How many boomers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None.

They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.

“Can you please change my grade?”

“Of course,” Tom remarked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to change the bulb, and one to hold the penis.


Edit: *Father


Edit: * LADDER!!!! Dammit.

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two: One to promise a bright future and another one to screw it up.

R. Kelly changed the rap game

He took the art out of rap artist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead hookers you need to change lightbulb in the basement?

Well, it is not 3 since it is still dark in there.

How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How do boomers change a lightbulb

They dont, they just keep talking about how great the old one was

If the Americans change from pounds to kilograms overnight,

there will be mass confusion.

My town’s population never changes.

Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

A kid walks into a car shop to get his get his first oil change.

"Oh, you're in for an oil change, okay. Also, while you're in do you know the last time the car had a tire rotation?" the worker says.

The kid looks at the worker confused,"Sir, I dont want to tell you how to do your job or anything, but the tires rotated on the way here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

It’s gotta be more than 7 because my basement’s still dark.

It has been proven that Greta Thunberg is making a real difference to climate change

Every time she comes on the TV approximately 1 million people switch it off

My buddy Mike wants to change his name by just one letter.

I keep telling him: "Nike, Just do it."

He doesn't get it.

Swoosh

What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction!

A vegan, climate change activist and an MMA fighter all walk into a bar

How do I know this? Because NONE of them can stop telling me about it.

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.

The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger

Instead of yelling "get down!", they have to yell "Donald, duck!".

People used to call me ugly in middle school, but things have changed

I'm not in middle school anymore

The other day a homeless man asked me for some change so I got my wallet out and realised I only had a £20 note

I thought to myself, "Do I really want this money being spent on drugs?"

I decided I didn't so I gave him the money

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit.

At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.
One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
"Ah," he said, "...

birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it,forget about the future,you can't predict it forget about the present...

I didn't get you one.

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

One day, a lady named Anne wanted to change her name...

One day, a lady named Anne decided she was bored of her name and wanted to change it to Penny-Anne. That's not what I would choose, I would do something cool like Proffeser Spider Ninja, but that's why I haven't changed my name. Anyway, changing your name can be like $200, and Anne didn't have a lot...

When the Mystery Machine gets a flat, who gets out to change the tire?

Scooby-do

The band 4 Non Blondes changed their name to 3 Non Blondes...

Because the 4th one dyed.

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby.

For instance my name, address and telephone number!

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, its fake news that the light bulb is burned out.

And they like being in the dark.

How many baby boomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just hire someone to do it and complain how back then a bulb used to cost a nickel

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(Edit: Folks, take a breath. It is a joke.)

(Edit: Thanks for the silver, gold, and plats)

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

Webster's dictionary recently changed the spelling of Aquarius to "Ahquarius."

This is the donning of the "h" of Ahquarius.

I was trying to change a lightbulb in the ceiling fan

My wife saw me struggling to reach it since it was pretty high up.

She said, "Let me get something for you to stand on. Do you prefer the ladder or the step stool?"

I said, "I'll take the latter."

So she brought me the step stool, just like I asked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy named John Asshole goes to the courthouse change his name

The judge asks him: "What's your name?"

John was a ashamed of saying it out loud so he wrote his name down and passed it to the judge

The judge holds his laugh and asks him "Well, obviously your name must be changed. What name do you prefer to be called from now on, sir?"

"Mark ...

I used to not believe in climate change

But around October I started supporting global warming

A colon can completely change a sentence.

Mary ate her friend's lunch.

Mary ate her friend's colon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dominatrix was trying to improve her PR so she changed her name to Harm

One day she was getting a medical check-up and she realized she would have trouble paying her doctor. Being a sex worker, she tried to see if there was an alternative way to pay.

“Doctor, isn’t there something we can figure out?”

“I see where this is going and I appreciate the sentim...

Hearing aids can change your life...

...especially when your immunologist is completely sure about your std tests.

Capitalization really changes a sentence.

For example:

I love candy.

I love capitalization.

A husband buys a dozen underwear for of the same color for his wife. His wife argues: “why the same color? People will think that I don’t change my underwear!”

In which the husband retorts “which people?!” >:/

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Let's fuck grandma.

Let's fuck, grandma.

Climate change is such a joke

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

Chicago style pizza changes you

I use to like New York style pizza

Till I tasted Chicago style pizza

Now, I love New York style pizza

Changed my job

Recently changed from working at a restaurant to working in a hospital. Probably should try to stop saying "We hope to welcome you again soon"

how many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, they'll just sit there and talk about how it's gonna blind them and how there no proof that light bulbs provide light

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

Elton John has changed career and decided to be a stand up comic

His new gig is just a little bit funny

How many Irish men does it take to change a light bulb?

One but he has to be drunk so the room spins around while he holds the lightbulb.

When my wife got pregnant, everything changed.

My name, my address, and my phone number.

The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

My English teacher told me that using a colon in a sentence can really change its meaning.

For example,

Jane ate her friend's sandwich

Becomes

Jane ate her friend's colon.

I really tried to embrace change.

But to be honest, I still prefer banknotes.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree t...

My friend got caught stealing a car. I told him he should change careers.

He didn’t know how to take it.

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The change of position over time is velocity

The change of velocity over time is acceleration.
The change of acceleration over time is a jerk.
The change of a jerk over time is an election.

My friend asked, “Aren’t you concerned Florida will be submerged from climate change?”

I replied, I thought that’s what we were all trying to do, then we’ll stop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People can change

Even Hitler went from being an anti-semite to finally killing the person responsible for death of million jews.

How many HK protesters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick Question: They can't change anything.

Jk dont take this seriously plz

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

Climate change is getting on the news alot more nowadays.

You could say its a hot topic worldwide.

For a change, blonde MAN

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are intimate. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on "ALL OF YOU" because I wasn't even at home yesterday !

Words and phrases can change so much over time

‘Black market’ meant something entirely different 200 years ago.

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