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Strip Jokes

A Möbius strip walks into a bar, sobbing.

The bartender asks, “What’s wrong, buddy?”
The Möbius strip replies, “Where do I even begin?”

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A Soviet

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

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A wife takes her husband to a for their 20th anniversary

At the entrance, the guard says to the husband, "Hey Simon, how's it going?"
The woman asks her husband how he knows you, the husband answers from the gym.
They enter and sit at the bar, and the bartender asks, "Hey Simon, the usual?".
The husband turns to his wife tensely saying, we pla...

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A joke

A wife decides to take her husband to a for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a w...

*Dad walks into *

Dad: “Twerking hard or hardly twerking?”

A möbius strip walks into a bar, distraught and crying

The bartender says “Oh no, Möbius Strip! Looks like you’ve had a bad day. Pull up a chair and tell me what’s wrong”

The mobius strip sit down, wipes it’s eyes and says “WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN?!”

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the same side

Who has no choice to strip to make ends meet?

Electricians

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A wife treats her husband by taking him to a for his birthday.

At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim, how are you?"

The wife asks, "How does he know you?"

Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."

Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?"

Jim says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts team."

Next a stri...

Why did Rudolph go to the ?

He heard he’d see his good friend Dancer there.

My dad said 'Son, stay out of strip clubs or you might see something you shouldn't.

So i went in and he was right.





I saw my dad.

I feel sorry for the guys who regularly go to strip clubs...

Every time I go I think, "Man, I see some of these losers here every week."

My neighborhood has gone out of business.

The sign on the door says "sorry, we're clothed."

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

What did Julius Caesar say after visiting a ?

Veni vidi veni

As Jack was marrying Jill, his father gave him some advice “Son, when I got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was strip her naked, take off my pants...

Then, I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' ...Ever since that day, son...

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turns out she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

I started an internship at a today

I’m being paid in exposure

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

Because he wanted to get to the .... er ... ... never mind.

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, dirty, raunchy , because you'll see something you really shouldn't.

So I went.

And I saw my dad.

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...

The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general ...

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My is starting a new job equity program.

We call it Diversititty.

"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

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Got thrown out of a once

Didn’t know I wasn’t supposed throw quarters at the strippers

Our town's male has employed a lot of poorly endowed men.

Ironically, they aren't short staffed.

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What's the most commonly played song at a in Iraq?

Baghdad up.

Want to go to the for lunch today?

I hear they have a great spread.

What's your favorite part of playing strip poker?

The stripping or the poking?

I need a power strip to plug stuff into.

Should I go to an Outlet Mall?

The owner of the local has a lisp.

I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.

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A man is sitting at a bar at closing time, complaining to his friend.

How is it I always get in trouble with my wife for staying at the bar so late and you never get in trouble with your wife? When I come home from a night out, I do everything so quietly. I turn off my car and coast into the driveway. I sneak in the basement door. I take off my clothes in the baseme...

Why did the pasta maker go to the ?

Because he was feeling cannelloni

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?

Because they’re lo mein tenants.

The Cashier said "Strip down, facing me"

By the time I knew he meant the credit card it was too late.

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles...

In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.

The flight attendant said, "Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."

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I'm planning on starting a ....

... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.


I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.


The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".

The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.

Why should you not build an outdoor ?

In the winter time, you’ll get your lips stuck on the pole

I'm so fat, that when I went through airport security they didn't strip search me...

They burlesque searched me.

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I went to the Worst in Texas

There was only one other person there, a 80-something year old woman with flabby and makeup so thick it caked up around her eyes. She was sitting on the edge of the stage, smoking a rolled up cigarette between her dentures with her prosthetic metal hook hand.

When she saw me, she stood u...

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When I supported strip mining

I thought it was going to be a lot more

Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the .

Teen: Dad, no!!!





Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.

So I'm opening a soup-based

I'm thinking about naming it "The Brothel"

There is a haunted in my town

I asked my wife if I could go see some BoOoOo-bies

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Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice

She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely .” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”

She hugs each of the de...

What is the deal with food?

It lacks dressing

What's the difference between a circus and a ?

A circus is full of cunning stunts

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Two Nuns are tasked with painting a room.

Two nuns are tasked with painting a bedroom. They are concerned about getting paint all over their outfits, so they lock themselves inside and strip out of them and begin painting in their underwear. All is going well until there is a knock at the door. “Who is it?” They ask. “Blind man,” is the rep...

I hate getting into arguments about Mobius Strips.

They're always one sided

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her , then pressed, kneaded, and r...

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Why didn't Hitler go to strip clubs?

Because he didn't like poles.

Let's play strip poker.

You can strip, and I'll poke you
.

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A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.
The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.
He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute na...

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I once had donuts delivered to my favorite

The baker asked how many strippers were there and I said there were six. He sent them two donuts each. He remarked, "You know, that works out pretty evenly!" and I said, "Yeah, dozen ?"

The owners of my local have closed until further notice

Apparently nobody wants to twerk anymore!

What did Santa say at the ?

Ho! Ho! Ho!

You’re all on my naughty list!

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Larry walks in on his friend stripping inside a barn….

“Barry what the hell are you doing”

“ well Larry, I went to a therapist and she said to do something to a tractor “

If you want to see a comic strip,

you should see me in the shower.

Ya know why they put rumble strips on the side of roads?

It's braille. So that the blind can see where they're driving.

Why did the mathematician go to the ?

He was trying to find the x.

A raw chicken strip dreams of being cooked and enjoyed one day

Until then, it's just a pre-tender.

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What does a stripper do to her before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

3 mods walk into a

[removed]

Alison Brie, Anna Kendrick, and Keira Knightley play a game of strip poker. Who wins?

The internet

Photography at a was a failure

Everyone in the photos was over-exposed

The difference between a rich man at a and a poor man at a .

The rich man shows up to spend lots of cash and have a good time.

The poor man is there to take his sister home.

Newton walks into

He met a girl ,calculated the tangent to her curve.

Why was the narrow strip of land with sea on either side, forming a link between two larger areas of land so happy?

It was a merry isthmus!

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Two guys were leaving the ...

Jim and John were out of one dollar bills, and it was very late.

"Oh no", John say's - "the wife is gonna kill me. When I'm out too late, I park a block away, take me shoes off in the drive way, use my oiled key in the lock, take off my clothes in the living room, tip-toe upstairs, hold my ...

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Two Nuns are ordered to paint a room

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the . In...

Have you heard what happen to Mike Tyson's ?

Do to covid-19 they're clothed till further notice.

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So I went to the local .

Got a lap dance from a stripper named Cinderella. I thought it was a odd stripper name but then it made sense. Her Dad wasn't around, didn't get along with stepmom, and wore see through shoes.

In the spirit of Superb Owl, I am opening a inspired by recent events

called Oscar’s Lap

Myself & a bunch of guy friends tried to go to the new named “The ”…

We couldn’t find it.

I used to enjoy the Snoopy & Charlie Brown comic strips in the Sunday papers, but lately I've been getting a rash after reading them.

I think I've developed an allergy to Peanuts.

My brother and I were fighting over a Mobius strip.

I said there's no reason to argue about this, we're both on the same side.

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A friend invited me to a

And after after 10 minutes of a lap dance from a stripper, my wife tapped on my shoulder with a very angry look. It was a booby trap.

A guy goes to a with his friends

As they enter they see a huge naked fat chick dancing in the table. The guy says “Nice legs” and the fat lady replies “Oh you really think so?”. The guy then says “Yeah definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now”

Please excuse any mistakes you may see as english is not my first langu...

Let's review the rules of strip poker. It might take a while

so bare with me

Jeb Bush is respectful at strip clubs...

...he tells the dancers to “please clap” them cheeks.

I used to review strip clips. I know it sounds like an easy job

but I worked hard.

What's the Difference between a Casino and a

You actually have a chance of getting screwed at the casino.

Why did the Alabama close?

They lost too much money from the family discount.

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A well-traveled man goes to a

When he gets a lap dance from one of the strippers, he asks if she is Chilean

‘Yes, I am!’ she says ‘How did you know?’

‘Well’ says the man ‘Much like Chile, you are tall and slim’

He later gets a lap dance from another stripper, and asks if she is Swiss

‘Yes, I am!’ she ...

A married couple is lying in bed one night....

A married couple is lying in bed one night.


The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interv...

What do you call a vegan chicken strip?

A chicken pretender

I see the strip clubs are still open...

For take out only.

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She said she was stripping to feed her kids.

Yet she got pissed at me when I stuck a can of green beans in her garter.
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