I used to think I understood the Dunning-Kruger effect...

but the more I look into it, the less sure I am.

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I tried to reverse the effects of viagra

It was just too hard

I feel like The Mandela Effect used to be called something else.

But I can't remember what.

Which is why I still refer to it as The Mandela Effect.

I was bored this morning and decided to take my wife's medication just to see what the side effects were

Funny, it didn't make me want to sleep with my best friend...

I used to view smokers as rude due to the harmful effects of secondhand smoke.

Now that assisted-suicide is legal, I view them as polite.

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Simple Math (Read out loud for best effect)

Teacher: A guy plants 3 saplings and they all grow up. How many trees are there?

Student: Easy, 3.

Teacher: No, Tree plus Tree plus Tree equals 9.

Student: Wha-

Teacher: Now a truck drives by and splats mud on all the trees. How many trees now?

Student: 9?

T...

Before starting a family, most couples aren’t aware of the side effects.

When the baby arrives, they become apparent.

When I read about all the negative effects of drinking ...

I gave up reading right away.

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds

They’ve left no tern unstoned

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A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.



The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.



He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small, it'd be almost non-exis...

What effect does mist have? (Dad joke alert.)

It mystifies.

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A man signs up to be a special effects supervisor in a studio.

A man, Dave, signs up to be a special fx supervisor in a film making studio. His job was to study different “boards” each containing different sound effects, and he was to pick out the most pleasing and configure them to his preferences.

The first day, Dave went to work and he was directed to...

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20-Year double-blind university study in Sweden on the effects of diet on sex drive

Have you heard about this new study?

Researchers in Sweden tracked 2,000 couples from the moment they first started dating out to twenty (20) years forward.

Obviously, most of the couples ended up getting divorced, but their behavior and health was still tracked throughout the study....

The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines!

- Old age
- Grey hair
- General decrease of diseases

Had a conversation with a Miner about the effects it had on the environment.

The conversation got rocky.

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

Baby Boomers grow up around a lot of lead paint. Lead paint causes long term mental effects like antisocial behavior, short attention span, and reduced brain development.

And there we have explained Donald Trump

The Coolidge Effect

President Coolidge and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm.

When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each d...

I've been learning about the Dunning-Kruger Effect lately.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty sure I'm an expert in it.

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I've been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking and sex that I've finally decided

To give up reading

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My doctor told me there'd be side effects from taking Viagra.

He never told me my wife needing a hip replacement would be one of them.

Hippopotamuses are seemingly unconcerned about the effects of climate change on their habitat

It's as if they lived in de Nile

A friend of mine is a big fan of the Doppler Effect.

He soon changed his tune when he ran it past me.

I'm an expert on the Dunning Kruger effect.

I don't know anything about it.

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A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

Today I discovered a shocking side effect of vaccines.

Adults

After reading a recent study that found that the negative effects of alcohol greatly outweigh the benefits, I’ve decided it’s time for a change in my life.

I’ve decided to give up recent studies.

Side effects of sleeping in church.

A lady dozed off while the pastor was preaching. When she woke up, she heard the pastor saying, “Stand up!”. To look attentive, she stood up and the pastor said, “Thank you young lady and God bless you! Please remain standing.” The pastor continued, “Anyone else who has been unfaithful to her husban...

Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night . Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

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I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

Scientists were divided over the effects of the changes in the earth's magnetic field.

They were polarized!

My friend showed me a joke that really effected me because it used words incorrectly.

It ruined the jokes affect.

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My medical Marijuana has an unintended side effect: constipation

My doc told me it's time to shit or get off the pot

During the revolutionary war, a foreign scientist published a paper discussing the environmental effects of the boston tea party.

Unfortunately the scientist did not understand the number system used by the americas at the time and tried to wing it.

People to this day talk about the base 10 massacre.

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The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on quails’ sex drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

Scientists are studying the effects of marijuana on the arctic tern, a species of bird.

The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."

A farmer invested 10 million USD towards research on marijuana effects on cows.

The steak were high

I was part of a scientific study on the calming effects of listening to the Three Tenors.

I felt great, but was in the control group. It turns out I was listening to Placebo Domingo.

It's been a long time since anyone talked about the Mandarin Effect

What? What do you mean it's the *Mandela* effect?

I was going to make a joke about the bystander effect

But somebody else probably already did that

Data gathered from over 10,000 prisoners worldwide suggests that the most common side effect is...

...cell-ulite.

There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking…

The result was staggering…

Two students, John and James, took a quiz on which phrase is better, had or had had.

James, while John had had had, had had had had. Had had had had a better effect on the teacher.

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

I'm a scientist studying the effect of bestiality on animal psychology.

If you have any questions, you can find me in my lab.

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

A farmer spent over $12 million to see the effects of marijuana on cows...

The steaks had never been higher.

What are the negative effects of smoking marijuana?

You now have less marijuana.

When the carbon tax comes into effect, fragrance manufacturers will be upset..

..they will be paying per fume.

Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?

Because of the indoor fins.

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

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I've been reading a scientific paper on the effects of group masturbation

It's rather long so I need someone to help me finish.

I tried to run an experiment on the effect of dehydration on human urine volume

But the p-value was too low.

Red flags in relationships are always so obvious in hindsight.

I blame the Doppler effect -- when they're coming right at you they look blue.

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A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

The Mandela Effect walks into a bar

But I vividly remember him walking into a grocery store...

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

A computer program required 8 bits of memory

A computer program required 8 bits of memory but the programmer mistakenly allocated space for a 64 bit integer instead

They then tried to rectify the issue by declaring a second 64 bit integer but this didn't have the desired effect

Two longs don't make a byte

What do we want? Hi speed Doppler effect cat drive by noises.

When do we want them?
MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwww.

What's the difference between a mad engineer and a mad scientist?

The mad engineer builds an efficient, well-desined death ray and destroys the world in one blow.

The mad scientist builds his death ray and divides the world into three randomised groups: an experimental group to be killed, a control group to be spared and a group that is told they are dead ...

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[NSFW] A man sees a urologist due to an abnormal growth in his groin area.

Urologist: "It looks like, you've got a third testicle growing!"

Man: "Oh.. erm... it isn't that bad, right?"

Urologist: "Having a third testicle might have ill side-effects in your health and your sexual ..."

Man (interrupting): "Okay, allright. What can we do?"

Urolo...

I've recently learned a little bit about Dunning-Krueger effect.

But I'm quite certain it doesn't apply to me.

In Russia, just saying "thank you" is enough to cure some illnesses even without taking any actual medication.

Scientists are calling it The Spasibo Effect

Once upon a time, there was a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to hims...

I don't really know about the effects of nocturnal drinking

I'm just taking a shot in the dark.

My wife just gave birth and she’s over the moon! I,on the other hand, plan to sue the surgeon who did my vasectomy.

Not once did he mention that a mixed race baby was a possible side effect!

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Viagra side effect.

I'm reaching out on behalf of a golf buddy of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.

Republicans were just informed about the effects of Global Warming on the polar ice caps

They're losing their cool!

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work...

And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgi...

What do you call a disease that only effects ducks?

A mallard-y

Whenever Adobe After Effects asks if I have paid for it, I say..

"AE, I-O-U!" and sometimes, "Why?"

Side effects may include increased or decreased intelligence, headaches, red eyes, loss of sleep, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, narcolepsy, unsuppressed crying, and death.

Ask your doctor if you should take school today.

Read it in an Irish accent for full effect !?

Teacher asks her class to give her a sentence containing the word CONTAGIOUS ! Little Mary says, " my mum has flu and it is very contagious " ! "Very good" says the teacher, " what's your sentence Patrick " ? "The Black Plague killed thousands of people because it was contagious " ! " Excellent " sa...

Whenever I reach 88 mph in my car, I always make a Back to the Future time traveling sound effect inside my head...

...and that's usually followed by a police siren sound effect outside my car.

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

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I've just ordered a procrastinating blowup doll with real orgasm effect

It's coming tomorrow

Studies show the effects of divorce on young children are complex.

Sadness and anxiety are common, but many are just happy to be single again.

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Most medicines have side effects...

...except Viagra has front effects.
Good bye.

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.

The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, ...

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The Plan

In the beginning there was a Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was on the face of the workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."...

side-effects of alcohol.

A mother was teaching her child about the side-effects of alcohol. She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She t...

What do we want? Doppler effect! When do we want it?

nooaaaaAAAwwww!

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