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Involve Jokes

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal

Elongate would be really drawn out.

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has a...

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;

it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be frien...

I was involved in a car crash last night.

As I regained consciousness from last nights car crash.

The Doctors were trying to convince me that I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity...

But I am having none of it. I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!

I wanted to change my name to “Frieza” but had no idea how much paperwork would be involved.

This isn’t even my final form.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

There are four stages of life and they all involve Santa

1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don't believe in Santa.
3. You are Santa.
4. You look like Santa.

My brother was recently involved in a chainsaw accident.

Now, my only remaining family is my two half brothers.

My first real estate investment will involve campers and dolphins...

For all intents and porpoises...

I was involved in a one night stand that went horribly wrong.

We’ve been married three years now.

Did you hear about the two astronauts involved in a legal dispute?

They agreed to orbitration.

Best Finnish joke i know (Does not involve snipers)

2 Finnish Longshoremen complete their hard days work at the port of Kuopio on payday, and decide to go to the local bar to have a fun night.

No words are spoken as they sit down. They look at the bar keep, and one raises his hand, with 2 fingers up.

The bar keep brings 2 shots of Vod...

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A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident...

A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You'...

A threesome involves three people. A twosome involves two.

I guess that's why everybody keeps calling me handsome.

Some shapes got involved in an accident.

The circle got up and looked round, the triangle suffered acute injuries and the square was alright.

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I just found out that cock fighting involves chickens

There's a year of my life I'll never get back!

What do you call an event that involves money?

An occurrency!

What do you get when the government gets involved in digestive issues.

An enema of the state.

Any jokes that don't involve Elephants;

are irrelephant.

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A farmer was involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck...

He ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.

'I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?' said the counsel for the insurance company. 'Yes, that's right,' replied the farmer. 'You claim you were injured in the accident, yet i have a...

What do baking and BDSM have in common?

They both involve lots of beating and whipping

A man is involved in a minor car accident and starts screaming and shouting like a baby

A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?"
The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"

I was stunned to find out that my grandfather was involved in human trafficking.

He used to volunteer as a crossing guard.

Marriage involves three rings.

The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

The difference between being Involved vs. Committed

Take a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich. The chicken and the cow are involved, but the pig is committed.

My wife is involved in the humanitarian aid…

- “My wife is involved in the humanitarian aid. She cooks soup for homeless people in our city.”
- “And is she good at it?”
- “Oh boy, definitely! Half of the homeless rather found a job already!”

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A couple are driving and get involved in a huge crash.

The wife is thrown from the car and killed instantly. The husband wasnt hurt severely from the crash by wearing his seat belt.

When emergency services arrive the man is screaming for his wife and rolling around in pain. Police come and inform him his wife died in the collision.

The m...

Sports which involve throwing things.

Discus.

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My wife said she wanted to have Olympic Sex and I got all excited by the phrase so I said yes honey, what does it involve?

Once every four years.

Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam.

And that man is Michael Scott.

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes.

The mothia is ruthless.

I wasn’t sure whether I should get involved in human trafficking.

But now I’m sold.

I've developed my own style of martial arts that involves defenestration.

I call it Yeet Kune Do.

Little Red Riding Hood was involved in an accident.

Paramedics are on the scene but she's not out of the woods yet.

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I just found out that cock-fighting involves chickens

Well that's 12 months of training wasted

My job involves drilling holes into the earth

It's well boring

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I’ve planned a film where a man’s involved in a fatal wanking accident

I’m calling it Die Hard

I started carrying a gun after being involved in an attempted robbery a few months ago.

Ever since, my robberies have been going a whole lot better.

A case study has found trampolines are involved in half of all ER admissions for under-14's.

The authors said the problem is tumbling out of control.

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A man was involved in a terrible car accident.

Because of the accident he lost one of his eyes. The doctor explained to him that he could get a fake eye to replace the real one. So the man agrees and chooses the least expensive. A wooden eye.  

Some months pass and the man finally works up the courage to go out in public. His friends talk...

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So apparently “cockfighting” involves chickens

I am livid! All those years of training for nothing!!!

My friend is involved in a harsh custody battle.

His wife doesn’t want him, and his mother won’t take him back.

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated?

Discuss

Why didn’t 4 get involved in the 789 incident?

He was 2²

I was involved in quite a bad explosion the other day.

I was buying a grenade and the woman at the counter said "Can I have your pin please?"

There isn’t much training involved in being a garbage man

You just pick it up as you go along

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident. They died and went to heaven. At st. Peters gate, they were told it wasn't their time to die, so they will be sent back to earth. As a reward for their good earthly deeds they will allowed to go back to earth as whom they want regardless of timeline.
1st ...

What do you call a German involved in WW2 who went undercover after the war?

A veteranaryan.

Some drug screens involve taking a strand of hair and analyzing it for illicit substances. It's called a follicle test.

Of course there are guys who try to beat that by shaving their head, but that doesn't work because the lab will just take a pubic hair instead. That's called the phallical test.

Did you hear about the female condor that had chicks with no male involved?

Apparently this is pretty common. My wife had the same thing. She said her doctor couldn’t figure it out.

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I heard Lorena Bobbit was involved in a road rage incident.

Apparently, some dick cut her off.

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.

......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.

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I just learned today that cock fighting involves two roosters...

...well there goes a year and a half of intense training.

The guy who made the opening theme music for The Exorcist is getting involved in the canned chicken business.

He’s called it Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Birds.

My friends job involves cloning the DNA of trains.

But I just call him a genetic engineer.

Skinny dipping involves a swimming pool.

Fat dipping involves a ranch cup and chicken nuggets.

Four people were involved in a stand off where they all shot and killed eachother.

It was a four gun conclusion.

Not stupid joke at all involves no puns.........

There was a bamboo stalk and a corn stalk who lived in the same neighborhood. The corn didn't really know the bamboo but the bamboo liked to watch the corn and sometimes follow him. The bamboo sometimes said "Sup my HUSKY bro". One day the corn turns around and yells at the bamboo, "STOP STALKING M...

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My friend is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league

My friend Hans is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league. He's always whooping and hollering at every race, and now most of his friends call him "Woo!". Despite his enthusiasm for the sport, he's not very creative. He mostly just numbers his birds, and never takes our advice on names....

Dad: If 2020 and 2021 were involved in a duel who would win?

Me: I'd have to say 2020 won.

What kind of math involves trees?

The ones that stump you

Why are vegetarians never involved in Any drama?

They can’t stand beef

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I don't know what's involved in the training for the Paralympics

But it looks fucking dangerous

What are the people involved in the beef industry called?

Steak-holders.

I was involved in a car jacking

I just hope none got on the upholstery

Lost track of my work because I just heard my car was involved in a drive-by

My Focus is shot.

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Why Santa got involved with Christmas

Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:

Santa: “Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I’d lov...

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal because...

Everyone who searches for actual news on Elongate will only get 50 pages of a reposted joke from Reddit.

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this pa...

What’s the best thing about being involved in human trafficking?

It can really take you places.

Never get involved with a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

What do you call sibling lemon peels getting romantically involved with each other?

Inzest

What kind of business involves boiling knees, elbows and shoulders in vats of water?

A joint stock company

A woman pregnant with triplets was involved in a drive by shooting

She was shot three times in the belly, and a bullet hit each one of the babies. Everyone survived, but the doctor told the mother that one day, when their bodies are big enough, the kids will have to pass the bullet out of their system.

About 15 years later one of her daughters called the mot...

A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

Why was Vladimir involved in a traffic accident on the way to the airport in Moscow?

He was Russian, and ran a red light.

I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning.

On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me.

My friend Jose suffers from panic attacks. He was recently involved in a car accident.

I don't wanna sound racist, but His panic attacks are getting worse.

A golfer is involved in a terrible car crash and is rushed to the hospital

Just before he is put under, the surgeon pops in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing days are over !!! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The g...

I am involved with a group that supports gastrointestinal awareness.

We call ourselves the bowel movement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My preferred method for making liquor involves using my rectum.

It's a little unconventional, butt still.

Two turtles were involved in a head-on collision, the police turtle asked a bystander turtle how the crash happened?

The bystander turtle said, I don't know, it all happened so fast.

A man has been involved in a traffic collision

An officer walks up to him.

\- Who caused this?

\- I'm sorry sir, but I have no idea! I was looking in a different direction.

A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you're only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?"

The man groans, but stays where he is. The usher becoming impatient with the man says "Sir, if you don't get up, I will need to get my manager involved"

Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off t...

I got a call from the hospital late last night informing me that my wife had been involved in a terrible accident.

I rushed to the hospital and asked the nurse “How is she? Can I see her?!”. The nurse replied “I’m so sorry, I’m afraid you’re too late.”

“No worries.” I said. “I’ll come back in the morning.”

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news. "You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live" he is told.

The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is in shock and asks if there's anything he should do.

The doctor pauses a moment ...

A kid's parents were told that their kid was involved in a fire

The parents said in unison "But arson didn't do it!"

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.


One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

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