Dating Jokes - 54 Hilarious Dating Jokes

Daughter: "Mom, I'm dating the neighbor"

Mother: "But he could be your father..."

Daughter: "Age doesn't count for me, Mom!"

Mother:" I don't think you understand..."

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Started dating a girl.

I thought she might be the one.

But after looking through her wardrobe,

and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit,

and a Police woman's uniform,

I finally decided: If she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

Mom, I'm dating a man.

\-Whom, sweetheart?

\-Dante the mailman.

\-Dante the mailman? But he could be your father!

\-But mom, age is just a number.

\-Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

I tried dating a cougar once.

Turned out she was a cheetah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my mate has started dating twins!

I asked him the other day "how do you tell them apart?"

He said

"Well, Stacy is the blonde with a perfect , great , and a fantastic figure...

... And Brian's got a "

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A man was dating three women and wanted to marry one.

He couldn’t choose between them, so he decided to give them a test. He took $1500 out of the bank and gave each one $500 to see how they’d spend it.

The first spent it all on herself. When he asked why, she said she wanted to look her best for him.

The second spent it all on him. Wh...

Dating is a lot like fishing...

Sure there is plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I am just stuck here holding my rod.

I’ve decided to launch a brand new dating app exclusively for Palaeontologists……..

I’m going to call it ‘Carbon Dating’

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and sta...

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

In my twenties, I lived in a houseboat and I started dating the girl next door.

Eventually….we drifted apart.

A girl tells her mom she’s dating the guy next door

The mom’s like “you can’t date him he could be your dad”

And the daughter is like “so there’s an age difference who cares”

“I think you misunderstood me”

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I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website.

That lying isn't, "Fun to be around."

Why did zero start dating?

To find “the one”!

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

"I'm dating a biologist," said the man...

"And I don't like to brag, but when I go over to her place, she always has multiple organisms."

[] A nurse was dating a Doctor and got pregnant...

The married doctor begged her to keep it a secret and asked her to keep away from public eye.

Nine months later,she came to the hospital for delivery.

At the same moment, a priest was admitted for having a large cyst in his prostate gland .

The doctor had an idea. He sedates the...

I was dating a religious girl, but it didn't work out.

I saw on her phone that she was meeting some guy called John at 3:16, so I'm like, "No thanks, I'm out."

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I started a dating site for older people.

OK Boomer

My job is hosting a dating website for insects…….

Don’t judge me. I’m just trying to make ants meet

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I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during .

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

I was dating someone with a lazy eye, but I broke up with her...

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.

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Stripper's dating ad

A stripper got desperate and tired of the men she was with always turning out to be assholes. She puts an ad on a dating say simply saying "I want a man who will never beat me, never run away from me, and is good in bed" after dating a few more assholes the doorbell rings one day. She opens the door...

A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.

"What?" says the woman.

Dating a single mother

Is like continuing from someone else’s saved game

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A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood , except for a pair of black , he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

Just been banned from a Christian dating website.

Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!

Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick ?

U can drop her off anywhere

I wrote a guide about dating guys with small d!cks.

It's called "He's not that into you."

After 20 years of dating an Archaeologist, it’s finally over

She was always digging up the past.

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My buddy was dating twins...

I asked him how he could tell them apart, and he replied, "That's easy. Barbara has really and Bob has a mustache."

I was dating a girl from Romania, but she only wanted to vacation in Italy all the time

After our 17th trip in 3 years, I found I had misunderstood her on our first date, when she'd confessed to having Rome-mania

I used to run a dating service for chickens

but I was struggling to make hens meet.

I was dating a schizophrenic chick and

I left her cause she was seeing other people

I started dating a girl who identifies as a wheelie bin.

I can’t remember if I’m taking her out Wednesday or Thursday night.

I've just started dating an anaesthesiologist

She's a real knockout

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

There is a new site for senior citizen dating.

Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."

Been dating the same girl for 5yrs.

Been dating the same girl for 5yrs and I always keep her picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life I take out my wallet and stare at her picture. And it comforts me knowing that if I can survive being in a relationship with this psychopath, I can survive anything.

I joined a dating sight for arsonist’s…

They sent me a lot of matches.

Programmers make bad dating partners

A JavaScript developer will make empty promises and not call you back.

A Java developer will act classy but he’ll treat you as an object.

And a Python developer will take up all the space and everything will move too slow anyway.

I’m dating a Zumba instructor

But it isn’t working out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?...

Dating a girl that has a child...

... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".

What do dating apps and the 4th of July have in common?

Both really get going just after dark, start with a spark, and end with a bang.

"Mom I have started dating our neighbour..."

"Anders?! But honey, he could be your father!" says mom.

Daughter replies "Mom, age is just a number!"

"I wasn't talking about his age!"

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

Despite the massive age difference, my dad was surprisingly relieved to hear I was dating Dane Cook.

He said “at least he won’t try anything funny.”

Dating apps are so weird

Apparently "must be an animal lover" doesn't mean what you think.

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

Did you hear about the dating app for comedians?

It's called FunnyBones

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