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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

I'm going into therapy to deal with my fear of escalators, but it shouldn't take long ...

It's only a one step program.

A barber in my area got arrested for drug dealing..

I’ve been his customer for 10 years, but I had no idea he was a barber

A journalist tries to find out how different professions deals with basic math.

So he asks them a simple question: "How much is 1+1?"

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.
The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.
...

It’s hard to find deals for prosthetics in today’s economy.

They charge me an arm and a leg for their product.

A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

"I've never been good at dealing with confrontation."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing."

What is the deal with Egyptian pharaohs and people that eat beans?

I hear they have a Tutankhamon

My wife and I had two miscarriages last year, and I believe there should be more jokes about miscarriages so we talk about it more...

The only problem is most of the jokes die before you finish delivering them.

—————————————————————

*The title of the post is true and humor is how I deal with my pain*

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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

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A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

How do you deal with a bad umpire?

Two balls, one strike.

How do you call a drug dealing cow?

A narcow

A group of generals has a conference to see how they shall deal with a particularly troublesome guerilla fighter.

They have intel that the man is holed up at the top of a mountain in thick forest, and make plans to storm his secret base. They draw up plans, counterplans, contingency plans. They make plans for if they execute the plans made for if their plans fail, only to find out that their original plans succ...

Why do girls tend to make a big deal out of things when they are on their period?

Because they are ovary acting.

A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish.

They call it their No Clams Bonus.

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact. “Judy, Judy.”<...

Netflix writers have so many different shows to deal with...

They have trouble keeping all their characters straight.

Yesterday I dressed up as a woman to further understand the struggles women deal with every day.

Apparently, women are often called a “cross-dressing weirdo”.

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Serious time, does anyone have any tips for dealing with a sex addiction?

I've literally tried fucking everything.

Buddy of mine was complaining about work, having a hard time dealing with his two aides.

I said tell me about it, I just got my third hepatitis.

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Pirates get some crazy deals in the mall.

For example, they can get piercings for just a buccaneer.

I am the man who is open, honest, and direct, especially when dealing with unpalatable matters

But you can call me Frank

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[NSFW] On Cyber Monday, I got a great deal on a threesome porno

It was a 2-in-1 special

So what's the deal with lampshades?

I mean if it's a lamp, why do you want shade ?

Two Marijuana dispensaries created a merger deal, becoming one.

To be blunt, the stakes were high, but they were hopeful as it was a joint venture.

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Three men are walking through the woods when they find an old, battered lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie.

"After all these years, I'm finally free!" the genie booms. "You know what, it's been so long that I'll make an exception and grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out, "I want a billion dollars!" In a ...

Why was "Art of the Deal" so long?

It had six Chapter 11s.

A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a drug deal

Drug dealers: "It's a set up!"

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A businessman was going on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

So he went to a sex shop and started looking around. He goes up to the clerk and explains his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, strap ons, eggs, bullets, wing-wangers and fling-flongers..."

The Businessman in...

A local dentist was arrested recently for dealing drugs, came as a huge surprise for me ...

I’d been going to him for 6 years and never knew he was a dentist

A prisoner digs a hole out of jail....

.... and ends up in a toddler playground
and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!"

How do you deal with a toddler throwing a tantrum?

Tell him to wait until the vote count is finished

I had no freaking idea!

I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 ye...

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

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When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

I'm sorry you're dealing with imposter syndrome

You don't deserve it.

The gorilla at the zoo likes to get deals at Amazon.

He's a Primeate

Everyone's making a big deal about how the second person to receive the Covid 19 vaccine was named William Shakespeare

But I think it's much ado about nothing.

They've finally reached a Covid Stimulus deal!

It includes a direct payment of $40 in Kohl's Cash that will be valid from January 3 - January 7, 2021.

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A man comes running to the doctors one day.

"Doctor doctor my ass hurts like hell and I think it's bleeding" the man says, The doctor says "well what happen". The man starts talking and saying how he was taking a shit and it wouldn't come out so I pushed and pushed and pop it came out and in that time I jumped up and shouted ahh my ass and I ...

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I don't want to deal with shit from last year

Therefore, I just had my first poop in 2021

What's the best way to deal with spiders in your office?

Hire them for web development.

Scotland know the right way to deal with corona virus...

They’ve gone into full loch down.

An Old Friend........

A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch, when he noticed an old friend of his who was also dining there.

What really caught the farmer’s attention, was that his friend was wearing an earring.

The farmer knew that his old friend was a fairly conservative fellow, so he was really cu...

- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Son, don't panic, it's only 2 kilograms, no big deal.

\- Well, there are some Colombians who'd disagree with you mom…

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As new parents my wife and I had to deal with the first poop in the bath.

My daughter thought it was hilarious. I thought it was hilarious. My wife thinks I’m too old to be pooping in the bath.

Two farmers are sitting in a bar, feeling sad.

"I've had a horrible week," said Farmer Brown. "My tractor broke last week, and I have tried to buy a new one, but no one is selling a tractor at a reasonable price."

"Let me tell you something that happened yesterday," said Farmer Gray. "Yesterday I went into my barn to milk the meanest cow ...

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.

The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.

The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car ...

A blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work She knocks on one door and an older man opens it up. "Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"

He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of.

"I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, ladders and everything you'll need next to the car in the garage."

"Sure, sounds great!"

The man closes the door, ch...

Engineers gonna engineer

A scientist, a mathematician, and an engineer end up stranded on a small island inhabited by some very reclusive locals. They find themselves in jail the next day for breaking some obscure law that nobody can really explain.

They're sentenced to death. Not that their "crime" was all that sev...

I don’t know why people think Trump can’t make a deal...

He makes a big deal out of everything.

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approaches the pastor with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor, and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passes the minister a $100 bill and walks away satisfied. On th...

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A man gets on a plane and sits next to a uniform cop

The man has the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

Half way though the flight, the cop has had enough of the grinning man and says "what's the big deal buddy? Never seen a cop on a plane before?"

"No sir, it's not that. You're the reason my wife will finally let me do that ONE thing...

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

"What's the deal with the non-linear structure?", the bartender asks.

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.

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3 Explorers are captured by a cannibal tribe...

the chief of the tribe goes to them and says, "If you wish to live and be set free, you must follow this order: Go out into our jungle and collect 10 of a single fruit. Then return here by sundown." All wanting to live, the 3 explorers go off into the jungle.

The first comes back with 10 man...

A surgeon is about to perform his first surgery...

...and the patient is lying on the surgical table, waiting for the anesthetist. The doctor grabs the patient's hand and takes a deep breath.

Surgeon: "Don't worry, Richard, this is not big deal, just a few cuts here and there, and all done in less than an hour. Tonight you rest, watch the gam...

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

A man was sent to Hell for his sins...

As he was being led into the pits for an eternity of torment, he saw a lawyer passionately kissing a beautiful woman.
"What's the deal???" he said. "I have to roast in flames for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with that beautiful woman!"
Satan jabbed the man with his pitchfork a...

A man walks into a bar

A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a few drinks. At the end of the night, when he got the tab, he was astounded at the $50 check. He calls the bar tender over hoping to strike a deal. “Bartender, I only have 20 bucks I can’t pay for this drink. Let’s make a deal, if my dog can talk the...

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first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”

Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd grade, too!”
Ms. Brooks finally had enough; she took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the situa...

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[NSFW] My girlfriend asked me what the hardest thing I had to deal with growing was....

My dad's cock.

Just grabbed myself an early black friday deal - sleeping bag for only £30

No idea how to wake it up though...

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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob."

Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing...

I don’t see why people say dealing with cancer is hard

I’m already on stage four

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Man talking to his Wife.

Husband: Babe Do you believe in Heaven.?

Wife: Yeah, why.?

Husband: When we die, would you like to meet up with me in Heaven.?

Wife: Fuck off, the deal was until death do us part.

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The voices in my head are ok, I can deal with them…

It’s the voices outside my head that bother me and fuck my life up…

My neighbour.

Threw a pot of white and black paint over my lawn.

I tried to sue, but my local law office don’t deal with grey areas.

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A man walks into a bar, and sees a huge jar sitting on the counter.

The jar is stuffed with $10 bills. There has to be at least twenty grand in there. Curious, he approaches the bartender.

He asks, "What's the deal with the jar?"

The bartender replies, "You put ten bucks in, and if you complete three challenges, you win the entire jar."

"What ar...

Fishing Buddies

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make...

There were once two flower shops across the street from each other, but one was more successful than the other.

The one that was more successful was owned by two friars, and they were always the center of attention. Everyone wanted to buy flowers from the cute friars with their funny brown coats. But the owner of the other shop was not making money. He was tired of it. He had asked them many times to close sh...

I headed out before dawn today and braved some insane crowds, to snag some Black Friday deals.

The only thing I think I scored was a case of COVID-19.

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What do a therapist and a septic engineer have in common?

They both get paid to deal with your shit.

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You would not believe the shit I had to deal with today...

But at least my stomach's feeling better.

Millennials deal with their problems like a dog who's new bed was stolen by the cat.

We avoid them and just sleep on the floor until they leave.

How to deal with a toxic ex: 100% accuracy and scientifically proven to work.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

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An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”

“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”

He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He h...

Every other country simply does not understand why the United States keeps making such a big deal about 9/11...

"Never forget", "Fallen Heroes", "forever in our hearts",

Big woop, it means nothing to us.

the 9th of November is just as boring as any other day

If Trump loses the election at least he’ll get a movie deal

The Lyin’ King

I saw a used Bose stereo system on sale for for 15$

I asked the guy why it was so cheap and he told me it was a great deal, but the volume is stuck on max.

I thought "well, I can't turn that down".

My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.

I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.

She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.

Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.

Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...

Will get a free Venti later

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A guy I wanted to date demanded I disclose my bust size first

He said he only deals with known quantitties.

What do you call someone tricked into signing a terrible deal?

The groom

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

A Jedi apprentice was sitting in a local cantina as a pretty young lady came strolling in. She walks up to the bar and asks if the seat next to him was taken, to which he replied "no, it's all yours if you'd like to take a seat" they get to talking a little bit and he asks her "may i buy you a drink...

My neighbor likes to make a big deal about how SOME people prefer listening to rock music that's made using only a guitars, drums, and vocals. At first I thought he was just an opinionated music listener but...

I'm starting to think he's a bassist.

Jealous of the success of the Travis Scott burger, Kylie Jenner has signed a deal with a competing chain.

Coming soon: Eat Kylie's Taco at a Taco Bell near you.

Why are Muslim youth the best at dealing with pandemics?

Because as a Quran-Teen, you always keep Allah by your self.

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The Pickled Penis

An attractive young lady had recently lost her husband to illness, and while she wasn’t ready to engage in another relationship quite yet, she was certainly missing sex. So, to fill this need, she decided to visit a sex shop and purchase a toy.

As she has never in her life used a toy, she ask...

Two guys made a deal with each other about baseball.

Bill and Bob both really love baseball.

The two guys made a deal that whoever died first would have to come down from above and tell the other guy if there was baseball in heaven.

When Bill died, he came down to tell bob.

Bill: I have good news and bad news.

Bob: The g...

I went to McDonald’s and asked if they had any deals. The lady said, “We have the Travis Scott special, it comes with fries and a drink.”

I asked, “does it include a burger or is it just the rapper?”

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I have the best way to deal with my gf

When she starts bitching about shit, I just take my schizophrenia meds and she straight up leaves me alone for a full day

You’re half a man Jerry. Just deal with it, I told him

He hopped away from the mirror

How do you deal with an angry tree?

Ignore them, they are all bark and no bite

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I got vaccinated today

It was one of those drive thru deals where you don’t leave your car. Right before the nurse injects me she says “little prick”. So I called her a fat bitch and drove off. What’s wrong with people these days?

My wife thinks I compulsively buy tools. I tell her it's really not a big deal....

It's my vice.

Men in black. After years of serving MIB, agent K, 69, found himself too old to deal with an alien drug lord. He decided to seek help from his younger self. Why did he travel to sixty years ago?

K, 9.

I feel bad for all the nice women named Karen who have to deal with the bad stereotype of asking for managers. Sharon's too..

Because Sharon is Karen

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Studies suggest that masturbation is twice as effective as sex for dealing with stress.

So one in the hand really is worth 2 in the bush

I finally found the courage to tell my suitcases there will be no holiday abroad this year.

Now, I'm dealing emotional baggage.

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Mercedes for Sale @ $1

Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.

As the old man was leaving, he said "I would...

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For All of my Fellow Bartenders...

What's the difference between a bartender and a proctologist ?



A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

A man goes shopping with his wife

As they pass by the alcohol section, the man sees a few bottles of his favourite whiskey on the shelves. He then sees a sign above that says "2 bottles for $50". Ecstatic, he asks his wife if he can get it and she says, "No, it's just a waste of money" and with that they continue.

Later they ...

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New wife: “Having a small penis is no big deal...”

New husband: “I kind of wish you didn’t have one at all.”

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Poor Dyslexic James (long, original)

James was dyslexic. Because of this, he always struggled in school. He was embarrassed by his dyslexia and never let on or got help for his problems, so his grades suffered. His teachers and guidance counsellors told him he’d never amount to anything. All his life, James just wanted to prove them wr...

What's the deal with racism?

You're not running a race.

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

The local barber just got busted for dealing drugs. I'm shocked. I've been a customer of his for 10 years.

Never knew he was a barber, though.

Why did the redneck want to become a paleontologist?

He heard they deal with relative dating!

After dealing with dad-jokes all winter...

I'm hoping to get him back this summer with some son-burns.

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[long] So this guy is working at his jewelry store when a little guy walks in with a stunning, beautiful girl

The jeweler helps the odd couple and keeps showing them all kinds of jewelry. It's the first time he sees this guy, so he pushes the typical, "most affordable" stuff, but the guy doesn't seem to concerned about the prices so he continues showing them even more expensive stuff.

After almost a...

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Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.

All Fridays matter.

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Sorting out my shit for me! [Long]

Moe owns a bar, and he has been finding it really hard to manage the bar and take care of his personal life. Things are just piling up and getting on top of him. Recently his Aunt got divorced and so she has been sitting at the end of the bar drinking away his profits, his Rottweiler Chomper has jus...

I planned to go to a class on how to deal with disappointments.

But it was cancelled.

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The Leprechaun Joke

A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. After a while, the man needed to relieve himself, so he went to use the restroom.

The restroom was quite small and only had two urinals, one of which was being used by what appeared to be a little person. The man beg...

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They are a bunch of royal bitches!

I ran into a man at a pub near Buckingham palace. I watched in amazement, as he pounded down pint after pint, so I decided I would find out more about him.

I sat down next to him, and I offered to buy him the next pint. He agreed, and I took the opportunity to ask him why he was drinking so h...

I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said "Lobster Tails $1".

I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."

A hairdresser got put it jail for 9 years because he was drug dealing

All this time, I've been coming to him and never did I know that he was a hairdresser

LPT: If you get ink stains on a fancy shirt, then Alcohol is your best friend!

Ive learned that alcohol is the best way of dealing with ink stains. When I accidentally left my pens in the pockets of my new shirt during the first wash, they came out with huge blotches of ink all over.


However, after half a bottle of tequila, i couldn't see the stains anymore.
<...

A man with dwarfism walked out of the wig store after haggling for a good deal.

It was a small price toupee'.

The Helicopter Ride

Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, “Ethel, you know that I’d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.” But Ethel would always reply, “I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

Finally, t...

A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch

The witch says she will only grant his wish if he gives her his first born son

The bard laughs and says “sure! Good luck finding him”

Paul: I got these really nice hearing aids. It was an amazing deal!

Bill: Oh yeah? What kind is it?

Paul: It is half past 9.

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Guy is the sole survivor of a shipwreck, and washes up on a desert island.

The only thing to eat are coconuts, from a single coconut tree on the other side of the island. However, there's a dog guarding the tree, and every time the guy climbs the tree to get a one, the dog bites him on the ass.

For ten months, the guy has to deal with the dog, whenever he wants to ...

Bill Gates is the best person to deal with a pandemic

He's been dealing with viruses since Windows 95

My Greek friend translated this joke

A guy walks in a bar and goes and sits at the bar, he nods to the barman who goes to him to serve him.

The guy seems edgy and says to the barman “get me a double scotch before it begins”. The barman doesn’t really make a deal out of his attitude and just gets him the drink. 3-4 minutes later ...

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

How Woman was created.

So, Adam was in the Garden of Eden having a chat with the Lord. He was complaining about those stray "urges" he was experiencing and how there was no one to help him deal with them.

"OK", replied the Lord. "I'll take care of this. I will create Woman for you. She will cook, clean and keep...

A manager of a food mart comes home after a long day of work.

\*conversation at dinner\*

Manager's wife: I've been wondering how you deal with all the people refusing to wear masks. How?

Manager: Well, I manage.

A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He hesitantly approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."

The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day at the gym

a mobile laying on the locker room bench rings. A guy walking back from the showers taps the speakerphone button.

"Hello?" he answers, as he turns away to his locker.

"Hi, honey!" the voice chirps. "The realtor called. The seller rejected our offer and countered with double the li...

A man dies and goes to Heaven...

When he meets Peter, he sees billions of clocks behind him.

"What's the deal with those clocks?" the man asks.

"Each of these clocks is bound to a person on Earth, either dead or alive," Peter replies. "Every time they lie, the pointers shift."

Peter then gives some examples: "T...

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A woman makes a deal with the Devil to gain wealth and power, but doesn't want to go to Hell.

The Devil makes a little rule for the woman. She happily agrees and thus, the contract is sealed.

She goes onto be the best stockbroker in her city, giving her a near bottomless checkbook and connections to lawmakers, celebrities, anyone with even a scrap of power in the city.


Almo...

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Yesterday I went rock climbing and the guy above me kept farting.

It was by far the worst ass scent I’ve ever had to deal with.

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