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What's the similarity between Santa's presents and a horny virgin?

They both come in socks.

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How is eating pussy similar to smoking a cigarette?

The flavor changes as one gets closer to the butt.

What's the similarity between my jokes and yo mama?

They never get hot

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

Why is duct tape similar to The Force?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together

Jellyfish and politicians are pretty similar.

They don't have hearts or brains only stomachs.

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Pornstars and r/jokes are very similar

Everything on here has been used a lot

A year ago,I tried to network around and create a group of guys with similar taste and do activities together.

For some reason, the prosecuting lawyer and media keep mentioning it as a ring.

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How are toy trains similar to boobs?

Both are made for kids but dad is the one who gets the most out of them

(NSFW) How is Santa Claus similar to Bill Cosby?

They won't come unless you're asleep.

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How is American beer similar to having sex in a canoe...?

... it's fucking close to water.

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Satan: Just because me and Santa have similar names doesn’t mean we’re anything alike.

For example, one is a judgmental bastard who punishes you for being bad and the other is the ruler of all hell.

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What's similar between a pregnant 15 year old girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking; "oh shit my mom's gonna kill me"

What's the similarity between a grenade and an STD?

Fire in the hole!

Why Do Most Diamonds Look So Similar?

They're all just carbon copies of each other.

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How is the mafia and a vagina similar ?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit

How is a bankruptcy clearance sale similar to Aquaman going to an undersea cinema with his girlfriend?

They're both liquidating.

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How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

Mechanic vs. heart surgeon ... similar jobs?

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the

mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I as...

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Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

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What's the similarity between an alcohol-free beer and your sisters pussy?

When you taste it, it tastes ok. But there's something wrong with it

What do Iranians and Americans have in similar?

They both hate the US government

Why do frogs taste similar to beer?

Because of the hops.

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How is a thunderstorm similar to sex?

You never know how intense it will get, or how long it will last..

What is similar between dark humour and make a wish kids?

They never get old

I am offered a job in north-west part of India to write jokes exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or similar sounding words.

Apparently, it's a pun-job!

What's the first similarity between you and your dad?

You've both been inside your mom

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

What is the similarity between a joke and shame

It's on me

What's a similarity between my dad and task manager?

They both stopped responding.

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NSFW What are the similarities between a 9V battery and a your new partners butthole?

You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue to it! ;)

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What's similar between casual sex and bungee jumping?

Somebody dies if the rubber breaks.

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Do you know the similarities between a stripper and a rock?

You skip the flat ones

How many steps? - Add questions if you have something similar.

* How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the fridge?
* Three: open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.
* How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in the fridge?
* Four: open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the fridge.
* All the an...

A man dies and goes to hell.

Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.


At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil ...

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For many, figuring out who to give the free Reddit award will be similar to choosing who to lose your virginity to.

For some: it’s not a big deal, you’ll have fun with it, and it’ll be whoever you see in the moment.

For others: you’ll overthink it and fumble deciding. Soon the moment will pass and you’ll be a virgin forever.

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

What are the similarities between the royal family and yeast?

There both inbred.

What’s the similarity between a vegan and a frat boy?

They always manage to slip it in.

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

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Whats the similarities with Donald Trump's Hair and a thong?

They both barely cover the arsehole.

How are women and the sun similar

Sunglasses allow you to stare at them for longer

Ole applied for the same job as Murphy and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give Ole, the Norwegian the job."

Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ir...

What's the similarity between a dog with no legs and and a cigarette?

You take them both outside for a drag

What's the main similarity between a morgue and an office complex?

Both are good places for a stiff to go.

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What are the similarities between doing a bungee jump and sleeping with a prostitute?

Both cost £50.
Both last 30 seconds.
And if the rubber snaps you're fucked.

How are old people in Socialist republics similar?

They have a tendency to collapse

What’s the similarity between skid marks and my uncle?

you can find both in my boxers

How are marriage and a hurricane similar?

In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.

How are snowflakes and people similar?

It’s hard to drive when they’re piled up on the road.

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(repost for changed title) Sexual acts and a good book are quite similar

The climax is usually the best part.

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Whats the similarity between the PS5 and a woman's orgasm?

The release date hasnt been revealed yet.

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What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

Whats the similarity between budweiser and Belgium?

Germans refuse to believe they are even there

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what is similar between sex, and fishing? It doesn’t matter how deep you go,

it matters how you wiggle the worm.

People and bottles are very similar

If they get alcohol inside them they will get drunk

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

Going down on my girl is similar to 9/11

Bush is involved.

Genghis Khan once had the hands of an entire village of superb bowmen maimed so their skills could never be used against him. Similarly, he crippled a conquered town of excellent sprinters

For the town, it was a crushing de feet

What is the similarity between COVID-19 and corruption?

Both are spreading through the highest levels of the US government.

What's the similarity between America and Melania Trump?

They're both getting screwed by Donald Trump and neither one of them is happy about it.

I came up with this last night, but it might be a repost.

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

What's the similarity between love of life and child?

I don't have either of them

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"

The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"

The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"

He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them af...

What's the similarity of a failure and you spanking a hard ass?

You're both hitting rock bottom.

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What is similar about coronavirus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either

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3 race horses are having a drink at their local pub

They each talk about their recent races and victories,

The first horse says - "Guys, I had something weird happen at my last race. I was in the final straight running 5th and losing ground, I didn't think there was any chance I could get up and win. Then all of the sudden *PING* this burst of...

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Whats the similarities between bungy jumping and cheating?

First you dont dare and if the rubber breaks you are fucked

I've discovered some similar thing between cars and humans.

The older they are, the more maintenance is required.

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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex

Girlfriends and fishing are similar

There are many fish in the sea, but till you hook one, you're just holding your rod.

What's the similarity between my uncle and sharks?

The both prey on schools

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What’s a similarity between an Astronomer and a Prostitute?

Their action begins when it’s dark!

Corona beer sales have plummeted just because of the name similarity

Which I don't get cause, when O.J killed his wife I didn't stop drinking orange juice

I often find that redditors and bats are very similar,

they both live in echo chambers.

What's similar between the squareroot of -1 and the number of confirmed cases in China

They are both not real numbers

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What's the similarity between a woman and a condom?

They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Breaking: English to be made the official language of the EU!

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-E...

In Hollywood they have a museum full celebrities made from wax. In China they have something similar but the celebrities are made out of silk

They are all complete fabric Asians.

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

Whats`s the similarity between a gynecologist and a pizza delivery?

They can smell it, but are not allowed to eat..

Are male and female reproductive organs similar?

No. There’s a vas deferens.

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A big Welsh is sitting in a bar...

A big Welsh is sitting in a bar, ranting as he downs his pints. He pounds his hand on the bar, says "You see this bar? I built this bar with me own two hands, a finer piece of work you'll newver find, but do they call me Jones the bar-builder? No!!" and he downs his pint and buys another.

He ...

I what’s the similarity’s between a cop and a kinky girlfriend?

They both keep chocking you even after you ask to stop.

Gamers and organ harvesters are similar in some ways.

They both loot through chests hoping to find rare loot to sell later on.

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School pride

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of an odd rash on her chest in the shape of a "Y". Upon some further inquiry, the doctor discovers that the woman's husband went to Yale and likes to leave his school sweater on during sex and concludes that the fiction of the sweater is causing the reaction. T...

A cowboy walks into a bar. “What can I get for you?” the bartender asks. “A double whiskey, neat,” he replies.

As the bartender pours, she asks, “How’s it going today?”

“I have a problem with my horses,” the cowboy admits. “I want to train one of them to be a racehorse and the other to be a workhorse, but they look so similar I can’t tell them apart!”



The bartender thinks it over for a ...

What is the similarity between an annoying person and spoilt food?

Both should've been swallowed in time.

A man with no arms applies to be the local church bell squire.

The pastor looks him over and says - Well, we didn't get alot of interest in the posting, so the job is yours, but I'm not sure how you plan on pulling the rope to the bell?
The man climbs up to the church steeple and runs at the bell as fast as he can. BOOOONG! He hits it with his face and it so...

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What is the similarity between Ancient Greeks and Hitler?

They were both fucking assholes.

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There was a cricketer who had a weird bulge growing under his two testicles.

There was a cricketer who had a weird bulge growing under his two testicles.

He thought it was just a bug bite but he doubted it. After about 25 days, the bulge became very big. So he went for a doctor's appointment.

The doctor did the scans necessary and found out that he was growing ...

What’s the similarity between foreshadowing and foreplay?

Either way you know something is coming.

what's the similarity between mod and god ?

they both judge you on the basis of your karma.

What’s the similarity between a pot head and a Syrian girl wearing jeans?

They both get stoned.

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What is the similarity between electric cars and your penis?

Both of them are touch to start

What's the similarity between kids and tattoos

They are both permanent and can be removed with lasers.

Whats a similarity between Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd?

Their last big hit was the wall

How are women and electricity similar?

You don't wanna mess around with either without rubber.

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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, I'd like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew a little circle in a big circle and told them the big circle is your...

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What’s the similarity between a medieval military engineer and a pornography director?

They always want the biggest breastworks.

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A man with a wooden eye watches people at the dance...

After always being the butt of jokes or bullying, he was scared to ask any girl to dance with him. He always had a fancy for Betsy, who was born with a hairlip. He always figured since they shared a similar fate, she might sympathize with him. He finally mustered up enough courage and asked Betsy, "...

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Why is sex and oxygen similar?

They’re both unimportant, unless you’re not getting any.

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What do you call two similar looking pair of breasts?

Identities.

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How are Egyptians, trains, and butts similar?

They've got toot in common.

What’s the similarity between a lawyer and sperm?

1 in 300 million have a chance to become a human being.

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How are Rubik’s cubes and penises similar?

The longer you play with them, the harder they get!

The recommendation to self-isolate by governments feels like we were all given a group project and so far the progress seems similar to a typical group project.

The minority is doing most of the work while everyone else does whatever they want.

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A young monk joins a monastery.

The an older monk shows him around, as they visit the Library he says.

"We have a vast collection of books, if we don't have it here, it can be delivered within a day. You can use the library every day, except on Thursday."

Next they go to the kitchen.
"We have a world renowned chef...

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What's the similarity between a dick and the bible?

Jewish people cut off the end

University is similar to high school

To a degree.

What are the similarities between alien movies and school?

They are usually shot in America.

What is a similarity between a gun and a bag of chips

When I pull it out at school everyone wants to be your friend

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On Tinder and similar apps, girls keep asking me about my height

Are we sure these girls wanna fuck or are they basketball scouts?

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(NSFW) Whats the similarity with a hand wash and sex with me?

20 seconds is a good performance

What’s the similarity between a Marriage and a Tornado?

There’s a lot of sucking and blowing then someone loses the house.

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