My dad told me once, son, stay out of strip clubs or you might see something you shouldn't. So of course, I went, and he was right.

I saw my dad

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser....

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A Soviet Strip Club

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first strip club in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

Electricians have to strip to make ends meet

Shocking i know

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Mobius Strip?

To get to the same side!

A guy goes to a strip club with his friends

As they enter they see a huge naked fat chick dancing in the table. The guy says “Nice legs” and the fat lady replies “Oh you really think so?”. The guy then says “Yeah definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now”

Please excuse any mistakes you may see as english is not my first langu...

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She said she was stripping to feed her kids.

Yet she got pissed at me when I stuck a can of green beans in her garter.

The metal strip in paper currency is sensitive to microwave and radio waves.

Because it apparently tends to burn a hole in the pocket.

A husband returns and tells his wife he spent her money at the strip club

The wife is angry and asks? "You went to the strip club and spent my money? I told your to spend my money on some fruit from the grocery store!"

And the husband sighs and says, "No, you told me to spend it on a pair of melons. Do I look like a mind reader to you?"

Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 6 minutes.

Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

My brother and I were fighting over a Mobius strip.

I said there's no reason to argue about this, we're both on the same side.

Lately, whenever I read a comic strip about Charlie Brown or Snoopy I break out in hives.

I think I’m allergic to Peanuts.

What did Santa say at the strip club?

Ho! Ho! Ho!

You’re all on my naughty list!

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Roger is a hard worker and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club spots them and says, “Hey, Roger! How are you tonight?”
His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before.
“No, no. He’s just one of the guys I bowl with.”


They are seated and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says, “Nice to see you, R...

I bet Santa spends a lot of time at strip clubs

He loves them ho ho ho’s

The difference between a rich man at a strip club and a poor man at a strip club.

The rich man shows up to spend lots of cash and have a good time.

The poor man is there to take his sister home.

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met.

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.
"How much for a hand-job?"
"$5,000" she replies.
"$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way."
"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a res...

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

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Strippers don’t have air conditioning in their homes.

............Onlyfans

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

I just saw Oregon has a drive-thru strip club. Today, we salute these frontline workers who are taking care of the Beaver State’s residents in response to COVID-19...

Heroes Twerk Here

What happens when a dragon gets bored of strip steaks?

Flaming Yawn

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A man and his friend was walking by a strip club..

A stripper comes out and they start talking.

The man had never been to a strip club before, so he asks the stripper about prices.

“Well, a dance is fifty bucks for thirty minutes, but if you’re lucky.. we could go home for only one dollar”

The man, still not convinced, consults ...

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Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he...

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So I went to the local strip club.

Got a lap dance from a stripper named Cinderella. I thought it was a odd stripper name but then it made sense. Her Dad wasn't around, didn't get along with stepmom, and wore see through shoes.

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Hitler never went to strip clubs

He hated poles

Why are strip clubs closed at night on Nov 3rd?

Because that's when the polls close.

Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms.

She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club

I went to a restaurant and ordered a mobius strip steak...

I never could finish it.

Photography at a strip club was a failure

Everyone in the photos was over-exposed

NSFW The wife wanted to try masochism. "Hurt Me!" she said, as she stripped and lay down on the bed.

The husband said "Okay, You're a terrible cook, and your sister's a better lay"

The blind man walked into a strip club and said

" this is the first fish market I've been to where they play music"

I try not to talk about my time in strip clubs.

It always brings up bad mammarys.

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Problem solving

A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along...

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I remember the good ol' days when we would spot a bear in the woods, strip down to our underwear, spank it on the butt and then make a run for it.

Those were the days. I really do miss when I didn't have to type with my tongue as well.

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Yo mama so fat

The strip club calls her Hitler after all the damage she's done to the poles.

A policeman goes home to his wife

A policeman goes home to his wife in the evening after work. Exhausted, he enters the dark bedroom and strips out of his uniform, leaving it on the floor. He looks for the light switch but figures his wife is laying in bed and decides not to disturb her. Just before he's about to get into bed, his w...

Newton walks into strip club

He met a girl ,calculated the tangent to her curve.

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A friend invited me to a strip club

And after after 10 minutes of a topless lap dance from a stripper, my wife tapped on my shoulder with a very angry look. It was a booby trap.

Have you heard what happen to Mike Tyson's strip club?

Do to covid-19 they're clothed till further notice.

I needed a place to keep my USDA inspected chicken strip

So I bought a wallet

Now my legal tender is safe

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

What's the difference between a circus and strip club?

One is a cunning display of stunts...

What’s it called when a not important person sneaks into the VIP section of a strip club?

a NIP slip

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Baby’s first check-up

A woman and a baby were sitting in a doctor’s examination room patiently waiting for the doctor to come give the baby his first exam.

The doctor arrived and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned asked if he was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

“Breast-fed” she re...

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The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

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A third-grade science teacher asks her students, "If you could have one substance in the world, what would it be?"

"I would have gold," says Harold. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Harold, "I could sell the gold and make a lot of money."

"I would have platinum," says Susie. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Susie, "I could sell the platinum and make even more money than Harold."

"I would ...

Before the quarantine I was going to strip clubs almost every day

But now they're all clothed until further notice.

A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent.

He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
“Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”
The farmer was dubious.
“Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray.
If there is ...

A salesman flies to Vegas for a convention.

He’s driving down the strip when he sees a hooker who tells him, “Yoo Hoo! I’m selling!” They strike a bargain and do the big nasty.

When he returns home, he discovers he’s contracted gonorrhea. He’s on medication for the rest of the year. But the convention rolls around again and he flies ba...

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A guy decided to see a prostitute for the first time in Vegas. (NSFW)

The man was recently divorced and just wanted some action. So he walked the streets and found the best looking hooker he could find and took her to his hotel room.

The guy asked the hooker for a hand job, and she said, “sure, that will be $500”

“$500 for a hand job? Are you insane”...

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A well-traveled man goes to a strip club

When he gets a lap dance from one of the strippers, he asks if she is Chilean

‘Yes, I am!’ she says ‘How did you know?’

‘Well’ says the man ‘Much like Chile, you are tall and slim’

He later gets a lap dance from another stripper, and asks if she is Swiss

‘Yes, I am!’ she ...

Nate the Snake (Long)

There once was an island in the middle of the ocean, shaped somewhat like a dog bone, with two populated ends separated by a long narrow strip of land with a highway connecting the two ends of the island.

Oddly enough, the entire island was held up from sinking into the ocean by a big lever,...

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Parrot hooker NSFW

An old John likes to buy a hooker on payday. Every second Thursday he walks down to the strip and picks one up and then he pops into the pet store to rent a female parrot for his parrot so they can both have some fun. One Thursday the pet store didn’t have any parrots left, but this old John didn’t ...

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How is Russian election meddling like stripping off all your clothes and riding a bicycle made out of Cheetos?

If you don't be careful, you'll end up with an Orange Asshole.

Old Age Fun

Told to me by my 80 year old mother. Elizabeth and Gladys were stuck in an older folks home and bored to tears. So they decided to have a little fun and excitement. They go into the closet and strip naked. Then they run through the card room were two old fellas are playing cards. Tom saids to ...

My wife accidentally ordered way too many chicken strips for lunch

She was quite upset about, as she hates wasting food. My daughter I were quite happy to have some tasty junk food for dinner though. I said to my wife "We could do this again, I don't mind eating KFC. I hope this wasn't just a strip tease!"

My friend used to strip to pay the bills.

But she put in the hours, saved up and bought her own Massage Parlour.

Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?

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Today is Jacob's birthday,

So his wife decided to surprise him, she took him to a Strip-Club House.

At the club -

DOORMAN: Hey Jacob! How are you?

WIFE: How does he know you?

Jacob: We play Golf together!

BARTENDER: The usual beer Jacob?

WIFE: And how does he know you?

Jacob: ...

What do you call a pole dancing chicken

A chicken strip

I caught my Dad in a strip club the other day.

I was going to tell mum, but he was making good tips and we could do with the money.

I got kicked out of the strip club

Well if you put "strip" in the name I'm gonna do it.

I took a poll from all the local strip clubs.

100% of them wants their poles back.

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Los Angeles Sherriff just recently ordered gun shops and strip clubs to close as they are deemed nonessential business as protection from spreading COVID19.

Good. I still have my Sex Pistols. Stay safe.

Mike Tyson Opens a Strip Club

When they are open, the sign says: "We're Open"

When they are not open, the sign says: "We're Clothed"

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Why did Sean Connery get kicked out of the strip club?

He told a stripper to sit on his lap.

Saw a strip club across the street from the Mini Golf course.

I’m just trying to have a nice afternoon with my kids and I look across the street and see a bunch of losers playing mini golf.

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And then the fight started . . .

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'
  
And then the fight started...

----------

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do yo...

The owner of the local strip club has a lisp.

I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.

Growing up my Dad told me to never go to strip clubs. He said they are raunchy and I will see things I can't unsee that will haunt me for life.

At 18, I went to a strip club anyway and he was right. I saw my Dad in there.

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What are strippers doing during quarantine?

Twerking from home.

What do you call an Italian strip club?

Spaghetti-hoes

An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said, “but we were probably sitting here stark naked fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered, “what do you say, should we strip?”

So the two stri...

A man goes into a lumberyard for a Job interview.

The manager was impessed with his application, and called him in for an interview. The manager decides to put a blindfold on the man to test his knowledge...

The manager places a length of pine on the table, lets the applicant touch and smell it. Correctly the applicant calls it pine.
...

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A woman went into a doctor's office with a baby. She's taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. The doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Oh...he is breast fed!", replied the woman.

"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor. She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examining table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination. The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor s...

An engineering student rides up to his fellow engineering student on a bicycle

His buddy asks him "Where did you get the bicycle?"

"Crazy story! A beautiful blonde rode up to me in this bike, got off, stripped off all her clothes, and told me "take what you want!""

"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyways..."

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This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

The local strip club had a sale.

Their sign said a penny for our thots.

A group of pirates walked out of a strip club with disappointed looks on their faces.

They were hoping to find some booty, but all they got were sunken chests.

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A Drill Sergeant goes to a strip club...

A drill sergeant stationed at Fort Benning heads down to the strip club on a friday night. He's having a good time, having a few drinks. One of the strippers takes a liking to him and offers a private dance. He agrees and they head to the back room. While she's dancing, she asks him what he does for...

Have you ever seen a chicken strip?

I've never seen a chicken wear clothes.

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3 Jamaicans go to a dress up party

The theme is 'emotions' with a strict entry policy. No costume, no entry.

The first guy knocks on the door dressed as a giant pear. The host says "this is an emotions party, what are you supposed to be?"

He replies "I'm in dis pear" and walks in.

The 2nd guy doesnt have a costu...

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later, he received this letter:

Most Honorable Sir,

You leave house, he come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb tree to see. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. I play with me, I fall out of tree, I not see.

No fee,

Chen Lee

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A blondie goes to the casino

A beautiful blonde girl goes to the casino with all her cash and sits at the roulette desk. She goes to the clerk and asks if she can play being nude.

The amused clerk asked, "This is an open club and you are free to do anything you want but why would you do something like this?", to which t...

My sister is so dumb, she tells everyone she is bipolar

Because she is working at two different strip clubs.

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A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens t...

Did you know Elvis was a big fan of Chicken Strips?

He even wrote a song about them called “Love Me Tender”.

Why did the Alabama strip club close?

They lost too much money from the family discount.

What's the Difference between a Casino and a Strip Club

You actually have a chance of getting screwed at the casino.

I just heard about IG influencers stripping down at Chernobyl

I guess they really want exposure.

Why did the chicken go into the restaurant?

To see a chicken strip.

(if someone already said this joke before, I'm sorry, I didn't see it)

How can you tell when you’re in a bad strip bar?

The pole is bent.

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A man is in vegas and decides to walk along the strip after a long night of gambling...

All of a sudden, the man is approached by a hooker.

Hoping to end the night well, the man asks "How much for a hand job?"

"$1000" replies the hooker.

"$1000? That's an insane amount for a hand job!" says the man as he begins to walk away.

The hooker stops him and says "Se...

Why did Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

He was tired of doing comic strips.

My daughter hates when I show up at her workplace..

But in my defense,it's the strip club in our town.

Job interviewer: “So I see that it says on your resume here that you have a dishonorable discharge. What branch of the military were you in?”

Me: “I wasn’t in the military, I used to work at a strip club”

A married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife is all curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book

As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife, and fondles her "special area". He does this a few times, but only for very short intervals before turning back to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused... and, assuming that her husband is seeking some enco...

I saw the most disgusting thing today: a strip club across the street from a playground.

Just trying to enjoy the day with my family while losers are swinging on monkey bars 50 feet away.

I was in the strip club watching one of the women on the pole.

I leaned forward and shouted, "Mind if I have a dance?"

"Oh, honey, no problem," she smiled.

"Thanks," I said, ripping off my shirt. "Move over then, it's my turn."

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The other day I went to a Paraplegic Strip Club

That place was crawling with pussy.

Does anybody know what a landing strip is?

I came across one yesterday.

I once went at a strip-tease club and entered a door with "women" written on it

Sadly there were only toilets

With money you can buy land; with faith you can move mountains.

With strip mining you can do both.

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