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When a man and a woman have simultaneous oral sex, we call it 69. What do we call it if it is two men in a similar position?

Eleven.

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What’s the similarity between having sex and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you’re doomed.

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What's the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty year old woman and walking a tightrope?

In both cases, you really don't want to look down.

Dune's House Atreides doesn't have any technology similar to voicemail

They don't need it, because there is no call they do not answer.

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What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

How are a sloth and a depressed person similar?

Both hang from trees.

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How are assholes and 9volt batteries similar?

Even though you know not to, you still put your tongue on them anyways.

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What’s the similarity between tofu and a dildo?

Both are meat substitutes

How are my dog and my wife similar?

They're both only interested in coming near me when there's meat on display

what is the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

Both are allowed to smell but neither of them is allowed to eat.

What’s the similarity between a unicorn and a good politician?

Neither exist

What’s the similarity between a female and a vacuum

They only suck when they are turned on

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends

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What's the similarity between a nice bunch of flowers and a bitch-demon from hell?

One has pretty petals, the other is the British Home Secretary.

Does anyone know where I could find people with similar interests to regularly hang out with?

Asking for a friend.

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

What’s the similarity between talking about calculus and talking about getting a girlfriend?

It’s confusing and I’ll never use it.

Similarity between a beer and a penalty?

The English can easily swallow 3 of them in a few minutes.

Why are circuses and orgies similar?

They have the same payoff - come one come all

What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive?

Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

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How are Bud Light and having sex on a boat similar?

They're both fucking close to water.

What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?

>!They both have a toot in common!<

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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex.

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The similarity between banks and sex ...

Either way you are getting fucked and early withdrawal is always penalized.

How what are similarities between and hurricane and a woman?

When they come they are wet and wild and by the time the leave the take your house and your car!


p.s

Don’t know where the how came from... sorry for it!
Also, it’s my cake day!!!!

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How is eating pussy similar to smoking a cigarette?

The flavor changes as you get closer to the butt.

My jokes are similar to my genital.

Ladies laugh at it.

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

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People say the testicles and the ovaries are very similar

But there is a vas deferens between them.

What's the similarity between a river with too much agricultural runoff and really liking someone from the Far East?

One is eutrophication, the other is "You terrific Asian"

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What's the similarity between Santa's presents and a horny virgin?

They both come in socks.

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What's the similarity between orgasm and pulse?

It doesn't matter if she had it

How am I similar to the Earth ?

We both rotate around our own ex(s)

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Whats the similarity between avian flu and prostate cancer

cock inspection

Three Guys Were Sleeping Together On A Single Bed

One on the left wakes up and says i had a dream i was getting a handjob from a hot blonde

The Guy on the right says that's weird i had a similar dream but the only difference is the girl giving me a handjob was a brunette

The one in the middle says well i had a dream where i was Skiing...

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

What is similar between Princess Diana and Pink Floyd?

Their both last greatest hit was the wall..

What is the similarity between me and an experiment involving a biased coin with two tails?

The probability of getting a head is zero.

What's the similarity between mom jokes and moms?

You can see them from a mile away.

What’s the similarity between the police and a bikini?

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Why is crossing the road similar to music?

If you don't C# you'll B*b*

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How is the Virgin Mary similar to a Virgin Bloody Mary?

They both have zero proof!

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a ...

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

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What's similar between a pregnant 15 year old girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking; "oh shit my mom's gonna kill me"

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Did you know that mushrooms are really similar to frog poop?

They're toadstools.

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How is the mafia and a vagina similar ?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit

Jellyfish and politicians are pretty similar.

They don't have hearts or brains only stomachs.

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Pornstars and r/jokes are very similar

Everything on here has been used a lot

A decapitated head fell on me today. It looks really similar to mine. I immediately started screaming.

I may have gotten a head of myself.

(NSFW) How is Santa Claus similar to Bill Cosby?

They won't come unless you're asleep.

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Satan: Just because me and Santa have similar names doesn’t mean we’re anything alike.

For example, one is a judgmental bastard who punishes you for being bad and the other is the ruler of all hell.

What's the similarity between my jokes and yo mama?

They never get hot

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

Did you boys ever hear of the planet where the inhabitants were mobile flowers?

Remarkably similar to Earthly blossoms, but they had feet and human intelligence.

The whole planet was ruled by a king called Richard the Artichoke-Heart, and one day at a court orgy his eye was caught by Fuchsia, a pale-eyed perennial. Her beauty was so great it almost made up for her stupi...

Mechanic vs. heart surgeon ... similar jobs?

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the

mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I as...

How is a van der graaf generator similar to a plumber?

They both charge a lot.

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How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

I don't know if this one has been said but here goes.

As a necromancer you need hobbies. I've chosen baking because it's weirdly very similar. With a little ritual... I raise the bread.

A year ago,I tried to network around and create a group of guys with similar taste and do activities together.

For some reason, the prosecuting lawyer and media keep mentioning it as a ring.

What's the similarity between Boris Johnson and the clapper on Big Ben?

They're both massive bell-ends.

Why is duct tape similar to The Force?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together

Why Do Most Diamonds Look So Similar?

They're all just carbon copies of each other.

What's the similarity between a grenade and an STD?

Fire in the hole!

How is a bankruptcy clearance sale similar to Aquaman going to an undersea cinema with his girlfriend?

They're both liquidating.

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For many, figuring out who to give the free Reddit award will be similar to choosing who to lose your virginity to.

For some: it’s not a big deal, you’ll have fun with it, and it’ll be whoever you see in the moment.

For others: you’ll overthink it and fumble deciding. Soon the moment will pass and you’ll be a virgin forever.

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NSFW What are the similarities between a 9V battery and a your new partners butthole?

You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue to it! ;)

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Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

How are women and the sun similar

Sunglasses allow you to stare at them for longer

What do Iranians and Americans have in similar?

They both hate the US government

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I was walking through the park and came across this guy typing on an old-fashioned typewriter.

He tapped his chin for a second before saying, "Othello" and began typing away.

Being the curious jerk that I am, I peered over his shoulder to see what he was doing.

He had typed "Othello" on one line and followed it with a description of the name as classically used in the English ...

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What's the similarity between an alcohol-free beer and your sisters pussy?

When you taste it, it tastes ok. But there's something wrong with it

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What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

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What are the similarities between doing a bungee jump and sleeping with a prostitute?

Both cost £50.
Both last 30 seconds.
And if the rubber snaps you're fucked.

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

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Do you know the similarities between a stripper and a rock?

You skip the flat ones

How many steps? - Add questions if you have something similar.

* How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the fridge?
* Three: open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.
* How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in the fridge?
* Four: open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the fridge.
* All the an...

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What is similar about coronavirus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either

How are marriage and a hurricane similar?

In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Why do frogs taste similar to beer?

Because of the hops.

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Whats the similarities with Donald Trump's Hair and a thong?

They both barely cover the arsehole.

What's the similarity between America and Melania Trump?

They're both getting screwed by Donald Trump and neither one of them is happy about it.

I came up with this last night, but it might be a repost.

People and bottles are very similar

If they get alcohol inside them they will get drunk

I am offered a job in north-west part of India to write jokes exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or similar sounding words.

Apparently, it's a pun-job!

Whats the similarity between budweiser and Belgium?

Germans refuse to believe they are even there

What is the similarity between a joke and shame

It's on me

What is similar between dark humour and make a wish kids?

They never get old

Ole applied for the same job as Murphy and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give Ole, the Norwegian the job."

Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ir...

There was an assignment to write a poem in school which ended with "there is only one mom".

Timmy wrote: "she makes food for me and takes care of me, there is only one mom".

And so other people wrote similar things, until Jack wrote a poem which went something like this:

"my mom invites different men over, and and throws parties that last day and night. And one day asks me t...

What’s the similarity between skid marks and my uncle?

you can find both in my boxers

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Whats the similarity between the PS5 and a woman's orgasm?

The release date hasnt been revealed yet.

What's similar between the squareroot of -1 and the number of confirmed cases in China

They are both not real numbers

I've discovered some similar thing between cars and humans.

The older they are, the more maintenance is required.

A transport ship goes down....

A transport ship goes down in the middle of the Atlantic quickly enough that no distress signal get sent. After the ship had been overdue for a ten days, a rescue is dispatched. Five days after that, the come across an island and send men ashore. There, they find four women lounging in emergency ten...

What’s the similarity between a vegan and a frat boy?

They always manage to slip it in.

What are the similarities between the royal family and yeast?

There both inbred.

What's the similarity of a failure and you spanking a hard ass?

You're both hitting rock bottom.

Going down on my girl is similar to 9/11

Bush is involved.

What's the main similarity between a morgue and an office complex?

Both are good places for a stiff to go.

How are old people in Socialist republics similar?

They have a tendency to collapse

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what is similar between sex, and fishing? It doesn’t matter how deep you go,

it matters how you wiggle the worm.

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A man sees his doctor about terrible headaches he has had for most of his adult life.

The doctor isn’t sure what is going on, so arranges a scan. The scan comes back as normal, so the doctor refers the man to a neurologist who is also unable to find a cause though does offer some advice.

“I did meet one man who had similar headaches, the only thing that helped was having his t...

Corona beer sales have plummeted just because of the name similarity

Which I don't get cause, when O.J killed his wife I didn't stop drinking orange juice

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

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In Ancient Greece, a warrior struggles to sort his disciples.

Seeing as he didn’t have the privilege of Roman numerals and didn’t know how to count, he decided to use the ol’ Shepard boy sorts-sheep-by-amount-of-pebbles method, but with a twist. As such, he matches the soldiers in pairs of two based on appearances or, if they sounded similar, by names.

...

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