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What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking "oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me"

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What do you call two similar looking breasts?

Identities.

You know, a baby and the universe are pretty similar

I mean, both started with a bang

The thought process of a wounded animal and a second grader on picture day is pretty similar,

Show your teeth and maybe they’ll go away

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Why are bridge and sex so similar?

You don't need a partner if you have a good hand

Voting in the election is similar to this sub

the same speech will win, but there’s always a different face to it

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How are sex and air similar?

Neither are that big of a deal, until you aren't gettin' any.

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Was reminded of my dad’s favorite joke when I saw a similar joke posted earlier today. He owns his own construction company and would tell this to everyone.

All the body parts get together to decide who is the boss of the body.

First is the brain. “It’s obvious I’m the boss. I’m the smartest and without me the body wouldn’t even know what to do.”

The hands speak up and say, “Without us the body wouldn’t be able to get food to the mouth. Th...

How are a joke and a sheep similar?

Once you’ve herd one, you’ve herd them all.

How is the Tiananmen square massacre similar to the Mueller report?

[REDACTED]

How is my mother-in-law similar to an anti-vaxx video on Youtube?

They both have a lot of negative comments.

Scissors and knives serve similar functions...

But I learned the hard way scissoring someone gets you a very different reaction from knifing them.

How are ps4s and Micheal Jackson similar?

They're both plastic and get turned on by little kids.

Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

They both depend on the batter

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Why are Christmas trees and priests similar

The balls are just for show

All the French cities are too similar to each other

I mean they are all Nice but... I don’t know

How are diamond rings and cocaine similar?

Both are purchases you'll spend a whole month's paycheck on, and probably end feeling regret.

How are high school teachers similar to anti-vaxx mothers?

They have to say goodbye to their kids after only 4 years.

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What’s similar between a hurricane and a women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

TIL Reddit is quite similar to fencing.

Full of ripostes.

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

Life and phone batteries are very similar

When their running low, it’s time to plug them into something or they’ll die.

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I told my girlfriend that my penis and my punchlines are similar because they both have twists in the end.

She agreed saying she's never seen either coming.

How are unvaccinated kids and anti-vax jokes similar?

They never get old.

What makes a blonde and a Tornado similar? (Sorry blondes)

What makes a Blonde and a Tornado similar?

At first it’s sucking and blowing and next thing you know, YOUR HOUSE AND CAR ARE GONE! xD thank you! I’ll be here all year!

What’s similar between a girlfriend and drugs?

I don’t have either

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How is having sex with a hooker and Bungie Jumping similar?

They both cost around 100 dollars and if the rubber breaks you're screwed

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How is a frying pan similar to a vagina?

You gotta heat things up first before you slap the meat to it.

Which supervillain are wives similar to?

Thanos

Decimate you, take 50% and vanish.

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[NSFW] My approach to sex is similar to the governments approach to Brexit

I go in hard then pull out when I realise I have no idea what I'm doing

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How is a Rubik's cube similar to a penis?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

How is a congressman and a dog similar?

When you ask them to speak they will, but it doesn't mean anything.

How are a dog and a tree similar?

They both lose their bark when they’re dead.

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Premature ejaculation is pretty similar to hide-and-go-seek

Whether they're ready or not, you're still gonna come

What grocery store chain is the most similar to American Schools?

Target.

What does a priest and a pimple have in similar

They both don’t ask when they come on your face

Circumcising and lumberjacking are very similar

You’re chopping wood.

Santa Claus and Karl Marx are pretty similar when you think about it.

They both have long beards, re distribute items for free, and we all stop believing in them at a young age.

Why is halloween candy so similar to anti-vax kids?

Because both dont last very long

How are zombies similar to intellectual men?

They both appreciate women for their brains, not their bodies.

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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

Your salary, it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come it means you are fucked.

What’s similar between Buddhism and Reddit?

Both have a goal of collecting the most karma.

I invented a new game similar to rock paper scissors.

You have 3 cards with a color on one side and white on the other.

You and your opponent choose a card, show it face down (white part), and simultaneously switch it to know the winner.

Every player has 3 cards of 3 different colors, representing some natural elements: Blue, Red and Bro...

Baking and boxing are very similar

They both require you to beat until thick

Why are cigrattes and hamsters similar

There both pretty safe until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

How is being in a game of paintball and war similar?

You often see people dye.

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Things where Mechanics and Dentists are similar: drills, fluids, expensive without insurance. Things where Mechanics and Dentists Differ:

Dentists will at least wait until your asleep before they try and fuck you

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

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You know,my life is somewhat similar to Simba

The uncles fucked up our childhood

The Popcorn Army is very similar to most other armies...

the main difference is the ranking system: everyone starts out as a Kernel.

Brexit was similar to choosing your favorite Jane Austen novel.

Pride and Prejudice defeated Sense and Sensibility.

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Skyrim guards and Pornhub share a similar rule

No Loli Gagging

Twinkie’s and Twinks are very similar

They are both small and filled with cream

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Research has shown that sheep have vaginas almost similar to women

Is that why Mary had a little lamb?

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What do the small grass-like substance that grows on the side of rocks and small winged insects similar to butterflies have in common?

The way Mike Tyson pronounces them.

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I yelled at a friend because in her email she used 'peak' instead of 'peak', 'hear' instead of 'here' and other, similar mistakes.

I engaged in an ad homonym attack.

Why are they similar

What do doctors and mad people have in common

They can have days where they lose their patients.

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They’re both flying information.

How is a hand grenade and your wife similar?

Take off the ring, and you lose your house and car.

Why are corporations and mosques so similar?

They both only care about the prophet

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How is Bud Light similar to having sex in a canoe?

They're both fucking close to water

How's a doctor's office similar to a US school?

Kids can get their shots there, if someone is ill.

What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident?

a wrecked angle


(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)

Chewing and eating are very similar...

But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.

How are girls and rocks similar?

The flat ones get skipped

What's similar between Scarlet Witch and Daredevil? [spoilers]

The both lost their vision

How is r/jokes similar to a broken fence?

All you have to do is repost to keep the sheep from leaving

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How are a vagina and the Italian mafia similar?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

What is similar between dark humour and a child with terminal cancer?

It never gets old.

Mexican and black jokes are way too similar now..

You've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

Doug Ford and Walmart are quite similar

They both love their rollbacks.

US Presidents and jokes are very similar...

... a lot of people really prefer the dark ones.

Why are women similar to hurricanes?

At first they make you wet, then the destroy your life and then take your house and car.

How are a woman and a tornado similar?

They start off sucking and blowing but then in the end you lose your house.

Racism and Nickelback are very similar

It's fun to joke about them, but you never wanna see them live.

I recently had to be rushed to the hospital for describing two events that were too similar

Turns out I had a massive corollary.

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Fishing is similar to a crooked businessman calling his lawyer

It's one jerk on the end of a line waiting for a jerk on the other end.

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[NSFW] How are radical Christianity and Islam similar?

They both fuck kids.

How are teenage boys and the enzyme helicase similar?

They both want to unzip your genes

A Pirate Ship is attacked by a similar sized ship

Before the impending battle begins, the captain says to his crew mate, "Bring me me red shirt." The crew fought gallantly, and won. After the battle, the crew mate asks his captain, "Sir, why did you ask for thy red shirt?" The captain responds, "so that way, if I was wounded in battle, the crew wou...

Jesus and floppy discs are very similar

They both died to become the image of saving

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