This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking "oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me"

How are diamond rings and cocaine similar?

Both are purchases you'll spend a whole month's paycheck on, and probably end feeling regret.

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

TIL Reddit is quite similar to fencing.

Full of ripostes.

All the French cities are too similar to each other

I mean they are all Nice but... I don’t know

How are high school teachers similar to anti-vaxx mothers?

They have to say goodbye to their kids after only 4 years.

Which supervillain are wives similar to?

Thanos

Decimate you, take 50% and vanish.

Life and phone batteries are very similar

When their running low, it’s time to plug them into something or they’ll die.

How are unvaccinated kids and anti-vax jokes similar?

They never get old.

What makes a blonde and a Tornado similar? (Sorry blondes)

What makes a Blonde and a Tornado similar?

At first it’s sucking and blowing and next thing you know, YOUR HOUSE AND CAR ARE GONE! xD thank you! I’ll be here all year!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s similar between a hurricane and a women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my girlfriend that my penis and my punchlines are similar because they both have twists in the end.

She agreed saying she's never seen either coming.

What’s similar between a girlfriend and drugs?

I don’t have either

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] My approach to sex is similar to the governments approach to Brexit

I go in hard then pull out when I realise I have no idea what I'm doing

Circumcising and lumberjacking are very similar

You’re chopping wood.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Premature ejaculation is pretty similar to hide-and-go-seek

Whether they're ready or not, you're still gonna come

How is a congressman and a dog similar?

When you ask them to speak they will, but it doesn't mean anything.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How is a Rubik's cube similar to a penis?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

How are a dog and a tree similar?

They both lose their bark when they’re dead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How is having sex with a hooker and Bungie Jumping similar?

They both cost around 100 dollars and if the rubber breaks you're screwed

Why is halloween candy so similar to anti-vax kids?

Because both dont last very long

What grocery store chain is the most similar to American Schools?

Target.

What’s similar between Buddhism and Reddit?

Both have a goal of collecting the most karma.

How are zombies similar to intellectual men?

They both appreciate women for their brains, not their bodies.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

I invented a new game similar to rock paper scissors.

You have 3 cards with a color on one side and white on the other.

You and your opponent choose a card, show it face down (white part), and simultaneously switch it to know the winner.

Every player has 3 cards of 3 different colors, representing some natural elements: Blue, Red and Bro...

Baking and boxing are very similar

They both require you to beat until thick

Santa Claus and Karl Marx are pretty similar when you think about it.

They both have long beards, re distribute items for free, and we all stop believing in them at a young age.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Things where Mechanics and Dentists are similar: drills, fluids, expensive without insurance. Things where Mechanics and Dentists Differ:

Dentists will at least wait until your asleep before they try and fuck you

Why are cigrattes and hamsters similar

There both pretty safe until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

How is being in a game of paintball and war similar?

You often see people dye.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Research has shown that sheep have vaginas almost similar to women

Is that why Mary had a little lamb?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know,my life is somewhat similar to Simba

The uncles fucked up our childhood

The Popcorn Army is very similar to most other armies...

the main difference is the ranking system: everyone starts out as a Kernel.

Twinkie’s and Twinks are very similar

They are both small and filled with cream

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

Why are they similar

What do doctors and mad people have in common

They can have days where they lose their patients.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Skyrim guards and Pornhub share a similar rule

No Loli Gagging

Shouldn‘t we just merge two subs of the same nature with similar content?

r/recycling members would be delighted by the efficiency over here

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I yelled at a friend because in her email she used 'peak' instead of 'peak', 'hear' instead of 'here' and other, similar mistakes.

I engaged in an ad homonym attack.

How's a doctor's office similar to a US school?

Kids can get their shots there, if someone is ill.

Why are corporations and mosques so similar?

They both only care about the prophet

How is a hand grenade and your wife similar?

Take off the ring, and you lose your house and car.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How is Bud Light similar to having sex in a canoe?

They're both fucking close to water

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How is broccoli similar to anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you're not gonna like it as an adult.

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They’re both flying information.

Chewing and eating are very similar...

But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.

Doug Ford and Walmart are quite similar

They both love their rollbacks.

What's similar between Scarlet Witch and Daredevil? [spoilers]

The both lost their vision

What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident?

a wrecked angle


(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)

US Presidents and jokes are very similar...

... a lot of people really prefer the dark ones.

How are girls and rocks similar?

The flat ones get skipped

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How are a vagina and the Italian mafia similar?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.

Why are women similar to hurricanes?

At first they make you wet, then the destroy your life and then take your house and car.

How is r/jokes similar to a broken fence?

All you have to do is repost to keep the sheep from leaving

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fishing is similar to a crooked businessman calling his lawyer

It's one jerk on the end of a line waiting for a jerk on the other end.

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

Why are stoners and prime numbers so similar?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they become

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into the bathroom to take a piss. (Similar to another joke on here.)

As he’s standing there, there’s a super short guy next to him. This guy has bright red hair, is dressed in green, and he’s got a 12 inch dick.

The first guy says to him, “I don’t mean to be rude, but holy shit man, your dick is enormous!”

The little guy replies, in a deep Irish accent...

What is similar between dark humour and a child with terminal cancer?

It never gets old.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's similar about broccoli and anal?

No matter how much butter you use, kids will never like it

How are Manchester City and Oscar Pistorius similar?

They lost both legs, but still managed to get four shots on target.

How are a woman and a tornado similar?

They start off sucking and blowing but then in the end you lose your house.

Racism and Nickelback are very similar

It's fun to joke about them, but you never wanna see them live.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] How are radical Christianity and Islam similar?

They both fuck kids.

How are teenage boys and the enzyme helicase similar?

They both want to unzip your genes

Mexican and black jokes are way too similar now..

You've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

A Pirate Ship is attacked by a similar sized ship

Before the impending battle begins, the captain says to his crew mate, "Bring me me red shirt." The crew fought gallantly, and won. After the battle, the crew mate asks his captain, "Sir, why did you ask for thy red shirt?" The captain responds, "so that way, if I was wounded in battle, the crew wou...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How are a black man and a tornado similar

It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood

What makes an alcoholic and a necrophiliac similar?

Both like to crack open a cold one

How is Trump similar to a pumpkin?

Both are orange, hollow and should have been thrown out in November.

Jesus and floppy discs are very similar

They both died to become the image of saving

What is similar between Jon Snow and The Night King?

They have both speared a dragon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is going down on a woman similar to driving in fog?

One slip-up and you are into the asshole in front of you.

I bet the way a young lady earns a "Girls Gone Wild" shirt is very similar to

the way a young man earns a Penn State sweatshirt.

My girlfriend and i are quite similar

They're both imaginary

How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand?

Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny

CS:GO and Roulette are quite similar

They are both fun until you add Russian

Some people think vasectomies and castration are similar procedures

but there's a vas deferens between the two.

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