This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

what is the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

Both are allowed to smell but neither of them is allowed to eat.

What’s the similarity between a female and a vacuum

They only suck when they are turned on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a nice bunch of flowers and a bitch-demon from hell?

One has pretty petals, the other is the British Home Secretary.

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

Why are circuses and orgies similar?

They have the same payoff - come one come all

What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?

>!They both have a toot in common!<

Similarity between a beer and a penalty?

The English can easily swallow 3 of them in a few minutes.

What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive?

Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are Bud Light and having sex on a boat similar?

They're both fucking close to water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The similarity between banks and sex ...

Either way you are getting fucked and early withdrawal is always penalized.

What is the similarity between women and a swimming pool?

They cost too much in upkeep for what little time you spend inside them.

What's the similarity between a river with too much agricultural runoff and really liking someone from the Far East?

One is eutrophication, the other is "You terrific Asian"

How what are similarities between and hurricane and a woman?

When they come they are wet and wild and by the time the leave the take your house and your car!


p.s

Don’t know where the how came from... sorry for it!
Also, it’s my cake day!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex.

My jokes are similar to my genital.

Ladies laugh at it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say the testicles and the ovaries are very similar

But there is a vas deferens between them.

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the similarity between avian flu and prostate cancer

cock inspection

What's the similarity between mom jokes and moms?

You can see them from a mile away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is eating pussy similar to smoking a cigarette?

The flavor changes as you get closer to the butt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between orgasm and pulse?

It doesn't matter if she had it

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

How am I similar to the Earth ?

We both rotate around our own ex(s)

What’s the similarity between the police and a bikini?

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between Santa's presents and a horny virgin?

They both come in socks.

What is similar between Princess Diana and Pink Floyd?

Their both last greatest hit was the wall..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is the Virgin Mary similar to a Virgin Bloody Mary?

They both have zero proof!

Why is crossing the road similar to music?

If you don't C# you'll B*b*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is the mafia and a vagina similar ?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

What is the similarity between me and an experiment involving a biased coin with two tails?

The probability of getting a head is zero.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that mushrooms are really similar to frog poop?

They're toadstools.

A decapitated head fell on me today. It looks really similar to mine. I immediately started screaming.

I may have gotten a head of myself.

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between a pregnant 15 year old girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking; "oh shit my mom's gonna kill me"

What's the similarity between my jokes and yo mama?

They never get hot

How is a van der graaf generator similar to a plumber?

They both charge a lot.

(NSFW) How is Santa Claus similar to Bill Cosby?

They won't come unless you're asleep.

Jellyfish and politicians are pretty similar.

They don't have hearts or brains only stomachs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornstars and r/jokes are very similar

Everything on here has been used a lot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Satan: Just because me and Santa have similar names doesn’t mean we’re anything alike.

For example, one is a judgmental bastard who punishes you for being bad and the other is the ruler of all hell.

A year ago,I tried to network around and create a group of guys with similar taste and do activities together.

For some reason, the prosecuting lawyer and media keep mentioning it as a ring.

What's the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?

Both were laundered.

What's the similarity between Boris Johnson and the clapper on Big Ben?

They're both massive bell-ends.

Why is duct tape similar to The Force?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together

Mechanic vs. heart surgeon ... similar jobs?

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the

mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I as...

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

Why Do Most Diamonds Look So Similar?

They're all just carbon copies of each other.

What's the similarity between a grenade and an STD?

Fire in the hole!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

How is a bankruptcy clearance sale similar to Aquaman going to an undersea cinema with his girlfriend?

They're both liquidating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

What do Iranians and Americans have in similar?

They both hate the US government

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between casual sex and bungee jumping?

Somebody dies if the rubber breaks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What are the similarities between a 9V battery and a your new partners butthole?

You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue to it! ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For many, figuring out who to give the free Reddit award will be similar to choosing who to lose your virginity to.

For some: it’s not a big deal, you’ll have fun with it, and it’ll be whoever you see in the moment.

For others: you’ll overthink it and fumble deciding. Soon the moment will pass and you’ll be a virgin forever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees his doctor about terrible headaches he has had for most of his adult life.

The doctor isn’t sure what is going on, so arranges a scan. The scan comes back as normal, so the doctor refers the man to a neurologist who is also unable to find a cause though does offer some advice.

“I did meet one man who had similar headaches, the only thing that helped was having his t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between an alcohol-free beer and your sisters pussy?

When you taste it, it tastes ok. But there's something wrong with it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is reddit similar to sex?

\- Both sex and reddit require karma to do anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is a thunderstorm similar to sex?

You never know how intense it will get, or how long it will last..

How are women and the sun similar

Sunglasses allow you to stare at them for longer

Why do frogs taste similar to beer?

Because of the hops.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know the similarities between a stripper and a rock?

You skip the flat ones

How is a joke like an animal?

When you dissect it, it dies.

Get it? Because just like when you take apart an animal to see how it works, it obviously can't be alive anymore, by the same logic, picking apart the inner workings of a joke by over-explaining the punchline is going to kill the humorous spirit it carries; it wo...

How many steps? - Add questions if you have something similar.

* How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the fridge?
* Three: open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.
* How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in the fridge?
* Four: open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the fridge.
* All the an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three dogs meet at a veterinary

They are sitting in the waiting room talking about why they are there.

The first one tells the others, "Well, it's so sad, I'm here because I bit my owner's hand. I'm so sorry about it, but still they want me to be euthanized."

The second one tells a similar story, "Yeah, I feel you, m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the similarities between doing a bungee jump and sleeping with a prostitute?

Both cost £50.
Both last 30 seconds.
And if the rubber snaps you're fucked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Poodle, a Cocker Spaniel & a Great Dane are sitting in a veterinarian's waiting room.

The Great Dane asks, "What are you fellas here for?" The Poodle says, " The other night my owner had his boss and his wife over for dinner. I'd been feeling frisky all day and the wife's leg was looking good, so I jumpd up and started humping the heck out of it. She freaked out, my owner was furiou...

I am offered a job in north-west part of India to write jokes exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or similar sounding words.

Apparently, it's a pun-job!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

How are marriage and a hurricane similar?

In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the similarities with Donald Trump's Hair and a thong?

They both barely cover the arsehole.

What is the similarity between a joke and shame

It's on me

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

Aliens invade the planet

Aliens invade the planet and take every living being prisoner and contains them in a facilty. The aliens then set up machines here and there which are similar to vending machines but they dispense any animal/human/living thing which they keep as pets. The living being requested is random so it's a f...

The Pope discussing the existence of god with an out and out atheist

As the discussion goes on it gets more and more heated and at one point the annoyed Pope hollers -

"You are like a man who is totally blindfolded in a dark room looking for a black cat that is not there"

And the fella said,
"With all respect, Your Holiness, I think there is a great...

Ole applied for the same job as Murphy and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give Ole, the Norwegian the job."

Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is similar about coronavirus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either

People and bottles are very similar

If they get alcohol inside them they will get drunk

What's the similarity between America and Melania Trump?

They're both getting screwed by Donald Trump and neither one of them is happy about it.

I came up with this last night, but it might be a repost.

How is a gun and a bag of chips similar

When you pull them out in class, suddenly everyone wants to be your friend

Coinciding with each new iphone announcement I too roll out a similar product each year

I call it the Eye-roll.

What’s the similarity between a vegan and a frat boy?

They always manage to slip it in.

Whats the similarity between budweiser and Belgium?

Germans refuse to believe they are even there

What are the similarities between the royal family and yeast?

There both inbred.

What’s the similarity between skid marks and my uncle?

you can find both in my boxers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the similarity between the PS5 and a woman's orgasm?

The release date hasnt been revealed yet.

What's the main similarity between a morgue and an office complex?

Both are good places for a stiff to go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Finding the right dog

Joey decides he wants to start hunting, and he just loves the taste of fresh duck. He starts gathering gear for his first trip when an old-timer mentions he's gonna need a dog. The old-timer goes on to tell him to be careful of the dog he gets. If the dog's asshole is too big, it'll fill with water ...

How are old people in Socialist republics similar?

They have a tendency to collapse

Brian is hired to paint lines on the road

The first day Brian paints 2 km of the road, and the boss is very impressed.

The second day he paints 1 km of road, the boss is wondering why it's less than the day before, but gives him a chance.

The third day he only paints 500 m of road and the boss is not happy, but he is a forgivi...

I've discovered some similar thing between cars and humans.

The older they are, the more maintenance is required.

Going down on my girl is similar to 9/11

Bush is involved.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what is similar between sex, and fishing? It doesn’t matter how deep you go,

it matters how you wiggle the worm.

What's similar between the squareroot of -1 and the number of confirmed cases in China

They are both not real numbers

What's the similarity of a failure and you spanking a hard ass?

You're both hitting rock bottom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A church needed a new bell ringer

A church needed a new bell ringer, so the priest placed a want ad in the local paper. Soon, a man showed up to apply for the job.

The priest, on seeing that the man had no arms, said, "My son, I'm afraid there is no way for you to do this job."

"Father, I really need this job, and I'm...

What is the similarity between COVID-19 and corruption?

Both are spreading through the highest levels of the US government.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you ...

Genghis Khan once had the hands of an entire village of superb bowmen maimed so their skills could never be used against him. Similarly, he crippled a conquered town of excellent sprinters

For the town, it was a crushing de feet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She swore to me she used an enema before we had anal sex

turns out she was full of shit.



(apologies if a similar joke has been done before)

Corona beer sales have plummeted just because of the name similarity

Which I don't get cause, when O.J killed his wife I didn't stop drinking orange juice

Girlfriends and fishing are similar

There are many fish in the sea, but till you hook one, you're just holding your rod.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a similarity between an Astronomer and a Prostitute?

Their action begins when it’s dark!

What's the similarity between love of life and child?

I don't have either of them

Are male and female reproductive organs similar?

No. There’s a vas deferens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the similarities between bungy jumping and cheating?

First you dont dare and if the rubber breaks you are fucked

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. (Long)

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. He sat amidst billions upon billions upon billions, which surrounded him. He alone, at the end of time, bore witness to the Great Library, the vast repository of consciousness in Universe.

Before him was a pile of similar cubes. These cub...

What's the similarity between my uncle and sharks?

The both prey on schools

I often find that redditors and bats are very similar,

they both live in echo chambers.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.