UPJOKE
takeremovetake awaywithdrawunclotheundresspeeldiveststripteasecleanbandbaredeprivediscaseuncase

A Möbius strip walks into a bar, sobbing.

The bartender asks, “What’s wrong, buddy?”
The Möbius strip replies, “Where do I even begin?”

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A strip club joke

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a w...

*Dad walks into strip club*

Dad: “Twerking hard or hardly twerking?”

A möbius strip walks into a bar, distraught and crying

The bartender says “Oh no, Möbius Strip! Looks like you’ve had a bad day. Pull up a chair and tell me what’s wrong”

The mobius strip sit down, wipes it’s eyes and says “WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN?!”

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the same side

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A wife takes her husband to a strip club for their 20th anniversary

At the entrance, the guard says to the husband, "Hey Simon, how's it going?"
The woman asks her husband how he knows you, the husband answers from the gym.
They enter and sit at the bar, and the bartender asks, "Hey Simon, the usual?".
The husband turns to his wife tensely saying, we pla...

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.

"How much for a hand-job?"

"5,000$" she replies.

"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."

"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a re...

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I went to a Paraplegic Strip Club the other day . . .

NSFW

>!The place was crawling with pussy.!<

Who has no choice to strip to make ends meet?

Electricians

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A Soviet Strip Club

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first strip club in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

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A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club for his birthday.

At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim, how are you?"

The wife asks, "How does he know you?"

Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."

Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?"

Jim says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts team."

Next a stri...

Why did Rudolph go to the strip club?

He heard he’d see his good friend Dancer there.

My dad said 'Son, stay out of strip clubs or you might see something you shouldn't.

So i went in and he was right.





I saw my dad.

I feel sorry for the guys who regularly go to strip clubs...

Every time I go I think, "Man, I see some of these losers here every week."

My neighborhood strip club has gone out of business.

The sign on the door says "sorry, we're clothed."

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

What did Julius Caesar say after visiting a strip club?

Veni vidi veni

As Jack was marrying Jill, his father gave him some advice “Son, when I got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was strip her naked, take off my pants...

Then, I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' ...Ever since that day, son...

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turns out she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

NSFW Guy is in the front row at the strip club.

NSFW

He’s quietly drinking and tipping the dancers when a particularly beautiful girl comes out and begins a sensual strip tease. The guy behind him immediately starts whooping and calling out, “yeah baby! take it off! Take it off!! woo hoo!”

As she gets completely naked and leaves the...

I started an internship at a strip club today

I’m being paid in exposure

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

Because he wanted to get to the .... er ... ... never mind.

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, dirty, raunchy strip club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.

So I went.

And I saw my dad.

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...

The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general ...

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My strip club is starting a new job equity program.

We call it Diversititty.

"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

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Got thrown out of a strip club once

Didn’t know I wasn’t supposed throw quarters at the strippers

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A man is sitting at a bar at closing time, complaining to his friend.

How is it I always get in trouble with my wife for staying at the bar so late and you never get in trouble with your wife? When I come home from a night out, I do everything so quietly. I turn off my car and coast into the driveway. I sneak in the basement door. I take off my clothes in the baseme...

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(Long) A man is walking the strip in Vegas...

...when a fantastic looking hooker catches his eye.
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, "How Much?"
The hooker replies, "I start at $500 for a hand job!"
The man says, "$500 for a hand job? Holy crap, no hand job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "You see that ...

Our town's male strip club has employed a lot of poorly endowed men.

Ironically, they aren't short staffed.

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What's the most commonly played song at a strip club in Iraq?

Baghdad ass up.

Want to go to the strip club for lunch today?

I hear they have a great spread.

What's your favorite part of playing strip poker?

The stripping or the poking?

I need a power strip to plug stuff into.

Should I go to an Outlet Mall?

The owner of the local strip club has a lisp.

I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.

Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the strip club.

Teen: Dad, no!!!





Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.

Why did the pasta maker go to the strip club?

Because he was feeling cannelloni

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?

Because they’re lo mein tenants.

The Cashier said "Strip down, facing me"

By the time I knew he meant the credit card it was too late.

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles...

In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.

The flight attendant said, "Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."

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I'm planning on starting a strip club....

... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.


I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.


The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".

The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.

Why should you not build an outdoor strip club?

In the winter time, you’ll get your lips stuck on the pole

I'm so fat, that when I went through airport security they didn't strip search me...

They burlesque searched me.

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I went to the Worst Strip Club in Texas

There was only one other person there, a 80-something year old woman with flabby tits and makeup so thick it caked up around her eyes. She was sitting on the edge of the stage, smoking a rolled up cigarette between her dentures with her prosthetic metal hook hand.

When she saw me, she stood u...

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When I supported strip mining

I thought it was going to be a lot more sexy

A man went to a strip club

When he got inside he noticed an empty seat in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, ‘Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!’ The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.
...

So I'm opening a soup-based strip club

I'm thinking about naming it "The Brothel"

There is a haunted strip club in my town

I asked my wife if I could go see some BoOoOo-bies

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Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice

She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”

She hugs each of the de...

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A man walks into a strip club...

And sits down at the runway. He watches for a bit, and then the strippers start to make their rounds. One sits in his lap. "Would you like a dance?" She asks. Why not, the man thinks, "let's go!"

The stripper guides him to the lapdance area. While there, she asks if he wants to go to the...

What is the deal with strip club food?

It lacks dressing

What's the difference between a circus and a strip club?

A circus is full of cunning stunts

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Two Nuns are tasked with painting a room.

Two nuns are tasked with painting a bedroom. They are concerned about getting paint all over their outfits, so they lock themselves inside and strip out of them and begin painting in their underwear. All is going well until there is a knock at the door. “Who is it?” They ask. “Blind man,” is the rep...

The difference between a rich man at a strip club and a poor man at a strip club.

The rich man shows up to spend lots of cash and have a good time.

The poor man is there to take his sister home.

I hate getting into arguments about Mobius Strips.

They're always one sided

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I'm going to open a Scottish themed strip club...

I'm going to call it haggis, nips and titties

Ya know why they put rumble strips on the side of roads?

It's braille. So that the blind can see where they're driving.

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A wife strips naked in front of her husband and says, "when I did this 30 years ago, what did you think?"

He replies, I was thinking I wanted to suck your tits dry and fuck your brains out."

She asks "And what are you thinking now?"

"Looks like I did a good job."

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and r...

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Why didn't Hitler go to strip clubs?

Because he didn't like poles.

Let's play strip poker.

You can strip, and I'll poke you
.

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A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.
The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.
He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute na...

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I once had donuts delivered to my favorite strip club

The baker asked how many strippers were there and I said there were six. He sent them two donuts each. He remarked, "You know, that works out pretty evenly!" and I said, "Yeah, dozen tit?"

The owners of my local strip club have closed until further notice

Apparently nobody wants to twerk anymore!

What did Santa say at the strip club?

Ho! Ho! Ho!

You’re all on my naughty list!

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Larry walks in on his friend stripping inside a barn….

“Barry what the hell are you doing”

“ well Larry, I went to a therapist and she said to do something sexy to a tractor “

If you want to see a comic strip,

you should see me in the shower.

Why did the mathematician go to the strip club?

He was trying to find the x.

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3 guys and a strip club

3 guys went to a strip club. 1st guy went into a booth with one of the girls and she jerked him off with a donut.

He went back and told the other they needed to go back there.

2nd guy went back there and the same thing happened. The 2 guys told the 3rd guy he needed to go back, he'd ...

A raw chicken strip dreams of being cooked and enjoyed one day

Until then, it's just a pre-tender.

I wanted to open a new Strip Club that serves seafood.

Calling it Bass To Mouth

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A Bear and a Blueberry Walk Into a Strip Club

And they both walk towards the same stripper. After a while, the bear turns over to the blueberry and says, "You know what, Richard, you and I are a lot more alike than we seem." The blueberry says, "How do you figure that, Bob?" and Bob says, "Well, as you can see, we both like our women plump and ...

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What does a stripper do to her asshole before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

3 mods walk into a strip club

[removed]

Alison Brie, Anna Kendrick, and Keira Knightley play a game of strip poker. Who wins?

The internet

Photography at a strip club was a failure

Everyone in the photos was over-exposed

How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza Strip?

They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!

Newton walks into strip club

He met a girl ,calculated the tangent to her curve.

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Two guys were leaving the strip club...

Jim and John were out of one dollar bills, and it was very late.

"Oh no", John say's - "the wife is gonna kill me. When I'm out too late, I park a block away, take me shoes off in the drive way, use my oiled key in the lock, take off my clothes in the living room, tip-toe upstairs, hold my ...

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Two Nuns are ordered to paint a room

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In...

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A guy chats with his milkman during the weekly daily delivery.

"You should've seen yesterday's party, it was great. There was me, my wife and many couples in the neighborhood. By the end we were completely hammered."

"Oh yeah? How did it go?" The milkman inquires.

"Well, we got so drunk that we got the idea for a little game. The men went into ano...

Have you heard what happen to Mike Tyson's strip club?

Do to covid-19 they're clothed till further notice.

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So I went to the local strip club.

Got a lap dance from a stripper named Cinderella. I thought it was a odd stripper name but then it made sense. Her Dad wasn't around, didn't get along with stepmom, and wore see through shoes.

In the spirit of Superb Owl, I am opening a strip club inspired by recent events

called Oscar’s Lap

Myself & a bunch of guy friends tried to go to the new strip club named “The G Spot”…

We couldn’t find it.

I used to enjoy the Snoopy & Charlie Brown comic strips in the Sunday papers, but lately I've been getting a rash after reading them.

I think I've developed an allergy to Peanuts.

Why was the narrow strip of land with sea on either side, forming a link between two larger areas of land so happy?

It was a merry isthmus!

I used to review strip clips. I know it sounds like an easy job

but I worked hard.

My brother and I were fighting over a Mobius strip.

I said there's no reason to argue about this, we're both on the same side.

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A friend invited me to a strip club

And after after 10 minutes of a topless lap dance from a stripper, my wife tapped on my shoulder with a very angry look. It was a booby trap.

Dad peels banana...

When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...

Dad:
peels the first strip of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second strip...
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"

Me: "What happened to the Four skin"

Dad: "Jewish banana"...

A guy goes to a strip club with his friends

As they enter they see a huge naked fat chick dancing in the table. The guy says “Nice legs” and the fat lady replies “Oh you really think so?”. The guy then says “Yeah definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now”

Please excuse any mistakes you may see as english is not my first langu...

Let's review the rules of strip poker. It might take a while

so bare with me

Jeb Bush is respectful at strip clubs...

...he tells the dancers to “please clap” them cheeks.

What's the Difference between a Casino and a Strip Club

You actually have a chance of getting screwed at the casino.

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A Drill Sergeant goes to a strip club...

A drill sergeant stationed at Fort Benning heads down to the strip club on a friday night. He's having a good time, having a few drinks. One of the strippers takes a liking to him and offers a private dance. He agrees and they head to the back room. While she's dancing, she asks him what he does for...

Why did the Alabama strip club close?

They lost too much money from the family discount.

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A well-traveled man goes to a strip club

When he gets a lap dance from one of the strippers, he asks if she is Chilean

‘Yes, I am!’ she says ‘How did you know?’

‘Well’ says the man ‘Much like Chile, you are tall and slim’

He later gets a lap dance from another stripper, and asks if she is Swiss

‘Yes, I am!’ she ...

A married couple is lying in bed one night....

A married couple is lying in bed one night.


The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interv...

What do you call a vegan chicken strip?

A chicken pretender

I see the strip clubs are still open...

For take out only.

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She said she was stripping to feed her kids.

Yet she got pissed at me when I stuck a can of green beans in her garter.

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