Pull Jokes - 75 Hilarious Pull Jokes

Pull

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn’t move.

"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn’t budge.

"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" A...

Uvalde citizen gets pulled over

A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."

The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uval...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver replies, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting, the driver's wife says, "Now don't be silly, dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise...

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A lawyer gets pulled over

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. Cop says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?" Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete s...

When you pull a pin out of a grenade, how do you put it back?

Urgent and quick answers, plea

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A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for identification.

The blond asks, “What’s that?”

The blond cop replies, “It’s the thing in your purse with your picture on it.”

The blond reaches into her purse, pulls out her compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blond cop opens it, takes a look, and says, “I’m sorry mam. If I knew you were an ...

NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding

When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

“What’s a licence” she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.

“I also need to registration” reminds the cop

“...

I got pulled over by a female cop...

When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"

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Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because of the-

Car driving by: HONK

Me: Because if the-

2nd car driving by: HONK

Me:

Cop:

Me: Because of the-

3rd car driving by:HOOONK

Me: Because of the “Honk if you think cops have micropenises’’ bumper sticker?

I got pulled over by the police ...

He came to the window and said papers ...

I said - scissors, I win - and drove off

He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!

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A lawyer gets pulled over by a police officer.

The officer asks the lawyer "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea," said the lawyer.

The officer replied, "You didn't make a full stop at the stop sign back there. You only slowed down."

The lawyer thinks for a few seconds then says, "If y...

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today

and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice car,” I said as he got out. “Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks, “Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an even better one next year.” (Credit The Joke Cafe https://thejokecafe.com)

A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

The cop makes his way up to the window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”

The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.

“We’ll do it.”

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An Elderly Woman Gets Pulled Over For Speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic Cop: Don't have one?

O...

Heisenberg was pulled over by a highway patrolman.

Cop: Do you know where you are?

Heisenberg: California, on a freeway.

Cop: That's right. Speed limit here is 65. Do you know how fast you were going?

Heisenberg: No, officer.

Cop: 95 miles per hour!

Heisenberg: Oh great. Now I don't know where I am.

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State Trooper pulls a car over

A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and a juggler and was on his way to Austin to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The tr...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...

Rookie cop pulls over an old biker…

A rookie police officer pulls an old biker over for speeding:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Off...

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A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving.

The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says :

"Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

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John gets pulled over for speeding

John: Howdy officer, is there a problem?

Officer: You were speeding, sir. License and registration

John: Dude, I got no license

Officer: You're driving without a license?

John: hell yeah!

Officer: And registration?

John: I jacked this car!

Officer: Ar...

I got pulled over and my vape was in my cup holder.

The cop said “you know, the news says those things are killing people.”

I chuckled and said “they’re saying the same thing about you guys.”

He didn’t laugh.

A man gets pulled over by the police...

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then aske...

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A man get pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

"Sorry officer, I was rushing tog et home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests."

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard."

The lit...

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.

The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"

The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.

The cop smiles and says, "That's not the...

A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her.

Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle?

Girl: No.

Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me.

Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops.

Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me.

Girl: (Starts...

I was pulling my boxers off in bed last night

When the wife said to me,

“You spoil those dogs.”

A guy sat next to me in the bus today and pulled out a photo of his wife.

He asked me “Ain’t she beautiful?”

I said “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife”

He replied with “ Why, is she a stunner as well?”

I said “ No, she’s an optician”

Credit: not mine but i can’t remember where I saw it

Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she fi...

A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a tooth.

“$100,” said the dentist.

“Oh, that’s expensive,” said the main. “Do you have anything cheaper?”

“That’s the normal price for an extraction,” said the dentist.

The man thinks about it, “what about if you don’t use the anesthetic?”

“Well, that would be unusual, but we ...

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A man gets pulled over by the police...

The officer asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No I don't officer," he replies

"You were speeding. That's going to be big ticket in this area."

"Well, you caught me, and while I'm at it, I might as well be honest with you. I have a dead body in the trunk along with some...

What’s always a useful comment when someone pulls a knife on you?

I see your point

Police pulls over a car driving 15 mph in a 70 mph speed zone

It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.

She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"

Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"

Then he notices 3 other older ladies ...

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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

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A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over.

The cop says to the man:

\- Do you know that you were speeding, sir?
\- No officer, I didn't know I was speeding...

The wife then says:

\- Come on, Henry, you knew you were speeding, I've been telling you to slow down for miles.

The man shoots a dark look at his wife...

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

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A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins !" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little...

A man is driving a van full of penguins and is pulled over by a cop...

“Sir,” says the policeman. “Are you aware that there are penguins in your van?”

“Yep,” says the man. “They’re my penguins. They belong to me.”

The policeman looks at the man in disbelief and then back at the penguins, who noot at him.

“Sir, I’m afraid this is unacceptable. I nee...

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

A man gets pulled over by a police car....

"Excuse me sir, we've been searching for a sheep molester in the area. We'd like to ask you a few questions, and there's a reward being offered"

The man thinks for a second, "Okay sure, it's not my thing but I'll do it"

The other day I got pulled over, and when the cop walked up I pulled out my 9mm

Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure

A cop pulled someone over

Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving on the wrong side of the road.

Driver: Sorry, I'm English.

Cop: (Loudly) it's the wrong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?

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A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver’s license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds that she has a .38 Special in her purse. And a .45 in her glove box. And a 9mm Glock in the center console. And a shotgun in the trunk.
...

A policeman pulled over a miner.

Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you going and what do you do?

Miner: mine

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

An Oregon state trooper walked over to her car window while flipping open his ticket book.

The young woman said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball."

He replied, "Oregon StateTroopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence.

And t...

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Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?...

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. I mean you haven't done a...

A guy is pulled over for speeding...

COP: Do you know how fast you were going?

DRIVER: Well, let's see. My speedometer is 20 miles per hour off, so 55?

COP: You were doing 75.

DRIVER: It's fixed!

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

Cop pulls over bad driver

Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?

Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af

Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

so a guy is speeding down a freeway, miles above the speed limit, and a cop pulls him over.

he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm late for my next show. i apologize. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "whoa, hold on a sec. my daughter loves juggl...

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.

The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were traveling at 130km per hour?”

The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost."

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What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A seatbelt

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A man gets pulled over at a DUI checkpoint...

A man is driving home from a party with his wife and son. They get pulled over at a DUI checkpoint and the policeman gives the man the breathalizer test. The machine beeps and the policeman asks the man to step out of the car.

"Bullshit!", he exclaims in response. "I haven't had a single drop...

NASTY JOKE WARNING: A man pulls into a motel late at night....

He goes to the office and the clerk asks, "what can I do for you?" The man says, "well, I just got married and we'd like a room by the lake."

"Oh, well congratulations," the clerk said. "I'll give you a nice cabin by the lake." He gives the man the keys and directs him to a cabin. He wa...

Was working a drywall gig with 3 other guys, we smoked a joint after we pulled up to the job.

Later on the older lady that owned the house comes out and tells the boss, "you should pay your guys more!" The boss looking puzzled asks where that came from. She goes on to explain, "they have been busting their asses off. Earlier they had to share one cigarette between the four of them, that's ju...

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Why do vampires usually pull out during sex?

They can't come inside without an invitation.

A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket...

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.

The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The...

I stopped arguing with my friend when he pulled a knife on me

That was when I realized he had a point.

A circus performer is driving home after a long day of training, when he is pulled over by a police officer for a broken light.

The officer looks in the car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

“Sir,” he says, “Why do you have all those knives?”

“They're for my juggling act,” the circus performer replies.

“I don’t believe you,” says the cop. “Prove it.” So the performer gets out of his car an...

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What gets long when you jerk it,fits between boobs,slides in a hole and loves to be pulled?

A seat belt you pervert

A man gets pulled over by a female cop.

He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."

An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident

where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.

"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.

...

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!...

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

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You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. “Terry?!” you say laughing, “Terry’s a girls name!” Without any hesitation, Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead.

You have died of dissin’ Terry :(

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My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the parking lot."

A husband decided to pull a joke on his wife and texted her saying 'it's not cheating if I leave my socks on is it ?'

She texted back saying 'no hon it's not, I do it all the time'

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Two guys get pulled over...

Two guys in a car get pulled over. The cop walks up to the window and says "We're looking for 2 pedophiles". The car window goes up then after a few seconds comes back down.
The driver gives a sigh. "Alright, we'll do it"

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(from my 8 year old) What do you see when a duck pulls down his underwear?

His butt quack

I love going to the beach, having a seat, and pull sand up to my crotch

Makes the crabs feel more at home.

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...

“My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

“What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired.

“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came ...

A developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden...

...but he didn't have root access.

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

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Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?

Because change comes from within.

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