UPJOKE
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Girlfriends Jokes

Two girlfriends talk

* So, Stacy, have you tried ... you know ..., *the other hole* with your boyfriend?
* Are you crazy?! We don't want any kids!

Dad my girlfriends pregnant

"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."

"I'm not mad, just disappointed."

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."

"Did you jus..."

"Yes."

"You're ready."

"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are talking about sex with their girlfriends.

Says the first guy: “Dude, have you ever tried doing it in the other hole?” His buddy is outraged: “Are you crazy? She could get pregnant that way!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis.

When it’s flaccid you can only see WY.

On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local.

I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his penis.

I asked him if his girlfriends name was also Wendy.

He said ‘No....

My wife asked me how she compared to past girlfriends...

So I told her she was the only one I had been with!

The others were all eights and nines.

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my girlfriends said if this gets 1000 up votes

My girlfriend said if this gets 1000 votes we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates

They will kill your dog

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A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn't know which one to marry..

As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover. She told him, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second went shopping and bought the man ne...

My girlfriends parents are very religious.

The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think there is a reason I can’t find my girlfriends Clitoris

But I just can’t put my finger on it.

A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner....

Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean...

My jokes are like my girlfriends.

Quantity over quality.

I asked my Welsh friend how many girlfriends he’d had.

He fell asleep before he could answer.

how do you know when your girlfriends getting chubby?

She fits in your wife's clothes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriends joke

Her: i had a crossword puzzle today that i couldnt get

Me: what was it?

Her: "an overworked postman"

Me: but how many letters?

Her: too many

Me: fuck.....

Some people are into 2D girlfriends, but nobody ever talks about 1D girlfriends.

It's a line they won't cross.

My girlfriend asked me to tell her all my previous girlfriends, chronologically. From beginning to end.

OK. I probably should have finished when I got to her name.

A man's girlfriend went to Europe for 5 days with some girlfriends.

She asked her boyfriend to watch her cat while she was gone. The first day she was gone, the cat was hit by a car and was killed. The first day she was gone she called and asked how her cat was doing. He didn't want to ruin her vacation so he said the cat was fine. The second day she called and he s...

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