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Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

If lysis means to destroy , then..

Analysis is .....

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There's a French phrase "L'esprit de l'escalier" which means thinking of a perfect comeback for a perceived insult just as you leave the party.

My usual thing to say when I have to leave a party is "Oh shit, it's the cops!"

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I asked my friend if he'd give me a four letter verb that means "to be aware of"

... but that asshole kept telling me no!

My Dad sent me this on Facebook, which means it’s almost guaranteed to be a repost. I touched it up a bit, but here you go: The Worst Day Ever

There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly.

I burst into tears. "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a comple...

I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

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Isac Newton died a virgin. That means that i have one up on him.

I'm not dead

Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well.

It's not the end of the world.

So I asked my neighbor if he could help me figure out what DIY means. He said, "Do it Yourself"

Unhelpful, prick.

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You're living. You have mass. You occupy space. Do you know what that means?

You matter.

What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?

If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."

If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.

If you were in the Army you think it means to go from r...

I told my dad he didn’t seem to know what it means to be a father…

He said he thought it was apparent

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means.

***Thomas, Jane or the fat and ugly one?***

With McDonalds closing all around Russia I guess that means it is a..

..no fry zone.

(Credit to my dad for the joke)

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

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I just don’t get women. My girlfriend says that I have a real problem with mansplaining everything and if I don’t stop, she’ll throw me down a hole filled with water. I know she means well

And when I told her that, she lost her shit and threw me out of the house. Women!

My wife is fed up with my constant stream of jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled...

"No it doesn't!"

A kind stranger recently taught me the meaning of Plethora ....

Thank you kind sir, It means a lot.

My friend had an affair with a patient. Worked so hard to achieve his degree and one mistake means he lost everything.

A great loss to the veterinary profession.

ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?

BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.

Two friends having gotten tired of using instant communication, decided to use old fashioned means of messaging each other, such as pigeons.

For a few days, it is great. Then one day, a pigeon shows up at one friends house with a blank piece of paper.

Angry, the receiver phones his friend to ask what was the meaning of the message.

To which his friend calmly replies, "Oh, that was a missed call."

'I'm sorry' and 'My bad' means the same thing.

Unless you're at a funeral.

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A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

You may live in Canada .

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,...

A couple, after a rather successful first date and are heading back to the guy's apartment.

As the guy reaches for his keys, the girl says, "Oh, this part usually tells me how a guy is in bed. If a guy fumbles around trying to get the key into the lock, it means he hasn't had much experience and has no idea what he's doing, but if the guy just jams the key in, it means he's very forceful a...

44% of Marriages end in divorce.

That means 56% of marriages are fatal.
I love statistics.

Sherlock and his friend Watson go camping

They pitch up their tent and fall asleep. A few hours later, they both wake up.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

"I see millions and millions of stars, my dear Holmes."

Holmes: "Tell me what that means Watson."

Watson: "Astronomically speaking,...

Hot Shot CEO

A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! Th...

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A child asks his father what "gay" means

The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".

What's a six-letter word that means a false feeling of accomplishment?

Wordle.

Apparently people think that I am condescending

(that means I look down on people)

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Did you know? In Marseille, they actually give you a certificate with every souvenir you buy, as a means of demonstrating that it's a genuine product of southern France.

It's proven Provence province provenance.

Billie Eilish is officially 18 now, do you know what that means?

She's old enough to order 12 fascinating issues of Zoobooks for $19.95 if she calls 1-800-441-2400. When she calls, they'll include the bonus Elephants issue, stickers, and Tiger Poster with her order.

It’s okay not to know what “prefix” means.

I mean, it’s not the end of the word.

A blonde and an alligator

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde ...

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Fun facts about England Fun fact: Sussex, Wessex, Essex, and Middlesex, are all named for points on a compass, South, West, East, and Middle respectively, and represent places of Saxon occupancy. That is, Wessex means West Saxons.

But why Middle and not North, you ask. Well, Little Timmy, there's no north because no one wants to be called Nosex.

“Take out” could mean food, dating, or murder.

If you’re a praying mantis, it means all three at the same time.

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An 75 year-old man arrives at a nudist resort.

After checking in, he is given the keys to his suite. As he goes to his new suite butt naked, he sees a gorgeous 20 year-old blonde heading his way, and immediately gets an erection.

"Did you call for me?" asks the blonde.

"What do you mean?" asks the man.

"We have rules here th...

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A maid worked at the house of a very rich couple

One day, she was peacefully sweeping the floor when the phone rang. She answered it:

"Hello, who am I talking to?"

"It's me, the boss. Is my wife already home?"

"What...? I mean, yes, she's here, sir, but why are you calling? Aren't you here too?"

"What do you mean? I'm a...

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me.

It means a lot.

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If I ever become famous, I'm gonna kiss another guy publicly just to remove homophones from my fan base.

John and Jon, that means you.

TIL what "propaganda" means

It's British for "a really good look at something"

I usually ask people what LGBTQ means.

I never get a straight answer.

Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?

HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.

To be truly open minded means you cannot have any convictions...

"Speak for yourself, I'm on probation..."

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