A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly ...

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An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

Q: What is the difference between a teenager and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

My grandad said us teenagers rely to much on technology

So I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

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What do a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common?

They’re both thinking “oh fuck, mom’s gonna kill me”

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers.

God says "Today all teenagers use drugs"

"You're right" replies Peter "I will now go on earth to see if really all teenagers use them"

After a bit Peter returns and tells God that the teens are coming. Few seconds later so...

When I was a teenager, I had to learn how to drive a stick.

We couldn't afford a car.

It's hard being a teenager

If I could do things in my own way, I could do nothing in a more productive way

What do depressed teenagers go through everyday?

Pain and Acne

I'm currently hiring teenagers with expertise in time travel.

20+ years of experience required.

An arab teenager told his parents he wanted C4 for his birthday.

When the day came his parents gave him a neatly wrapped box...






The boy opened it hastily and was overjoyed to find inside the keys to a brand new Citroën. What did you expect?

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at t...

A teenager tells his father, “There’s water in my car’s carburetor.”

The father looks confused and says, “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

But the son insists, “I’m telling you, there’s water in the carburetor.”

His father is starting to get a little nervous. “You don’t even know what a carburetor is” he says, “I’ll check it out. Where’s the...

Dating these days as a Karen is hard, all of my dates act like teenagers.

What I is need is a MANager!

Why do teenagers travel in groups of three?

Because they can't even.

What do you call a teenager in Hawaii?

A tropical depression.

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

A teenager got suck in well.

He calls 911.

Boy: 911?

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Boy: I'm stuck in a well.

Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?

Boy: im14andthisisdeep.

How to know if someone is a teenager on Reddit:

Edit: OMG! This is my most up voted comment ever! Thank you so much!

What did the Iraqi teenager say to his father when he came home?

I'm Baghdad

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What's it called when a teenager going through puberty, can't stop looking at breasts

An eye-dem-titty crisis

“I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hot dogs to teenagers!”

“You’ve got both your legs, Frank”

“Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam.”

-Mitch Hedberg (That 70’s Show)

What do a pregnant teenager and her fetus think at the same time?

"My mom is going to kill me"

My wife just told me she has the body of a teenager.

I guess she found out about me and the babysitter.

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A joke for teenagers, so please don't judge hard

A camel and a elephant are meeting each other.

The elephant asks: So, why do got your t\*ts on your back?

The camel answers: Well, counter question. Why do u got your dick in your face?

A bunch of teenagers TP'd my house last night

It's now appraised at $750,000.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

Why are teenagers so thick headed?

Because adolescent rhymes surprisingly well with “I don’t listen”.

What is depressed teenagers least favorite room?

The living room

A teenager comes home from schooling being very anxious

A teenager comes home from school and being very anxious asks her
mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"


"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have t...

You know what the teenager said to the man in the wheelchair?

"uh, lame."

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Do you have any to speak of?

So, there was once a man named Frank who lived in South Florida, and his life was virtually ideal. He had a beautiful wife and two kids, lived in a very nice home on the intracoastal waterway, and had a very successful yacht sales business. However, he had one problem that had plagued him his whole ...

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[nsfw] some parents find their teenager’s browser history

It’s full of s&m porn.

Mom says: well what are we going to do?

Dad says: what do you mean?

Mom says: well.. we can’t *spank* him.

NNN is almost over....

A teenager, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walk into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.

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Man goes to see a doctor about a life-long affliction... (long)

Man (In a raspy, hoarse voice): Doctor, you have to help me, as you can hear, my voice is hoarse and I can barely speak because it hurts too much. It's been like this since I was a teenager. I can't find work, can't talk with friends, or meet a woman. It's ruining my life. Can you help me?
...

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

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Two teenagers are on a date...

The date is going well, and after some making out towards the end of the evening, the guy asks if he can get a blowjob. "I'm sorry, but if I do that for you I feel like you won't respect me after" she says. After a year and a half of dating, they get married. On their wedding night, the new husband...

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A priest is preparing to close up the church and head home

A priest is preparing to close up the church and head home, when a man enters the church, looking for him. Failing to recognize the man, the priest says,


"You're not from around here. Do I know you?"


The man replies, "Yes father! Years ago, I was a wayward teenager and you caug...

A teenager at a funeral asks the priest for the wifi password.

The priest is shocked and asks the boy "Have you no respect for the dead?"

The boy hears the priests and responds, "Is that uppercase or lowercase?"

The relationship between a teenager and his parents is just like the relationship between US and Russia

Cold War

My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of a teenager

until she checked the freezer.

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An half-japanese teenager, an Englishman with a huge sense of humour, an Egyptian who works as a fortune teller and a French guy walk into a bar and elder four ice teas.

It was very bizzare.

Who will always be a teenager?

Constantine.

A teenager asks his crush out to prom

She agrees, but she has three stipulations:

First, he has to get himself a tailor-made suit.

Second, he needs to pick her up in a limousine.

Third, she wants a large bouquet of roses waiting for her in said limousine.



Determined, the teenager starts with the fi...

Actual true story: Met a teenager who had blood poisoning as a kid and had to have the fingers on his left hand amputated below the first joint.

He has promised me he will try the line out: "Girl, can I have your digits? 'Cause I'm missing some of mine."

Teenager Jamie stormed into the house furiously "Dad! You asked me to put a potato in my swimming trunks to impress the girls there!!!"

"You did not specify it had to go in front!!!!!"

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What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?

They're both thinking 'Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me...'

I know this is a repost. Welcome to /r/jokes

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

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