Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"

-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.

-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!

-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.

-- Oh, okay!

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

5yr old: “Daddy I’m mad at you!”

Me : “Why?”

5: “You know why!”

Wife: [wipes tear] “They grow up so fast.”

"Daddy, why is that book so big?"

"It's a long story..." :D

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in August!” I said, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. Upo‌‌n he‌‌r retur‌‌n he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

My son silently gazing at the stars asked me "Daddy, how do stars die?"

I looked at him and replied "Usually by drug overdose".

Poor daddy

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and brown eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said “Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son tru...

Mummy, Mummy, I hate daddy's guts

Then push them to the side of your plate!

Little Johnny is taking a shower

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father t...

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and...

When a kid says

When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."

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Dad: Say daddy

Baby: Mommy.

Dad: No. Say daddy.

Baby: Mommy.

Dad: Fuck! Say daddy!

Baby: Fuck!

Dad: What did you say?

Baby: Fuck!

Mom: I'm home!

Baby: Fuck!

Mom: What? Where did you hear that?

Baby: Daddy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is.”

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, ...

Little Boy: Daddy I want to be like president Trump when i grow up!

Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"

What's creepier than taking your daughter to a Daddy-Daughter dance?

Asking another couple if you can cut in.

TIL Korean singers never say, "Yes daddy!"

They say, "K pops!"

People keep telling me I have daddy issues

I don't even know my daddy

My 6yo daughter said: Daddy I'm an expert sleeper...

I can do it with my eyes closed..

My wife just found out she's adopted.

She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears.

On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she sa...

Daddy how do stars die?

Drugs mostly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her : fuck me Daddy

Him : okay, if you incest

"I want my future kids to think 'wow mommy and daddy are really in love' "

So you want them to be delusional?

"I know what Daddy's password is!"

A child runs happily and says "Mommy! I know what Daddy's password is!"

Mom says: "That's nice dear. What's Daddy's password?"

Child says: It's an easy one! It is asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk !"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A daddy dog was taking his puppy for a walk in the neighborhood.

As they came upon an empty tin can he said to his son: "While we are taking our stroll I will teach you three lessons, this is the first one, so watch carefully." And he went to the tin can and licked it clean on the inside.

They went on, on the other side of the road there came a lady dog, l...

What do you call a sugar daddy that you're only friends with?

A paypal

Don't know if this has been posted here but let's try

Little Johnny came home and ran to his mother.


"Mummy! I was on the bus with Daddy and he made me stand up so a woman could sit down."


"Well...How kind of your daddy! You should learn from him."

Johnny then frowned.


"I was sitting on Daddy's lap"

„ Daddy, why did you actually marry mommy?"

"You see Ingrid, the children can't understand it either!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new inmate meets his cellmate and is asked, "Do you want to be momma... or do you want to be daddy?"

The new inmate was hesitant before nervously answering, "Daddy?"

His cellmate says, "Alright, well get over here and suck momma's dick."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you jump?

Dad putting his son to bed and son asks,
Son: “Dad, when you were in the Army did you ever jump out of an airplane?”
Dad: “well son, let me tell you about it.” “There we were at 10,000 ft, they opened the door and ordered all of us recruits out. Son, I walked up to the door, looked down and ...

Little Johnny - Daddy's car in the woods

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mo...

Goodbye Daddy !

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”


The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?”



The little girl s...

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know t...

A man returns early from work to find a PlEaSaNt surprise.

A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

“What’s up?” he says.

“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Terrible Timing

Mom and dad are getting ready for their 'sexy time' night. Mom is in the bathroom freshening up and dad is putting on a condom. As he's doing this, their son walks into the room.

Dad rolls off the bed, embarrassed, and pretends to be looking under the bed.

"What are you doing, daddy?",...

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Daddy, is this plasticine?

Asked the boy and gave a small ball to his father. The father squished it, smelled it and said:

'Son, that's a ball of shit.'

'Yeah, I was wondering what a ball of plasticine would be doing in my butt.'

"Daddy, where did Bambi's mom go after she died?"

"Venice, son."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Billy comes home and asks his dad...

"Daddy, one of the boys at school called me a 'cunt'! What does that mean?"

His dad says, "wait until mommy goes to bed, and then I'll show you."

A few hours pass, and sure enough mom has gone to bed and fallen asleep. Billy's dad comes into his room and wakes him up. They go into the ...

Daddy, can we go see the clowns again?

For the last time, Billy, we are not visiting congress again.

A Daughter Melon and a Daddy Melon Are Having a Heart To Heart...

The daughter melon says "But daddy I love him! We're getting married!"

The daddy melon replies "Alright fine. But you can't elope!"

A man is walking by his son's room, when he hears him praying...

and he decides to poke his head in the door to see what he is saying.

"Dear God, I love Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye bye Grandpa."

The father thought this was strange, but didn't pay much mind to it, as his young son was just expressing his feelings.

The next day the man comes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"
...

Buckin' Bronco

Late one evening a mother and father were feeling frisky and started to go at it. They didn't hear little Johnny sneak into the room. The father was on top, and little Johnny hopped on his back, and yelled giddy up horsey. Immediately the father froze, absolutely mortified when he realized what was ...

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school

One day he surprised his teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a father and his daughther are together.

One day, a father and his daughter are together. The father is putting the daughter to sleep. After the father leaves, he hears her saying her prayers. He hears her say, '' God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa. The father hears all of this and barges back into the room. He asks...

The call

Hello, my dear daughter, dad's on the phone, can you give it to mom?

I can't daddy, she's upstairs with uncle David.

But, my darling, you don't have an uncle, how can she possibly be with him?

Yes, I do! He is upstairs with mom.

Ok, listen what are you going to do... You ...

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

Little Timmy went into his grandparent's bedroom.

He found his grandpa and grandma half-naked, fooling around in bed.

He asked his grandpa what they are doing.

Grandpa said: "Your grandma is my wild card"

Little Timmy left the room confused, so he entered his parent's bedroom and found mommy and daddy half-naked, fooling around...

A joke told to me by an old friend of mine (slightly offensive)

A father of 3 children is watching the news, when one of his daughters came in. She asked: “Daddy, why is my name Daisy?” The Father replied “because when you were born, a daisy fell onto your head.” His second daughter then asks “why is my name Poppy?” To which the father replied “because when you ...

She said "choke me daddy!"

So I gave her two Popeye's biscuits and no drink.

Some people call their boyfriend daddy but I call mine father

I am now no longer welcome in the Catholic Church

An employee hadn't showed up for work, and it was getting pretty late.

The boss had a meeting in some time, and this particular employee was supposed to present the pitch to the clients. Ten minutes go by, twenty minutes go by... and there's no sign of the employee.

The boss decided to call him. However, the employee did not answer so the boss tried his wife's ...

A mother and son were talking to each other

Mother to Son: Who is Sultan Aziz?

Son : Don't know

Mother : you should pay attention to your studies

Son to Mother : Do you know Aunty Jennifer?

Mother : Don't know

Son: Pay attention to who daddy meets too

A Ten year old Girl asks her mum. In 2030.

Girl: Mummy? Who's my daddy?



Mummy: I don't know honey, he was wearing a mask.

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what had captured her attention. He noti...

Three is a crowd

Wife: Love, we’re going to be three people living in this house.
Husband: Really? Am I going to be a daddy, love?
Wife: Oh, no, love. My mom’s going to come and live with us.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke from my southern grandmother

I haven’t seen this one on here before, but maybe I’ve just missed it. Here goes:

Back yonder in the olden days, little Johnny would have to walk to the school house for class. As with many young children, Johnny was very imaginative and would play pretend with sticks and branches, sword figh...

Young Timmy asks his mother a question.

"Mummy?" begins Timmy

"Yes, Timmy?" she responds, a smile on her face.

"Why do you jump up and down on Daddy's tummy in bed at night?"

Slightly shocked, she held her composure. "Well, Timmy, it's because I'm pushing all of the air out of Daddy's tummy so that it doesn't look so ...

“Daddy, why is my sister called Paris?” “Because she was conceived in Paris” “Thanks for explaining Daddy”.......

“No problem Lockdown”

What did mammy corn say to baby corn when daddy didn't come home?????

Wheres popcorn.

Sorry for the corny joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Suzy sees her mother in bed with the mailman

Innocent but curious, she tells her father the very next day.

"Ok, Suzy" replies her father, "Our relatives are coming over for dinner later. I think you ought to tell them what you saw too."

At dinnertime, Suzy is waiting for everyone to sit down. As soon as Uncle Billy Bob takes his ...

Why are catholic priests called father?

Because “daddy” would be too suspicious

It's little Johnny's birthday

And his parents say he can have whatever he wants. He first asks his dad if they can shower together. "sure, son. Just don't look down."

Johnny looks down. "what's that daddy?"

Quick to think, his father replies, "that's my limousine."

Later that night, little johnny asks his mo...

Every night before bed, daddy tucks in his daughter and reminds her to say her prayers...

Every night, his daughter finishes her prayers with "I love you mommy, I love you daddy, I love you grandma, and I love you grandpa."

Then one night, peculiarly, she says, "I love you mommy, I love you daddy, I love you grandma, goodbye grandpa"

"What?" says daddy.

"I just said ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to prison...

He's led to his cell, enters the door which is then locked behind him. A big bruiser of man sits on his bed with a menacing grin on his face.
"In this cell we play a game called Mummies and Daddies... Do you want to be Mummy or Daddy?" asks the big guy.
"I'll be Daddy" replies the newby.
"O...

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

Yo mama

And yo absent daddy.

A Chinese kid approaches his father and asks him: "Daddy, why do they say we all look alike?"

The man replies: "Actually your father is the one over there"

Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”

Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Son: Really? Because Uncle Dave was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!

Daddy, am I allowed to go for a Bungee-Jump?

No way son! Your life began with a broken rubber. It shall not end the same way.

Connotation is important

Forgive me father for I have sinned

Is much more serious than

Sorry daddy I've been naughty

A little girl asks her dad for a dollar...

Girl: Daddy, can I have a dollar?

Dad: No.

Girl: Please daddy?? I'll be good for a dollar!

Dad: How about you be more like your mother and be good for nothing?

A son asks his father, “Daddy, what’s an alcoholic like?”

The dad responds, “Son, do you see those two cars over there? An alcoholic would see four.”
The son says, “But daddy, there’s only one.”

A black Jewish boy comes home from school. He asks his father "Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?"

Father says "why do you wanna know that son?"
Boy says "Well there's a kid selling his bike at school for $50. I wanna know if I should offer him $40 or if I should just steal it."

What do you call a daddy that used to be a mommy?

Transparent

I always wanted to be a sugar daddy....

...turns out I only have the money for being some sort of artificial sweetener daddy.

Well, a father and son from Germany went to a zoo in Australia

So upon arrival the little son pointed at the first animal he saw. Staring at a kangaroo he asked: "Daddy what is this animal called?"

"Well, my son, this animal lives especially in Australia and it's called a dangerou." answered dad.

The son looked around and saw a lion standing on a ...

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed.

The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to quest...

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves unti...

Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?

No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

As long as it’s organic

The cannibal is dragging two coffins to home for his children. Kids see their dad and start screaming joyfully

Yaaay, daddy brought us canned food!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is talking to her kids about covid 19.

She asks them if anyone can explain what germs are? Little Susie speaks up and says they're like little bugs that you can catch from other people that can make you sick.


The teacher says, that's perfect. Now can anyone tell me why we should wash our hands? Little Timmy excitedly raises...

What did Han tell Luke about his father?

Luke, I’m not your father, but your sister calls me daddy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does American economy and pornstar in stepsis videos has in common?

Well, both are getting fucked hard and daddy is fucking clueless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Daddy, how was I born?"

A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you were going to find out anyway. Your mom and I first got together in an internet chat room. Then I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a seclu...

A goodbye before you die

Clarification: this is a pretty popular joke, so sorry if you've already heard it.

A little girl is laying down in her bed, with her parents at her side, about to go to sleep. As she does every night, she says a prayer:

"Good night mommy, good night daddy, good night grandma and goodb...

A true joke overheard today.

I work in hospitality at a hotel.

Walking by the pool, dad says to his little girl, "tell daddy a joke"
Little girl says "I climbed into Mommy's bed last night because I had to fart a lot.
Why? Asks Dad ..
Because Mommy farts there all the time, so that's where we go to fart right?<...

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

"Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

The curse

So this family, which consisted of: A mother, a father, a grandma, a grandpa, and a 7 year old boy.

They were telling their son goodnight. "Goodnight mommy, goodnight daddy, goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa."

The family thought that this was just a case of misspeaking.

The ne...

Did you know the first trans people came from Egypt?

It was when daddy's became mummy's

A little boy came running up to me and pleaded, "Please help! My daddy is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"

He shouted, "I don't know! That's what they're fighting about!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daddy, can a woman get pregnant from anal sex?

Of course, honey -- that's where lawyers come from.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A long time...

A school class was given the homework over the weekend to learn about the word contagious.

Come Monday the teacher calls on little Becky to stand in front of the class and use the word contagious in a sentence.

"My Daddy is a Biomedical Engineer and says that Covid-19 is a contagious d...

“I love you, Daddy.”

“Until the paternity test comes back, that’s Keith to you.”

Coo, it's dark in here.

A man is busy banging a woman in bed, when the front door slams shut. Alarmed the woman says "Quick get in the cupboard".

So the man runs into the cupboard and shuts the door. Standing in the dark a voice goes " Coo it's dark in here" jumping the man looks around and in the darkness he can m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daddy shark was teaching his son how to hunt...

"You see those humans over there son..."
"Yes Dad, shall we attack them by surprise?"
"No son, first we circle round them for about ten minutes..."
"But dad... why? I'm hungry!"
"Well son, they taste better without any shit in them..."

Why some of us might drink.....

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
" Hello ?"


Is your daddy home?" he asked
" Yes ,"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little kid enters the room and catches his dad masturbating

He lets a little scream out and look at his father, dumbfounded.

"Don't be shocked, son. Everybody does this. Soon, you will do it too."

"But... Why, daddy?"




"Because my hands are starting to ache"

Was your daddy a carpenter?

Because I wouldn't nail you if I was hammered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny...

Little Johnny was at school one day, and being the little shit he is, kept disrupting class by talking.

“Penis. Penis. Penis penis penis”, he kept saying.
His teacher, starting to get annoyed, said “Johnny, do you even know was a penis is?”
“Well, no”, said Johnny, “it’s just fun to say...

Yo Daddy so dumb....

He downloaded Tinder to buy firewood

And Grindr for the woodchipper

Two small boys

met during their first day at school. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My daddy is an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the normal ...

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $...

Son: Daddy can you put on my shoes?

Me: I can try, but I don't think they will fit!

My friend said he wanted to be a sugar daddy in the future.

I told him, "Boy, with how broke you are, you'd be a splenda stepfather."

Oh, boy! Horsie ride!

Little Johnny is passing his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the act. Before dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, “Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?”
<...

A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morn...

Kid: “I hate daddy’s guts!”

Mom: “then eat around them.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Redneck daughter says "Daddy, can I borrow the truck?" (NSFW)

Her dad replies, "sure thing baby, but first, you gotta come I've here and suck my dick." So she goes down on him, but pulls away and yells, "damn Daddy, your dick tastes like shit!" Her dad says, "oh yeah, that's right, your brother borrowed the truck bout an hour ago, sorry."

A little boy named Johnny was told by his classmate that all adults have a deep dark secret, and can easily be manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it out, and when he came home, he walked up to his mother and said

“Mom, I know everything” his mom shushes him, gives him $10, and says “just don’t tell your dad”

Johnny does it again, but this time with his dad.

“Dad, I know everything” the dad shushes ...

Little Boy and the Pastor

So back in the day, a little boy riding his bicycle home from school notices the community pastor in his front yard with a push mower. Not paying much attention the boy goes on home and does his chores. Later the boy goes back by the pastors house and sees him still in the yard with the mower and no...

Son: daddy can you tell me about the bird and the bees?

Dad: well bee stands for the male and the bird stands for the female.
When 2 people love each other very much, the bee stings the bird essentially giving his life and the bird gets a pain in the ass

Still growing?

"Daddy, Daddy, are you still growing?"

"Why do you ask, son?"

"Because the top of your head is coming through your hair."

Daddy brings his little son to bed

After a while, the mother carefully opens the door and asks quietly, "And has he already fallen asleep?" The little son answers: "Yes, and he snores!"

A kid asks his dad 'Daddy, what's dark humor?"

"Well," he said, "you see that fat kid get stuck in the baby swing?"

"Dad, I'm blind..."

The dad goes back to his newspaper.

"You're welcome, son."

A real classic

So a man is listening to his daughter prey she says "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless grandma good bye grandpa" when asked why she said goodbye she responded with "I just felt like I should." The grandpa dies. A month later the daughter is preying as her dad listens in again. The daughter...

What do girls with a daddy kink call their real dad?

Nothing, it goes straight to voicemail.

There once lived a family of balloons, there was: A mommy balloon, a daddy balloon and a kid balloon.

Each night the kid balloon would get nightmares and go into the parents bed when they were asleep. The daddy balloon constantly told the kid balloon not to do this as it was disrupting his sleep schedule. But as the kid got older and older he began not to fit. So one night he released some air from ...

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

She says - God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.
He asks her - why did you say that?
I don't know, I just felt like saying it.
The next day, grandpa drops dead. Wow, thinks dad, that's an odd coincidence.
A month later at bedtime, the d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a girl calls you daddy.

Her: Fuck me daddy!

Me: Sure thing sport.

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