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Aunty Jokes

I always feel a lot better after I've spent time with my dad's sister

She's my aunty biotic

Why did Jesus’s nieces and nephews hate his wife?

Because she was the Aunty Christ.

He got in one little fight and his mom got scared

Now he has to go live with his aunty and uncle in Bel-Air

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the people kill the virgin Mary's sister?

Because she was the Aunty Christ

What role does Queen Latiff play in The Equalizer?

A vigil-aunty.

A serial killer started kidnapping and killing all female cousins of his mother & father.

When arrested and asked for reasons, he said, “I just heard that you need Aunty-bodies to build immunity against Covid.”

The entire Trump family, except for Maryanne Trump Barry, has tested positive for Covid-19!

Hmmm, maybe the Aunty Maskers are onto something...

What do you call your uncle's hot wife?

Aunty.

Sorry, it's an aunty-joke

My dad's sister doesn't speak with anyone....

We call her Aunty Social

My Mom’s sister got Coronavirus so I bought her a new computer.

The warranty said it came with free “Aunty-virus” protection software.

Mom invited a friend from France called Soh Ciel for dinner.

She rarely talks with me because I call her Aunty Soh Ciel.

A mother and son were talking to each other

Mother to Son: Who is Sultan Aziz?

Son : Don't know

Mother : you should pay attention to your studies

Son to Mother : Do you know Aunty Jennifer?

Mother : Don't know

Son: Pay attention to who daddy meets too

My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

The wife and I went to a swingers night.

However, when we got there the only other people to turn up were my mum's sister and her husband.

Turned out to be a bit of an aunty climax.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's does your mom's sister and a horse have in common?

Nothing

One is a homosapien, a bipedal animal that has a high functioning precortex while horses are quadpedal and were used extensively by humans before motor vehicles

This was an aunty-joke

Why is John Snow a confident poker player?

Because he just upped the aunty.

A salesperson calls a home and the phone is answered by a softly spoken little girl, so quiet she’s hard to hear.

“Hello little girl, can I speak with your mommy?”
“No. She’s busy”.

“Sorry? Did you say she’s busy? Well could I speak with your daddy?”
“No. He’s busy too”.

“Is there anyone else there?”
“Yes, my aunty and uncle”.
“Could I speak with one of them?”
“No. They’re...

Wife: Hello, where are you?

Husband: In office, & you?

Wife: In restaurant, 2 tables behind you!
The kids are asking who is that aunty with daddy?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mum’s sister always builds up jokes and then the punch lines turn out to be shit.

Aunty Climax.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is visiting his uncle Fred the farmer...

Johnny came running in from the field one day frantically shouting “UNCLE FRED! UNCLE FRED! THE BULL IS FUCKING THE COW!!”

Fred of course found this information useful but told Johnny “thank you for tell me, but maybe instead of telling me the bull is fucking the cow, just tell me he’s SURPRI...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just shot my mum, my dad, my sister and my brother.

Then my aunty walked in the door with my cousins and I shot them straight away. My grandma and grandad came in, I let them have a cup of tea before I shot them too. Tomorrow I've got to shoot my wife's whole fucking family!

It's hard work being the family photographer.

My 4 year old tells me that he saw the fifth leg of a horse

I was teaching my 4 year old about animal and their lifestyle. When I said "horses have 4 legs and a tail".

He straightaway replied "but dad I saw a horse with 5 legs and a tail standing with an aunty on your pc the other day".

A young girl is living with her aunt...

One night the girl is on her way out to go dancing. The aunt notices that her niece isn't wearing a bra, and her shirt is quite translucent. So the aunt stops her before she leaves the house and demands where she is going dressed like that.
"Oh Aunty," the girl replies, "I'm just letting my rose...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Heart Attack

THE HEART ATTACK

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Tyrone

Litte Tyrone is playing in the kitchen while his mother is cooking when he tips over the flour jar and covers himself in flour.

"Look, Ma, I'm a white boy." he says. His mother gets the switch and spanks his butt.

"Go tell Aunty what you just said, Tyrone" his mother says. Little Tyr...

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