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So when Aphrodite sprawls out bare-ass naked in a giant clam shell, she's a "goddess."

But when I do it, supposedly I'm "a drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium."

My pet snail lost his shell.

He's looking a bit sluggish.

Joke Factory: Why did the [NOUN] go to the [LOCATION]?

Give me a random NOUN and LOCATION using the above format, and I'll give you the punchline.

For example:

Why did the soldier go to the beach?He was caught in a sand-off and came back shell-shocked.

Ready? Go!

\--

Why did the Little Mermaid wear Sea shells?

Because the B shells were too small and the D shells were too big.

i hosted a party for snails that don't have shells

it was a slugfest

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A rooster was looking to furnish his roost with cockle shells

And his assistant asked “in terms of a supplier, do you want me to call the guy from Miami Beach, the guy from Hawaii, or the guy from Hermosa Beach? They all have great prices on cockle shells”

The rooster shrugged and said “any cockle dude will do”

What’s the difference between an epileptic shell shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?

An epileptic shell shucker, shucks between fits.

You would think that a snail without shell would move that bit faster?

But it's actually more sluggish...

Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he’s dressed up as and he responds “I’m a snail!”

That’s M’Shell on my back

The guys on the beach are charging such high prices for their shells

It’s Unconchinable

In hopes of making my racing snail faster, I removed its shell.

But it only became more sluggish

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

But why would you buy seashells if you're already by the sea?

I decided to remove my racing snail's shell to make him go faster.

But if anything, it just made him more sluggish.

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A husband and wife are playing golf...

A husband and wife are playing golf at a very high end golf course that's right next to an even fancier neighborhood. They tee off on the 3rd hole and the husband's drive veers sharp to the left, sending the golf ball through the window of an extravagant, luxurious home. Clearly the most expensive h...

Putin has started to launch missile attacks from submarines off the coast of an East African archipelago

He shells Seychelles by the seashore

What do you call a peanut that can’t talk to women?

An in-shell.

When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me

Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her legs...

If you put your ear to it, you can smell the sea.

Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea.

All i got was 6 years for armed robbery.

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

What happens when you take the shell away from a snail?

It becomes sluggish

I once had a racing snail that couldn’t win a race for love nor money so to help I took his shell off...

But that made him a little more sluggish.

Why did the turtle stop the car?

To get gas at the shell station.

Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?

It was an egg shell lent idea

Two snails were chatting.

Snail One: How are you doing?

Snail Two: I had to have my shell removed today.

Snail One: So how are you finding it?

Snail Two: I feel a bit sluggish.

I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...

Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

If shotgun slugs are inside shotgun shells...

Does that make them shotgun snails?

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3 stoners buy a horse

They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room.

One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned.

While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse.

They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke fro...

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Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die. The arrive at the border between multiverses and meet Saint Platinum-Erbium

St PtEr says to them "Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through, but before I may do that, I must ask each...

What did the Python say when he came out of his shell?

Print("Hello World!")

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Why are dildos the best kind of tank shell?

They’re both penetrative *and* explosive.

Apparently they have increased the difficulty level of the "She sells sea shells" tongue twister in a newer version

The seller lives in Seychelles.

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster

Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

Gas station robbery

First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.

What do you call a snail in a shotgun shell?

A slug

Why did the fisherman refuse to share his catch ?

He was shell fish.

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold.

A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him.
He began an Epic struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.

He said, a bit sheepishly, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete sla...

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A man and his monkey enter a bar..

A man and his monkey enter a bar. The man sits down and orders a beer, while the monkey begins to wander and examine his surroundings. The monkey picks up a peanut, smells it, and then swallows it whole. The bartender notices and says, "Hey, did you see what your pet monkey did?"

The man n...

A Chinese man came to India

He took a taxi at the airport.

On his way by seeing a bus he told the taxi driver that in India buses run very slow. In China buses run very fast.

After sometime, he came near a railway bridge and saw a train passing over the bridge. Then the Chinese guy told the driver that the trains...

It’s really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...

It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.


- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country

I just saw two naked snails fighting over a shell

They were slugging it out.

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