Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

Due to the lack of space, the city morgue and the comedy club will be in the same building

This Friday is open Mike night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Give an example of a business failure due to careless management

A prostitute getting pregnant

Due to covid-19.

Sweet Caroline is banned.

There will be: No touching hands, reaching out, touching me,

touching you..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to this unfortunate times, me and my wife decided to make a sex tape to raise money

Our neighbour paid a huge money so that we won't release it online...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

Apparently, due to COVID Germany is running low on sausage and cheese.

The government considers this to be the Wurst Käse scenario

A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.

He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.

"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.

"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.

"Then where are the other 11 kids?"

"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.

What was the name of the huge boat that was built to harbour a mole of each element in order to not have them go extinct due to the big flood aka the big crunch of the universe?

NaOH's Ark

Lost my job as a hedge fund manager today, not sure if due to dress code or work performance!

All the boss would tell me is something about my shorts and that that they didn't cover.

So Hawaii recently made a new law in regards to noise and the increase of noise complaints due to an uprising in loud laughter.

They now have to use a low ha

The lobby of my local Dairy Queen was closed due to short staff.

They should've hired taller employees


(Joke brought to you by my 9yo sister)

What do you call it when you’re bathroom tile that you ordered online falls off the shipment truck due to company mismanagement?

e wrecked tile dysfunction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam

The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other...

Apparently it is impossible to find out the true number of Americans hospitalized due to hippo attacks...

Publishing that information would be a HIPPO violation.

[Cite: heavily inspired by a recent XKCD comic].

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the sad state of my sex life, I have decided to convert to Islam.

My new name is Seldom Bin Laid.

"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the ...

A man rejects a girl due to the height difference between them..

The girl: “you’re selling yourself short you know”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The legend of Attila the Hun.

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

/r/wallstreetbets doesn't do due dilligence, they listen to...

...ape-pinions.

A Chinese kid was born before the due date

Parents named him "Sudden Lee"

Sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and many hours of hard work, one of my colleagues was struck off today due to a minor indiscretion....

He slept with one of his patients. Even though they were good friends, he is no longer allowed to work in the profession he has loved all this time. Such a shame as he is a genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet...

My girlfriend just broke up with me due to my linkin park obsession.

...But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I'm in a synagogue, and can't leave due to a heavy storm

I'll just wait for it to Passover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a new female organ player at a small church...

She is a beautiful woman, but there is a problem: her ample bosom is causing an issue with the men in the church. While playing the organ, her breasts bounce and sway. Men in the church are getting distracted and many get in trouble with their wives for gazing longingly at her.

An old woman ...

[old indian joke] while on a tour of Tajmahal, the guide was explaining how Shahjahan built this tomb for his wife due to grief.

My wife asked : would you build me one like this ?

I replied " I already bought vacant land, now it's your turn" .

Due to Policy Changes

Prenuptial’s will now be called End User License Agreements

My iron broke due to overheating

The irony

I have noticed that the phrase 'due to' is being used more frequently lately...

...possibly due to Covid.

If you lose your sense of smell due to Covid, here's a simple fix.

Just reset to olfactory settings.

What do you tell a group of people who recently seceded from their country due to disagreements over the right to pee?

You're a nation

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

My doctor told me that, due to an obscure medical condition, I would never be able to feel shocked or frightened ever again.

I wasn't surprised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been unable to sleep due to severely sunburned legs. I went to the doctor and he prescribed Viagra.

Me: "Wow, I didn't know Viagra helps for sunburn."

Doc: "It doesn't, but it will help keep the bedding off your legs."

Due to COVID-19, The Seven Dwarfs have been restricted to gather in a group of no more than six.

One of them is not Happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paulie Walnut's Pope joke from Sopranos S5E1: cut to punchline only due to length

The Pope is sick and none of the Vatican doctors can figure it out. They summon an old wise man from the hills. He examines the Pope and says he's got a terminal case of blue balls. The only cure is for him to have sex, and the Cardinals go nuts. Finally, the Pope agrees but gives four condition...

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man was contacted by the IRS for some suspicious income... [Quick repost due to spelling error in original]

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

Recently my rug got destroyed due to multiple explosions.

I guess you could call it a carpet bombing.

I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due

She said, "Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it"

Teacher asked some students, what's the fastest thing in universe;

First student said, that the light is fastest, because light can reach 290000+ kilometers per second.

Second student argued that thinking is faster than light, because our brain can send thoughts within milliseconds.

Last student simply stated, that diarrhea is faster than speed of tho...

Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...

... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.

Apparently, we are getting a make up year for 2020 because we missed so much of it due to COVID.

Next year is officially 2020: 2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife put on a sexy cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.

After a quick trial, I was released due to a lack of evidence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the pandemic casual sex among young adults has been in decline

But ranked competitive sex has risen

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.

But I decided it was poor taste.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

Donald Trump was due to get circumcised

But the doctor said the procedure couldn’t go ahead due the fact that “there is literally no end to this prick”

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."

The Englishman suddenly gra...

This just in: Due to panic buying, Walmart has decided to open up a 2nd register.

Dire times indeed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had the opportunity to get 50 dollars per day or 50000 dollars when I want but a virgin will die. I chose the second option. Later on, my mother calls me and tells me that my father had died due to an unknown cause.

I had the opportunity to get 50 dollars per day or 50000 dollars when I want but a virgin will die. I chose the second option. Later on, my mother calls me and tells me that my father had died due to an unknown cause.

I had to call a psychic to my house due to strange sightings of a chicken’s spirit haunting my home.

He called it a poultrygeist.

A husband and wife are expecting twins

A husband and wife are expecting twins; she's pregnant with a girl and a boy. A couple of weeks before her due date, the wife is hanging out with her brother at home and suddenly has shooting pains in her abdomen. Her husband is out of town for work, so she has her brother drive her straight to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sex position 69 will now be called 96

This is due to inflation, the cost of eating out increased.

Old Marsh was walking home drunk...

...though the graveyard, and the silly ol' sod fell into an open grave just as it started to rain. He tried to climb up the sides but repeatedly slid on the mud, back into the grave. Finally, he resigned himself to his fate and settled into a dark corner of the pit to wait out the storm.

An...

Ugh... My hair has never been this long before, and all the salons are closed due to the pandemic. I wish I had emo hair...

...so it would cut itself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple walks into a bar and the husband asks for whatever is on tap and cheap...

...the bartender reaches for the cheap stuff and pours them Busch. They drink a little bit and seem satisfied as the wife asks her husband,

"What beer is this? Who makes it?"

The husband, unsure due to his vague order asks the bartender "Hey, who makes this beer? My wife is curious."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A worker was stopped by a cop at the gates of a winery

Cop: "Sorry the winery is closed today due to an ongoing investigation. Please go home."

Worker: "What happened?"

Cop: "One of your colleagues fell into a wine tank and ended up drowning."

Worker: "Oh my God. That is terrible."

Cop: "It appears he died doing what he loved...

2020 was the first year I didn't go on any trip due to COVID. Hopefully in 2021..

I would not be able to go on a trip just because I have no money.

Tom goes to a funeral

So one day, Tom, who is a villager, receives a letter from his good friend Harry who lives in the city. The letter says that Tom's father died while in the city and he should come for the funeral. Tom is heartbroken and shaken due to the news, but he has to go anyway.

He arrives at the funera...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turns out the way we make dough is due to sexual reproduction involving the yeast used being from the same family

This has led to inbread results

TIFU by going to my PCP NSFW

So I go in like an every other time of physical I've had, get through the whole shpeal with the doc and he turns to me and says "You're due for your prostrate exam. Go ahead bend over the chair and drop your pants"

Nervous as I was getting my pants off I asked "Where should I put my pants?"...

Guy and his comforter.

A newly married guy from a village went back to the city for his job. He went alone so that he could make living arrangements for him and his wife and then he'd take his wife as well. Once he got a decent apartment, he wrote a letter to his father in the village saying that father, please send my wi...

Due to lack of protective measures during the pandemic, retail cashiers and bank tellers are refusing to go to work

It's a counter strike

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

court-martial long

I was an M.P in the British army for a number of years.
We get called Red Caps.


I was passing through the Canteen, Mess, food, hall.

I had to arrest 2 chefs and bring them before the court marshall.
Turned quite violent.


I got bruised and worse.

...

I told my suitcases that we wouldn't be going anywhere this year due to the coronavirus.

Ive been having to put up with a lot of emotional baggage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation

He said no because I’m full of shit

The monocle joke

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher has an activity for the class.

"I want all of you guys to go home and get your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it. You guys will come back tomorrow and share your stories." The children all nod their heads and agree. The next day, the teacher asks all the students to tell their stories. There are funny sto...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend told me his wife said it's only anal for sex night due to her period.

He said he was in for the experience but didn't like the fact he couldn't sit properly for three days.

Being stuck inside for a long time due to Covid, my wife started having recurring nightmares about how our house is made of celery.

Doctors think it is stalk home syndrome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My tastes in porn have become very eccentric due to being single and alone for so long during the quarantine. But I've vowed to change after what I watched last night...

I thought to myself, "I can't believe I've come to this."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A patient had a terrible stuttering problem

and the doctor realized it was due to the man’s 15 inch penis pulling on his vocal cords.

The doctor talks the man into removing 5 inches of the penis and freezing it in case the man ever decided to have it re-attached. The surgery is a success and the man can speak stutter-free for the firs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Crashed my car recently.

I was in my car and started to drift to the side. I overcorrected and rolled my vehicle. The only thing broken was the glass. In other words, crash due to driver error; need to repair Windows.

Grandad wants to go to church like has had done all his life but can't due to the pandemic...

...so his granddaughter decides to introduce him to the world of technology with live broadcasts of sermons he can watch on the laptop safely. It works wonderfully! He happily listens and sings along just as before.

But after many sermons he begins to develop aches in his arm from constantly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Nun, a Priest and a camel

So theres a nun and a priest walking through a vast desert with their camel. On the camel is their water and food plus all other belongings. They've been walking for a few days before suddenly the camel collapses. The priest checks its breathing and confirms it's dead. With too far to go and no way ...

Due to the quarantine...

I’ll only be telling inside jokes.

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

Due to the results of this election I'm jetting this country and most of my friends and family will never see me again

Sincerely,

Donald Trump

BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar

He got twelve months

I was laid off due to COVID, so I took a job at an origami factory

Unfortunately it folded.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.”

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did y...

A guard abandoned his post due to overwhelming fear

He was called by his supervisor.

"Stand your ground, guard damn it!"

Recent cyber security breaches are discovered due to their rapid deployment.

The hackers are always Russian.

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan

This is directly due to the tally-ban

A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer are sentenced to due by guillotine

The lawyer is to first. He lays his head down, the lever is pulled... But nothing happened. He argues that he can't receive two death penalties, so he is let go.

Next, the priest lays his head down, the lever is pulled, and the same thing happens. He claims that he was clearly saved by God, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub has announced they will be giving Italians under quarantine due to covid 19 free premium access

Talk about coming together when things get hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Miracles CAN Occur! NSFW

There's a city with a fierce storm and the flood waters threaten to rise.

A devout man goes outside and prays, "Dear Lord, please save me from this flood!"

A bus rolls up to the man and says, "Get in! I'm taking you to safety!"

The man says, "No. God will provide for me." And t...

Wife is pregnant, due any day.

Suddenly the contractions Start.



"Can't, won't, I'm, haven't, don't, isn't" she said.

Sometimes the contractions gets so strong, she shouts "y'all'd've"

Little known Christmas fact #37: Due to the hot weather throughout the Middle East, Santa unhitches Rudolph and the crew and swaps to...

Bahrain deer.

A Nigerian joke

Two students are waiting to give their oral aptitude test. The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside

Examiner :- Suppose you are travelling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Alex:- I will open the window.

Examiner:- Great, now suppose that the area ...

There was a man once who was named "Odd"

He hated his name because he was bullied due to his name in School. His whole life he had to endure people making fun out of him. When he was old and on his death bed, he told his children that his headstone should not have his name and should be blank. After he died, his children fulfilled his wish...

Donald Trump is getting layed off due to covid 19

Just like most Americans, Donald Trump is about to lose his job and the house Due to covid 19 and has a lot of debt. God bless America!

Please stop making jokes about COVID! I lost both my parents in law due do this pandemic.

My wife divorced me after i spend our holiday budget on a PS5 and a collection of NERF guns

What did the cows write on their protest signs when the farmer made them social distance due to COVID?

We just want to be herd.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You m...

After years of working his way up through the Dove Soap Company, Jedidiah Kermin was finally promoted to CEO.

Jeb was ecstatic and ready to lead the company into a new golden age of soap making. He was determined to shake up the industry and leave a true legacy for himself. So he went to product development and told them that what Dove needed was to make a soap that could clean people faster than any other ...

A South American man has died due to stress over COVID-19.

Nobody could control Hispanic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy...

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy. During his time there, he was in charge of a covert operation to spy on a Russian military installation which was directly next to a small lake.

He was in charge of a small team of highly trained soldiers, a few locals recruited to help with the op...

Karen calls the police due to a blackout in her neighborhood

Karen: Excuse me, there's a black out in my neighborhood!

Police: Call Centerpoint Energy.

Karen: You don't understand, he's still here!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.

The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch.

The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

It’s going to be dangerous to trick-or-treat this Halloween due to the coronavirus pandemic.

The only way you’re getting candy from a stranger this year is by putting on a mask and going to the grocery store.

Shortages of toilet paper are starting to occur, as panic buying sets in again, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Please don't buy more than is absolutely necessary.

Fortunately, the 24,490 rolls we stocked up on should last us thru the rest of the pandemic.

My kids soccer championship was canceled due to rain and sleet.

So every player got a precipitation trophy.

Ive heard the local flasher was due to retire..

But hes decided to stick it out for another year

Did you know a lot of animals can jump higher than trees?

This is mainly due to the fact trees can't jump.

I studied the cantaloupe joke

I’ve done it! I studied the origin of the cantaloupe joke. Then I then fact checked it into the night, and oh my God, it works on every level! I now present to you, the cantaloupe joke, and why it works.

Why must a melon get married in a church and nowhere else?


Because, due to i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.

"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
*Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?*
And that's it! Works every time!”
Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband...

This is a joke my four year old son would have told me if I had a four year old son and if he could understand and interpret the English language.

A weary traveler is riding the subway home. It's late and he releases a long drawn out yawn. An old man sitting across from him starts warning him to stop yelling.

The weary traveler lets out another long drawn out yawn due to extreme exhaustion. The old man stands up - points at him an...

A religious zealot walks into a comedy club, waving a calendar and demanding his due pastries...

"I am the Thirteenth Apostle! It is my cake day." Screams the zealot.

People keep telling me the fact I lost my ability to smell could be due to Corona and I should get tested.

That's nonsense, I think it's due to the frequent washing.

Roses are red, reposting is lame,

[this post was removed due to a copyright claim.]

A man walks up to a pregnant woman at a bus stop

“When is it due” he asks.

“Two weeks” she replies.

“I guess I’ll just walk then” he responds.

NSFW A man returns to work on Tuesday after a long weekend due to his 25th wedding anniversary he had celebrated over the weekend. His buddies were happy to see him and wanted to know how his little vacation was. "Perfect!", he replied. "I came home, and nobody was home. So I went upstairs to

the bedroom and there she was; naked and on all fours, and she tells me happy anniversary, you can do whatever you want to me!
His friends asked, "So what did you do!?!?"
He replied, "I sent her to her mother's!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

< Athletes foot! >

I made up this joke in 2010

........................................................

A very active runner was hit by a power shovel. The affect was to shear his privates off. When he got to the hospital the doctor tried to reattach it, but to no avail. The doctor then noticed that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The medics rushed Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack.

The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues.

After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, “Sol, I’m happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function th...

Due to lack of professional sports, ESPN televised the World Origami Championships.

It was paper view.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You b*****d!

A man was brought before the court to recieve his verdict.

"For the murder of your mother-in-law with numerous blows to the head with a hammer, we, the jury, find you guilty."

A voice in the back yells:

"You bastard!"

"For the murder of your wife with numerous blows to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Soviet Meat Queue

A mixed group of Soviet Citizens are in line outside a butchers in Vitebsk, 1950.

The butcher comes out, and says:

> Comrades, due to problems with the supply structure, there is limited meat today. All Jews must leave the line.

The Jews leave the line.

Time passes....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the pandemic, I had to drop out of my marksmanship class.

I'm going to miss everyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, little Johnny has a report due for government class...

He asks his dad to explain government. His dad thinks for a minute, and explains it like this:

I am Congress, your mom is the judicial system, your sister is the unemployed, you are the group too young to vote, and the maid is the working class.

So that night, little Johnny is trying ...

We lost power at work today due to someone hitting a transformer.

I never heard if it was a Decepticon or an Autobot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two wasted guys walk into a brothel...

The seasoned madam sees the wasted men and tells her girls, "These fellas are hammered! Put them in the rooms with blow-up dolls. They'll never notice the difference due to their intoxication."

The girls do as instructed and escort the men into their room. A few minutes pass, the men finish u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have feelings of inadequacy due to your penis size, you are not alone

The women you've been with also feel it is inadequate

Due to COVID-19, this was the first year I could not go to Switzerland for my summer vacation

Otherwise it's due to the lack of money.

Due to the wave of homeschooling this year, I'm suggesting we change "wake me up when September ends"

To "knock me out when September starts."

Four Men are Waiting in the Hospital

Four men are waiting in the lobby of a hospital due to Covid while their wife’s are in labor.

A nurse walks out and tells the first man his wife just had twins. He says, “That’s funny, I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A little later the nurse walks out and tells the second man his wi...

Due to COVID I’ve been reading article after article forwards and backwards trying to make sense of it all.

And I have to say, I still don’t know what DIVOC is going on

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but he got upset due to the image being too blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

Most accidents happen due to children in the front seat

and most children happen due to accidents in the back seat

The **car** is the cause of em all troubles!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can say what you want about Hitler, but you have to give credit where credit is due...

He did kill Hitler

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation

Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

My local brothel is closed due to covid.

The sign on the door says: Beat it, we're closed.

Due to the coin shortage the restaurant didn’t give me any change.

It’s non-cents.

Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 36 Tamillians have been killed due to Corona Virus"

Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.

Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.

After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamilli...

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