Out Of Hand Jokes

But that's just my 5 cents.

I had hit rock bottom

I accidentally sneezed on my monitor, and my antivirus software started running.

A month ago, if you paid $1500 you could cruise for seven days. But right now if you pay $219, you can cruise for the rest of your life!

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They are even running for president of the United States.

"I bet you $50 it isn’t mate"

Even the internet is Pai to win!

He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.

I thought, "I might have to raise him."

You can't even say "black paint" anymore,
You have to say "Tyrone, please paint my fence."

We seem to have an XS

Even websites are dying in the new season.

Americans are becoming huge targets overseas

He is just jealous that son of a peach.

The blind start reading your face.

But don't worry, they're all faceless accusations.

She said "How could you do such a thing, losing your wife in a stupid card game!?"

I replied, "Sorry honey, it was very hard for me at the time."

She said, "What do you mean?"

I replied, "Well, it wasn't easy, folding when I had four aces."

He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"

I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.

For example I heard about a girl who lied to her husband about how she got pregnant and now there is an entire religion.

Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."

I told the officer I w... read more

I said, "You took the words right out of my mouth."