Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

I heard oysters were an effective aphrodisiac, so I ate a dozen.

Only four of them worked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drug side-effects study.

A couple blokes in a phase-II drug trial tried to convince me of a ridiculous claim that our medication made their testicles grow at a logarithmic rate, or maybe it was exponential rate? Can't remember which but, in any case, still 'pair-a-bollocks'.


.


.


***still fin...

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

Harvard study dismisses the effectiveness of click bait marketing.

Wrong again, Harvard.

So there's a new strain of Coronavirus that effects Hipsters...

You probably haven't heard of it.

There was a study to show the effectiveness of jackhammers.

It was ground-breaking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How effective is your facemask

You can test how effective your facemask is at home. Go to the bathroom and take a shit. Then put on your facemask and try to smell. If you can smell it, then you just proved your facemask doesn't filter shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarrantine Day 7: Research continues on the effect of excessive masturbation on eyesight.

Dont forget to press the "subscribe" button to see my next video!

They say you should sing Happy Birthday when cleaning your hands, but I find Uptown Funk to be much more effective

Don't believe me? Just wash

So countries are basically competing to most effectively manage a virus that makes people cough and sneeze. Does that make this...

A Cold War?

I was so fortunate that a Muslim family was able to take me in when Social Isolation when into effect.

Now I am in Quran-tine.

Apparently one of the side effects of coronavirus is no taste...

Thoughts go out to all the Nickelback fans out there

Have you guys heard about the Morgan Freeman effect?

It's when a large number of people remember one thing differently then how it is.

Today I learned the side effects of smoking frogs

It turns out that it makes you super jumpy

The most unexpected effect of Corona Virus is it changes the taste of the food you eat

Nothing is wrong with your taste buds, all kitchen staff have started washing their hands!

North Korea has discovered the most Effective vaccine for Covid-19

They are calling it " One Bullet Vaccine "

What do you call a condom that’s 100% effective?

Inconceivable

A patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of a recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

“I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the drinking.”

“Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”

The sound effect of intensity makes sense

3Tons will intensify any moment

Just learned about the Baader-Meinhof effect...

Now I can't stop seeing it everywhere!

statistics of birth control effectiveness

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

Recent studies suggest that subversion of expectations is the most effective type of humor among 13 - 40 year olds.

TIL

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help....

When commercials are selling anti-depressants and say that a side effect could be death,

Are depressed people like "it's a win if I die and a win if I dont?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like a pill

It's small but very effective

Have you heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect?

I read this online article about it, so I'm basically an expert.

I used to think I understood the Dunning-Kruger effect...

but the more I look into it, the less sure I am.

Studies show that keeping tropical fish at home has a calming effect on your brain.

It’s because of all the indoor fins.

Kicked a mime in the nuts today.

Very effective unmute option.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.

He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.

"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass."

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guys at a bar when he sees on TV that a doctor has cured cancer.

The man says "wow, that's amazing this will have so many effects on the medical and scientific fields. I wonder when they're gonna start using that drug to help those with cancer?" His friend next to him says "man I hope never" the man looks at him and says "why's that?" The friend replies saying "w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simple Math (Read out loud for best effect)

Teacher: A guy plants 3 saplings and they all grow up. How many trees are there?

Student: Easy, 3.

Teacher: No, Tree plus Tree plus Tree equals 9.

Student: Wha-

Teacher: Now a truck drives by and splats mud on all the trees. How many trees now?

Student: 9?

T...

An Irish Whaler (Long)

There was once an Irish whaler. Like Ahab, he had a particular nemesis whom he had hunted most of his life. Old and gnarled, he declared one more quest to vanquish his foe before descending into his Mother Earth.

Unlike Ahab however, revenge was not his only motive. This particular whale a...

Medicine ads on TV be like: Secondary effects: You may die

\-Okay then

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, and enticing Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before the hottie, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of her c...

I’m an expert on the Dunning-Kruger effect

I’m also an expert at computers, music, math, biology, and chemistry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most effective way to commit suicide;

Step 1: Move to the Czech Republic

Step 2: Run for office

Step 3: Implement policies that piss off the majority of the population

Step 4: Go to the top floor of a building in Prague

Step 5: Wait

What's the most effective method of suicide?

Supplying the POTUS and the Royal Family with underage girls.

Did you know there's a Specific type of tin used on buses that when not treated properly can give off toxins that'll leach into your skin giving some hallucinogenic side effects

TL;dr Bus tin makes me feel good

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to reverse the effects of viagra

It was just too hard

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can never go back

A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his
help to revive her man's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy.

"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

"No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coff...

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

I used to view smokers as rude due to the harmful effects of secondhand smoke.

Now that assisted-suicide is legal, I view them as polite.

After reading about all the negative effects of drinking and smoking I've decided to quit

reading

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into a liquor store...

(Note: for greatest comedic effect, all dialogue must be read in a bad Irish accent.)

A nun walks into a liquor store, selects a bottle of whiskey, and brings it to the counter. The store owner is shocked she would do such a thing. "Oh, Sister Mary," he says, "what are you doing?"

"It'...

I feel like The Mandela Effect used to be called something else.

But I can't remember what.

Which is why I still refer to it as The Mandela Effect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tell my dates I have a PhD in sex talk.

They are not as impressed when learning my dissertation was on the "effects of female ultrasonic vocalization on male impotence in rats"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a firm believer of traditional wisdom. So I use the world's first and most effective contraceptive there is,

Being really fucking ugly.

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?

Blind man goes for surgery

A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life.

"Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an erection."

"Is that a ...

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other

"You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy.  "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."  Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child,...

I was bored this morning and decided to take my wife's medication just to see what the side effects were

Funny, it didn't make me want to sleep with my best friend...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

My family loves to have dance parties.

My dad will play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect.
Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing!
It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.



The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.



He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small, it'd be almost non-exis...

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

What effect does mist have? (Dad joke alert.)

It mystifies.

Today I made an in depth presentation about ground breaking research on bad effects of the two legged posture in humans

It was well received. In fact they even gave me a standing ovation.

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we’re told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I’m...

What was internet medias' interpretation of the hawking effect and coronal mass ejections?

: "God rubbing one out".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened t...

How to communicate effectively with your teenage son as an anti-vaxxer:

1. Ouija Board

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man signs up to be a special effects supervisor in a studio.

A man, Dave, signs up to be a special fx supervisor in a film making studio. His job was to study different “boards” each containing different sound effects, and he was to pick out the most pleasing and configure them to his preferences.

The first day, Dave went to work and he was directed to...

Somewhere, buried down deep in the ground

Is the bar future presidents have to get over in order to seem credible, effective, or hell even just aware of their surroundings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus alerts across the world

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I followed some advice I heard on tv and shoved a lightbulb up my ass to kill this virus.

So far no effect, but it sure gave my colon a great idea.

Has anyone seen Jake from State Farm?

Is anyone else care State Farm is gaslighting us? Or is this one of those Mandela Effect situations?

I told my wife I was gonna start smoking pot. She said if I did she'd leave me. I guess it's true what they say...

Marijuana truly is an effective way to get rid of aches and pains.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by sticking a chimney starter up my butt to cure my coronavirus.

Turns out it's only effective against the flue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s an unusual hospital

where one of the treatments involves the female nurses taking the male patients home and sleeping with them.

For most of the patients, the treatment is very effective. But one day, into the hospital comes an odd patient who has the word “Shorty” tattooed on his penis. None of the nurses want ...

My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective.

I just use my personality.

Before starting a family, most couples aren’t aware of the side effects.

When the baby arrives, they become apparent.

Did you know that a hand sanitizer is much more effective than the allies in WW2?

A hand sanitizer kills 99.9% of the germs in only 15 seconds.

The UK tested switching to the dollar...

Many years ago, England was considering switching the Pound over to the dollar. As a test run to see how it would fare, they made a run of dollar coins that they distributed to the public.

Not wanting to get them confused with the one pound coins, they decided they would change the Queen's fa...

The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines!

- Old age
- Grey hair
- General decrease of diseases

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into a record shop

and says "do you have any sound effects albums of insect noises? Crickets, cicadas, beetles, that sort of thing?"

Store guy: "yeah only this second hand vinyl, should be perfect though."

Guy buys the record but he's back to the shop within the hour, says "sorry mate this record is no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cross-eyed Cow

One day farmer Brown went to the barn to milk his prize cow. When he got to the barn he was shocked to find that the cows eyes were crossed! He thought, "This is a valuable cow, I can't have it walking around cross-eyed." So he called the Vet.

The vet came out and said he knew exactly wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor told me there'd be side effects from taking Viagra.

He never told me my wife needing a hip replacement would be one of them.

Hameed the good lad

Once upon a time, a small boy named Hameed lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Hameed!!!" One day, his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TWO GLASSES OF WINE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in
a day are not enough, reme mber the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a...

When I first moved to the US, I learned English by playing Pokemon Red

It was super effective

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of Viagra.

The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.

"Why not?" asked the man.

"Because it's not safe," replied the doctor.

"But I need it really bad," said the man.

"Well, why do you need it so badly? asked the doctor.

The man said, “My girlfriend is comi...

Baby Boomers grow up around a lot of lead paint. Lead paint causes long term mental effects like antisocial behavior, short attention span, and reduced brain development.

And there we have explained Donald Trump

Had a conversation with a Miner about the effects it had on the environment.

The conversation got rocky.

No I am not a psychologist

But I’m pretty sure I know what the Dunning-Kruger effect is

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent study shows that masturbation is twice as effective as sex when it comes to stress relief.

One in hand is worth two in the bush.

Garlic

The most effective social distancing enforcer.

How many quantitative psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, p <= .05.

How many qualitative psychologists does it take?

_disguy. (2020). *Construction and Deconstruction Methods for Lightbulb Assembly* (Doctoral Dissertation). Reddit University,
San Francisco.

Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an A...

A golfer is involved in a terrible car crash and is rushed to the hospital

Just before he is put under, the surgeon pops in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing days are over !!! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The g...

Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night . Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

20-Year double-blind university study in Sweden on the effects of diet on sex drive

Have you heard about this new study?

Researchers in Sweden tracked 2,000 couples from the moment they first started dating out to twenty (20) years forward.

Obviously, most of the couples ended up getting divorced, but their behavior and health was still tracked throughout the study....

What's the most effective way to remove a sticky chewing gum from your hair ?

Cancer.

Charles visits his grandpa...

On the first morning of the visit, Charle’s grandpa prepares a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Charles notices a weird substance on his plate and asks, “Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?”

grandpa replies, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them, just eat your breakfast.”

...

Surprise

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the spread of Coronavirus, many around the world appear to be developing Constipation:

Doctors say it is not a symptom of the disease, but rather an effect of the panic being incited by the disease. One doctor even proclaimed, "People seem to be Scared Shitless!"

I've been learning about the Dunning-Kruger Effect lately.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty sure I'm an expert in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

A large sinkhole opens up on a small town road.

Many people fall into it and get hurt and it's difficult to get them all to the hospital.

The mayor gathers the city council to figure out a solution. The smartest city councilor suggests they park an ambulance next to the hole to get people to the hospital faster. The rest unanimously agree....

An ostrich, a loin, and a giraffe...

An ostrich, lion, and giraffe decide to visit the local drinkery after a long day at work.

"I've got the first round!" says the Lion, and they all proceed to enjoy their beverages and talk about their day.

Soon enough their first round of drinks are empty. "Waitress!!" exclaims the ost...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the doctor and told him that he was having trouble maintaining an erection.

After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New HR policy

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduced budget, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.


Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase...

What's the most effective way to make it to Russia from Alaska?

Boat a compass and keeping your berings strait.

The Coolidge Effect

President Coolidge and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm.

When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each d...

A friend of mine is a big fan of the Doppler Effect.

He soon changed his tune when he ran it past me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse a man is to lick his ear for 10 minutes.

Personally, I think it’s nuts.

My friend showed me a joke that really effected me because it used words incorrectly.

It ruined the jokes affect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old friends were walking down the beach, and one spots an ancient-looking oil lamp.

He picks up the lamp, and just as he began to inquire 'What's thi...", his buddy rips the item out of his hands and begins furiously rubbing on the side of it.

Smoke began to swirl from the end of the lamp, and coalesced into a muscular man in old Arabian attire.

"I am a jinn who has b...

An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves

On one hand, they are good for cold weather.

On the other, they don't really help.

Dr. Johnson is approached by Ted, a new vampire.

“I just got turned,” Ted tells him. “You gotta help me out. I need blood, and I don’t want to kill anyone.”

Dr. Johnson agrees to help, providing Ted with the blood bags he needs. He refers Ted to counseling to deal with the psychological effects of the change. He even lets Ted crash on his c...

Hippopotamuses are seemingly unconcerned about the effects of climate change on their habitat

It's as if they lived in de Nile

Let me introduce the little known tale of Curtis Remond.

Curtis was born in the small town of New York, the only child of a rich and famous banking family. Curtis’ father was a banker. Curtis’ grandfather was a banker. The banking linage runs as far back in the family as time can remember, ever since Gerald Redmond had emigrated from Killarney back in the...

Bananas can stop diarhea very effectively

Just don't pull them out

I'm an expert on the Dunning Kruger effect.

I don't know anything about it.

Today I discovered a shocking side effect of vaccines.

Adults

After reading a recent study that found that the negative effects of alcohol greatly outweigh the benefits, I’ve decided it’s time for a change in my life.

I’ve decided to give up recent studies.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.