My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect

Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory

So did I tell you that I was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory?

I lived with stoners in college and suffered terrible side effects...

For years afterward, I thought I was funny.

The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines!

- Old age
- Grey hair
- General decrease of diseases

My wife is concerned about my vaccine side effects

Day 1:

“How’s your arm doing?”

“It’s just a bit tender near the injection site.”

Day 2:

“Google said it is supposed to last 4 hours.”

“I think you got the wrong Pfizer info sheet.”

Imagine if there were a pill you could take that let you fly, but the side effects gave you cancer

Cancer cases would skyrocket

Today I learned the side effects of smoking frogs

It turns out that it makes you super jumpy

Apparently one of the side effects of coronavirus is no taste...

Thoughts go out to all the Nickelback fans out there

When commercials are selling anti-depressants and say that a side effect could be death,

Are depressed people like "it's a win if I die and a win if I dont?"

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

I was bored this morning and decided to take my wife's medication just to see what the side effects were

Funny, it didn't make me want to sleep with my best friend...

Before starting a family, most couples aren’t aware of the side effects.

When the baby arrives, they become apparent.

Today I discovered a shocking side effect of vaccines.

Adults

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My medical Marijuana has an unintended side effect: constipation

My doc told me it's time to shit or get off the pot

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

Data gathered from over 10,000 prisoners worldwide suggests that the most common side effect is...

...cell-ulite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most medicines have side effects...

...except Viagra has front effects.
Good bye.

Side effects may include increased or decreased intelligence, headaches, red eyes, loss of sleep, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, narcolepsy, unsuppressed crying, and death.

Ask your doctor if you should take school today.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist

"I have a date this weekend with two smoking hot models. I want to be able to stay hard the whole time I'm with them. I'm looking for something stronger than Viagra!"

The pharmacist says "Well, I do have this new experimental drug. It works instantly and is guaranteed for three days without s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the doctor...

A man went to the doctor on Saturday, to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor said, "I can't give you a double dose, it's too dangerous!" "But I really need it!", the man replied. The doctor asked him what he needed a double dose for, to which the man replied, "Well, my girlfriend is coming into ...

My best mate was born by Cesarean...

The only side effect is when he gets out the car he uses the sunroof.

Finally got the vaccine

I got the vaccine and I started having side effects. My palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy. I looked down and there was vomit on my sweater, my mom's spaghetti. I turned to the doctor and asked if I could get the second dose right then and he replied, "You only get one shot"

So I went into get a flu vaccine today.

The nurse that was administering the Vaccine asked me the prequalifying questions. Have you had a flu vaccine before? Yes. Have you done your research on the vaccine? Yes. Do you understand the possible side effects? Actually I am quite excited about the side effects. She looks at me confused. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Viagra side effect.

I'm reaching out on behalf of a golf buddy of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a doctors office

After getting through the door she stomps her way to the reception desk. Not waiting for even a greeting she blows up " I WANNA TALK TO DOCTOR JOHNSON AND I WANNA TALK TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT NOW!" With eyes the size of dinner plates the receptionist rushes to retrieve the doctor. Moments later ...

A woman sees her doctor complaining about chest pains.

The doctor prescribed her some testosterone pills to help strengthen her heart muscle and warned of the expected side effects.

A few weeks later the woman returns for a follow up appointment complaining of hair growth in unusual places.

When the doctor re-assured that this was to be ex...

I just got my COVID-19 vaccine today

I don’t understand what everyone is so worried about, I haven’t experienced any strange side effects. This thing is completely safe.

In unrelated news, I finally have good cell phone reception and my Internet speeds have never been better!

I’m not supposed to say anything, but you all deserve to know....

Hey,  So heads up.... I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer. The vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. It is in 6 different stages and I received my first dose earlier this morning 09:20...

Man blind from birth hears about a new surgery to restore his sight

A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life.

"Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an erection."

"Is that a c...

an overweight man visits the doctor

the receptionist shows him in

the doctor says "fortunately for you, we just got a new experimental pill in. instant weight loss. take it tonight, get a good night's sleep, and when you wake up you'll have shed all of your excess weight."

the man rushes home, takes the pill, and goes ...

My grandma had cataract surgery on both eyes

I was on the phone with my grandpa asking how she was feeling.

Gpa: She’s recovering really well, she can see much clearer. She’s pretty happy with the results.

Me: That’s good, no side effects?

Gpa: There is one troubling side effect

Me: What? Is she okay?

Gp...

Laughter is not the best medicine

It has splitting side effects.

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over!
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm
and I'll...

Homeopathic tablets

Side effects: none

Main effects: none

“Doctor, those pills you gave me are working well but they are making walk like a crab”...

“Oh, that it’ll be the side effects”

A Women was prescribed male hormones

for a rare heart condition. After a few weeks, she became concerned about some side effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor," she said, "the hormones are helping my heart, but I am afraid that you have given me too much. I am starting to grow hair in places I have never grown it before."...

In Star Wars Legends, Rey discovers an unusual force ability...

...this allows her to turn as dark as the night like a shadow and even become the shadows of others, useful for creeping up on enemies. The First Order Stormtroopers spoke about this amazing power having heard about it from a commanding officer Rey fought with the force. "Sir was spun around and kno...

A man gets married and his mother-in-law moves in

One day, the husband comes home and finds the mother-in-law passed out on the floor with an empty jar of pills near her. He rushes her to the hospital. After a few hours of anxiously waiting, the doctor returns with her results.

“Alright, I have some good news and I’ve got some bad news”, sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a small penis finally gathers the courage to talk to a doctor about it.

The man explains his situation, and asks the doctor if there are any over the counter pills he can take.

"Not really, you see, most of these miracle pills don't actually work, and come with a plethora of side effects," the doctor replied. "But, I can write you a prescription that should fix t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets a prescription for Viagra...

That night he takes a big dose, and he and his wife have a wild night of passion.

The next morning, his wife says to him, "Dear, how about I make us some breakfast? Eggs, bacon, toast, maybe some fresh fruit?" The husband replies, " You know, I'm not really hungry. Maybe it's a side effect...

My wife just gave birth and she’s over the moon! I,on the other hand, plan to sue the surgeon who did my vasectomy.

Not once did he mention that a mixed race baby was a possible side effect!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day the pope wakes up with an erection

Damnit, must have been a side effect from the Holy Viagra. It won't go away, but he has a parade to go to that morning! So he steps onto his Holy Balcony, slips out of his Holy Pyjamas, and does what most people do when they have an erection they want to get rid of.

That's masturbate, by the ...

My girlfriends health

A number of years ago my girlfriend was having these terrible headaches.

She goes to the doctors, and they tell her it's a sinus issue. Another month goes by and she sees her Dr. again, and they do more blood work on her, and it's discovered to be temporal arteritis. Which is basically enlar...

The Pain Machine

There was a married couple who have been trying to have kids for a while and they kept loosing their children during pregnancy.

This was her third pregnancy and her water breaks.

Her husband rushes her to the hospital as he can see his wife is in great pain.

Once they get the...

Mary Poppins Decided To Grow Some Vegetables

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.

She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.

After ...

There's a new drug that is guarenteed to get you molested.

The only side effect is you feel Spacey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

A man works at an Aquarium

Technically it was a zoo/aquarium, but they got more people coming in for their aquatic animals, so they called it an aquarium.

Most notably among those, were their seals. The seals had been taught to do tricks at another aquarium before they'd been moved over. But at the time the aquarium ha...

This NEW diet plan will make you almost NEVER hungry

Depression

Side effects: Depression

It has been proven that anti vaxers have a lower chance of autism

Unfortunately the main side effect is death

A doctor prescribed testosterone for menopause symptoms...

..and he told his patient to call him immediately if she had any ill side effects. Two weeks later the patient called her doctor:

Patient: “Doc, I am having some weird side effects from the testosterone treatment.”

Doc: “What’s the problem?”

Patient: “ Well, I’m in the shower ri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

leprechaun story

An avid golfer hits his ball into the woods. As he goes to look for it, he stumbles upon a leprechaun who is brewing a mysterious concoction.

“What are you making?” asks the golfer. “It smells wonderful.”

“This is a magic brew,” says the leprechaun. “If you drink it, you golf game wil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

Why did the actor in the prescription drug commercial cross the road?

To get to the other side effects.

Harley

The quickest way to turn gasoline into noise without the side effect of horsepower

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A baby boy is born without eyelids

A baby boy is born without eyelids. The parents are distraught, asking the doctor what can be done. "There's a procedure, experimental, but successful in all cases," the doctor explains. "The procedure involves using the foreskin removed during circumcision, and using it as the eyelids." "Why, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite medical joke

A lady in her 50s goes to see a plastic surgeon.
"Doctor, I'd like to do something about these wrinkles on my face, but I live out in the country and I don't want to have to keep coming back to see you often."
He says, "Sure, well we have this new device called 'The Knob.' Basically we just i...

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies...

who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour ...

I'll just apologise right now...

A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I think there may be something wrong with the pills you gave me last time."

The doctor peered over his glasses, "Why do you think that, Mr Jones?"

"I keep veering to the left, then to the right."

"I shouldn't worry about that," replies t...

An old lady goes to the doctor

An old lady goes to the doctor because she's been having heart trouble. He prescribes her some testosterone to help with her condition.

A week later she goes back to the doctor.
"Doctor, that medicine you gave me had a bad side effect. I've grown hair in an odd place"
"Please tell me wh...

Doctor: if this experimental procedure goes successfully, you will be able to see again , but

“There is a side effect that you will not get an erection anymore.”

The blind man was devastated and then realized that getting his sight back is more important

He then asked “ is there anything you can do to get my erections back ?”

Doctor “ it’s not in my hands but yours , d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We had our first child and he's beautiful, but he had a rare birth defect.

He was born without eyelids. We had to keep his eyes irrigated and shielded from light while they searched for a pediatric plastic surgeon who could correct it.

Fortunately one of the top surgeons in our region was available. When our attending physician explained the situation to him, he ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My niece was born with no eyelids, bless her heart, but the doctors were able to replace them with surgically removed foreskin...

Only side effect is she's a little cock-eyed now.

A lady goes to the doctor..

And the doctor prescribes testosterone. The lady was like, "Testosterone? That's a male hormone. Won't there be side effects?"

The doctor assures her that for her condition it's the right drug and the side effects will be minimal.

So she says okay, goes home and starts taking it. A fe...

If Microsoft Made Medication...

10. Anyone who took them would be more vulnerable to catching viruses.
9. The drugs would cause you to collapse into unconsciousness at random times. This would be known as a "system crash."
8. It would be hard to tell if you were taking the right drug, because Microsoft would make all its med...

Jet Fuel Alcoholics

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usally have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, “I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This man has a horrible pain on his neck

... so he goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him: "Well, I'm afraid the problem are your testicles, they dropped down, but for some reason they have crawled back inside your abdomen, and a side effect of this is that your spine contracts and you get the pain on your neck." The man then asks wha...

Project: Reimagined

There once was a secret government program that tried to create perfect soldiers through genetic modification, cloning, and strenuous conditioning.
What they wanted to achieve was the normal super soldier run down:
- Super strong
- Super fast
- Super smart
- Super obedient
They s...

A man is cutting sides of

A man is cutting sides of a capsule before taking it.

His neighbour saw this and asked him,

” why are you cutting the sides of the capsule?

He replied ” To avoid the side effects” :P :D lolx hahhahahah

A pharmacy student went for a viva voce

External examiner: "What are the side effects of NSAIDS?"

Pharmacy student: "Sir, nausea and vomiting."

External examiner: "What are the side effects of Opiates?"

Pharmacy student: "Sir, nausea and vomiting."

External examiner: "What are the side effects of Antidepressant...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.