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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex

Whats a similarity between Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd?

Their last big hit was the wall

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What's the similarity between Hitler and my sister?

They both used chemicals to remove the polish.

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How are dicks and rubik's cubes similar?

They get harder the more you play with them.

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What's the similarity between a bad boxer and a porn star?

They both take a pounding in the ring.

What are the three similarities to a bar and a bra

1- there are multiple cup sizes
2- they give you milk
3- men prefer to be in them then out of them

Why is necrophilia and ice cream similar?

It doesn't matter if it's soft or hard. All that matters is that it remains cold.

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Orgasms are similar to sneezing

You need a tissue afterwards and you shouldn't do it in a stranger's face.

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

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Sex and parking are pretty similar

"handicapped? Hope no one sees me"

Whats similar between eminem and John wick

They both kill people with a pencil

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Why is a chainsaw and a vagina similar?

Miss by a few inches and you are in deep shit

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[OC] What's the similarity between cycling and prison ?

Your ass gets used to it after a couple of months.

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Wearing Crocs is similar to getting a BJ from a guy.

Feels great, until you look down and realize you're gay.

What is the similarity of a cannon and canon?

They both destroy ships

Why should you never play bridge, whist, and similar card games with a Democrat?

They get rid of their Trump cards.

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What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking "oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me"

What's the similarity between a girl and Reddit gold?

Too expensive

John Centa and my girlfriend are really similar

You can’t see either of them

I just had an idea for an app that can connect people with tourettes and similar conditions, so they can have conversations together about their experiences, it's called:

Tic Talk

(I feel comfortable making this joke. I have a tic disorder)

What’s the similarity between Jane Goodall and the Viet Cong?

They’re both masters of gorilla warfare

How is sleeping with a woman similar to listening to her talk about her problems?

Chances are she won’t finish...

They are making a TV show similar to days of our lives but for elderly people.

It's called "The last days of our lives".

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What do you call two similar looking breasts?

Identities.

How are Mexican and black jokes similar?

Once you have heard Juan you have heard Jamal.

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Why are Cinderella and Catholic priests similar?

They both like balls but only before 12.

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whats a similarity between a post on r/jokes and the dick of its poster?

The poster flairs both as "long" when it isn't.

What's the similarity between Anti-Jokes and Candlejack jokes?

They have no punchli

You know, a baby and the universe are pretty similar

I mean, both started with a bang

I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"

"Jenny"

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What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

Scissors and knives serve similar functions...

But I learned the hard way scissoring someone gets you a very different reaction from knifing them.

The thought process of a wounded animal and a second grader on picture day is pretty similar,

Show your teeth and maybe they’ll go away

Voting in the election is similar to this sub

the same speech will win, but there’s always a different face to it

How are Jeffrey dahmer and mr potato head similar

They keep body parts in there trunk

How are ps4s and Micheal Jackson similar?

They're both plastic and get turned on by little kids.

What is the similarity between a pilot and an air traffic controller?

If the pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If the air traffic controller screws up, the pilot dies.

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How are sex and air similar?

Neither are that big of a deal, until you aren't gettin' any.

What are the similarities between an apple and a depressed kid?

They both hang from trees.

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

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Was reminded of my dad’s favorite joke when I saw a similar joke posted earlier today. He owns his own construction company and would tell this to everyone.

All the body parts get together to decide who is the boss of the body.

First is the brain. “It’s obvious I’m the boss. I’m the smartest and without me the body wouldn’t even know what to do.”

The hands speak up and say, “Without us the body wouldn’t be able to get food to the mouth. Th...

How are a joke and a sheep similar?

Once you’ve herd one, you’ve herd them all.

How is the Tiananmen square massacre similar to the Mueller report?

[REDACTED]

What's a similarity between an antivaxx kid and this joke?

Both die in new

How is my mother-in-law similar to an anti-vaxx video on Youtube?

They both have a lot of negative comments.

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

I found striking similarities with my car and my girlfriend

Both don't exist.

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What’s similar between a hurricane and a women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

What's the similarity of aliens and my dad?

No one has seen neither of them in a long while

What are the similarities between playing GTA and being jewish?

You get chased after just one star

Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

They both depend on the batter

What's a similarity between babies and missiles?

Both make loud noises when launched in the air

All the French cities are too similar to each other

I mean they are all Nice but... I don’t know

What are the similarities and differences between a coffin and a condom?

They both hold a stiff.

One is for coming one is for going.

How are high school teachers similar to anti-vaxx mothers?

They have to say goodbye to their kids after only 4 years.

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

What’s the similarity between girls into nail art and Germans?

Both remove polish with chemicals.

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

Whats the similarity between dark jokes and children with cancer

They never get old

What's the similarity between an honest politician and a flying pig

Neither are real

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What is the similarity between earth and a pussy?

The deeper you go, the hotter it is...

TIL Reddit is quite similar to fencing.

Full of ripostes.

Why is Europe similar to cooking bacon?

Because they both have Greece on the bottom.

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What's the similarity between a vasectomized man and a Christmas tree?

The balls are just for show.

What's the similarities between constipation and a racist?

They're both pieces of sh*t that don't come out.

Life and phone batteries are very similar

When their running low, it’s time to plug them into something or they’ll die.

Thor and Thanos actually had many similarities in Endgame.

For one, they were both hammered.

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I told my girlfriend that my penis and my punchlines are similar because they both have twists in the end.

She agreed saying she's never seen either coming.

What similarities do Donald Trump and Donald Duck have in common besides their name?

They’re both quacks.

Which supervillain are wives similar to?

Thanos

Decimate you, take 50% and vanish.

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How is having sex with a hooker and Bungie Jumping similar?

They both cost around 100 dollars and if the rubber breaks you're screwed

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What are the similarities between fucking a prostitute and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you're dead.

What makes a blonde and a Tornado similar? (Sorry blondes)

What makes a Blonde and a Tornado similar?

At first it’s sucking and blowing and next thing you know, YOUR HOUSE AND CAR ARE GONE! xD thank you! I’ll be here all year!

What’s the similarity between Medusa and Drugs?

They both leave you stoned

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What’s the similarity between sex and 9/11?

Both were inside jobs.

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What is the similarity between women's panties and a chainsaw?

If you make a bad move your fingers are in deep shit

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and a creepy stalker

He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake

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How is a frying pan similar to a vagina?

You gotta heat things up first before you slap the meat to it.

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what’s one similarity between prostitutes and Tom Brady?

they both deflate Robert Kraft’s balls

An imam, a priest and a rabbi are having a discussion about what they do with the money they receive from worshippers.

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor...

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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

How are a dog and a tree similar?

They both lose their bark when they’re dead.

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A man is out playing golf one day. He finds some golf balls that have been lost by other golfers and they look like they are of a high quality so he puts them in his pocket and plays on.

Back at the club house he goes to the bar to get a drink when a stunning, large breasted young blonde lady comes and stands next to him. They get to some polite conversation and the guy is acting cool. The blonde looks down and notices a bulge in trousers and begins to blush in embarrassment as she ...

How is a congressman and a dog similar?

When you ask them to speak they will, but it doesn't mean anything.

Circumcising and lumberjacking are very similar

You’re chopping wood.

What grocery store chain is the most similar to American Schools?

Target.

The Ugly Girl

Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the other one was beautiful. Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl.

**Akpos:** Hello!

**Ugly girl:** Hi!!

**Akpos:** Wanna dance?

**Ugly Girl:** Yes (excited)

**Akpos:** OK, Go and dance, I wanna talk to...

How are zombies similar to intellectual men?

They both appreciate women for their brains, not their bodies.

Santa Claus and Karl Marx are pretty similar when you think about it.

They both have long beards, re distribute items for free, and we all stop believing in them at a young age.

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Premature ejaculation is pretty similar to hide-and-go-seek

Whether they're ready or not, you're still gonna come

What’s the similarity between a woman and a bar

Liquor in the front poker in the back

What does a priest and a pimple have in similar

They both don’t ask when they come on your face

Why is halloween candy so similar to anti-vax kids?

Because both dont last very long

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The conductor

There was once a bus conductor who was a dick to everyone. One time when an old lady was getting on the bus, he blew the whistle which resulted in the lady falling off and dying.
The conductor was taken to prison and had to face the electric chair.
The power was turned on but astonishingly, ...

A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing how they divide the collection funds between Gods work and personal use.

The priest says “I draw a circle in the center of the room, take the money and throw it into the air and what falls in the circle goes to God and the rest I keep”.

The minister says “I use a similar system but I draw a line down the center of the room and what is on the left God gets and the ...

What’s similar between Buddhism and Reddit?

Both have a goal of collecting the most karma.

What's the similarity between dark humor and food?

Some people don't get it.

What’s the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies?

Both mean you won’t be seeing a period for a little while.

My girlfriend told me this last night sorry if someone has posted something similar as she claims she made it up.

A Vietnamese guy walks into bar and starts eating a sandwich. The barmen shouts you can’t eat that in here. The Vietnamese guy replies what are you going to do, Bahn Mi?

Three doctors hire a nurse

Three doctors with a growing private practice decided they needed to hire a new nurse onto their staff to meet their needs. They hired a very qualified applicant named Sue, and met after a week to discuss the new nurse's abilities in her new role.

"She does a really good job with the patients...

I invented a new game similar to rock paper scissors.

You have 3 cards with a color on one side and white on the other.

You and your opponent choose a card, show it face down (white part), and simultaneously switch it to know the winner.

Every player has 3 cards of 3 different colors, representing some natural elements: Blue, Red and Bro...

Baking and boxing are very similar

They both require you to beat until thick

What is the similarity between a hand grenade and your wife..

If you remove the ring you'll lose your house

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