UPJOKE
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Momma Jokes

Your Momma is so ugly...

The whole world faked a virus, just to make her wear a mask.

Your momma is so fat....

Your momma is so fat that when she accepts website cookies they run out.

Yo momma is so dumb

That she tried to drown herself on a pool table

Every "yo momma" joke has been done thousands of times, by thousands of different people.

Kinda like yo momma.

Your momma so ugly…

She went into a haunted house and came out with a job application

Yo momma so fat, it wasn't the stork that brought her

It was the crane!

Yo momma so fat

I tried driving around her and ran out of gas.

When she steps on a scale it says 'please, one at a time'

Yo momma is so fat ...

She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

Yo momma is so fat…

…her car has stretch marks.

Yo Momma is so fat...

When she's walking down the street, cops driving by scream out, "Hey you two --break it up!"

Your momma is so slow...

It took her 9 months to make a joke.

Yo Momma is so ugly

The government extended mask mandates to give everyone's eyes a break

Yo momma is so vegan and fat...

..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Your momma so ugly

when she was giving blowjobs, everyone though it was anal.

Yo momma so fat, I pictured her in my head

And she broke my neck.

What's the difference between Yo Momma and a water buffalo?

About 25 pounds.


How do you change that?


Force-feed the buffalo or shave yo momma.


(I almost feel bad for trotting out a joke older than most Redditors but I can't.)

Yo Momma so fat.......

When she travels by bus, it becomes a cab.

Yo Momma works in IT...

as a disk format cause she's FAT32

Yo momma, she so fat...

there's people on the internet who believe she's flat, not round.

Your mommas so fat.....

She got arrested at the airport for 10 pounds of crack.

Can we ban "yo momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times..

Just like yo mamma

Yo momma so fat...

Her blood type is A ... & W

Yo momma so fat

her tailor uses mattress sizes

Yo Momma is so old…..

she is a United States Senator.

Yo momma so old…

when I made love to her I was charged with desecrating a historical landmark

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Yo momma like soft butter

She'll spread for bread.

Your momma so old...

Her first celebrity crush was Hercules.

Yo momma so fat...

There wasn’t enough room for a punchline

Yo momma so short...

You can see her feet on her driver's license

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

Yo momma's so fat

She uses the highway as a water slide

Your momma so old…

You should call her and check in. Just say hello. Tell her you love her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your Momma so ugly...

When she masturbates, its considered a hate crime.

Yo momma so fat...

...when she goes jogging, she leaves potholes.

YO momma so nasty...

She pours salt water down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.

Your momma so fat

A water park hired her to sit in a wading pool and start flapping her thighs together to make waves.

Your momma is so hairy

When you was born you got carpet burn.

yo Momma'

Why are yo' Momma' jokes so funny?
Cuz yo' Daddy was never around.

Your momma so fat,

She sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo momma's so fat

When she gives a blowjob it is classified as a class 5 hurricane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your momma so fat

She posts on Grubhub instead of Pornhub

Your momma's so fat...

... no one can socially distance her.

Your momma is so poor

She gave me imitation crabs.

My momma said "Life is like a box of condoms..."

Runs out faster than you expect, and your mistakes will outlive you.

Your momma is so fat . . .

She couldn’t even be lifted up in prayer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo momma so fat

Vader had to use both his hands to choke the bitch.

Yo momma's glasses are so thick...

... when she looks at maps, she can see people waving back at her.

Yo momma so fat...

She is considered a carbohydrate based life form.

Yo momma so fat

She only needs a single cup of water to fill up her bath

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

(I made this up myself, I’m really proud of it)

Your Momma So Fat…

Your Momma So Fat She didn’t float in zero gravity.

Yo Momma so ugly...

Scorpion from Mortal Kombat be like "Stay over there."

Yo momma so fat...

When she's tanning at the beach, Greenpeace comes with 3 busses to pull her back in the water...

Yo momma is so ugly

Your dad wakes up with morning wouldn’t

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

Your momma's so fat

She achieved herd immunity by herself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo Momma's so fat, when she jumps up in the air

the government shoots her unidentified ass down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Look; I ain't sayin your momma's a ho...

... but I've seen more people pull out of her than SVB on a Thursday night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo momma so fat…

When she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips

What did baby corn say to momma corn?

where is popcorn?

Yo momma so fat

She fell on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh. But the sidewalk cracked up though.

Your momma is so fat

That the government had to bail her out because she was too big to fail.

Your momma's so fat

she went to the food court and was found guilty.

Yo momma's so old...

even the ancient Egyptians called her "mummy"

Your momma so fat...

She needs cheat codes for Wii Fit.

Your momma so dumb..

The brain eating amoeba she contracted starved to death

hit me with your best yo momma joke. I'll go first.

Yo momma so nasty even the crabs done migrated.

Yo momma is so stupid

She studied for a drug test

Yo momma

Yo momma's so fat, her measurements are 36-24-26, and that's just her left arm.

Yo momma's so fat

She has to use a boomerang to get her belt on

Your momma is so ugly....

Bill Cosby gave her coffee.

A young punctuation couple, Mr. Apostrophe and Mrs. Comma…

A young punctuation couple, Mr. Apostrophe and Mrs. Comma, wanted to have a child, but sadly, could not. So, they decided to adopt a little Period and named him Edward. They loved Edward very much and he grew to be a fine young punctuation mark. However, Edward knew he was different, as he didn't...

Your mommas so poor

I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"

"Look Momma, I'm a white boy."

A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the living room an...

Why does a momma kangaroo hate the rain?

Because on those days the kids have to play inside

Your momma so poor

Your momma so poor, she walks around with one shoe on. And when people ask if she lost a shoe she says
“No I found one”

Yo momma's armpits are so hairy

it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Happy Mother's Day weekend

Your momma so fat

It's been four weeks since Thanos snapped his fingers and she's still disintegrating.

Yo momma so dumb she waits for the stop signs to turn green

She so ugly they do

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lets hear your best "Yo momma" joke

Yo mamma's so fat, when she hauls ass it takes two trips

Yo momma cooks so bad...

The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

Yo momma so fat..

The government cancelled her for being a mass gathering

Yo momma so fat...

The dinosaurs went extinct when she forgot her parachute.

Yo momma so ugly...

We’re gonna lie to her that the pandemic isn’t over so she can keep her mask on.

What did the momma cow say to her baby cows?

It’s pasture bedtime

Your momma's so fat...

she doesn't go back for seconds, she goes back for hours.

Your momma's so fat, she's like the negative cosine of X...

They both go down after pi

Yo momma so stupid,

she uses an emery board to file her taxes.

We almost lost momma!

Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd hav...

Do you know what your momma and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

Turn them on and they'll suck.

Two momma kangaroos were talking.

ROO # 1 : "Oh, you look so good in that outfit."

ROO # 2 : "Thanks! It even has a pocket!"

Yo momma so fat

Your father left the house just so he could be far enough to see her entirely.

Your momma is so poor

She could fart on a penny and she still wouldn’t have gas money

Yo momma is so lazy...

Yo momma is so lazy that when she died and went to heaven, god told her to climb the stairway to enter and she said no.
So then god sent her to hell.

--

My younger son is on a yo momma joke kick right now in life and said this one to me in the car. I know it's a terrible yo momma ...

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