Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea.

All i got was 6 years for armed robbery.

If shotgun slugs are inside shotgun shells...

Does that make them shotgun snails?

What did the sea snail say to the other sea snail when be cracked his shell?

Sea-kelp! Sea-kelp!

Why did the Little Mermaid wear seashells?

Because Dshells were too big.

What do you call a chicken in a shell-suit?

An egg.

I took the shell of my racing snail thinking it would make him run faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish

As a kid I always thought a snail would move faster without its shell...

But they only became more sluggish

What do you call a snail in a shotgun shell?

A slug

Sally was trying to sell sea shells by the sea shore, but the cops put her in jail.

She was charged with possession of conchtraband.

D’ya hear about the annoyed shell fish...

a proper frustracean.

Why couldn’t the turtle get his neck out of his shell?

Reptile Dysfunction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

My girlfriend has a tatoo of a shell on the inner side of her upper leg

If you put your ear against it you can smell the sea

I just saw two naked snails fighting over a shell

They were slugging it out.

What does an oyster use when its shell is dry?

Oysterizer

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

D shells are too big and B shells are too small.

Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank next to a pile of shells...

One turns to the other and asks "Do you have any ideas about how we can load the gun on this thing?"

Q: Why did Ariel wear seashells?

A: She outgrew her B shells.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Wife : When i said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a shell or something.

Me : [trying to restrain a Seagull] FUCKIN SAY THAT THEN!!

Why did the hermit crab refuse to go in his shell?

Because he was claw-strophobic!

Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?

Because she grew out of her B-shells.

Ever wonder why Ariel wears seashells?

Because she outgrew the B-shells

What did the Python say when he came out of his shell?

Print("Hello World!")

What Did Sean Connery Say When He Received A Free Order Of Lobster?

"Would you like a bite? I'm not feeling shellfish today."

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster

Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

My roommate has adopted a new diet where she only eats things with a shell

She told me as she was eating her breakfast.

I said "That's nuts!"

She said "Eggs actually."

"Exactly nuts!", I said.

"If that's your attitude, I guess I won't be sharing any food with you" she said.

"That's selfish," I replied.

She said "No, that's for lunc...

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...

It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.


- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country

I tried to give iodine a full electron shell...

...but iodide.

What's the difference between a hard and soft shell taco from Taco Bell?

About 25 seconds in the microwave.

The comments about Mitch McConnell looking like a turtle without a shell are particularly apt...

since he's clearly missing his spine.

I know a guy who thinks he's a peanut shell.

He's a real nutcase.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Day 173 without sex

Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.

I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up

I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.

A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"

The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"

From my 7 year old daughter: What do you call a girl shell?

A she shell.

What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach?

Oh no Michelle !

Never remove the shells from racing snails

it makes them sluggish

Sure, Aphrodite poses naked in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.

But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say when you find a sea shell, pick it up, and put it to your ear, you can hear the ocean. Do you know why that is?

Cause you're on the fuckin beach.

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because they can't fit in d-shells.

What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell?

Ereptile dysfunction

Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?

Cause she was too big for B- shells!

(my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)

What do you call Bruce Lee stuffed in a shell?

A crustacean

What did John Lennon say when he got egg shells in his cake?

Yolko Oh-no

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.

I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.

.

.

.

.

I'll see myself out.

My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.

If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.

He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people buy them...

How is an accordion like an artillery shell?

Once you hear it, it's already too late.

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