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Means Jokes

"pre" means before and "post" means after...

pre means before and post means after,

to use both at the same time would be...


preposterous!

My wife asked me what "mansplaining" means

...now what am I supposed to do?

I asked what LGBTQIA means,

But I never get a straight answer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A child asks his father what "gay" means

The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".

Billie Eilish is officially 18 now, do you know what that means?

She's old enough to order 12 fascinating issues of Zoobooks for $19.95 if she calls 1-800-441-2400. When she calls, they'll include the bonus Elephants issue, stickers, and Tiger Poster with her order.

What word means the same thing with several letters added?

Mailbox

Hip-hop is now 50 years old. Do you know what this means?

It means hip-hop is now old enough to complain about today’s youth being corrupted by hip-hop.

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the word 'gay' mean?

asked a son to his father.

"It means 'happy,'" replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

I said to my wife, “I can’t think of a four letter word that means identical.”

Her: Same.

Me: Maybe we should get a thesaurus?

I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

Yesterday someone taught me what confirmation bias means.

Now I see it everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?

I said "yeah, the fucking drain is clogged again. "

What kind of running means walking?

Running out of gas!

I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You're living. You have mass. You occupy space. Do you know what that means?

You matter.

My Dad sent me this on Facebook, which means it’s almost guaranteed to be a repost. I touched it up a bit, but here you go: The Worst Day Ever

There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly.

I burst into tears. "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a comple...

'I'm sorry' and 'My bad' means the same thing.

Unless you're at a funeral.

A woman said to her husband: "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"

The man smiled and said: "You'll know tonight." That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She embraced him, and then slowly and unwrapped the package. It contained a book entitled, The Meaning of Dreams.

It’s okay if you have no idea what “prefix” means.

It’s not the end of the word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
Americ...

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.

It's not like it's the end of the world

No means no,

Unless she's dyslexic.

Then it's On.

In America, "five finger discount" means you're shoplifting

In Saudi Arabia, "five finger discount" means you got caught shoplifting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If having a big car means you have a small dick and having big feet means you have a big dick

Then its no wonder people are afraid of clowns

Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

I asked my son, “Do you know what I surrender means?”

Him: I give up.

Me: Why? That wasn’t a hard question.

After 37 years I’m finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I’ve accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means...

...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

If Poly means many then...

Politics means Many Bloodsucking Insects

Fasting isn't expected of Muslims until they reach puberty. This means that absolutely all Muslim children...

...grow up to fast

My wife is fed up with me constantly posting jokes here, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled...

"No it doesn't!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The popularity of Lightning McQueen racecar beds probably means that Lightning McQueen has been peed on more then any other fictional character.

He really does deserve the "Pissed In" cup.

If lysis means to destroy , then..

Analysis is .....

I don't know what "procrastinate" means.

I think I'll look it up later.

If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help.

Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.

My Aunt Betty lost both her feet in a tragic accident but she's still taller than her sister Susan which means Betty is...

Lack toes and taller Aunt.

I am shooting a scene about a Korean martial art. The second shot wasn’t perfect by any means.

Take one though…

TIL what "propaganda" means

It's British for "a really good look at something"

My daughter asked me what "fap fap fap" means...

I think I should stop commenting on her Facebook pictures.

No means no.

-page 47 of my Spanish to English dictionary

ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?

BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.

If me having a Russian accent means my B's sound like V's...

Soviet

Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?

HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.

What does it mean when a man looks deep into your eyes?

it means that you are flat chested.

If foursome mean four people, threesome means three people

What does handsome mean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If "hakuna matata" means no worrys

Does that mean "hakuna makaka" means no shit?

Do you know what "H" in "Jesus H. Christ" means?

Harold. Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isac Newton died a virgin. That means that i have one up on him.

I'm not dead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The word bukkake in Japanese means;

Female student debt relief.

With McDonalds closing all around Russia I guess that means it is a..

..no fry zone.

(Credit to my dad for the joke)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my friend if he'd give me a four letter verb that means "to be aware of"

... but that asshole kept telling me no!

It’s finally October, and you know what that means!

Americans might actually start wearing masks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know? In Marseille, they actually give you a certificate with every souvenir you buy, as a means of demonstrating that it's a genuine product of southern France.

It's proven Provence province provenance.

Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well.

It's not the end of the world.

Today is my first cake day which means

My Reddit account is older than most anti-vax kids will ever be.

I tried to research what the term “confirmation bias” means

All I found was a bunch of fake news, so I stopped reading

Remember men, no means no, but one thousand no's and one yes

is YouTube Premium's entire marketing scheme.

My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means.

***Thomas, Jane or the fat and ugly one?***

If "Red" means stop

That means i have to stop at the red light district

What's a six-letter word that means a false feeling of accomplishment?

Wordle.

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