*Cowboy walks into a saloon and approaches the biggest guy there*, “What’s yer name partner?” “My names Terry.” He replied. “Terry?! That’s a girls name!”

Poor Nameless Cowboy.

Died from dissin’ Terry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Catholicism, you can only have sex with your partner when you are married. So if priests are married to God, they can have sex with God.

And sometimes they cheat on God with altar boys.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but he fell asleep.

I'm Jack, and this is my partner, Auf.

We're Jack 'n Auf.

I hate it when people call their girlfriend their “partner in crime”

We get it man she’s underage

A detective and his partner were tracking a thief--their two suspects were an Eskimo and a Canadian.

The detective had told his partner he knew it was the Eskimo, but he didn't have any hard evidence to support his theory.

Finally, at a stakeout, they caught the criminal in the act--and sure enough, as they emerged from the shadows, the perpetrator was the Eskimo. Vindicated, the detective...

Police dogs will be made to have another police dog as a partner starting from next month

The academy is already teaching them how to do a good boy/bad boy routine.

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner only had one golf ball...

"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one." Well,"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

Two couples decide to swap partners for the evening.

Couple 1: “Oh my goodness Morgan I’m so glad we swapped tonight. I needed this freak night”. “Me too Dale. Let’s go see how the girls did!”

Endgame Spoiler : Tony Stark and Bucky becomes partners to start a business at the end of the movie.

They name it Starbucks.

My brother and I are partners in a shoe business but we decided to split the business

Now I am the sole proprietor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent study shows that 60% of people use their cellphones to cheat on their partners.

The remaining 40% prefer to use their penis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do I need a partner to get blowjobs?

No, because my life already sucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My partner recently asked why I charge her for sex.

I replied with “If you’re good at something you should never do it for free.”

She looked at me confused and said “So’, why do you charge for sex?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My best friend was my partner in crime

until homosexuality was made legal.

My partner asked how I got invited to the Archery Champions Ball.

I told her I had to pull a few strings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I couldnt stay with my girlfriend after I found out she had 144 sexual partner in her lifetime.

It was a gross amount.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police Officer George with his duty partner woman Police Officer Mary along with their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.

They had been out only a short time when Mary said: “Damn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my panties! It is so uncomfortable without my panties. We have to go back to the station to get them.”

“We don’t have to go back,” George replied.

“Just give the dog one sniff...

If I had to wrestle Satan and was allowed to pick a partner, I’d pick Bob Ross

He always knew how to beat the devil.

A drunk man borrows and loses his partner's prosthetic leg in a game of roulette in Las Vegas while she's asleep in their room. When she wakes up in the morning she is furious and sends him down to the tables to win it back...

..the man, now sober, is absolutely determined to make up for his sordid late night misdeed, and immediately challenges the casino to win back the prosthetic leg.

For the whole next day he is at the table, losing pile after pile of chips, thousands and thousands of dollars at a time.

...

A few partners and myself are planning to open a combination chiropractic office and marijuana dispensary.

It's going to be a joint joint joint joint joint.

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

After a long discussion about our future, my partner and I decided to name our first born ‘No Pun’.

That way they’ll certainly be aware that they weren’t intended.

Jonesey bought a donkey from Brathwaite, an old farming partner for $300

Brathwaite agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
One day later Brathwaite drove up and said;

“Sorry Jonesey, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”
“Well give me back my money.” Said Jonesey.
“Worse news boy, I spent it already...”
“Ok then, give me the dead donke...

What's the difference between my group partner and a used condom?

One did its job.

Last night my deaf partner was talking in their sleep...

...nearly took my eye out.

Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners.

What a sad state of affairs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam asked God for a partner...

Adam saw that the animals in the Garden of Eden had a companion, and he asked God to make one for Adam, too.

"Ok," God replied, "I can make you a perfect partner. Someone who will stand by you, satisfy you as you satisfy her, build you up as you build up her, and provide the exact compliment ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order...

I probably should've stopped when I got to her name

If your partner is overweight, get them to walk 3km in the morning & 3km in the evening.

After two weeks, the fat f*cker will be 84km away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm always Frank with my sexual partners

I wouldn't want them to know my real name would I?

How do electrical engineers propose their partners?

j love you.

I decided to cut ties with all the people weighing my down

My climbing partner didn’t appreciate it

did i ever tell you about the time that i was contacted by a former partner who was working in italy via the money transfer service i was using?

I was not ready when my ex communicated by the paypal authority

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.

A woman at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her he...

I confronted my friend when I suspected him of cheating with my partner.

He firmly denied being my friend.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefuln...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sales man once went to Japan for business

A sales man once wemt to japan for business. He decided to visit a bordello because he got word of the japanese special capabilities in the love making area. So he went into a room with a lady and they got into the stuff, and in the heat of the moment the lady kept shouting
Machigatta ana,
M...

I phoned my partner while I was in the car after picking the kids up from school.

"You don't like being a single mum, do you?" I asked her.

She said, "No, I don't."

I said, "Well, if I changed that, how would that make you feel?"

"Oh my goodness!" she replied, unable to contain herself. "Are you going to propose?"

I said, "No, I've just driven our car ...

A woman is in the middle of intercourse when her phone rings. "That was my husband," she tells her partner after answering it.

"He said he's going to be late tonight because he's gone out drinking with you."

I licked my partners ear...

And caught hearing aids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ooo Heaven is a place on earth

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

So I figured out why so many religions don't allow women to have multiple partners.

It's because they're holey

NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding

When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

“What’s a licence” she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.

“I also need to registration” reminds the cop

...

TIL: humans and bonobos are the only creatures that look into their partner's eyes during intercourse.

I never do though.. Except for that one time when I was going at it, and suddenly she entered the room.

Few people know, that James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014

But he was exposed as a double agent.

What did the redditor say to their partner

Be gentle this is my first time

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

My business partner "Steve" completed her transition to Stephanie, so we had to re-write our contract...

It's now a trans-specific partnership.

Your partner for this mission is the man you’ll need in the unlikely event things go badly.

Justin Case

Looking for a Writing Partner for a book.

"Facing Codependency Together"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had died

He found himself standing before the Pearly Gates. He knocked and a friendly-looking old man wit a white beard opened the door and introduced himself as Saint Peter.

"Come in!" st. Peter said.

"Do you mean I get to go to heaven?"

"Yeah, sure" st. Peter Said "Come in. I'll give y...

Where would you take your partner if you went to China?

Baejing.

What's it called when a triangle has multiple partners?

Polygony.

What type of car does a cowboy drive?

Audi partner.

Guys I just had my first date yesterday

So there was this stunning, beautiful girl that walked past me at today, and when she gazed into my eyes, I knew it was love at first sight.

Now, I'm not a particularly handsome guy, but I've been with enough partners to know that it was time to shoot my shot, have a go at it, etc.

So,...

A pregnant woman arguing with her partner...

— I have two brains and you have one!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to break up with your partner

You: Your ex is sexy


Them: Which one?

You: Me lol, bye

My redneck cousin wants to be with a girl who is into multiple partners.

Cracker wants a poly.

What does a Mortal Kombat character look for most in a partner?

PERSONALITY!

How do atoms find a partner to bond with?

Through carbon dating

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It must be really difficult for an OCD person to have sex

Every time their partner gets turned on, they turn them back off again.

This big Texan guy went up on stage and said "Can I get an 'owdy partner?"

I thought what a bloody cheek. Most of us can't even afford a round of drinks and this guy shows up outta nowhere and wants a free car.

NO ONE BELIEVES SENIORS ANYMORE!!

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't waste your time

If you are arguing with your sex partner then you are wasting your fucking time.

A priest told me that he only like his partners like the evening

I responded asking him what he meant by liking his partners like the evening.



He replied he only liked them from 6 through to 12.

[NSFW] "You don't sound so well today", a woman told her business partner.

"I have a sore throat", the partner responded.
"I have the best cure", the first said. "Each time I have a sore throat I blow my husband and immediately feel better."
The next day the partner walks into work with a smile on her face.
"Did you do what I suggested?", the first asked.
"Yes,...

What's a cowboy's favorite vehicle?

Audi, partner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife wants to leave partner after he fucks an entire country

Boris Johnson's wife is reported to have said "I want to leave EU" and in 2 years once the divorce bill goes through he will officially be entering the single market.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly man finds he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

He goes to see the Indian and the medicine man says, "I can cure this."

With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a fl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a little fire truck

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her...

I was having trouble finding a singing partner,

so I bought myself a duet yourself kit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two couples decided to swap partners for sex

Two couples decided to swap partners for sex.

Afterwards, one of the guys said," That felt great! I wonder how the girls are doing."

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a herbalist living nearby, who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After some discussion with his wife, the man made a visit to the herbalist and handed his voucher over wondering what he was in for. The elderly herbalist handed ...

A survey has found that majority of women assign a certain ringtone for their partner.

Men do that too. It's called silent.

I'm not saying me and my partner are freaky in bed......

....But our memory foam mattress has PTSD.

I recall the time years ago when my friend and I went on our secret spy mission. Like any other highly trained operatives, we were tasked with infiltrating the local mattress store.

It had been reported several times for housing a suspicious number of fans. (a Code 182).

Per our orders, my partner and I snuck into the establishment, taking up hiding under the blankets of some nearby display beds. Sure enough, the place was crawling with fans: ceiling fans, upright fans,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are bridge and sex so similar?

You don't need a partner if you have a good hand

Apple has partnered with Tesla to make a new Car

They are having trouble installing windows

My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.

At first, I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the...

I recently signed on as a partner at this vampire hunting firm.

I'm a stakeholder now.

What did the toast say to his partner while they were doing sixty nine?

“Babe, I’m gonna crumb!”

Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly suck the life out of her partner over a period of decades.

This process is commonly called marriage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you're single trying to attract a partner it's important to project the qualities you desire

I understand this, but boy, oh boy, have I had to suck a *lot* of dick lately.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hates that I had more sexual partners before we got married.

But she's making up for it now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A blonde has been out for cocktails with her friends. She drives off and is speeding down the Interstate, when she hears the wail of a siren & then sees the blue & red lights in her mirror. The police wave her down. So she takes the exit, parks and the police car pull up behind.

The cop nudges his partner and says "She's a blonde, just watch this"
He walks up to her car and indicates for her to wind down her window. She does so.

Cop: "Ma'am, any idea what speed you were doing?"

Blonde: "How would I know that?"
Cop: "The speedometer Ma'am.
Blonde: "Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I decided today that I would save myself for my wife. No sex, no porn, I wouldn't even masturbate until I was able to be with my Life Partner, my Eternal Love, my Wife.

She is usually home around 7:30.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him...

She says hello.

He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies: "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and s...

I asked my lab partner if he has the sodium hypobromite

He said NaBrO.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Car Battery and a Bra walk into a Bar...

Car Battery and a Bra, walk into a bar.
The Car battery asks the Barman “Two beers please mate for my partner and I”
The Barman looks at the Car Battery and Bra and refuses to serve them.
The car battery, looking confused asks why?
The Barman replies “ Because your friend is off her tit...

I've been dating two girls from Vietnam.

They're both super cool, attractive, funny and tick all the right boxes for a perfect partner. The problem is, I have to choose which one I want to be with, which means i'll be letting down at least one fantastic, amazing girl.

It's a complete Nguyen/Nguyen situation for me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the surest way to turn your partner off during sex?

Close your browser.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Donald Trump has sex, his female partner is always on top.

Because he can only fuck up.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.