Grandma's Jokes - 17 Hilarious Grandma's Jokes

My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we're all staying in my grandma's place, and my grandma died this week. My dad has to work at 73. I'll do any job to take care of my family. Please share.

Sincerely,

William, Prince of Wales

Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in

Grandma's Password

My 100 year old grandma asked me to set up a security camera, so she could see who was stealing her clothes at her assisted living facility, so I brought over a wireless camera and started to install an app on her IPAD for monitoring.

I needed her Apple ID to download the app, so I asked her ...

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My Grandma's favorite saying

Life is the ultimate disease. Its transmitted and terminal.

Grandma's Apple Pie

An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."

Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he c...

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At the age of 91 we discovered two lumps in grandma's breasts

We were so relieved the doctors discovered it was just her knees

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Memories of my grandma

I grew up with 2 brothers and a sister. Our parents tried their best - but it was difficult for them to make time for each of us as individuals. That's why each of the kids alternated spending a weekend at grandma's every month.

I always looked forward to that Saturday morning breakfast. G...

Grandma

Grandma's getting a little hard to understand in her old age. "Ma", we said, "you may be getting dyslexia."

"Lysdexia?", she said, "Don't be diriculous."

We had to put our foot down when she got on the phone to order fitted sheets.

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We cleared out my grandma's house this morning

We sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay, and then went to the estate agents to put her house on the market.

She's gonna be pretty pissed off when she gets back from bingo.

Two brothers went to their grandma's for Christmas...

The younger opened up his gift and was delighted to find a nice scarf his grandma had knitted for him.

The older found a card with his name on it. Inside it read "Merry Christmas, Love Grandma"

Later that night the older brother complained to his brother, "Why does grandma love you so ...

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.

My grandma's advice

My grandma always used to say " don't laugh at anybody, you might end up like them too".

From that day forth I started laughing at bill gates

"Grandpa, tell us that story again about grandma's pearl necklace."

"Really? That old chestnut?

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Grandma's cookies

Little Jimmy was visiting his grandparents one day and noticed grandpa was getting ready to go fishing and asked if he could come with.

"Can your reach around to your ?" asked grandpa.

"Well, no, it can't" said jimmy.

"Well then sorry squirt, you can't go".

Grandm...

I was messing around at my great grandma's 100th birthday Party

So she asked me to act my age. I replied with "you should also act your age".

This is the story of how my Great Grandma's Birthday Party turned into her funeral.

A coke addict accidentally snorts his grandma's ashes; how much of it did he snort?

About half a gran.

Grandma's Birthday Present

Little Johnny's Grandma had her 90th birthday coming up, and he wanted to make sure that he got her something special. He saved up all of his pocket money and in the end decided to buy her the fanciest toilet brush that was available.

He gave it to his Grandma and she promptly embraced Littl...

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