Term Jokes - 103 Hilarious Term Jokes

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"This term," said the English teacher, "we will be studying 'The Canterbury Tales' "

"But," she added, "to anticipate a question I get every year -- this will not include *The Nun's Priest's Tale*"

"Why not?" asked one of the pupils. The teacher's features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval.

"Because," she answered, "*The Nun's Priest's Tale* is l...

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss,

what does smoking marijuana do?

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long!

There's a term for Presidents like Trump.

Probably not two terms, though...

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I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

Why did Obama get two terms?

Because black men always get a longer sentence

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

Whoever coined the term ‘delivery’ for childbirth made a big mistake.

It should have been called takeout instead.

I often wonder if the guy who came up with the term "One Hit Wonder"...

Came up with any other phrases.

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I don’t like the term anal bleaching...

I prefer changing your ring tone

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The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t inform the husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story,”Excuse me my dear……..my stomach,” and disappeared towards the bathroom.

The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back ...

i call myself terms and conditions

because y'all keep ignoring me

My mum suffers with short term memory loss

Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

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Is there a term for when someone poops in the reservoir?

No?

Well shit.

When Putin began his first term in office…

When Putin began his first term in office in 1999, he asked the then outgoing president Boris Yeltsin if he had any advice for him since he, Putin had no prior experience in politics.

Yeltsin reportedly handed him two envelopes and said, if things go bad, open the first envelope. If thing...

The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really stupid

Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.

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I used to be a boob doctor (yes that is the technical term)…

There were a lot of good times and a lot of bad times

A lot of ups and downs

But over all, I’m thankful for all the mammaries

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My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'fuck.'

What the make love is she talking about?

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What is the term for a female peacock?

A peacunt.

There’s a term for people like Trump.

But there’s not a second one.

Ben is serving term in prison for fraud. One day he receives a letter from his father, Maurice

Dear Ben,

It looks like I won't be able to plant anything in the garden this year. I am growing too old to do any digging without your help. Looking forward to your early release.

Love, Dad

Ben replies:

Dear Dad,

Please don't dig up the garden - that's where I hid ...

Today I ended a long term relationship.

I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.

What's the scientific term for an owl's beak?

Hoo nose

How many people with short-term memory loss does it take to...

I'm sorry, where was I?

It's been a long-term dream to convert a lighthouse

But the project has been on and off for years.

What’s the engineering term for a one night stand?

A nut and bolt.

Why do pediatricians not like long term investments?

They have little patients.

Anybody know the term we use for misinformation about male Geese?

I can't remember, but I know it's not Propagander.

A friend told me the new term for Mansplaining

Correctile Dysfunction

Swedish Computer Terms

I received a wedding invitation from a college classmate. In college we were on bad terms, but it seems he’s matured now. I was feeling nostalgic, but when I looked closely at the card it read…

Please circle one.

\- Will not attend

\- Will be absent

TIL the term "cannibal" is offensive.

They prefer to be called "humanitarians."

What‘s the medical term for fear of palindromes?

Aibohphobia.

Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins.

Fetus Repeatus.

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Bruce is serving a life term in prison. After a decade or so, he gains a cellmate: Will.

After taking some time to size Will up and decide that he can trust him, Bruce tells Will about his plan to escape.

"You see," Bruce says, "for the past nine years, I've been training my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into its...

PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.

Why didn't Mario complete his presidential term?

He got in Peach

Ladies, don't believe it when a factory worker says he wants a long term relationship.

You'll find he screws nuts and bolts.

An elderly couple see a doctor about how to deal with their short term memory loss.

The doctor says to help them remember certain things they should write it down on a piece of paper. One night the couple is watching TV, when the husband starts walking to the kitchen. His wife asks "Can you bring me some strawberries?"

"Sure."

"Aren't you going to write it down so you...

Given the terms “crab”, “tuna”, “lobster”, and “Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders”, which does not fit?

Ans: “tuna”. The other 3 are crushed asians.

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What's the correct term to describe an Alabama Girl that can run faster than her brothers?

Virgin.

TIL there's a scientific term for aquatic mammals losing their fur through evolution

It's called Whale Pattern Baldness.

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

call me crazy, but i think it is possible for a Democratic president who spent his first term setting records for high inflation, gas prices and low approval ratings to win a second term in office

Jimmy Carter 2024

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My parents treat me like Terms & Conditions

They don't give a fuck what I have to say

Dihydrogen Monoxide is a complex term that can confuse many people

But to make it simple, it really just boils down to steam.

Winston Churchill, Harry Truman and Josif Stalin were discussing the terms of peace in Potsdam, Germany.

After a hard day of work they decided to take the rest of the night off. They went into a bar, had lots of drinks and got completely wasted. They started heading towards the hotel but were suddenly stopped by a massive hole blocking the road. Nobody could deduce whether or not falling into the hole ...

The four stages of life, in Santa Clause terms.

1) You believe in Santa.

2) You don’t believe in Santa.

3) You pretend to be Santa.

4) You look like Santa.

If Alkohol negatively affects short-term memory,

then what does alcohol do?

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Damn girl, are you the Terms and Conditions?

'Cause nobody gives a fuck what you sayin'

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What's the medical term for an asshole transplant?

An election.

What is the most commonly searched term on Internet Explorer?

Google Chrome.

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I once was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory

So did I tell you that I was told that having a large penis has the side effect of affecting your short term memory?

In terms of weight reduction, doing meth is way more effective than doing math

That's been methamatically proven

I tried to research what the term “confirmation bias” means

All I found was a bunch of fake news, so I stopped reading

If you’re interviewing for a fast food job and they ask about your short and long term goals

Short term : I want to work at McDonalds

Long term : I don’t want to work at McDonalds

Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...

He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.

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My therapist tells me to use the term "breather" instead of "timeout" when disciplining my children, it has worked wonders...

"GO TO YOUR ROOM AND TAKE A FUCKING BREATHER!"

Another term for man-splainer is...

Autocorrect

What idiot coined the term ex-fiancé

Instead of near-Mrs

My girlfriend is like terms and conditions

Because I ignore everything she says and then agree with her.

A professor was starting to read and grade the immense stack of term papers on his desk....

....when a young man approached his desk.

“Here’s my paper, sir,” said the student.

“I’m sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.”

“Well, excuse me, sir,” the student said, haughtily. “Do you know who I am?”

“No, I do not,” re...

What’s a term for a group of calm and relaxed children?

Chilldren

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Premature ejaculator seeks lady for short term fling

Lady in question must have large breasts, full lips, a nice ass and... OH GOD... never mind...

A man wanted to break up with his long-term girlfriend

Marcus decided to do this when they were going to have a dinner night with both of their parents.

When the night came, he cleared his throat before mustering up the courage to say,

"Angela, I believe that we need to break up. I'm sorry, but it just isn't working out between us anymore...

Which President had the shortest term?

Grover Cleveland.

He was the twenty second President.

i went to a support group for short term memory loss

the host said: "good evening, you're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room"

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Given the terms: drum, meat, egg, blowjob which one doesn't fit?

Blowjob. You can beat a drum, beat an egg, beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob.

What's the term for the number of stupid people in an area?

Duncity.

In light of the pandemic - we will no longer use the term "immaculate conception"...

It is being updated to "contactless delivery."

If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production.

He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

It was hard to come to terms with the death of my wife.

But eventually the hitman and I agreed on a fee.

How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term?

Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office.

The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria.

One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.

A very long time ago, the ancients struggled to come up with a term for a 24 hour period.

It got very late and they said "lets just call it a day".

I’m great at long term jobs!

There isn’t a job in the world I can’t stretch out to at least a year or two...

The medical term for owning too many dogs....

Rover Dose.

It is I who invented the term, "plagiarism".

However, Al Gore got credit for it.

I don't like the term "old man".

I prefer "always hacky sacking"

Never trust a website with purple terms and conditions.

They clearly violet your privacy.

Got rejected by long term girlfriend,after I took her to dinner at a fancy restaurant,mustered up the courage,got down on my knee and finally proposed

A threesome with my wife.

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Did you know the most commonly used search term on Google is "butt plug"?

Well, it's not. I just pulled that out of my ass.

In terms of money, I'm set for life!

Provided I die next Friday

Upper class people avoid using the term "69" as they feel it's uncouth...

They refer to it as "181".

I thought you knew the common term for an ancestal entanglement...

A parently knot.

What is the term for someone who is scared of Santa?

Claustrophobia

What is the French term for blue balls?

Sack Le Bleu

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A man meets a beautiful, really sexy girl.

He really wants her. So he invites her to a movie, and she tells him:

\- Listen, if it's sex you're after, then there is no need to get me dinners, movie evenings and all that. Just buy me a good Swiss Army knife.

The guy thinks. It's true, he's not interested in something long-term, s...

What is the leading cause of divorce in long term marriages?

A stalemate.

College Student's Response to a Chemistry Mid Term Bonus Question.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, ...

Term Limits

I believe in term limits because my vocabulary isn't that big

Psychiatrist: "How long have you had short-term memory loss?"

Patient: "As long as I can remember."

They just discovered the cause of the implosion

OceanGate was purchasing materials for the vessel and misunderstood the term "substandard".

I just heard there is a new term for 'kidnapper'

Its Transparent

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If Trump wins in 2020 and has a terrible term as President - don't blame him.

It's likely because he inherited a shit show dumpster fire from the previous 2016 presidency.

People say maintaining a long term relationship with a girl is the same as having a full time job. I for one think there complete opposites.

After 10 years, my job still sucks.

I figured out why the term is "urinate"

it's because if you wait until it's a urine-ten, then urine trouble!

JFK was killed before his second term in office.

He only got one shot.

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What’s the proper term for a dinosaur boner?

A T-Rection

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What’s another term for “boob sweat”?

Humidititties

A friend of mine who suffers from long term memory loss went to an employment agency to find what work he's suited for.

Today he became chief moderator for r/jokes.

What's the most severe long term effect of COVID-19?

The hospital bill.

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