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Similar Jokes

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

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What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

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Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

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How is eating pussy similar to smoking a cigarette?

The flavor changes as you get closer to the butt.

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How are boobs and toys similar?

Both are originally made for kids but dads usually end up playing with them.

How is a woman similar to a hurricane?

When they come they are wet and wild. When they leave the take your house and your car.

What's the similarity between dark humor and food?

Some people don't get it.

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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

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What’s the similarity between having sex and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you’re doomed.

Why is crossing the road similar to music?

If you don't C# you'll B*b*

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How is a Rubik's cube similar to a penis?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

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Why is sex and oxygen similar?

They’re both unimportant, unless you’re not getting any.

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Orgasms are similar to sneezing

You need a tissue afterwards and you shouldn't do it in a stranger's face.

University is similar to high school

To a degree.

What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes?

Americans don't get them.

Humans and trash cans are very similar

If you stomp the foot, the mouth opens!

What is similar between dark humour and make a wish kids?

They never get old

How are a joke and a sheep similar?

Once you’ve herd one, you’ve herd them all.

Marriage is similar to a deck of cards

In the beginning you have two hearts and a diamond, but by the end all you want is a club and a spade.

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How is a mountain similar to a penis?

While measuring its lenght, no one can agree where the base is.

Noticed the similarity between food delivery drivers and gynecologists.

They can smell it, but shouldn't taste.

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What's the similarity between a Christmas tree and a guy who had a vasectomy?

Their balls are decorative.

They say the male and female reproductive system is very similar

But I think there's a vas deferens

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How is a system update similar to cumming?

If you don't do them for a while, both just happen when you sleep.

What grocery store chain is the most similar to American Schools?

Target.

How are Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump similar?

They both made fortunes just by playing with orange balls.

Jesus and floppy discs are very similar

They both died to become the image of saving

US Presidents and jokes are very similar...

... a lot of people really prefer the dark ones.

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When a man and a woman have simultaneous oral sex, we call it 69. What do we call it if it is two men in a similar position?

Eleven.

How is a bar similar to a woman?

Liquor in the front and poker in the back.

What a similarity between an actor and politician

Everyone knows them for who they pretend to be.

How is an Egyptian mummy similar to a fart?

They have a toot in common.

what is the similarity between algebra and pirates?

finding x.

How is a redditor similar to a fencer?

They repost a lot.

What’s the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies?

Both mean you won’t be seeing a period for a little while.

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My sex life and gaming life are pretty similar.

I play a lot of single player.

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How is performing cunnilingus similar to being in the mafia?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

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What's the similarity between "getting laid" and "getting laid off" ?

Either way you are fucked.

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What's similar between boobs and Christmas trees?

When you see really nice ones, you can't tell if they're real or fake.

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Shaving your ass and going on a crusade are rather similar.

All you need to be successful is a sharp blade and unwavering faith.

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How are assholes and 9volt batteries similar?

Even though you know not to, you still put your tongue on them anyways.

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What's the similarity between election and erection?

Only dicks can stand in both of them.

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What is similar about coronavirus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either

I've seen similarities drawn between the founder of OceanGate and John Hammond, but there is one huge difference.

Hammond spared no expense.

What is similar about Christmas and tornado season?

You have a tree in your living room.

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What is the similarity?

What is the similarity Between a 9-volt battery And a women's asshole?

You know it's wrong But sooner or later You're bound to stick Your tongue in it

What’s the biggest similarity between waitressing and prostitution?

Tips are a big part of both jobs

What's similar between a sorcerer and a vampire?

They're both neck-romancers.

Racism and Nickelback are very similar

It's fun to joke about them, but you never wanna see them live.

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Did you knew that astronomy and proctology are similar?

\-Yeah? How?



\-Well, i used a telescope and saw Uranus

What's a similarity between a guy in a wheelchair and a bad comedian

They can't do standup

What's the similarity between hamsters and cigarettes?

They're both harmless... till you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

How are Santa Claus and Bill Cosby similar?

They only come when you’re asleep

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What's the similarity between Santa's presents and a horny virgin?

They both come in socks.

What’s the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

My girlfriend and i are quite similar

They're both imaginary

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and life

They’re both pointless
*NYEH* *HEH* *HEH*

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What’s the similarity between boobs and Raspberry Pi computers?

Both were intended for kids but it’s the adults that end up playing with them more

Why are circuses and orgies similar?

They have the same payoff - come one come all

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

what is the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

Both are allowed to smell but neither of them is allowed to eat.

Similarity between a beer and a penalty?

The English can easily swallow 3 of them in a few minutes.

What is the only similarity between serial killers and gamer

**They collect skins**

How are a sloth and a depressed person similar?

Both hang from trees.

Mechanic vs. heart surgeon ... similar jobs?

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the

mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I as...

What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems?

A mirror

Jellyfish and politicians are pretty similar.

They don't have hearts or brains only stomachs.

How are women and the sun similar

Sunglasses allow you to stare at them for longer

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what is the one similarity between a dick and a bottled drink

U shake them well for best taste

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What’s the similarity between tofu and a dildo?

Both are meat substitutes

What is the similarity between Julius Caesar and Tifa Lockhart?

Both of them were witnessed getting impaled in the Italian senate...

How am I similar to the Earth ?

We both rotate around our own ex(s)

My jokes are similar to my genital.

Ladies laugh at it.

How are my dog and my wife similar?

They're both only interested in coming near me when there's meat on display

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What's the similarity between orgasm and pulse?

It doesn't matter if she had it

[NSFW] How are US Politicians and Minecraft Youtubers similar?

They both like children

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Pornstars and r/jokes are very similar

Everything on here has been used a lot

What's the similarity between 6th Sense and Titanic?

Icy dead people.

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How is reddit similar to sex?

\- Both sex and reddit require karma to do anything.

People and bottles are very similar

If they get alcohol inside them they will get drunk

How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar?

Total internal reflection.

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The similarity between banks and sex ...

Either way you are getting fucked and early withdrawal is always penalized.

How what are similarities between and hurricane and a woman?

When they come they are wet and wild and by the time the leave the take your house and your car!


p.s

Don’t know where the how came from... sorry for it!
Also, it’s my cake day!!!!

How are marriage and a hurricane similar?

In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?

They both turn "o" into "O".

Whats a similarity between Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd?

Their last big hit was the wall

Why Do Most Diamonds Look So Similar?

They're all just carbon copies of each other.

Girlfriends and fishing are similar

There are many fish in the sea, but till you hook one, you're just holding your rod.

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The Word Election and Erection Are Spelt Similarly. They also have the same meaning

A dick rising to power!

What’s the similarity between a unicorn and a good politician?

Neither exist

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How are Bud Light and having sex on a boat similar?

They're both fucking close to water.

What’s the similarity between a Poker player and a Butcher?

At some point, both will raise the steaks

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How is a thunderstorm similar to sex?

You never know how intense it will get, or how long it will last..

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What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

What's the similarity between the unborn Chinese female and this joke?

[removed]

What's the similarity between America and Melania Trump?

They're both getting screwed by Donald Trump and neither one of them is happy about it.

I came up with this last night, but it might be a repost.

What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?

They both die when dissected

How are women and electricity similar?

You don't wanna mess around with either without rubber.

What's the first similarity between you and your dad?

You've both been inside your mom

Why is duct tape similar to The Force?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together

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What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

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Whats the similarity between avian flu and prostate cancer

cock inspection

I’m looking for jokes that you have to work out. My favourite is the one in the below, which was posted here by another user. Does anyone else have any similar ones that you have to think about before finding the funny?

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

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My wife asked me if I had heard that female dolphins have clitorises that are very similar to humans.

I asked her why she was telling me this.

She replied, "Do you think God did that on porpoise?"

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They’re both flying information.

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How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends

Why do frogs taste similar to beer?

Because of the hops.

What do Iranians and Americans have in similar?

They both hate the US government

How is Trump similar to a pumpkin?

Both are orange, hollow and should have been thrown out in November.

What similarities does Trump share with the Halloween Pumpkin?

Other than the obvious, both are orange...

1) They are hollow inside and...

2) ..should be thrown out in November!

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

I've discovered some similar thing between cars and humans.

The older they are, the more maintenance is required.

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What's the similarity between a dead Hitler and a cat?

They both have nein lives.

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What's the similarity between a nice bunch of flowers and a bitch-demon from hell?

One has pretty petals, the other is the British Home Secretary.

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[NSFW] How are radical Christianity and Islam similar?

They both fuck kids.

What’s the similarity between the police and a bikini?

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

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