UPJOKE
samealikelikeakinsuchcorrespondingunusualrelatedothersimilaritysimilarlylikenesssympatheticstandardizedinterchangeable

How is a woman similar to a hurricane?

When they come they are wet and wild. When they leave the take your house and your car.

How are Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump similar?

They both made fortunes just by playing with orange balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shaving your ass and going on a crusade are rather similar.

All you need to be successful is a sharp blade and unwavering faith.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is smoking a cigarette similar to licking pussy?

When you get to the butt it tastes different.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is a system update similar to cumming?

If you don't do them for a while, both just happen when you sleep.

What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems?

A mirror

What’s the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between boobs and Christmas trees?

When you see really nice ones, you can't tell if they're real or fake.

What's a similarity between a guy in a wheelchair and a bad comedian

They can't do standup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between election and erection?

Only dicks can stand in both of them.

What’s the biggest similarity between waitressing and prostitution?

Tips are a big part of both jobs

What is similar about Christmas and tornado season?

You have a tree in your living room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a man and a woman have simultaneous oral sex, we call it 69. What do we call it if it is two men in a similar position?

Eleven.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you knew that astronomy and proctology are similar?

\-Yeah? How?



\-Well, i used a telescope and saw Uranus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

What's similar between a sorcerer and a vampire?

They're both neck-romancers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the similarity between boobs and Raspberry Pi computers?

Both were intended for kids but it’s the adults that end up playing with them more

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what is the one similarity between a dick and a bottled drink

U shake them well for best taste

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the similarity between having sex and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you’re doomed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both are originally made for kids but dads usually end up playing with them.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and life

They’re both pointless
*NYEH* *HEH* *HEH*

What is the only similarity between serial killers and gamer

**They collect skins**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smoking dope.

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge.

The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of dru...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Male or Female non-living objects... You might not know this, but a lot of non-living things are remarkably similar to men and women.

**FREEZER BAGS**: These are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

**PHOTOCOPIERS:** These are female, because once turned off, it takes

**TIRES**: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

**HOT AIR BALLOONS**: Al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Cambridge graduate and an Oxford graduate meet at a cocktail party...

After they've been talking for a while, the Cambridge graduate says to the Oxford graduate,

"You know, I can tell you're an Oxford graduate by your charm, your intellect, your sophistication, and your worldly wisdom."

The Oxford graduate smiles and responds,

"Thank you. You know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me if I had heard that female dolphins have clitorises that are very similar to humans.

I asked her why she was telling me this.

She replied, "Do you think God did that on porpoise?"

Two Urologists were discussing the results of a scan...

"These images look very similar, but if you you look closely you can see there's a vas deferens."

What's the similarity between hamsters and cigarettes?

They're both harmless... till you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jonathan died in a violent car crash and his body was horribly mangled

Because of this, the police were having a hard time confirming his identity. So they brought in Jonathan's two best friends friends, Cletus and Buba to help identify Jonathan.

They bring Cletus into the mortuary to view the body, Cletus carefully studies it and says "Well it could be Jona...

What is the similarity between Julius Caesar and Tifa Lockhart?

Both of them were witnessed getting impaled in the Italian senate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are assholes and 9volt batteries similar?

Even though you know not to, you still put your tongue on them anyways.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty year old woman and walking a tightrope?

In both cases, you really don't want to look down.

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

I just finished an amazing book highlighting the similarities of John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln...

it was mind blowing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity?

What is the similarity Between a 9-volt battery And a women's asshole?

You know it's wrong But sooner or later You're bound to stick Your tongue in it

My 8 year old son wants to be a comedian.

He also like quantum physics, so I suggested he make up some jokes. Here's the first two.

What so you call a particle who likes taking pictures?
A photongrapher

Why did the apple fall out of the tree?
It ran out of gluons.

If you have any Similar he'd love to hear them and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Freudian slip

Two dudes were discussing psychology and Freudian slips.

The first dude said, “ I went shoe shopping the other day. The lady who was helping me had a huge rack. Her tiny blouse was revealing. When she asked me what I was looking for I told her a pair of boobs. I was embarrassed becaus...

what is the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

Both are allowed to smell but neither of them is allowed to eat.

An elderly preacher and his wife of a similar age are ecstatic when she becomes pregnant...

They'd tried for years when they were younger, but after it never happened they'd given up on the idea, deciding it just wasn't in God's plan for them. They told their friends and family the good news.

One of them told the local paper about the miracle child, and since it had been a slow news...

There once was a town out west...

There once was a small town out west, nestled between the Rocky Mountains. The town was built on a stream, with a small lake the stream snaked outward from. Most of the town was employed by multiple large orchards nearby, and the town's inhabitants spent their days at the lake enjoying their time of...

How are a sloth and a depressed person similar?

Both hang from trees.

What’s the similarity between a Poker player and a Butcher?

At some point, both will raise the steaks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the similarity between tofu and a dildo?

Both are meat substitutes

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

[NSFW] How are US Politicians and Minecraft Youtubers similar?

They both like children

English to become the official European language.

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-E...

What’s the similarity between a unicorn and a good politician?

Neither exist

What’s the similarity between a female and a vacuum

They only suck when they are turned on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a nice bunch of flowers and a bitch-demon from hell?

One has pretty petals, the other is the British Home Secretary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex.

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Help the poor

I saw a homeless guy this morning who was starving and asking for food. I felt so bad. So I did what every sensible person would do. I went to the jewelry store and bought a bunch of stuff for my wife and a brand new Mercedes for me.

Surely, this money will trickle down to the poor bastard.<...

The politician, 1913

He was a young man - a candidate for an agricultural constituency - and he was sketching in glowing color to the audience of rural voters the happy life the laborers would lead under an administration for the propagation of sweetness and light.

"We have not yet three acres and a cow, but it w...

Similarity between a beer and a penalty?

The English can easily swallow 3 of them in a few minutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between Santa's presents and a horny virgin?

They both come in socks.

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

How what are similarities between and hurricane and a woman?

When they come they are wet and wild and by the time the leave the take your house and your car!


p.s

Don’t know where the how came from... sorry for it!
Also, it’s my cake day!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are Bud Light and having sex on a boat similar?

They're both fucking close to water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say the testicles and the ovaries are very similar

But there is a vas deferens between them.

How are my dog and my wife similar?

They're both only interested in coming near me when there's meat on display

Why are circuses and orgies similar?

They have the same payoff - come one come all

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

Does anyone know where I could find people with similar interests to regularly hang out with?

Asking for a friend.

Montana State Golfer Warning

The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to take extra precautions, and be on the alert for bears while playing on Gallatin, Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forest’s golf courses.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on th...

John and Mary decided to go shopping together in the city for the first time in 20 years.

John and Mary decided to go shopping together in the city for the first time in 20 years. When they arrived in the downtown area where all the stores were, John said "How about we go our separate ways for a bit, and I'll call you in a while."

Mary amused herself window shopping for a couple...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is the mafia and a vagina similar ?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit

What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive?

Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.

Two monks are on a train

Two monks are on a train, wearing their monkly robes, and the guy sitting across from them asks, "Hey, are you guys monks?" "Why yes," one of them replies. "I'm a Jesuit, and my friend here is a Dominican." "Great!" says the guy, "I've always wondered, what is the difference between the two of you? ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between orgasm and pulse?

It doesn't matter if she had it

How am I similar to the Earth ?

We both rotate around our own ex(s)

My jokes are similar to my genital.

Ladies laugh at it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Satan: Just because me and Santa have similar names doesn’t mean we’re anything alike.

For example, one is a judgmental bastard who punishes you for being bad and the other is the ruler of all hell.

(NSFW) How is Santa Claus similar to Bill Cosby?

They won't come unless you're asleep.

What is the similarity between me and an experiment involving a biased coin with two tails?

The probability of getting a head is zero.

What is similar between Princess Diana and Pink Floyd?

Their both last greatest hit was the wall..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornstars and r/jokes are very similar

Everything on here has been used a lot

What’s the similarity between talking about calculus and talking about getting a girlfriend?

It’s confusing and I’ll never use it.

Why is crossing the road similar to music?

If you don't C# you'll B*b*

What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?

>!They both have a toot in common!<

Mechanic vs. heart surgeon ... similar jobs?

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the

mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I as...

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The similarity between banks and sex ...

Either way you are getting fucked and early withdrawal is always penalized.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

What's the similarity between my jokes and yo mama?

They never get hot

What's the similarity between a river with too much agricultural runoff and really liking someone from the Far East?

One is eutrophication, the other is "You terrific Asian"

Jellyfish and politicians are pretty similar.

They don't have hearts or brains only stomachs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is similar about coronavirus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either

The Priest, vicar and pastor

A priest, vicar and pastor are getting interviewed.
The interviewer first asks the pastor;
“How do you distribute the church money collected after a service?”
The pastor replies “well you see I get the money on the plate and go into the tabernacle, throw all the money into the air, and w...

A decapitated head fell on me today. It looks really similar to mine. I immediately started screaming.

I may have gotten a head of myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

There are 3 dogs, a Chihuahua, a Yorkshire Terrier and a Great Dane, in an animal hospital side-by-side in cages. They are talking to each other.

“So what are you in for?”

The chihuahua says:
“My owner had a birthday party for his little girl yesterday. There were so many kids at the party it was crazy. Some boys were chasing me and tormenting me. Finally they cornered me in one of the bedrooms. I lost it and I lunged out and I b...

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For many, figuring out who to give the free Reddit award will be similar to choosing who to lose your virginity to.

For some: it’s not a big deal, you’ll have fun with it, and it’ll be whoever you see in the moment.

For others: you’ll overthink it and fumble deciding. Soon the moment will pass and you’ll be a virgin forever.

How are women and the sun similar

Sunglasses allow you to stare at them for longer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dudes with matching black eyes...

Two dudes with matching black eyes spot each other in a bar.

One man approaches the other and says, "I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours. How'd you get the black eye?"

The man responds, "It was a terrible mistake, really. I was trying to take the train to Pittsburgh this morni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What are the similarities between a 9V battery and a your new partners butthole?

You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue to it! ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the similarity between avian flu and prostate cancer

cock inspection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Blonde woman is walking two dogs, one White and the other Black.

An Old lady walking down the same street notices them and since it's a breed she's never seen before, she's curious and walks up to the woman. "Wow, these dogs are adorable. What kind are they?". The Blonde smiles and goes "Which one, the white one or the black one?".

The old lady is a little...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.