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Effect Jokes

What's a redditor's most effective birth control?

Their personality

One of the effects of ADHD…

Is that you can’t

I just heard about the Dunning-Kruger effect

What a crock! I could have written that paper drunk with a couple mates!

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For class today, I brought in a drug addict to show kids the adverse effects of drugs.

This man was a real mess. He would use coffee as a stimulant throughout the day, alcohol to alleviate his anxieties, sweets for his depression, TikTok to get dopamine hits, and shitty TV at night to mindlessly pacify him.

Growing up, this so-called Mandela Effect didn't exist.

Or at least, that's how I remember it.

I'd like to tell a joke about the Mandela Effect...

...but i can't recall what it was.

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.

She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says "I want you to see this."

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made ...

I've just been reading about the Dunning-Kruger effect.

Go on, ask me anything.

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Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

The earth is rotating at over 1000 miles an hour

However, humans don't feel the effect of it.

Until the 9th or 10th beer.

Or else!

Timmy was a soft spoken mell-mannered lad and he was soon to be married to Jane. His mates were worried that, with his mild nature, he'd end up being dominated by his new spouse and had a plan to "show her who's the boss". Obviously Timmy thought that would be an appalling idea but finally gave in.<...

Asked my boss when my raise becomes effective

He said "When you do."

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A knife is like a penis…

It’s not about how big it is, it’s about how effective you are at making someone regret their decisions when you whip it out.

What do they call the side effects of lactose intolerance in France?

Smelly derriere (dairy air)

What’s the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?

Forget it once

Constipation ia a side effect of the covid vaccine

After u take the first dose u will have to wait a few weeks for no. 2

Why was the lawyer so effective as a hooker?

She mastered the art of getting her clients off on technicalities.

My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

Why is everyone talking about the Baader-Meinhof effect all of a sudden?

I just heard about it, and know I see it everywhere!

Which restaurant has the best special effects?

C.G.I Fridays

I was doing some research yesterday about the Dunning-Cougar effect.

It seems the more someone knows about a topic, the less likely they are to claim they know that much. Conversely, the less someone knows, the more likely they'll try to use that information to pick up an older woman in a bar.

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The effects of marriage on sex.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Y'know, I could have sworn South Africa had apartheid.

Is this the Mandela Effect?

I don't know much about psychology or sociology

But I reckon I can explain the Dunning-Kruger effect better than anyone else.

My wife has clamored for months for plastic surgery so she could have a smoking hot body….

After seeing the doctor’s estimate, I told her cremation seemed more cost-effective.

TIL about the Downing-Keurig Effect in which poor performers greatly overestimate their abilities. It shows that underperforming individuals “reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize."

I feel so smart knowing about this.

Who can drink 5L of petrol with no effect?

Jerry can

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.


One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

In terms of weight reduction, doing meth is way more effective than doing math

That's been methamatically proven

I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect

Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

Covid vaccine side effects

So I’m in line for my covid vaccine and there’s an older gentleman in front of me…

We get called up simultaneously and both get sat next to each other.
I over heard his discussion with the doctor…

“What’s is your insurance? Date of birth? When was your last appointment?”

The...

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What does a waiter and a toilet have in common?

They can effectively only serve one asshole at a time

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What do you get when you cross the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon with the Dunning-Kruger effect?

I don't know man, but lately I just keep seeing the signs and evidence everywhere I turn. *I'm fucking brilliant.*

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I once was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory

So did I tell you that I was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory?

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

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What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

Keeping tropical fish at home can have a truly calming effect on the brain.

Due to all the indoor fins.

My doctor warned me one of the side effects of my new medication was an increased urge to gamble

I told her I’d bet $50 that wouldn’t happen to me.

Let's discuss spam, spammers, and the spamming spammers who spam.

What did the moderator say to the subscribers?

Nobody knows, because nobody ever reads what moderators write.

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Yes, it was a bad joke, but at least it wasn't a repost... which is *kind of* what we're here to discuss today:

As many of you are no doubt aware, spammers...

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.

People who misspell “effect” for “affect” shouldn’t be allowed to exist.

As you can tell, this effects me deeply:)

What's the second most effective thing you can swallow to avoid getting pregnant?

Birth control pills

I told my wife I was gonna start smoking pot. She said if I did she'd leave me. I guess it's true what they say...

Marijuana truly is an effective way to get rid of aches and pains.

Steve owns a flower stand.

He’s got all kinds of flowers - daisies, petunias, roses, and even wildflowers like firewheels and bluebonnets. He has the most expansive collection of flowers in the city, all of the highest quality, and business is booming.

However, one day, a group of priests moved in across the street and...

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of g...

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

The effect of pot on shore birds...

On the beach yesterday I saw a researcher blowing clouds of pot smoke on shore birds to study the effects of marijuana on their flying. He was very thorough, making sure he dosed every single one he saw.

It was his intention to leave no tern unstoned.

As a scientist, I received a lot of praise for figuring out a new method of getting drugs to enter cells more effectively and efficiently.

As a prisoner, I received another 2 years on my sentence.

My mom always used the "here comes the train~" trick to get me to finish my food and it was very effective...

because otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

A police officer shot me with a taser, but it had no effect.

Then they *charged* me with *resisting* arrest.

I used to think I understood the Dunning-Kruger effect...

but the more I look into it, the less sure I am.

People at my work are subject to quantum effects

They behave differently if a superviser is observing.

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I've been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking and sex that I've finally decided

To give up reading

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Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of sex drive.

Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.

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i was excited when i was asked to participate in experiment about regular sex and its effects on mental health

being in control group definitely make me depressed

Squirrels ww

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church.

The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.

The hardware store humanely trapped the ...

What do you call someone who makes sound effects when they urinate?

An onomato-pee-a

Hey Guys! I just watched a 5 minute video on the Dunning-Kreugar Effect.

So, I’m pretty much an expert now.

I lived with stoners in college and suffered terrible side effects...

For years afterward, I thought I was funny.

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My Wife Isn't Home

A middle aged man goes to the doctor because he'd been having problems in the bedroom. After a quick examination the doctor prescribed Viagra and told hem to take one about half an hour before he planned to have sex. On the way home, the man decided he was going to surprise his wife so he took one...

Scientists studying frogs

Two scientists are studying how far frogs can jump. Their first step was to teach a frog to jump on command. This completed, they yelled jump, and the frog jumped 8 meters. Considering what effect each leg had, they then amputated one leg and yelled jump again. The frog jumped 6 meters. After notin...

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One day in a busy restaurant, a man began to choke on something he had eaten.

Without hesitation, another man jumped up, ran over, pulled the choking man's pants down, and started eating his ass. The choking man was so shocked and disgusted that he started to gag, miraculously expelling the blockage. His life saved, he thanked the other man profusely and asked how he had know...

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I think you'll like this joke, even though it's a little long

An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician
To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Iri...

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Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse a man, is to lick his ears for 10 minutes.

Personally, I think it's nuts.

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A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.



The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.



He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small, it'd be almost non-exis...

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Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

What do you call the sound effect guy for fight scenes?

a pow arranger

I know absolutely LOADS about the Dunning-Krueger effect

I probably know even more than Mr Dunning-Krueger himself

What's the most effective tool a woman can use to keep away unwanted men?

Detergent.

My son was playing a Zelda game and I told him it was more effective to lose health during the summer and winter seasons. Confused, he asked why?

I said, that way you don't take any Fall damage.

How do pharmaceutical companies evaluate the effectiveness of a laxative?

By measuring its defficacy

What's the most severe long term effect of COVID-19?

The hospital bill.

The bystander effect works in my favor

So many people wish I was dead,

That all of them assume someone else will actually kill me

I am an expert on the Dunning-Krueger effect.

It’s the effect that states that anything that can go wrong will

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I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

A new Russian "recruit" goes to the Armory to get his weapons.

The armorer looks around, and seeing there are no guns left, hand the soldier a broomstick.

"But Comrade!" complains the recruit. "The enemy have real guns! How will this help me?"

The armorer says to him, "Just point this at them and say 'Bang Bang Bang!' It will work."

"But ...

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?

I found out about the Dunning-Kruger Effect yesterday

And today, I am an expert in it

TIL Reddit has one of the most effective carbon offset programs of any website

Which is unsurprising considering /r/jokes consistently achieves a 100% recycle rate.

After months of preliminary testing, Dr. D. Johnson's supplement to cure the side-effects of COVID-19 went into final trials

Unfortunately the drug only allowed you to smell what the rock was cooking

Scientists have found that sunblock is actually 50% effective as birth control

Because it only blocks the sons

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Quarrantine Day 7: Research continues on the effect of excessive masturbation on eyesight.

Dont forget to press the "subscribe" button to see my next video!

What do you call a condom that’s 100% effective?

Inconceivable

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

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I was once photographed out partying whilst drunk, drugged up and looking very much worse for wear. The news media got hold of it and my picture was splashed across the tabloid papers with the headline "The Terrifying Effects of Substance Abuse".

When I first saw it, I went home and had a long hard look at myself in The Mirror.

And then in The Sun, The Daily Star and The Tribune. I thought to myself "Now that's fucking Rock 'n' Roll"

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A Father Walks into rsetaurant

**A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.**

**Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts**

**slapping him on the back. The ...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

You order one home delivered pizza because of the pandemic!

And you love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

Stay safe!

100% effective method on quitting smoking

1. Start quitting
2. Quit starting

The Russian Covid Vaccine Sputnik is 91.6% effective

It's also the only Covid vaccine that will help you win an Olympic medal.

The Test

This joke was told to me 20 years ago by a friend of my Dad’s.

The President of the USA decides to run an exercise to test the effectiveness of the CIA, the FBI and the LAPD with a simple task - a bunny rabbit will be let loose in a designated forest and he will send in one agency at a time ...

I was so fortunate that a Muslim family was able to take me in when Social Isolation when into effect.

Now I am in Quran-tine.

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

A woman with a rare heart condition walks into the doctor’s office

The doctor concludes that her heart is very weak and prescribes her a male pill that boost testosterone.

“This should strengthen your heart,” the doctor says. “Come by in a month or two to see me for a checkup.”

A month passes and the woman returns to the doctor’s office. “Doctor,” sh...

There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking…

The result was staggering…

My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective.

I just use my personality.

Disappointed that the purchased LSD has no effect,

Ivan sat on his dragon and flew away.

When rebels were combatting Franck’s regime, they found that it was most cost effective to use bullets made of tin

Nobody expects the Spanish tin munition!

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A constipated blonde goes to the doctor, who prescribes her with suppositories.

A week later, the blonde comes back and tells the doctor that she's still constipated.

"Did you take the suppositories like I asked you to?"

"I did, but it didn't work."

"Oh my. This had never happened to one of my patients before. My suppositories have always worked! Why didn't...

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A pharmaceutical company began clinical trials for a new sedative.

The goal was to develop a non-prescription drug that provided perfectly smooth, calming relaxation with just one pill. On the first day of trials, the lab assistant realized they had forgotten to pick up the sugar pills that were needed for the placebo. The lead researcher was furious! Most stores i...

OC - I saw a line of delivery scooters parked out the front of a pizza place.

Someone bumped into one of them and it topples over, and knocks down the next one, which knocks down the next one, and the next one.

It was the Domino's effect.

Putin just introduced Russia’s new COVID-19 vaccine. The good news is that it’s 100% effective.

The bad news is that it’s Novichok.

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