. You look like Santa.

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has a...

Dad: If 2020 and 2021 were involved in a duel who would win?

Me: I'd have to say 2020 won.

What kind of business involves boiling knees, elbows and shoulders in vats of water?

A joint stock company

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal

Elongate would be really drawn out.

Why was Vladimir involved in a traffic accident on the way to the airport in Moscow?

He was Russian, and ran a red light.

Was Donald Trump involved in birther conspiracy?

Yes, he played a small hand in it.

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I heard Lorena Bobbit was involved in a road rage incident.

Apparently, some dick cut her off.

My friends job involves cloning the DNA of trains.

But I just call him a genetic engineer.

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over!
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm
and I'll...

My summer job in high school involves getting up at 1 in the morning with a glass of water and a paintbrush.

It isn’t very high paying, but I make dew.

The only diet I seem to be able to stick to is the one that just involves saying no to food.

"Is that enough chips for you?"

"No."

Why didn’t 4 get involved in the 789 incident?

He was 2²

A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a murder

The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.

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My wife said she wanted to have Olympic Sex and I got all excited by the phrase so I said yes honey, what does it involve?

Once every four years.

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident. They died and went to heaven. At st. Peters gate, they were told it wasn't their time to die, so they will be sent back to earth. As a reward for their good earthly deeds they will allowed to go back to earth as whom they want regardless of timeline.
1st ...

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So apparently “cockfighting” involves chickens

I am livid! All those years of training for nothing!!!

Why are the Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

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My friend is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league

My friend Hans is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league. He's always whooping and hollering at every race, and now most of his friends call him "Woo!". Despite his enthusiasm for the sport, he's not very creative. He mostly just numbers his birds, and never takes our advice on names....

How many Republican does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twelve to investigate Obama’s involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry and 51 to pass a tax credit for lightbulb changes.

A man is involved in a minor car accident and starts screaming and shouting like a baby

A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?"
The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"

What do you call sibling lemon peels getting romantically involved with each other?

Inzest

Some drug screens involve taking a strand of hair and analyzing it for illicit substances. It's called a follicle test.

Of course there are guys who try to beat that by shaving their head, but that doesn't work because the lab will just take a pubic hair instead. That's called the phallical test.

Not stupid joke at all involves no puns.........

There was a bamboo stalk and a corn stalk who lived in the same neighborhood. The corn didn't really know the bamboo but the bamboo liked to watch the corn and sometimes follow him. The bamboo sometimes said "Sup my HUSKY bro". One day the corn turns around and yells at the bamboo, "STOP STALKING M...

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

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Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth....

Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth

Covid Denier 1: So there was no such thing as covid, right? I died of lung cancer or something!

God: No, Covid is real, you died of covid just like the Doctors said.
...

69% of all statistics are made up

Every 69 I’ve ever been involved in was made up

BREAKING: North Korea announces breakthrough 100% effective COVID-19 treatment

Sources report the new treatment involves injecting a bullet into the forehead of people infected with the virus.

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I just learned today that cock fighting involves two roosters...

...well there goes a year and a half of intense training.

TIL: In the movie “The Day After Tomorrow”, the scene involving people migrating illegally into Mexico involve dozens of extras actually crossing from the USA into Mexico over the Rio Grande

Fortunately, all 1673 of them safely made it back to the US side without issue.

What do relationship advice and communist propaganda have in common?

There are loads of red flags involved.

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What's the difference between an erection and an election?

One involves only one dick, and the other involves many.

What are the people involved in the beef industry called?

Steak-holders.

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

News Flash

**A Jewish guy goes into a confession box.** **"Father O’Malley," he says, "My name is Aaron Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire l...

What do you get if you mix a horse with a cat?

A very strange-tasting smoothie, and a traumatizing experience for everyone involved.

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

I was involved in a carjacking last night

Thankfully, the guys at the carwash were able to get the remainders all out of the upholstery.

A woman pregnant with triplets was involved in a drive by shooting

She was shot three times in the belly, and a bullet hit each one of the babies. Everyone survived, but the doctor told the mother that one day, when their bodies are big enough, the kids will have to pass the bullet out of their system.

About 15 years later one of her daughters called the mot...

My doctor asked if I wanted a digital prostate exam..

He didn't mention there were no electronics involved but now I get his point

A threesome involves three people. A twosome involves two.

I guess that's why everybody keeps calling me handsome.

Newfie execution

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The Americ...

Any jokes that don't involve Elephants;

are irrelephant.

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A guy changing at the gym...

A guy changing at the gym answers the phone, as he’s getting dressed, naturally he just puts it on speaker, the female voice is heard
“Hey Honey, I’ve just found this beautiful designer coat and it’s on sale for £2,000 do you mind if I get it”
The guy says “well if you love it so much then yea...

Once upon a time, in a magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, ...

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A NSFW joke I tried to translate from Turkish

A group of bandits raided a village. They said to the women of the village; "To save the life of your family, you have to identify your husband by sucking his dick."

They blindfolded women and lined up the men of the village in a mixed order, and a few of the bandits became involved.

T...

Skinny dipping involves a swimming pool.

Fat dipping involves a ranch cup and chicken nuggets.

What’s the best thing about being involved in human trafficking?

It can really take you places.

My friend Jose suffers from panic attacks. He was recently involved in a car accident.

I don't wanna sound racist, but His panic attacks are getting worse.

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My fallback joke that I've been telling for about 20 years at this point.

A teacher isn't seeing much engagement in her class so, she decides to get the students more involved she offers up a proposition.

She tells all of her students that every Friday she is going to ask a "Question of the Day", if the students can get it right they can take the day off of school ...

What kind of math involves trees?

The ones that stump you

There isn’t much training involved in being a garbage man

You just pick it up as you go along

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Morning Briefing

The commanding officer of a regiment in the Army was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. 

He explained that his wife had been...

Since its my cake day

I used to work at a very large balery known for making some of the most exquisite and famous cakes.

These cakes required a very intricate and delicate process to make them and involved a lot of processes and a secret recipe.

However in all my 20 years, the head baker never told me the ...

According to Seal Team 6, Bin Laden wasn’t as bad as everyone thought

They said he became “open-minded”once they got involved

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her:What's your favourite sex position?

#Me: I am just happy to be involved.

I wasn’t sure whether I should get involved in human trafficking.

But now I’m sold.

A kid's parents were told that their kid was involved in a fire

The parents said in unison "But arson didn't do it!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My preferred method for making liquor involves using my rectum.

It's a little unconventional, butt still.

I was involved in a car jacking

I just hope none got on the upholstery

I accidentally swallowed some poison last night, and I had the strangest hallucination.

I was looking out of my window, and a group of former athletes walked by. Baseball players Don Mattingly, Pete Rose, and Ray Knight we’re talking with Konrad Dorn, an Austrian hockey player. Football superstars Troy Aikman and Emmett Smith were carrying guitars.

Next, a group of men from the ...

Apparently the ‘creative differences’ that lead to Danny Boyle quitting as director of the next Bond film were around his desire to involve a time travel element where 007 went back in time to Medieval England.

It was to be called: The spy who loved mead

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!

There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from G...

What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated?

Discuss

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal because...

Everyone who searches for actual news on Elongate will only get 50 pages of a reposted joke from Reddit.

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Old Mary and Frank have been having some matrimonial issues...

No matter how hard he tries, Frank just can't bring Mary to orgasm anymore.

They decide to visit the doctor for help, because they love each other, in all the ways, and this lack of intimacy is bringing them both down emotionally.

Thankfully the doctor has the answer. He advises Fran...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know what's involved in the training for the Paralympics

But it looks fucking dangerous

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

A man was involved in a terrible car accident. Because of the accident he lost one of his eyes.

The doctor explained to him that he could get a fake eye to replace the real one. So the man agrees and chooses the least expensive. A wooden eye.   Some months pass and the mans friends come over to visit him. They are very worried because he has not been out of the house for months. They tell him ...

What involves a man and two women, and doesn't even last a minute?

A Ronda Rousey fight.

At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.

It is an erect tile diss function.

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.

......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.

Two dinosaurs are involved in a traffic accident. The diplodocus spins off, but luckily comes to a stop on the verge without too much damage.

Unfortunately the Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.



(My dad loves this joke. He loves jokes that are slightly dirty and involve doctors, nurses, nuns or priests. Anyone got any more?)

Bonus joke:

A doctor is doing his rounds at the hospital, going from patient to patient. He turns to a nurse and asks, "Sister,...

Going down on my girl is similar to 9/11

Bush is involved.

I took some pictures of a cop involved in criminal activity and brought them to the Washington Post.

Yes, Post. This officer right here.

I started carrying a gun after being involved in an attempted robbery a few months ago.

Ever since, my robberies have been going a whole lot better.

Local Egyptian joke that I hope will translate well enough here (Long)

A police office at the station is taking the statements of two people involved in a car accident. He asks the driver first to relay what happened. The driver angrily says “I was driving along down this narrow one-way street when this guy suddenly appears in front of me. I turn on the high beams to w...

I have recently been involved in money laundering...

I had some coins in my pocket which I didn't realise untill there was a ticking sound coming from the dryer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've recently found this incredibly difficult mobile game, that involves matching things. I wish I could turn down the difficulty setting.

Whatever this "Tinder" thing is, it's kicking my ass.

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.

The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."

The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?"

The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robber...

I'm a performance artist. My next show involves peeing on a scary clown....

And now, Urine on It.

I am involved with a group that supports gastrointestinal awareness.

We call ourselves the bowel movement.

Sports which involve throwing things.

Discus.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.



"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Pati...

My uncle decided to get involved in a sport as his health was failing.

But he took up bobsleigh and went downhill rapidly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Carl came home rather drunk.

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Carl.”

Carl was stunned. “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St. Peter said, “Hmm, perh...

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