Hand Out Jokes - 10 Hilarious Hand Out Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put my hand out for a taxi driver.

Cheap bastard could at least fix his indicators.

I like to hand out quarters at rallies and protests

Because they're always begging for change

My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother’s surprise party.

That’s when I realized he was her favourite twin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elementary school teacher decided hand out candy and have the students guess what they are...

The teacher explains to the class the game they will be playing; guessing the candy she gives them. The class roars in excitement.

The teacher walks over to a student named Suzie, and hands her a peppermint. The student puts it in her mouth, and without skipping a beat says, "I know thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God has two last gifts to hand out to Adam and Eve.

"The first gift I have is the ability to pee while standing up." God says

"Please Lord, let me have this gift. It will be so much easier for me to take care of the animals, and tend the fields, without having to sit down to pee. My darling Eve, please let me have this amazing gift." Adam begg...

Why do gardeners hand out their herbs?

To pass the thyme.

It's an overcast afternoon, so Jimmy sticks his hand out the window to see if it's raining...

As he does he's surprised when a glass eye lands in his open palm. Curious, he looks up and sees an attractive woman looking down from the balcony above.
"Um, is this yours?" he asks, holding up the optic.
"Yes, thank you!" she replies. "I'm Linda, can you bring it up for me?"
When Jim arri...

When I worked at Blockbuster back then, I had a German colleague who strictly refused to hand out "An American Tail" to customers.

He obviously had a Nein-to-Fievel job.

I decided to hand out free Twix bars to people passing by on the street.

I did this for about 10 minutes, then someone noticed I had no more in my hand.

"Aww, was that your last one?" they asked.

I replied "Don't worry, I have more Twix up my sleeve."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler dies and goes to Heaven...

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on t...

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