This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when a teenager going through puberty, can't stop looking at breasts

An eye-dem-titty crisis

A teenager tells his father, “There’s water in my car’s carburetor.”

The father looks confused and says, “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

But the son insists, “I’m telling you, there’s water in the carburetor.”

His father is starting to get a little nervous. “You don’t even know what a carburetor is” he says, “I’ll check it out. Where’s the...

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at t...

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

What do a pregnant teenager and her fetus think at the same time?

"My mom is going to kill me"

How to know if someone is a teenager on Reddit:

Edit: OMG! This is my most up voted comment ever! Thank you so much!

Susie, the mother of two teenagers, shared her worries with a friend.

"I'm worried about my children's failing eyesight. My daughter can't find anything to wear in a closet full of clothes and my son can't find anything good to eat in a refrigerator full of food."

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

“I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hot dogs to teenagers!”

“You’ve got both your legs, Frank”

“Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam.”

-Mitch Hedberg (That 70’s Show)

A teenager got suck in well.

He calls 911.

Boy: 911?

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Boy: I'm stuck in a well.

Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?

Boy: im14andthisisdeep.

Why do teenagers travel in groups of three?

Because they can't even.

What did the Iraqi teenager say to his father when he came home?

I'm Baghdad

My wife just told me she has the body of a teenager.

I guess she found out about me and the babysitter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke for teenagers, so please don't judge hard

A camel and a elephant are meeting each other.

The elephant asks: So, why do got your t\*ts on your back?

The camel answers: Well, counter question. Why do u got your dick in your face?

You know what the teenager said to the man in the wheelchair?

"uh, lame."

Why are teenagers so thick headed?

Because adolescent rhymes surprisingly well with “I don’t listen”.

A bunch of teenagers TP'd my house last night

It's now appraised at $750,000.

A teenager comes home from schooling being very anxious

A teenager comes home from school and being very anxious asks her
mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"


"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have t...

A long haired 16 year-old with a rich grandmother is trying to get her to buy him a car, but she says she will only do it if he cuts his hair

Not wanting to lose his long hair, the teenager argues with her over the course of days. "Grandma, all the other kids have a car!" She replies "I don't care, cut your hair and you can have one too." This argument is repeated multiple times a day, with him also making other arguments. Grandma doesn't...

What do you call an introverted teenager?

A quaranteen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two teenagers are on a date...

The date is going well, and after some making out towards the end of the evening, the guy asks if he can get a blowjob. "I'm sorry, but if I do that for you I feel like you won't respect me after" she says. After a year and a half of dating, they get married. On their wedding night, the new husband...

What is depressed teenagers least favorite room?

The living room

A teenager at a funeral asks the priest for the wifi password.

The priest is shocked and asks the boy "Have you no respect for the dead?"

The boy hears the priests and responds, "Is that uppercase or lowercase?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] some parents find their teenager’s browser history

It’s full of s&m porn.

Mom says: well what are we going to do?

Dad says: what do you mean?

Mom says: well.. we can’t *spank* him.

Actual true story: Met a teenager who had blood poisoning as a kid and had to have the fingers on his left hand amputated below the first joint.

He has promised me he will try the line out: "Girl, can I have your digits? 'Cause I'm missing some of mine."

My grandad said us teenagers rely to much on technology

So I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support

Who will always be a teenager?

Constantine.

Teenager Jamie stormed into the house furiously "Dad! You asked me to put a potato in my swimming trunks to impress the girls there!!!"

"You did not specify it had to go in front!!!!!"

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An half-japanese teenager, an Englishman with a huge sense of humour, an Egyptian who works as a fortune teller and a French guy walk into a bar and elder four ice teas.

It was very bizzare.

My First Ever Dad Joke!

The guys on the radio are telling us to watch out because it'll be in the 90's for three days this week. So what? When I was a teenager, every day was in the 90's!

A teenager asks his crush out to prom

She agrees, but she has three stipulations:

First, he has to get himself a tailor-made suit.

Second, he needs to pick her up in a limousine.

Third, she wants a large bouquet of roses waiting for her in said limousine.



Determined, the teenager starts with the fi...

What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common?

They both think,”My moms gonna kill me”

My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of a teenager

until she checked the freezer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandma joke

3 teenagers are walking in their neighbourhood, when they come across a house with an red apple tree in the garden.

The 3 go over the fence and steal some apples to eat.

While they are eating the apples, the grandma sees them and shouts:“Hey don’t steal my apples you little shits”
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter is having lunch in a park in Manchester...

She sees a child playing, when all of a sudden a large angry dog bounces towards the child, picking the child up and shaking it..

All of a sudden a teenage lad runs towards them, wresting the child from certain death and in the process kills the Savage dog.

The Reporter sensing a gre...

A girl from a strict family.

There was a girl from a very strict family. Her father absolutely hated fruits and no one in the family was allowed to eat them. As far as the girl knew her Uncle had died from choking on an apple which is why they were banned.

All through her school years she longed to taste any fruit, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

What does a russian spy and a teenager have in common

They both have erased history

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?

They're both thinking 'Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me...'

I know this is a repost. Welcome to /r/jokes

What do you call an obese emo teenager

An edgelard.

Alternatively, names.

Teenager: I Think I'm pregnant mom.

Mom: No you're not

Teenager: I believe I'm pregnant!

Mom: I said you're not!

Teenager: I'M PREGNANT! WHY ARE YOU IN DENIAL? I'M PREGNANT! PREGNAAAANT!

MOM: SHUT UP SON! You're not!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.