A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”

The nun agreed…

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want ...

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhap...

You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada

It's Trudeau.

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
<...

The Sistine Chapel ceiling may not be the greatest work of art ever, but

it's definitely up there.

SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym...

For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat and to come and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a horrible accident, I woke up in the hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She explained to me sympatheticly, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.” I nodded and groaned, "I understand."

So I felt her breasts…

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

You may not be the dumbest person on Earth,

but you better hope he doesn't die.

Zombies may appear slightly disordered at times.

But their food is always mindful.

A man walks through the forest with his granddaughter in late May.

She spots some berries and asks what they are.
„That's blueberries“, he says.
„But they're red, grampa!“
„That's because they're still green“

Hello, may I have your order?

No, this is mine. Go get your own!

With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."

Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You may be a 6 in looks and a 7 in bed, but when it comes to piss play, baby...

Urinate.

He said to her " may be I don't have a car or a villa or a farm or a company or lots of money like my friend John but I really really love you"

She hugged him and cried " if you really love me, introduce me to your friend John"

Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s may.

Student: No, it’s January

Time zones are very confusing. Like it's may 2 in australia, may 1 in europe

and 1954 in america

Controversial new study in Brazil may have unlocked the key to immortality in frogs

A veterinary surgeon has successfully removed the vocal cords of a green tree frog.

He can no longer croak....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis may only be 3 inches long

but it smells like a foot!

"May I borrow your foot pump?"

"Why? Have you got flat feet?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jungle snooker. (Long Old joke, but then I’m old so you may not have heard it)

An elephant, a crocodile and a snake met by a riverbank, they had known each other for years and were pals. How about a game ? said the crocodile and the others agreed. Jungle snooker? Asked the elephant. Don’t know that one said the snake, how’s it played? Well said the elephant it’s like table ...

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A school bus full of Catholic girls drives off a cliff and they all die.

A bus filled with 18 year old sheltered Catholic school girls drove off a cliff and they all died. So they all form a single file line in front of the gates of heaven and saint Peter says to the first girl "have you ever touched a man's penis?" And the girl says "yes but just with the tip of my fing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, yes sir, may we help you? There's something wrong with my dick, he replied.

The receptionist became aggravated and said, you shouldn't come into a crowded office and say something like that.

Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you, he said.

we do not use language like that here, she said. Please go outside and come back in and say that there's so...

Some may say the democratic national convention is where we nominate the president

I think it’s just a political party

The voices in my head may not be real,

but they have some good ideas!

Drinking coffee may reduce the chances of getting Alzheimer’s

Never heard that one before

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o...

I met Willie Mays one time, and insulted him

I told him Mickey Mantle was a better Centerfielder

He was quite dis-Mayed

A man is concerned that the pain in his side may be serious, so he goes to his doctor's.

After a brief examination, the doctor asks the man to lie on the examination table. The man does so as the doctor leaves the room.

While the man is lying there, a dog and cat enter the room. The cat jumps into the man's chest and stares at him while the dog licks each of his hands. Shortly...

If April showers bring May Flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Smallpox

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork

but the heavier ones need a crane.

Some of you may be nervous about your first guitar lesson.

Don't fret about it.

The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous,

But backwards it’s even more stupid.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.

Just pretty much leave me alone.

I'm a beggar and I wanna make a difference in this world. You may disagree with me

But I beg to differ

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

You may be entitled to...

Has Covid19 forced you to wear glasses & a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation!

Arizona may be a COVID 19 hot spot...

...but at least its a dry cough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant.

After they put in their orders, the three strike up a conversation about what they believe awaits them in the afterlife.

The priest says, "I try to live my life according to God's word, so that I may go to the good Lord in heaven and live in paradise for all of eternity. I do not curse, I for...

It may strike anytime now

I threw a boomerang several years ago.
Now I live in constant fear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL On May 25th 2001, a blind man named Erik Weihenmayer climbed the top of Mount Everest...

When asked how he feels, he said "I'm gonna kill that fucking guide dog of mine!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Well, your ass may be grass...

Butt hay, what can you do?

You may think I’m wrong for stealing kitchen utensils

...but that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea,

but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You may call me a racist.

But I won't tell black people jokes.

The urge to sing "the lion sleeps tonight" may come any time

It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

I may be a thief, but I would never steal a ruler...

That’s where I draw the line.

Man goes for a run, but not for a reason you may think.

Rick: “Honey, I’m home!”

Wife: “Oh my, you’re certainly sweating a lot! Did you finally go for a run?”

Rick: “That’s right, but-“

Wife: “I’m so proud of you! You should go running more often-“

Rick: “But-“

Someone knocks on the door.

Wife: “Who is it?”
...

my son is a male trapped in a female body

he'll be born in may.

The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird'...

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

A woman rings at neighbour's door. A man opens the door.

Woman: "Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?"

Man:"Well yes, of course! I bought 16 stacks of ...

Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.

1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning.

1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.

They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.

The day of the makeup test, the ...

Yesterday, UK protesters tore down monuments of Boris Johnson and Theresa May

Lawyers assume that they will be charged for a statue-tory crime

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

Nine out of ten police officers disagree with this statement.

Three nuns die in a car crash, and get sent up to the pearly gates of heaven. The gatekeeper sees them, and decides to have a little fun in deciding whether they may enter heaven, by giving them questions about the Bible. He explains this, and the first nun steps up to answer her question.

Gatekeeper: What were the names of the first two humans on earth?

Nun 1: Ooh, that's an easy one. Adam and Eve, of course.

The gates opened and the first nun walked in.

Gatekeeper: Next question: What fruit did Adam and Eve eat?

Nun 2: Ooh, that's an easy one. An apple,...

If today is “May the 4th be with you”

Then tomorrow is “Revenge of the 5th”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PUBLIC NOTICE FOR MEN: DO NOT GO ALONE WHEN BUYING GROCERIES. YOU MAY BE ROBBED.

Men of Reddit!

There is a new robbery trend out there targeting men. I think you all should be aware of the new technique they are using to rob us. I've been a victim!!!

This is how they do it: while you are putting your grocery bags in your car at the parking lot, three extremely sexy...

[Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes....

But whiskey will double your vision.

King Arthur is on a mission and must leave the castle.

He worries that his wife, Queen Guinevere, may not stay faithful to him while he goes on his journey. So, he devises a belt that would poison the member of any man who attempts to have intercourse with her. The flesh will rot away, and it will need to be chopped off. With everything in place, he lea...

There were once two people.

Eim and Ep.

One day, they came across a wizard. After a lot of bargaining, the wizard agreed to grant them each one wish. Ep requested a loving family. Ep was granted a rebellious teen daughter, a wife, and a young son. Eim requested ownership of a toy factory with elf workers that he will tr...

You may not have heard about Thor's brother...

He's low key.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is having an affair...

... with a man.

One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.

Son: " Kinda dark in here."Man: "Yes."Son: "I have a baseball."Man:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love May! It was 25°C outside this weekend!

12°C on Saturday and 13°C on Sunday.

John F Kennedy was just "John Kennedy" From May 29, 1917 To November 21, 1963

They only added the F after he died

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b\*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b\*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don...

Guy walks up to a widow at her husbands funeral and says, “May I just say one word?” “Sure,” she replies. “Plethora,” the guy says.

The widow says, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

Johnny Joke

“Tell me, Johnny” said his teacher, “if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?”

“One hundred dollars,” said Johnny.

“I’m afraid you don’t know your math very well,” said the teacher.

“I may not know my math,” said Johnny, “but ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm going to hunt down the bastard that cursed me with "May you live in interesting times"

And curse him back, may **he** live in interesting times.

People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them naked, and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.

Just ask your mom.

What do you call a Canadian who puts away their winter clothes in May?

An optimist.

If April showers bring May flowers...

I'm on track to get 2 flowers next month.

You may know Murphy’s law, but have you heard of Coles law?

It is a side dish consisting primarily of finely shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian Jew goes into a coffee shop after the fall of the Soviet Union

“Excuse me, waiter, please bring me the most recent edition of Pravda” he asks.

The waiter replies “I’m sorry sir, but the Soviet Union has fallen and Pravda is no longer published”

“Very well, please bring me a coffee then”.

The next day, the Jew comes in again, and again ask...

The USA may still have a beauty pageant. The current projected winner?

Miss Information

Trump may be right about bleach...

The U.S. already uses it on chickens, why not use it on sheep?

(Apparently, I said this joke in my sleep, and don't recall ever hearing it before, so I may have come up with it in my sleep as well.) Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?

He wanted an off-ice job.

May the Fourth be with you.

Like all good fans, we skip the first 3.

A young man frantically runs up to a nun.

The young man says, "Please sister, may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later!"

The nun replies, "if it's really so important, I suppose it's alright. Just keep your eyes closed while you're under there."

The young man climbs under the nun's skirt. Just a few moments later, two s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seven Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

A ghost may try to deceive you.

But don't worry, you will be able to see right through them

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman...

...were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to ...

Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Jimmy: Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Teacher: I don't know, can you?

Jimmy: What? Last time I asked, you told me to use "May I". So unfair!

Teacher: Quit clowning around, Jimmy, you know you can't borrow a pencil over Zoom.

People who sell meat may be gross

But those who sell vegetables are grocer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a brothel and ask that the three most requested girls are brought in front of him(long)

A beautiful blond, brunette and a red head now stand before him, yet he simply can't decide who to pick. The man turns to the blond and ask. "Why are you so popular with the customers?"

She smiles an replies "You may not believe this, but when I get screwed in my ass really good, it congratul...

A nun, badly in need of a restroom, walked into a local hooters. The place was hopping with music and load conversations and every once in a while, the lights would go out.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt in cheers.

The nun walked up to the bartender and asked, “may I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I must warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in ...

Teacher: I’m your son’s teacher and I’m calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar.

Woman: And a damn good one. I don’t have any sons.

You may think I’m paranoid

But I think diet soda is just another form of pop elation control.

Now, I may have short term memory loss...

but at least I don’t have short term memory loss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very rich, yet stingy businessman had symptoms of corona...

He decided to get himself tested and went to the clinic.

After he returned from the clinic he saw few calls from his business partner. So he called him back.

His business partner picked up. he sounded worried, "Hey I've been trying to reach you! You didn't pick up so I called your home...

Three gentlemen were discussing about the oldest job in the world...

A doctor, an electrical engineer and a lawyer were talking about who had the most ancient profession.

The doctor said: "Well, god was the first doctor, for he created life itself, so my profession is the oldest!"

The electrical engineer replied: "But wait, before that, God said 'may t...

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid by a chick.

A man gets pulled over by the police.

Robert: Is something wrong, officer?

Officer: Yes, you were driving too fast.

Robert: Okay, I understand.

Officer: May I see your driver's license, please?

Robert: I would like to let you see it if I had one.

Officer: You do not have a driver's license?

Robe...

Since its may the 4th, I decided to watch the classic Star Wars trilogy with my girlfriend.

First time she ever saw Chewbacca, and she thought he was an Ewok... ... ...

Classic wookie mistake.

(Oldie, but never gets olde)

Oh, sure everyone loves Star Wars on May 4th...

Until you tell your nephew you’re his father!

An English man, Scottish man and Irish man go to the moon...

Once they get there the English man finds an apple, and the other two bet that he cannot throw it back to earth, he tries and completes his dare. When he gets back to earth he sees a little boy sitting on the side of the road crying. “Why are you crying little boy” asks the English man. “An apple ju...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police have arrested a man for having sex with fruit, but they suspect a second perpetrator may still be at large.

The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears."

Blonde: "Do you have any children?"

Me: "Yes, I have one, thats just under 2."

Blonde: " I may be blonde, but I do know how many 1 is."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hair...

"I may never trust my sister Linda again," a brunette woman told her blonde friend.

"What happened?" asked the blonde.

"Yesterday," said the brunette, "I came home from work and heard a strange noise coming from the bedroom. I went upstairs and saw my husband lying in bed. He looked exhausted. I asked him what was up, and he said he was having a heart attack. Just as I was l...

With all this free time, I may finally look into scientology...

...see what all the hubbard is about

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Proof-reading is vital - for example, you may accidentally type "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse."

When in reality, all you did was sit and watch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The inventor of the anagram has died.

May he erect a penis.

Trump’s Coronavirus response may be turning off Older voters

RIP

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler May have ended lots of lives

But at least he put a stop to Hitler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whoever said sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me

He obviously never been smacked in the balls with a concise Oxford English Dictionary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A princess wanted to get married...

Deep in the German forests, there was a huge castle. It housed the king, his beautiful daughter and some servants. One day, the princess decided that she wanted to get married to a man. When she confronted her father and told him about her decision, he got very displeased and denied her request. Aft...

If you smoke pot and forgot what day today is, don’t worry. You can celebrate again on the 25th of May.

Because 4/20 = 5/25

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

10 Catholic school girls are on a bus when they are hit by train and immediately sent to the pearly gates...

St. Peter awaits them ready to speak to each lady to determine if they are worthy of entering into heaven. He asks the first girl,

"So Marie, have you ever touched a man's genitals?" Marie says, "Well I once touched the tip with my finger." Peter tells Marie to dip her finger into the pool...

Seen at the dispensary today....If you have to cough, please do it far away. Otherwise you may be asked

To far cough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoo has the last gorilla of its kind and their worried that she may die soon

The owner is worried about a species going extinct on their watch but they can't find a compatible mate. They hired a scientist to try to find a compatible mate and finds that humans are the only surviving species that can successfully mate with the gorilla and produce viable offspring. After some t...

Joke translated to English from German

A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.

"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"

"What's a driving license? "

"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."


She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic m...

A farmer is expecting his 3 daughters dates to arrive, so he hears a knock on a door, decides to grab his shotgun for intimidation, and opens it.

The first date arrives and says,
“Hello there! My name is Lance, and I’m here to take Chance out to the dance.”

So, the farmer calls his daughter, Chance, and they go off together. The another knock is heard, so he answers it again, shotgun in hand.

“Hey there, it’s me, Dave, and I’...

Little Johnny

Little Johnny had to use the bathroom, so he raised his hand in class to get the teacher's attention. The teacher pointed at Johnny.

He replied, "Can I use the bathroom."

The teacher replied, "where are your manners? May I use the bathroom?"

Johnny said " Alright ladies first, ...

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man asks “May I place my hand on your shoulder?” “Sure” she replies *places hands on her shoulder*

“Thank you. that’s is really touching” she said

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of Nuns falls off a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to ...

So this guy enters a bar and asks for three pints of beer

G: Guy BK:Barkeeper

G: "Good evening, I'll have 3 pints of beer please"

BK: "Hello sir, absolutely, expecting some company?"

G: "Actually, I'm drinking three pints of beer in the name of my two brothers that lost their lives in the war, so it's one for me, one for Matt and one ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"
...

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."

Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."

P...

An Italian young lady is about to go on a walk with her beau when he grandmother warns her...

She tells her granddaugter this:

He will try to kiss you, but you shouldn't let him, even if it feels nice, for it will dishonor you.

He will try to move his hands under your blouse or skirt, you may like it, but you must not let him do it, for it will greatly dishonor you.

H...

A priest and a nun are playing miniature golf.

The priest lines up a ten-footer, hits the ball, and it swerves right of the hole. He yells, “Dammit, I missed!

”The nun recoils in shock. “Father, language!”

“I’m sorry, Sister Margaret, please forgive my cursing.”

They get to the second hole. The priest is only 3 feet away fro...

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