UPJOKE
tumbletwigsoapprehendcompasscomprehenddiggraspsavvyifbutevenwayactuallyjust

Get It Jokes

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.

A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike. His buddy said “sweet bike, where’d ya get it?”

“You’ll never believe this,” he said, “I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_”

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said “smart. Her clothes would have never fit yo...

What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and women love to get it?

A hundred dollar bill.

My parents said that if I got a tattoo I'd have to get it in a place that didn't matter...

So I got it in Appleton, Wisconsin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"

I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."

How did Canada get it's name?

They put all the letters of the alphabet in a hat and pulled them out one at a time...

"C, eh. N, eh. D, eh."

What’s yellow and hurts if you get it in you eye?

A bulldozer

A farmer took his truck to the mechanic to get it fixed...

They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.


On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, s...

People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it.

I've never had a beef with one.

Two men are playing golf when one realizes he's left his jacket at the last tee He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.

"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

How did the catfish get its name?

It kept knocking stuff off of the water table

The following is a joke from 'Harry Hills Whopping Great Joke Book' and I really don't get it. Could anyone enlighten me?

My wife is a stickler for tidiness. I just bought her a cuckoo clock and she's started putting paper under it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Get it?

There was a guy who had just one out of two testicles.


So naturally he was very ashamed of his condition and decided to do something about it.


So he went to a doctor and told him "Doc, I suffer from a condition which I am very ashamed of and it's likely that you wouldn't have ...

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies ...

My house was so windy it blew my window open and I struggled to get it to close

It was a huge pane

While furniture shopping I came across a really nice bed, but I couldn't make up my mind whether or not to get it...

I figured I'd sleep on it.

Everyone on the internet seems to hate vegans, but I don’t really get it.

Personally I’ve ….never had a beef with one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What goes click click click...did I get it?... SHIT! click click click...did I get it?... SHIT!...

Stevie Wonder with a Rubik's Cube

I dont get it

If someone donates 1 kindey, they're hailed a hero, but I donate 5 and get arrested!?

My dad always told me, “Do what you hate the most the first thing in the morning and get it out of the way.”

Every year, he calls me on my birthday at 6 a.m..

How did Canada get its name?

2 people were walking around, and one says, "Oh this is a good country, eh? What should we name it?" So the other one says, "I agree, what should we name it?" The first one says, "Let's pick letters out of a hat." So they put letters in a hat and start to pull them. "We picked a C eh, N eh, D eh"

I don’t get it..Travis Scott is trash, but it seems everyone is dying to see him live

Whoops.

He's gonna get it

A man was staggering home drunk in the early hours of the morning when he was stopped by a police officer.


“What are you doing out at this time of night?” asked the officer.


“I’m going to a lecture,” said the drunk.


“And who’s going to be giving a lecture...

What do you get it you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'?

3 different answers

I don't get it. When Civet's do it, it's the "smoothest" and "best" coffee.

When I do it, it's "disgusting" "depraved" and they shut down my cafe......

u didn’t get it

Two engineering students were biking across campus when one asks, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replies, "Well, it was the craziest thing. I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up, threw the bike to the ground, took off ...

Q: Why did the blonde take her car to the Scout jamboree to get its horn fixed?

A: Someone told her the Scout motto is “Be prepared”.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.