Change Jokes

For example:

-Jane ate her friend's sandwich.

-Jane ate her friend's colon.

I don't know, like one, three, five? Whatever, I just can't even...

A reptile dysfunction!

They don't, they arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

None.

They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.

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It's not my job to give you the answer. Do your own research.

None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.

They dont, they just keep talking about how great the old one was

Tell him Obama put it in

Excretions

One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

My address, my phone number..

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

10.

1 to change the bulb and 9 to tell you how much better they could've done it

None. Trump says it’s changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.

Just one, but the light has to really want to change.


Give me your best lightbulb joke.

The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, ... read more

They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

Or was Snoop Lyin'?

Edit: Just in case the king sees this, I got mad respect for you Dogg. Smoke weed everyday.

(His grandmother passed away recently, I'm just trying to be nice people.)

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*

None. They're happy living in the dark

For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."

At least 1 battalion to lose in the attempt. Please reply with your best punchline.

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ... read more

Honestly, it's a pretty obscure number. I doubt you've ever heard of it.

“Of course,” Tom remarked.

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.

My life is a joke.

it's like I've never seen herbivore.

... to something like "Reigning Men."

It has become Ruth less.

Example:

I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

Only one:


Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, and zero safety incidents, increasing workplace safety and productivity.

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. ... read more

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness

"Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you."

But the thyme is cumin

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

"Let's eat punctuation"

Depends on how clumsy you are.

*There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*

Wanna go ride bikes?

They hold it up to the light and wait for the world to revolve around them

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through th... read more

It is a trick question, as they are still using gas lighting.

She had her Bat Mitzvah.

when do I get my adult supervision?

"H dhei osndhsjbw siso is koqp odjd jsoa JD djs sis ikksbs"

(I am sorry for this horrible joke and I really hope things may work out for you)

Just one, but they'll be more than 20 sessions to find that the lightbulb doesn't need to change.

Now she talks behind my back and pushes me around.

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ... read more

It was a good day to dye.

1000 One to change it and 999 to walk into the same room and change the same light bulb without checking to see if it needed changing first.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

Two counterfeiters are making some fake bills. They've had a few drinks, so quality control is a little off. They accidentally make a whole stack of $15 bills.

"What the hell are we gonna do now? We wasted all this time and resources making these" one of them says.

"I know", ... read more

Thank you for your query. Your number is #204588. We have allotted a timeslot for you at 2-3pm on Tuesday the 28th of November, during which time you will be required to fill out and submit forms 32.B and 44.A from our catalogue. Once these forms have been processed by our team we will begin an inve... read more

She said “That’s fare”

This isn’t even my final form.

It's just not cool anymore

Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

Company: why

Elon: Good one, How about X, instead