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Shell Jokes

I removed the shell from my racing snail.

I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it’s more sluggish.

How come the turtle didn't have a hard shell?

Because it had ereptile dysfunction

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh

Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

B shells aren’t big enough.

I removed the shells from my racing snails to help them go faster

It only made them more sluggish.

What did the Python say when he came out of his shell?

Print("Hello World!")

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster

Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea.

All i got was 6 years for armed robbery.

Which animal has a shell and can run really fast?

A galoppagos tortoise

If shotgun slugs are inside shotgun shells...

Does that make them shotgun snails?

I had a one night stand with a girl who had a shell tattooed on her inner thigh.

If you put your ear to it you could smell the sea.

What did the Spanish snail say when asked what he carried inside his shell?

Es cargo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So when Aphrodite sprawls out bare-ass naked in a giant clam shell, she's a "goddess."

But when I do it, supposedly I'm "a drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They out grew their b-shells.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

But why would you buy seashells if you're already by the sea?

What’s the difference between an epileptic shell shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?

An epileptic shell shucker, shucks between fits.

i hosted a party for snails that don't have shells

it was a slugfest

Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he’s dressed up as and he responds “I’m a snail!”

That’s M’Shell on my back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rooster was looking to furnish his roost with cockle shells

And his assistant asked “in terms of a supplier, do you want me to call the guy from Miami Beach, the guy from Hawaii, or the guy from Hermosa Beach? They all have great prices on cockle shells”

The rooster shrugged and said “any cockle dude will do”

The guys on the beach are charging such high prices for their shells

It’s Unconchinable

What do you call a snail in a shotgun shell?

A slug

When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me

Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are dildos the best kind of tank shell?

They’re both penetrative *and* explosive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Day 173 without sex

Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...

It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.


- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country

I find it really hard to tell my friends what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

D’ya hear about the annoyed shell fish...

a proper frustracean.

I just saw two naked snails fighting over a shell

They were slugging it out.

What do you call a chicken in a shell-suit?

An egg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 stoners buy a horse

They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room.

One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned.

While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse.

They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke fro...

Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?

Cause she was too big for B- shells!

(my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)

Why did the hermit crab refuse to go in his shell?

Because he was claw-strophobic!

Sick and tired of the double standards

When Venus poses naked on a giant scallop shell she is "beautiful" and "a goddess".

But when I do it I am "drunk" and "banned from the Sea Life Centre".

I know a guy who thinks he's a peanut shell.

He's a real nutcase.

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