UPJOKE
fathermommommymamamummymamommamotherparentstepmotherdadfemalemammamammysilent

My mum said that if I don't get off Reddit now, she'll slam my head into the keyboard.

She wohdjdbwjqoksmdhdjdjdnksskpwldlk

Girl talking to her mum.

Girl: Mum, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the girls that haven't got any.

Mum: Oh and what girls are we talking about?

Girl: Oh you know the ones..

Mum: No I don't understand.

Girl: The ones on daddy's computer.

Mum's complaining about the cost to pump up her tyres at the garage

Well, that's inflation for you

Your mum is so fat

Before she was buried the earth was a disc.

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

Mum hated that it was illegal to hit me as a child, so she gave birth to conjoined twins…

I guess if you can’t beat ‘em…

Sandy’s mum has four kids; North, West, East. What is the name of the fourth child?

Sandy, obviously!

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Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

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A kid goes to the shops with his mum...

A kid goes to the shops with his mum.  He has always wondered about the female anatomy,  so he peers under the skirt of a mannequin. But unfortunately,  his mum sees him doing it.  


Whack! She smacks him over the head.  


"What are you doing,  you dirty little boy? There's nothi...

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My ex girlfriend Sandra's mum came steaming up to me in the supermarket earlier, with a six-pint bottle of milk in her hand..

She ripped the lid off and poured the lot over my head.

"THAT.." she yelled, "Is from our Sandra."

"Oh don't talk like a cunt." I replied. "That could be from any cow."

A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what’s that?

She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that’s a baby your daddy gave me that…

So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…

“daddy did you give mummy a baby ?”

“yeh I did son, that’s right why do you ask…?”

“well don’t give her another, she ate ...

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

A little boy was diligently reading his book when he suddenly asked, "Mum, how do rabbits bark?"

His mother looks up in surprise. "Rabbits don't bark, dear", she says.

"That's odd", says the boy, "Here it is written that rabbits eat carrots and bark."

Fred came home from University in tears. "Mum, am I adopted?" he asked.

"No of course not," replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred ha...

Your mum is so slow

It took her 9 months to come up with a good joke

Russian POW calls home: 'Mum, I've been captured'.

Mum: 'Where are you?'
POW: 'Ukraine.'
Mum: 'Can you get us a Big Mac?'

I still remember when my mum used to tuck me in as a kid....

She really wanted a daughter!

My Mum's instinctual answer to a crossword clue made for a great joke: "A useless object, 3 letters long, begins and ends with D"

Dad.

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When I was a kid my mum walked in on me masturbating

A little later she had send my dad up to talk to me about it.

"So your mum told me you were, you know... Touching yourself down there - and, ergh... Don't do that son, it'll male your eyes go bad"

I said: "I'm over here dad"

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My roommate was going out on a blind date so I told her about this phone app for her own safety.

I said: "It's called *Mum! Are you OK?* and what is does is, it puts a button on your display which you can press and then a couple of minutes later your phone will ring and the display will say MUM. So if you get there and your date looks a bit creepy you just touch the button, put your phone away,...

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Imaginary Friend.

I once had an invisible friend from Japan.


My mum said it was just my imagine Asian..

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Little Timmy was annoyed by his father

because whenever he was ahead in an argument, his father would just say - Whatever dude, I fucked your mum.

And he couldn't think of a good comeback, so he asked his Uncle Jim for help.

Uncle Jim said - Well, next time he say this to you, you say that I've been deeper in her than he ev...

A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum

Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th August?

Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son.

I came across my mum and dad's love letters today

I tried to wipe it off, but they're ruined.

So mum had a fight with me

So mum had a fight with me because i was tickling my brothers feet,
she was like: Stop! Stop! Wait til he’s born!

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The eldest of my six kids came up to me earlier and showed me a drawing she'd done of her mum's vagina. It looked incredibly realistic.

Especially when the other five came along and ripped it to fucking pieces.

Last Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."

I haven't worn it yet.

I Am Coming

Johnny walked into class with a black eye.

Teacher: What's wrong?

Johnny: My house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed.Every night, my dad asks, "Johnny are you sleeping?" Then I say No and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.

Teacher: Tonight when y...

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a coupl...

Little Johnny is out with his mum at the shops

Little Johnny is out with his mum at the shops when he sees a bald man. He asks, "Mum, why doesn't that man have any hair on his head?"

His mum looks up and sees the classic male-pattern baldness afflicting the man. She replies, "His hormones most likely."

Little Johnny asks, "Can't he...

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A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

Youbg boy tells mum "I saw daddy..."

"....in the nearby park, he was parked and with a woman, I went up to the car as the windows were steamed up, I saw they were busy and they were naked and he was doing press ups like we do at school, but he was on top of the naked woman "

Mum is super mad, she quizzes the boy and with growing...

white haired mum

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?...

"The report"

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
...

Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

When I was a child my mum always used to bathe me in cheap Australian beer.

It wasn't till I was 18 that I realized I'd been Fostered....

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So, a young lady, who lived a sheltered life, is getting married...

Perturbed, she says to her mum, "Mum, I have never even been with a man. What do I do on the wedding night?"

The mum, not wanting to get into the messy details, says, "My angel, I know you'll figure it out. But, just in case, I'll stay downstairs and clean up after the party, while you go ups...

So this guy lost his right foot in an accident

Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he's wearing a prosthetic foot.

Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.

Horrified, she straight cal...

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"Mum, how do you spell clitoris?"

"I don’t know darling, ask your dad, it was on the tip of his tongue this morning"

I asked my mum "How much is a couple?"

"2 or 3" she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

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A mum and son are driving on a highway and out of no where,

A red rubbery dildo comes flying , hits the windshield and goes away, so the mum trying to save the boy's innocence says, 'wow that was a huge bug' , and the boy says "Dang! How does it fly with a cock that big!"

A child asks his mum:

Child: Mum, what's a dark joke?

Mum: You see that guy with no arms? Go and ask him to clap.

Child: But mum I'm blind!

Mum: Exactly.

I looked out of my window this morning and saw my dad slumped over the lawnmower crying, I said to my mum "what's wrong with dad?"

"He's going through a rough patch" she said...

Your mum is...

...like a shopping cart. Insert a coin and you can ride all day long.

(I bet you've never heard that before)

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A women pregnant with triplets gets caught in the middle of a shootout

And is shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to hospital and the doctors check her out. They tell her that each of the bullets has hit one of the babies but in a way that they will survive with no permanent damage. After the babies are born the women decides not to tell her three children...

Little Susie came home from school and told her mum the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels

"you should tell them No, they only want to see your knickers" said her mum

"I know that, that's why I hide them in my bag"

Braking The Truth To Your Child

Son: [Sobbing] Mum, Dad Just told me Father Christmas isn't real, is that true??

Me: Well, I suppose you're old enough now for me to tell you this...he's not your real dad.

Son: [Sobbing intensifies]

A bear dad and a bear mum are getting worried as they found their cub doesn't like meat...

So, the dad showed him how to catch salmons from a river, roared, and bite them with his sharp teeth.

Showing no interest at all, the cub turned to his mum.

The mum then showed him how to chase a rabbit, grabbed the rabbit on its neck, and bite on it.

The cub seems e...

My mum is an anti vaxxer...

Calls herself Mrs DoubtPfizer

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A young boy's mum gives him their last possession: a duck

She tells him "Don't you dare come back til you've gotten a good price for that duck."

Off he goes to the market. On the way there, he's stopped by a prostitute. She propositions him and he's unable to resist.

"But, ma'am, I've only got a duck."

"How much it worth?"

"My m...

Italian couple get married and having dinner at lady's Mum's house

(best told in Italian accent, sorry if I brutalise Italian accent).
Maria is daughter of elderly, quite traditional Italian mother. Franko is her new hubby, war veteran, early discharge after accidentally stepping on a landmine.
Daughter, son in law and Mum hanging out in kitchen, Mum turns to...

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Mum dad said that the new lady nextdoor keeps birds.

Dad. No I didn't I said she looks like she's had a Cockatoo.

Mum loves Easter

Dad why is my baby sister called Teresa?
Well son it's an anagram of Easter, and we know how much your mum loves Easter.
Gee thanks dad.
Your welcome Alan

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A mum, dad and their son go to the zoo. When they get to the elephants, one walks over in their direction. The son asks the mother “what’s that hanging done”. The mother says “that’s his trunk”. “No behind that” says the son. “Oh that’s nothing” replies the mother.

The son then asks the dad, who says “that’s the elephant’s penis, son”. “Then why did mummy say it’s nothing?” Asks the boy. “Son, I’ve really spoiled that woman”

My mum said to me, "can you please pass me a book mark?"

Absolutely broken. 25 years old and she doesn't know my name is Scott.

An old woman and her birthday gifts

An old woman had three sons. Two were rich and the other was poor. This woman's 90th birthday was coming up and this depressed the poorer son as he knew he could never match his brothers gifts in terms of expense or splendour.

However, he didn't give up and thought of gift she would really l...

Kids these days...

It was a very rainy day and the new kindergarten teacher was helping her children wear their galoshes. It was a tiresome job involving much pushing and shoving.

Finally it was young Barry's turn. The teacher pushed and pushed and finally helped him into his galoshes.

"You know," said ...

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"Get in," I said to the prostitute.

"Hey," she smiled.

I said, "I bet your mum wouldn't be too happy with you doing this."

"Selling my body for sex?" she asked.

I said, "No, sitting in a car with a murderer."

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I met a lovely lady in the bar last night.

Although she was 57 she was very sexy and funny, she asked me if I fancied a Mother-Daughter threesome? I jumped at the chance,so we went back to her place, she took out her door keys and opened the door, turned on the light.

And shouts out, "Mum are you still awake?"

A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.

He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.

"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.

My mum keeps moaning about the cost of things these days. £2.50 for a sandwich, £1.50 for coffee, £12.50 for a Sunday lunch....

So I say to her, “look Mum, my house, my prices!”

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A 7 year-old and a 4 years-old are in their bedroom. “You know what, I think it’s time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’ll swear first, then you” says the 7 year old. “OK” says the 4 year-old. Mum asks the 7 year-old what he wants for breakfast. “I’ll have Frosties, bitch”

WHACK, he flew out the chair crying his eyes out. Mum looks at the 4 year-old and said sternly! “And what do you want?”

He says “Don’t know, but it won’t be fucking Frosties”

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

awkward situation growing up

when he was 15 years old, his friend gave him condoms, just as a prank but he put the condoms aside, because he was only 15.

him and his friends were learning karate from a friend Mike, Mike was a black belt in Karate the rest of them learning from him were beginner yellow belts.

his ...

Little Johnny asks his mum…

“Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”

“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed.“
“Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll come home late.”

My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying ‘here comes the train’, and we always used to eat it straight away

Otherwise she wouldn’t untie us from the tracks

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A mother is scolding her son:

Your teacher called me today. He told me you said the "C" word in class. Is that true?

Yes, mum.

That wasn't clever now, was it?

No mum, it was cunt.

A women calls her mum about her boyfriend's dandruff

The mum replies "have you tried giving him head and shoulders?"

The girlfriend thinks for a moment, and says "how do i give him shoulders?"

I tickled my little sister's foot this morning and my mum went crazy about it...

..something about waiting until she was born

Bought a new car and showed it to my mum.

I said, "have a look at my karma"

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Mum: Er.. Sally, what are you doing with the cat, why are you putting it in your school bag?

Sally: I’m taking it to school because I heard dad tell you that when I go to school he is ‘going to eat that pussy’

My mum's favourite piece of advice to give me when I was growing up was, "Whenever life puts an obstacle in your way, the best way to deal with it is to tackle it head on".

I used to think she was wise but now I'm nursing a concussion and being sued for damages, since my neighbor parked in front of my driveway last week.

My mum told me, when I visit grandma in hospital, I should take her flowers.

So, when grandma wasn't looking, I took them.

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I sat my son down for the sex talk.

I said, "Son, what are you supposed to do before you have sex?"

He said, "Trim your pubes."

I said, "No. Something else."

He said, "Clean your penis?"

I said, "No."

He said, "Jesus! No wonder mum never has sex with you."

Gandhi's Mum: How much do you Love me?

Gandhi: From the bottom of Mahatma

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

I called my mum and told her not to worry cause I was in the hospital

She said you're a goddamn doctor and it wasn't funny the first time!

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My mum asked, "Are you homophobic?"

I said, "No I'm not afraid of my house."

One day my mum made a stew out of cow intestines.

It tasted offal.

My mum has a small shop near the beach, where you can buy batteries ...

She sells C cells by the seashore.

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argument.

next time you are arguing with your dad and really want to piss him off.

just look him in the eye and say, "I've been deeper inside mum than you ever will."

Ps, it might be a good idea to run after saying this.

I dont know what land got sold to the US by Russia but my mum does...

Alaska

Little Johnny was playing in his room,…

When his dad walked in and explained that he and his mum were getting a divorce.

“Why Daddy?” asked a confused Little Johnny.

“Well, son” he explained, “Your mother and I are no longer in love.”

Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, “What does being in love mean?”

“Let...

My mum said I was very cruel to make our cat play with one of our goldfish.

He nearly drowned.

*From Ian Ross, not mine* - A mum was asked 'Why is your daughter crying?'

'She has five baked beans stuck up her nose.'

'And why is your son crying?'

'He wants his lunch back.'

My mum's starsign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a massive crab

My mum thinks I drink too much water.

She called me an aquaholic

When I was growing up my Mum always use to wash my hair in lager

It wasn't until many years later that I realized I had been fostered......

Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves unti...

Was helping my mum move some stuff from

her room to storage. She pointed out a mirror and proceeded to ask “Would you be able to take this downstairs for me?”

I responded, much to her disappointment...

“I can see myself doing that”

A little convo between my sis and mum

My little sister was telling our mother something with full excitement but mum wouldn't listen.
Sister said, "Mom you never listen to me!"



Mother didn't listen to that either.

My mum warned me not to steal any of her kitchen utensils. Little did she know..

it is a whisk i am willing to take...

My mum got really annoyed when I tried to tickle my little sister's feet...

she said something about 'waiting till she was born'.

My mum told me I could be anything I want to be

Turns out identity theft is a crime

My mum suffers with short term memory loss

Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too

My mum and family didn't find this funny, so I've come to find an unbiased source to determine whether or not I have a sense of humour

Mum: I don't know if I'm even going to attend (her sister's) funeral when the time comes.

Me: (deadpan) well, at least she wouldn't be there.

I was tickling my little sister's feet when mum wakes up and starts giving me a right earful.

Something about "Waiting until she's born".

Mum just told me my dad’s actually the milkman

Which would explain why he gets up so early each day

What does your mum and Jupiter have in common

They both take care of the most amount of offspring within their group, while having to deal with a harsh and unstable environment



...



And they weigh over 20 quadrillion tons

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Just heard Dad tell this joke to Mum.

Just heard Dad telling this joke to Mum...

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom

'You know what?' says the 5 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'

The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,

'When we go downs...

My mum always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach".

Nice lady, terrible surgeon.

My mum doesn't want me to die.

She said it's because 'mistakes come back to haunt you'.

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying,...

My mum laughed at me when I told her I was building a car out of spaghetti....

You should have seen her face when I drove straight pasta!

Buzzzzz

As a woman passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from inside.
Opening the door, she saw her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: ‘what in the world are you doing?’

The daughter replied:

‘ Mum, I’m thirty-five years old, ...

Little Jonny

Little Johnny wakes up in the middle of the night and hears noises from his mum and dad's room, and goes to investigate..
He walks in, he is directly behind his mum, who is riding Johnny's dad, cowgirl style, unaware that Johnny is behind her and watching.
Johnny...what are you doing to daddy...

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My mum was shocked when she walked in on me watching vintage porn

Not at me.

But at how young she was back then

It's so awesome to be able to talk to my mum again!

I must be the luckiest daughter in the world to have a dad who is both a taxidermist and a ventriloquist :)

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The son comes home and tells happily: "Mum, we compared our willy at school today"

"And guess what? I got the biggest one of all!"



To which the mother replies: "I hope so, my son. After all, you are the teacher."

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An American, a Russian, and an Irishman are all stuck at sea

They eventually end up on an island, and the three decide to split up and meet back at the beach at sunset. When they meet back up, the American returned with 4 fish, the Russian found what he needed to build an open fire, and the Irishman found a mysteriously sealed bottle. With each man getting th...

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A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
...

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A 3-year-old is watching his mum get changed...

As she drops her knickers, he points at her crotch and asks: "Mum, what is that?!"

Panicking, the mother quips "Oh, that's... that's where god hit me with an axe..."

"Phwoar" Says the boy... "Right in the cunt!"

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-Johnny you can't bring your cat to the school you're gonna be in trouble for it

\-I know but I can't leave it at home

\-why ?

\-I heard my dad talking to my mum and said : "once the kid goes to school I'm gonna eat that pussy"

A child asks her mum if she will always remember her ...

****My sister told me this joke the other day****

Daughter: "Will you remember me in 1 hour?"

Mum: "Of course i will"

Daughter: "will you remember me in 1 day?

Mum: "yes dear"

Daughter: "will you remember me in 1 month?"

Mum: "to the end of time, i will alwa...

"Mum! I'm going out!"

You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt!!

"WHY?"

Because I can see your balls, Kevin.

Mum and dad take little Johnny for a singing lesson...

They come back an hour later to pick him up and when the teacher answers the door he says “I think we’ve found the next Elvis!”

“Really?” asked the mum, “Is his voice that good?”
“No, it’s terrible. I mean he just died on the toilet”

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I'm a prostitute and my mum and dad are pissed with this.

Not the fact I am a prostitute, the fact that I am working from home.

I was listening to Wonderwall and my mum told me to turn it off

I said maybe...

Your mum is like a bra,

Close to your heart and there for support

You're so ugly...

You're so ugly that when you were told 'you have a face only a mother could love' your Mum sued them for defamation of character.

Mum :What is your score in the exam.?

Daughter: I got one point more than the class monitor.
Mum: How much did the class monitor get ?
Daughter: She got 96
Mum: How much did you get ?
Daughter: I got 9.6

A friend asked “As a little guy, was your mum super strict with you?”...

I said, “My mum was never a little guy”.

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A little boy with diarrhea tells his mum he needs Viagra

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mum he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "why on earth do you need that?".

The little boy replies, "isn't that what you give dad when HIS shit won't get hard?"

A son says to his mum "When i get older i want to be shot into space" His mum says..

"If your father had done what he was told, you would have been"....

What did Indian say to mum when he left?

Mumbai.

Some jokes that my mum told me a long while ago :D

Joke 1:

How do you put an elephant inside a fridge in three steps?

Step 1: Open the fridge door.
Step 2: Put the elephant in.
Step 3: Close the fridge door.

Joke 2:

How do you put a giraffe inside a fridge in four steps?

Step 1: Open the fridge door. ...

A boy in bath with his mum

A boy in bath with his mum asks "What's that hairy thing?

Mum says:"That's my sponge.

The boy says: "Oh yeah, babysitters got one too. I have seen her washing Dads face with it."

I got booed off stage for saying I still live with my mum...

Never doing a charity gig for an orphanage again...

Blonde joke (no offense meant )

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $200, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he...

An innocent joke to cheer you up...

Lulu, a little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take Daisy (a dog) for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies "No, because she is in heat."

"What does that mean?" asked Lulu.

"Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

Lulu goes out to the garage and says,
"Dad,...

My mum always told me she didn’t have a favourite child.

Bit sad really. I’m an only child

A little girl asked her mum, “How did the human race appear?”

Mum answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …”

Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question.

Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”

The confused girl returned to her mum and said...

One doctor husband told his non doctor wife one night

One doctor husband told his non doctor wife one night:

“You are not that great in the bed anymore“

The wife kept mum. Went to the bedroom and came out dressed to go out.

Husband: “Where are you going out at this hour ?“

Wife : “To get a second opinion“

My Mum introduced me to minimalism.

It's the least she could do.

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