Covid vaccine side effects

So I’m in line for my covid vaccine and there’s an older gentleman in front of me…

We get called up simultaneously and both get sat next to each other.
I over heard his discussion with the doctor…

“What’s is your insurance? Date of birth? When was your last appointment?”

The...

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What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

TIL about the Downing-Keurig Effect in which poor performers greatly overestimate their abilities. It shows that underperforming individuals “reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize."

I feel so smart knowing about this.

Who can drink 5L of petrol with no effect?

Jerry can

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i was excited when i was asked to participate in experiment about regular sex and its effects on mental health

being in control group definitely make me depressed

What's the second most effective thing you can swallow to avoid getting pregnant?

Birth control pills

What do you call someone who makes sound effects when they urinate?

An onomato-pee-a

As a scientist, I received a lot of praise for figuring out a new method of getting drugs to enter cells more effectively and efficiently.

As a prisoner, I received another 2 years on my sentence.

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."

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A man was unsatisfied with his small penis

He expressed his problem to a friend. His friend suggested that he should go and visit a wizard who was living on a cliff just outside the town. So the man, in hopes, went to visit that wizard. He reached the base of that cliff and started searching for ways to climb his way up. Luckily he found a r...

One Adam Twelve

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was ...

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect

Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

People at my work are subject to quantum effects

They behave differently if a superviser is observing.

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I once was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory

So did I tell you that I was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory?

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.
 

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so he m...

My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

I lived with stoners in college and suffered terrible side effects...

For years afterward, I thought I was funny.

After months of preliminary testing, Dr. D. Johnson's supplement to cure the side-effects of COVID-19 went into final trials

Unfortunately the drug only allowed you to smell what the rock was cooking

People who misspell “effect” for “affect” shouldn’t be allowed to exist.

As you can tell, this effects me deeply:)

Drink jet fuel

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The...

Keeping tropical fish at home can have a truly calming effect on the brain.

Due to all the indoor fins.

A police officer shot me with a taser, but it had no effect.

Then they *charged* me with *resisting* arrest.

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Vice President Cheney opened a boutique online content management firm after retiring. His specialty was evaluating effectiveness of online competitions and customer engagement events.

You may think the things that he did sounds cool, but in reality they were all just Dick measuring contests.

How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.
We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.

Guten Tag!

science explained

This is a joke translated from german
Original is from Vince Ebert, a german comedian

What is Science? Simple said Science is about making a prediction and then try to proof it,
Example:
If i theorise "There is Beer in the fridge!" and then proceed and go looking into the fridge fo...

Steve sees an ad for hiring a music producer.

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S...

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An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

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A sexologist is asked by a reporter...

Reporter: What is the most peculiar side effect of masturbating regularly?

Sexologist: It causes short term memory loss.

Reporter: Have u done any research on it?

Sexologist: On what?

My mom always used the "here comes the train~" trick to get me to finish my food and it was very effective...

because otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

TIL Reddit has one of the most effective carbon offset programs of any website

Which is unsurprising considering /r/jokes consistently achieves a 100% recycle rate.

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I was once photographed out partying whilst drunk, drugged up and looking very much worse for wear. The news media got hold of it and my picture was splashed across the tabloid papers with the headline "The Terrifying Effects of Substance Abuse".

When I first saw it, I went home and had a long hard look at myself in The Mirror.

And then in The Sun, The Daily Star and The Tribune. I thought to myself "Now that's fucking Rock 'n' Roll"

The effect of pot on shore birds...

On the beach yesterday I saw a researcher blowing clouds of pot smoke on shore birds to study the effects of marijuana on their flying. He was very thorough, making sure he dosed every single one he saw.

It was his intention to leave no tern unstoned.

My son was playing a Zelda game and I told him it was more effective to lose health during the summer and winter seasons. Confused, he asked why?

I said, that way you don't take any Fall damage.

How do pharmaceutical companies evaluate the effectiveness of a laxative?

By measuring its defficacy

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

Scientists have found that sunblock is actually 50% effective as birth control

Because it only blocks the sons

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

What's the most effective tool a woman can use to keep away unwanted men?

Detergent.

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's - it's named after the guy who runs the place, Walter Green. He's an older guy who doesn't understand a lot of technological stuff, and so the bar is plain and simple, just as it was when he first opened it back in the 1960s. One of Walter's regular cu...

The Russian Covid Vaccine Sputnik is 91.6% effective

It's also the only Covid vaccine that will help you win an Olympic medal.

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant.

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...



The boy ...

My wife is concerned about my vaccine side effects

Day 1:

“How’s your arm doing?”

“It’s just a bit tender near the injection site.”

Day 2:

“Google said it is supposed to last 4 hours.”

“I think you got the wrong Pfizer info sheet.”

When rebels were combatting Franck’s regime, they found that it was most cost effective to use bullets made of tin

Nobody expects the Spanish tin munition!

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An Australian guy with an alligator walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bar, sets the alligator on the counter and asks for a free drink. Bartender tells him "Sorry, we don't do free drinks here." Aussie says "What if I showed you a trick? " Bartender tells him "It will need to be a really cool trick if you want to earn a free drink."

So, the Au...

In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia’s first internet.

And the speed of communication hasn’t changed since.

Doctors need to test Ozzy Osbourne's blood to find the most effective vaccine for COVID...

...He has been eating bats since the 80's and he is still alive.

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

I know absolutely LOADS about the Dunning-Krueger effect

I probably know even more than Mr Dunning-Krueger himself

If the vaccine turns out to have no serious side effects would it be considered an innocuous inoculation?

And if doesn’t work .. a vacuous vaccine?

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At a fundraising concert ....

... performance recently, Bono was trying to emphasize the charity's the need, exhorting the audience to donate, he shouted out ...

"Every time \~*clap\~* I clap my hands \~*clap\~* a starving child in Africa dies \~*clap\~*.


As he paused for effect and continue to \~clap\~clap...

BREAKING: North Korea announces breakthrough 100% effective COVID-19 treatment

Sources report the new treatment involves injecting a bullet into the forehead of people infected with the virus.

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A drunkard was zigzagging his way through the streets at 4AM. Two policemen in a car decided to approach him...

One cop asked "where are you going at this time of night?"

"I'm going to a lecture"

"A lecture?! At this time of night? What about?!"

"About the effects of alcohol and drugs on the human body. The damages caused by living a reckless life. The degradation that free love and sex ...

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Studies suggest that masturbation is twice as effective as sex for dealing with stress.

So one in the hand really is worth 2 in the bush

Putin just introduced Russia’s new COVID-19 vaccine. The good news is that it’s 100% effective.

The bad news is that it’s Novichok.

100% effective method on quitting smoking

1. Start quitting
2. Quit starting

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I've been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking and sex that I've finally decided

To give up reading

The effects of COVID-19 on Trump

White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany said “President Trump remains in good spirits, has mild symptoms, and has been working throughout the day.”

Who'd have guessed COVID-19 would improve Trump's work ethic?

Hey Guys! I just watched a 5 minute video on the Dunning-Kreugar Effect.

So, I’m pretty much an expert now.

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Male Birth Control

So Cletus decided 9 kids was enough since there was no more room on their bed, so off he went to the local vet. He told the vet he and his cousin were through with having kids, and asked to be snipped.
"The way I see it" - said the vet - "You have one of two choices. You can either get a vasectom...

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a man was in a party with his friend barney

he asked his friend: "how do you get women to like you so much?"

barney replied: "i have a trick, every time i meet them i squeeze them on the butt, it has some kind of pavlovian effect or something but it always works"

the man then went home, him and his wife haven't had sex for a cou...

Weight-loss pills are very effective...

They drain your bank account so you don’t have money for food.

The bystander effect works in my favor

So many people wish I was dead,

That all of them assume someone else will actually kill me

A Russian soldier and an american soldier are drinking at a bar

The Russian says "I'm impressed by american propaganda. It's so subtle but effective."

The american responds "What are you talking about, we don't do propaganda."

I am an expert on the Dunning-Krueger effect.

It’s the effect that states that anything that can go wrong will

What's the most severe long term effect of COVID-19?

The hospital bill.

I found out about the Dunning-Kruger Effect yesterday

And today, I am an expert in it

What do you call a condom that’s 100% effective?

Inconceivable

So there's a new strain of Coronavirus that effects Hipsters...

You probably haven't heard of it.

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A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist

"I have a date this weekend with two smoking hot models. I want to be able to stay hard the whole time I'm with them. I'm looking for something stronger than Viagra!"

The pharmacist says "Well, I do have this new experimental drug. It works instantly and is guaranteed for three days without s...

I used to think I understood the Dunning-Kruger effect...

but the more I look into it, the less sure I am.

Imagine if there were a pill you could take that let you fly, but the side effects gave you cancer

Cancer cases would skyrocket

There was a study to show the effectiveness of jackhammers.

It was ground-breaking.

Old Man on the Fast Moped

Just remembered this one today. It's a great joke for around a campfire.

\---

Guy's driving down the road in his new Lamborghini. Stops at a light next to an old man on a moped.

The old man looks over and says "Say, that's a pretty spiffy looking car there, son. It looks f...

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A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

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Quarrantine Day 7: Research continues on the effect of excessive masturbation on eyesight.

Dont forget to press the "subscribe" button to see my next video!

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?

They say you should sing Happy Birthday when cleaning your hands, but I find Uptown Funk to be much more effective

Don't believe me? Just wash

Today I learned the side effects of smoking frogs

It turns out that it makes you super jumpy

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

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How effective is your facemask

You can test how effective your facemask is at home. Go to the bathroom and take a shit. Then put on your facemask and try to smell. If you can smell it, then you just proved your facemask doesn't filter shit.

My friend told me about how they changed the Berenstain Bears, and he told me it’s called the mandala effect.

I said, “Oh, is that what they’re calling it now?”

I recently discovered that 1 in 8 Americans is an alcoholic

I also discovered that 1 in 8 Americans actually suffers from the effects of alcoholism; the rest seem to have a pretty good time

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

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I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

Ever since my covid vaccine I've been feeling tired and unable to get out of bed

Glad to see there are no side-effects.

I was so fortunate that a Muslim family was able to take me in when Social Isolation when into effect.

Now I am in Quran-tine.

A patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of a recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

“I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the drinking.”

“Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”

TIL: if you push one pizza delivery man over, all the pizza delivery men fall over.

It's known as the domino's effect.

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A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.



The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.



He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small, it'd be almost non-exis...

What's the most effective method of suicide?

Supplying the POTUS and the Royal Family with underage girls.

The sound effect of intensity makes sense

3Tons will intensify any moment

Apparently one of the side effects of coronavirus is no taste...

Thoughts go out to all the Nickelback fans out there

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A Labrador, a Golden Retriever & a Chihuahua...

are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They’re speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and ...

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A man went to the doctor...

A man went to the doctor on Saturday, to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor said, "I can't give you a double dose, it's too dangerous!" "But I really need it!", the man replied. The doctor asked him what he needed a double dose for, to which the man replied, "Well, my girlfriend is coming into ...

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My mate down the pub asked me last night “why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?”

I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."

He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"

I replied, "No, I work in a morgue''.

My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective.

I just use my personality.

The most unexpected effect of Corona Virus is it changes the taste of the food you eat

Nothing is wrong with your taste buds, all kitchen staff have started washing their hands!

statistics of birth control effectiveness

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

What is the net effect of a divorce, or a tornado in Alabama?

Somebody is getting a new trailer.

The problem with homeopathy is...

that there are too many homeopaths. It would be more effective if they were thinned out a bit, say one homeopath per ten trillion people...

So countries are basically competing to most effectively manage a virus that makes people cough and sneeze. Does that make this...

A Cold War?

Just learned about the Baader-Meinhof effect...

Now I can't stop seeing it everywhere!

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Hans has a small Dick

(Long)

Hans lived in a small town and has a small dick. Everyone knew about it, the girls snickered behind his back, the guys used to tease him endlessly. He tried all the remedies to make his dick big and failed.

Dejected, he visited his local night club one day and saw his friend Pet...

Have you heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect?

I read this online article about it, so I'm basically an expert.

Medicine ads on TV be like: Secondary effects: You may die

\-Okay then

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

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I'm a firm believer of traditional wisdom. So I use the world's first and most effective contraceptive there is,

Being really fucking ugly.

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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

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