The 101+ Best Mistress Jokes

A blind man and his mistress.

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.

After bathing, she came out naked, spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, “Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything ...

Two strangers get paired up golfing

They’re both pretty avid golfers, so they’re playing a speedy round.

They play through a couple groups and end up behind a couple ladies further up the fairway.

The one chap decides to walk up and ask if they can play through. About halfway towards them, he stops dead and turns aroun...

An elderly couple are having dinner at a restaurant ....

An elderly couple are having dinner at their favorite 4 star restaurant when a gorgeous blonde walks up says "Hey babY!" , plants a kiss on the mans cheek and walks away .

His wife looks over at him and says "Who was that ?"

The man calmly replies" oh her ? That's my mistress"
...

Two blokes are out playing golf

Jim and Dave are playing golf one day when they come to the 8th hole there are two women teeing off.

Jim turns to Dave and says "go ask if we can play through"

Dave takes off towards the two women but only makes it about ten paces before he turns around and comes back

"What's t...

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The maid told her mistress :"I think I deserve a raise"

Mistress : Give me reasons why you need a raise?"

Maid "I cook better than you"

Mistress :" Who told that?"

Maid " Your husband did."

Mistress "Hmmm"

Maid "I clean the house better than you"

Mistress :" Who told that?"

Maid " Your husband did."
...

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A man says to his doctor "Doctor, I have an embarrassing sexual problem"

The doctor says "Tell me about your sex life,"

The man says "Well, first thing in the morning, the wife and I have a quick 'morning glory'. Then I go to work and about eleven o'clock my secretary gives me a BJ at my desk. I nip home at lunchtime and do the wife over the kitchen table, then af...

A traditional tunisian joke I was told by my grandmother and she heard from hers

The bey(King) was missing his mistress who was living far away. He decided to pay her a visit wearing his more expensive clothes, but out of precaution, he decided to first ask his wazir(minister) of weather whether there would be rain on that day.
The wazir paused for 5 minutes, assessing the cl...

A Punjabi latifa (joke), translated.

The government, via the local mosque, announces that every married couple will receive 100, 000 rupees for every child they have, as a sort of relief check.

Johnny, a poor man with 7 kids, hears this joke.

He tells his wife, "O wife, we have 7 kids, and we will receive 700,000 rupees ...

This is an actual medieval joke from 14th century Florence:

A Florentine had in his home a young man who instructed his children in the elements of knowledge. After a long stay, the young tutor felt himself so much at home that he had in turn the housemaid, the nurse, and finally the mistress herself.

When the master of the house, who was a jovial fel...

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What is the difference between a Prostitute, a Mistress, and a Wife?

The Prostitute says, “Are you finished yet?”

The Mistress says, “You're not done already, are you?”

The Wife says, “Beige… I think I’ll paint the ceiling Beige.”

What did the Scottish sailor, returning to port after a long journey, say to the Mistress of the Brothel?

Ivanhoe.

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Jack Russle and Great Dane at the vets...

A Jack Russell and a Great Dane are in the waiting room at a vets...

JR: "Why are you here ?"

GD: "Fuck off."

JR: "No, come on, let's be friendly, we're both dogs, we don't want to be here, we should support each other,"

GD: "<sigh>"

JR: "I'll tell you why I'...

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George Washington and his men are looking for a place to stay one night after a long fight against the British...

After marching through the woods for some hours, they find a farm. Washington knocks on the door and the farmer answers. Washington says "excuse me sir, I'm sorry to bother you. My men and I have been fighting the British all day, and are very tired. Can you put us up for the night?" The farmer look...

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I'm married, but I have a mistress named Ophelia who I've nicknamed "Off".

So when the wife and I have an argument and she tells me to go Fuck Off, I have a clear conscience

A CEO of a company called his secretary (his married mistress) and told her that he wants to go on a trip with her this weekend so they can have some fun

and that she can tell her husband it’s a work trip, so she agreed.

She called her husband and told him that she has a work trip so she won’t spend this weekend with him, he understood.

her husband called his mistress and told her that his wife is out this weekend so she should come bec...

What did the Frenchman say when his mistress’ husband hit him over the head with an iron?

Fer enough.

Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my ...

Two men golfing...

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns ...

A pet store owner walks into a brothel

The head mistress greets the new guest: "And how can we help you today?"

The pet store owner asks "Do you have a parrot I could buy?"

The confused head mistress responds "Don't you own a pet store? And don't you already have some nice parrots, why do you need ours?"
...

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Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he...

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A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century

The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do no...

There’s a great actor who can no longer remember his lines, and when word gets out, no one will hire him.

After many years he finally finds a theater that is prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, but it has only one line. You walk out on stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff...

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A wife works long shifts every day...

A wife works long shifts every day of the week to support her family. The husband, who rarely sees her, begins to feel affected by the lack of intimacy from her when she is around, so he has an affair with a younger lady.

One day, the wife comes home early, and finds her husband in bed with h...

A couple are having dinner at a nice restaurant. A lovely young woman walks up to the table, kisses the man on the cheek, and says, "See you later, sweetie" before walking away. The wife is livid.

"Who the hell was that, and what did she mean about seeing you later?"

"That's just my mistress, Laura."

"You have a mistress, and she has the nerve to walk up to us in public? This is unforgivable. I want a divorce."

"Honey, she means nothing to me. Just a bit of harmless fun. ...

Sudden change of heart

An extremely wealthy investor and his wife of 25 years, were having dinner at a five-star restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman came over to their table, gave the husband a big, wet kiss, and in a breathy voice she said, "I'll see you later tonight…" ending with a wink just before turni...

A doctor, a lawyer, and a biologist are discussing the costs and benefits of having an affair.

The doctor says no one should ever have an affair. It creates too much anxiety and it's bad for your health.

The lawyer says it's OK to have an affair as long as you don't tell your wife. If you tell your wife, she might file for a divorce and it's bad for your pocketbook.

The biologis...

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A man goes to the doctor…

… and tells him that his dick is red and swollen and hurts.

Doctor: "I see you are married - how often do you have sex with your wife?"

Patient: "Well, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday - in fact, every day.''

Doctor: "Hm…"

Patient: "And I ...

An accountant, an artist and an engineer are having drinks

The conversation turns to the most important person in their lives.

The accountant says his wife is his rock, his stability, the foundation of their life together.

The artist says his mistress is his muse and inspiration. He owes her his very soul.

The engineer says those are gr...

Having puppies

**Three dogs are at the vet's. Talking dog talk.**

Rover, "Why are you guys here?"

Sparky, "I been peeing all over the house. I'm going to get my nuts cut off." Ruff.

Barky, "I growl at everything. I'm going to get my nuts cut off. Ruff.

How about you Rover?"

Rover...

Two men are playing golf

Two men are playing golf and they're stuck behind 2 of the worst and slowest golfers they'd ever seen.

After several holes, the one guy has had enough. He stomps up over the hill to tell them to play faster, let them play through, or get the hell off the golf course!

He comes back a mo...

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Dr. Seuss cheated on his wife for 13 years while she was battling cancer and then married his mistress after she died.

He really said "One bitch, two bitch, dead bitch, new bitch".

1 out of 3 people (Oops)

I read that ONE out of three people in a relationship, were unfaithful.
I'm trying to determine if it's my WIFE or my MISTRESS.

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the coroner.

“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on th...

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Sportscar race

Enzo Ferrari and Ferdinand Porsche were arguing about which of their sportscars was the fastest, so they decided to each pick their best driver and have a race to find out.

They day of the race came, and the Ferrari won easily, pulling up at the finish-line a beautiful female driver stepped o...

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A broke man went to a brothel.

He approached the head mistress and said “I have 15$, what can you do for me?”.
She responded; “Well, Greta up in room 102 can help you, she is pretty old, but very good. She has helped many before for very little”. The guy thanked her and went on his way. Upon entering room 102 and meeting Greta...

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistre...

Three guys are drinking at a bar

After several drinks, the first one gets up to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" ask the others. He says, "Guys I'd love to stay but I have to cut myself off. The last time we got together, I was so drunk. When I got home, I blew chunks right on the living room floor in front of my wife and ...

A joke I made up

There once lived an unmarried, flamboyant, lustful king who chased women and slept with everyone in his court. The day came for him to be married, and he went to see a local lord who was rumored to have two beautiful daughters. The king went to meet the lord and his two beautiful daughters. After l...

short joke

**Every Wife Is A Mistress For Her Husband.**

**Miss For One Hour**

**And**
**.**
**.**
**.**
**.**
**Stress For The Remaining 23 Hours.**

Hank the Cowboy

May not be super funny, but this joke makes my brother heave a little.

For years, Hank worked his corner of the old west frontier by himself. He'd sell his goods to people heading west and collected a good sum over time. Hank was notoriously tight fisted with his money. He was...

Aunt Agony Advice Column

Dear Aunt Agony,

I have a romantic and loyal boyfriend, who loves me dearly. He isn't rich, but works hard at his job, and is trying to save enough to buy us a house, so that we can get married.

However, recently I met this wealthy old man who was visiting our country. He said he likes...

When I compare my wife and my mistress

I find it fascinating how different sisters can be.

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.

At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"

She hangs up and turns towards her ...

Would you rather have a mistress or a wife?

A doctor, a lawyer, and a scientist were asked if they would rather have a mistress or a wife.

The doctor says I would rather have a wife so that I have someone to go home to after a long day at the hospital.

The lawyer says I'd rather have a mistress that way I don't have to...

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kil...

What is a Mistress?

It’s something between a Mister and a Mattress

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A man goes to a urologist...

...and says he has a problem with his penis.

"OK, well, can you urinate, can you get an erection?"
"Sure, no problem."
"Ermm, well how about your sex life, can you describe it to me?"
"Well, I wake up and have sex with my wife. Then I make some coffee and vreakfast, and when she co...

Two golfers...

Two golfers were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man sai...

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

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First visit to a brothel (NSFW)

After several years of loneliness a man visits a brothel. He speaks with the madame at the front desk and he says, "It's been years since I've had sex, and I've never been to a place like this before. What can I get for twenty bucks?"

"Hmmm..." says the mistress, "twenty won't get you much i...

What's the difference between my chair and my mistress?

One has the backrest

The other has the best rack

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A man is cheating on his wife..

And one night, after a rather energetic session with his mistress, he falls asleep and doesn't wake up until 3am.
Horrified, he scrambles around for his clothes, gets dressed and leaves as fast as he can.
On the way home he has an idea.
He goes to the local park and rubs his shoes in the...

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An RAF pilot from WWII goes to a girls high school to share his experiences in the war

He said: "And there was a fucker behind me, to the left of me, to the right of me, fuckers everywhere!" The head mistress turned pale and said: "Ladies, the Fokker was a German aircraft." The veteran said: "That may be Madam, but these fuckers were in Messerschmidts"

A well-off couple are having dinner in a restaurant when...

... a beautiful woman walks up to their table, passionately kisses the husband and says “I’ll see you later!”.

Fuming, the wife asks “who the hell is that?!” and the husband calmly replies “my mistress”. Even angrier, the wife says “that’s it! I’ve had enough. I want a divorce”.

Once ...

What develops great logistical skills in a man?

Having three mistresses at the same time.

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A janitor is cleaning the church.......

.....when suddenly the priest runs out of the confession booth.

He bumps into the janitor and tells him to cover for him because he had run to the bathroom.

Surprised, the janitor tells the priest that he doesn't know anything about confessions.

The priest hands him a sheet of p...

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A man steps into a brothel (nsfw)

He approaches the head mistress and says what can I get for $5? The head mistress takes him to a room with a morbidly obese woman. He doesn't enjoy it but it got the job done.

Next week he goes back and tells the mistress he only has $4 this time so she takes him to a room with a chicken in...

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Two best friends were walking down the street together

The first said, "Oh shit, here comes my wife and my mistress together!" and turns the other way.
"Christ, mine too," says the other.

Car Breakdown

Two male co-workers were driving to a bar together when they noticed a car broken down on the side of the street with two women standing near it. They pull over, and one man walks halfway to the broken down car before turning around and quickly walking back.

"What's wrong?" the other man a...

Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go... I... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex.

And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income tax evasion to the government." "Don't give it a second thought, sweetheart. Who do you think gave you the poison?" answered Peter.

A man and his wife are eating at a restaurant when another woman smiles and waves at him

"Who is that woman, dear?" the wife asks.

"She's no one," he responds.

But his wife keeps badgering him, so he relents, "Okay... that's my mistress."

"And who's that other woman with her?" the wife asks.

"That's Bob's mistress," the man replies.

"Ours is prettier."

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A man goes to the pharmacists and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills

A man goes to the pharmacist and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills.

The pharmacist is confused and asks “why 3 1/2?”

The man responds. "Well, Monday I am going to see my mistress and I need two. I need one for Wednesday with my wife. And on Friday, I am going to the sauna and it just needs ...

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A guy is out with his mistress when his wife shows up

He turns to his buddy and says, "Oh, shit, that's my wife! Can you get rid of her before she notices us?"

"I got you, buddy," says his friend.

The guy tries to hide, only to see that his mother has arrived too. When his buddy comes back, he says, "Oh, shit, that's my mom! Can you get r...

Two guys were playing golf

Two guys were playing golf, and they were annoyed because there were two women ahead of them playing very slowly. One of the guys decided to ask if they could play through. He walked over about halfway, they suddenly turned around very quickly and came back.

"That was close," he said. "On...

A man was married to a woman named Lorraine but had a mistress named Clairee.

One day, his wife left him. He wasn't too upset. In fact, he began to sing:

"I can see Clairee now, Lorraine is gone."

Sorry... I'll see myself out...

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John had a mistress...

John had a mistress from another country. One day his mistress calls and tells John that she booked a flight and was coming to meet him and spend a day there.

John wakes up early in the next morning and tells his wife that his uncle had passed away. He needed to go to the airport and meet s...

John took the day off work to play golf

When he got to the golf course, the attendant said they were pretty busy and wanted to pair him up with Steve to play together. The two guys headed out and after a few holes were getting frustrated by two women ahead of them playing really slow. Eventually, John said it was getting ridiculous and ...

I told my wife I was thinking about getting a side-piece.

She slapped me before hearing me out.

She calmed down when I told her that a side piece of land was available and I was thinking about buying that.

And then I am planning to move my mistress to that place.

Two men are playing golf

Two men are playing golf and while smashing through the holes, get stuck behind a couple of female players. The first man says to his opponent, "I'll go ahead and ask if we can go past!"

He comes back looking like he's seen a ghost and gasps: "I couldn't ask; one of the ladies was my...

Better late than never?

Mrs: Shame on you! I heard the news about your affair! You have an eighteen-year-old mistress!
Mr: You got the news late! She is now a twenty-three-year-old!

A husband and wife are out to dinner

When all of sudden a very attractive young lady comes up and kisses the husband on the cheek, winks, and walks away.

Naturally, the wife is less than pleased about this

"Who was that?" She asks

"That's Jessica, my mistress" he replies

As you can imagine, the wife is not ...

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Two men golfing...

Two older male best friends are going golfing and get stuck behind two women playing slower. They start to get frustrated and think about what to do.

The first friend tells the other to go and ask if they can play through, and so the second man heads down the fairway.

He gets halfway t...

Lady of my dreams

The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed ...

A man asks for his wife on his deathbed

Man: Dear I have to tell you a secret.

Wife: You don’t have to.

Man: I must. I cannot leave this world with this secret. Please forgive me.

Wife: Ok, tell me.

Man: I have a mistress.

Wife: I know. I found out earlier today. Now stop resisting and let the rat poiso...

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A Bishop had finally had it with a priest in his archdiocese who kept fucking up Sacraments

Right before he was about to excommunicate him, the priest got on his knees and pleaded to give him another chance. The Bishop was a good guy so he allowed the priest one chance.

"If you can preform a matrimony without anything going wrong, I will not fire you"

The wedding starts and e...

How do you tell the difference between your wife and your mistress?

The mistress doesn't ask where you were

A man was having an affair

One night, his mistress confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his marriage, he promised to pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he also promised to provide child support until t...

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I was going through a messy divorce and getting screwed by my wife&'s lawyer when I found an old lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared.

"Thank you for freeing me" he said. "In return I grant you 3 wishes"

"Oh! this is great," I said. "For my first one I wish I had an inexaustable supply of cash"

Puff! A wallet full of $20 notes appeared. "No matter how much you take out, it will always be full" said the genie....

Kevin with his mistress on the bed

"You should leave now. My husband is coming back soon", said the woman.

"Don't worry, I've got my trained smart horse outside. If I just blow a whistle and jump out the window, it would catch me easily", smiled Kevin.

Then someone knocked at the door.

In a panic, Kevin blowed a ...

Two good friends go golfing

Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. One guy says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my ...

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Golf with the boss

A man and his boss skip work one weekday afternoon for a round of golf. They tee off at 1:00 and after 2 holes they catch up to a twosome of women. The women are playing unbearably slowly.

After waiting nearly an hour to play a hole, the men discuss how to get around these slow-playing wome...

Password security questions for the depressed

What is the name of your least favorite child?

In what year did you abandon your dreams?

What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress?

At what age did your childhood pet run away?

What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?

In what city did you first...

My wife went to Jupiter and found pictures of me and a mistress.

She was crushed. My mistress asked what the big deal was... she didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

What did the mistress say to entice the termite?

"Want to get some wood?"

The true definition of "savoir faire"

Three French gentleman are discussing the true definition of "savoir faire"

"Mes amis, let me tell you the meaning of 'savoir faire': a husband comes home early, walks into the bedroom and discovers his wife in bed with another man - Pierre - in the middle of ze act. He does not react, but wi...

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A woman discovers her husband has been cheating on her. She immediately hires a hitman to enact revenge...

Upon meeting the hitman she explains through her rage that she wants the hitman to shoot the woman with whom her husband was cheating in the head. Wanting her husband to suffer, she tells the hitman not to kill him, but to shoot him in his groin.

That evening, knowing her husband will be meet...

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The husband comes home and worried because he has a scratch on his chest...

The husband comes home and worried because he has a scratch on his chest caused by a fingernail from his mistress, opens the door seeing the cat asleep on the couch, gives him a tremendous kick. The cat "screams" a loud meow and runs out the door.

The wife comes in the living room and asks wh...

Kissing her where it smells

I was making out with my mistress in the backseat and she said to me, “Kiss me where it smells!” So, naturally, I hopped into the driver’s seat and drove her to Secaucus.

Any of you from NJ?

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar. Donald leans over, and With A smile on his face, says, "The media are really tearing you apart for That Scandal."

Hillary: "You mean my lying about Benghazi?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the massive voter fraud?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Usin...

My mistress and I ran into my wife at the hardware store...

She kicked me in Menards.

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The doctor is sat in his office one day & asks the nurse/secretary to send in the next patient.....

.........In walks Mr. Jones, closes the door behind him, sits down & the doctor immediately notices that he looks totally physically drained & hasn't had a decent nights sleep for weeks......

"Ok, so how can I help you Mr. Jones?"

"Well, it's like this doc, I have a hyperactive...

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A dominatrix walks down the hallway of her brothel...

...into one of the many rooms. Inside, there's a man blindfolded, handcuffed, and chained to the floor. She walks up and slaps him as hard as she can and says, "Who's my little bitch?"

The man screams and yells, "What the fuck are doing?"

The mistress was confused, she'd been prepped f...

An elderly RAF veteran was giving a talk at an all girls school...

He was called in to give a motivational talk about British moral during the war, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.

"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue, we became surround by a pack of these Fokkers. I had two Fokkers in ei...

Fishing

I was out fishing yesterday when I heard a soft voice saying "Kiss me, then I will turn into your faithful mistress"
I looked down and saw a little frog, " I said "Was that you speaking"?
The little frog said "Yes, kiss me and I will turn into your faithful mistress"
So I picked the little ...

I just found out that the traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal.

My wife going to be so surprised to have a threesome with my mistress!

An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...

After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails ...

Vets waiting room

Two dogs in a vets waiting room. 1st dog is old, grey around the muzzle has a bad limp and smells bad.

2nd dog, much younger, says to the old dog, '' Why are you here today '' Old dog replies, ''I am going to be put to sleep, i'm in very bad health, and my time has come''

Young dog...

Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?

>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

>30 pounds.

This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?

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EDIT: Thanks for the response...

One space rock, said to the other space rock, “got any more gossip on the affair?” The other space rock replied, “yeah, turns out Carl’s mistress... is a man!”

Space rocks always love when the story gets meteor.

One day at court, the prosecutor called the first witness to the stand, and in came a gossipy old woman

The prosecutor started by asking her, "Do you know who I am?"

The old woman replied. "Yes, you're John Kim, and I must say I'm very disappointed in you. You're greedy, you treat others like dirt, and you've been keeping a mistress for years! Of course I know who you are."

The prosecuto...

Wife enters the house while the husband is in the room with his mistress

Scared the husband quickly wears his clothes and tells his mistress to hide and goes to confront his wife.

Husband:So honey how was work today?

Wife:It was as usual my superman.

Husband:Anything new happened today?

Wife:Nothing my superman

Husband:But honey,why do ...

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