Fed Up Jokes - 102 Hilarious Fed Up Jokes

A Gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist ...

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't," I said.

I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home.

My lighthouse, my rules.

A blonde got fed up with all the Blonde jokes......

So she cut her hair short and dyed it black. Bought a snazzy convertible and went driving through the countryside.
On a back country road, she drove up to a large flock of sheep that were slowly crossing the road. As she sat there watching the flock she saw the farmer standing there.
She said ...

I'm American, and I'm fed up of people saying that America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

Fed up

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party? " "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO! " exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches? " "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night...

All the blondes of the world are finally fed up...

Sick of all the dumb blonde jokes - thousands of blondes have a huge convention in a football stadium to prove once and for all that they are just as smart as anyone else. So, they all fill the stadium and have a teacher on the field ask one blonde volunteer a math question.

The teacher asks...

I’m fed up with all these Chuck Norris jokes on this Sub!

If he’s such a tough badass, I dare him to come over here and smash my face against my keybhrbhdbvdggdvrvvhdhdbsbhdhebb

My girlfriend said she's fed up with me always pretending I’m a detective, and that we should split up...

I told her that’s great, we can cover more ground that way.

I'm really fed up of those insects that worship their Queen.

Sycophants.

3 housewifes got fed up of cooking

so the 3 wives ( a british , a french and a russian ) decided not to cook for 3 days

at the end of the three days, they met again

the british said " the first day I didn't see anything new, the second day he went to the kitchen and started cooking"

the french said " the first ...

My wife is leaving me because she’s fed up with me talking like a news anchor.

A 35 year old virgin, fed up with constant dating failures,

goes to see his doctor, for the umpteenth time. Fed up with the constant complaints, his doctor finally relents.

"Ok ok. There's a new guy in town, from Hong Kong. Chinese. Relationship specialist. I think he's a quack but it's worth a try." Says his doc and gives him the address.

Th...

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My wife told me that she’s getting fed up of my boring facts.

“I find them very interesting,” I said.

“Well, who gives a flying fuck?” She said angrily.

“Dragonflies,” I replied.

A girl is fed up with her boyfriend's unhealthy obsession with detective movies, and wants to break up with him.

"This is too much. We really should split up."

"Good idea, we can cover more ground that way."

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So a dad is fed up with his son lying to him…

Dad: (brings home lie detector) so son, what did you do today?

Son: I went to school

(Beep)

Son: fine, I went to my friends house.

Dad: what did you do at your friends house?

Son: we watched a movie

Dad: what kind of movie?

Son: A Disney film

(...

Town idiot got fed up of how dumb he is and decided to off himself

He hikes up the mountain to jump off the ledge. He's finally 30 feet away from the ledge when he hears an old man's voice "What r u doing up here young man?

The guy turns around and tells him about how he's the town idiot and fed up with his own stupidity and how he can't take it anymore. The...

My wife is taking me to court because she said she’s fed up of me beating her and she “needs more than just love”.

The problem is, I’m just way better than her at tennis.

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I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex...

I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.

I am fed up with my Bonnie Tyler satnav.

It keeps telling me to turn around, it got me lost in France, and every now and then it falls apart.

Fed up with all this at the minute...

Gonna ask my mom if the offer to “Slap me into next year” is still on the table!

Personally, I'm fed up with LOL, ROFL, and LMAO.

I say we ban all acronyms in the U.S.A.

My wife says she's fed up and is planning on leaving me this weekend.

Despite begging and pleading with her, she's adamant she won't move out before then.

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.

Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own ...

What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?

Suit yourself.

A Guy Is fed up with his case of intestinal Worms

He decided its about time to have things checked out.

He goes and visits his local doctor, the doctor prescribes him medication.
He heads home and and struggles for weeks, to no avail.

He goes and visits a famous diagnostician, who tells him that the worms have grown f...

I'm really fed up with my mates

Three times now they've agreed to go to a Whitesnake gig with me & then not showed up.

Here I go again, on my own!

A man in line for cucumbers in USSR is fed up

and says to the man behind him in line "This is BS! I'm going to get a gun and kill everybody in the Kremlin!".

He returns to the line with a dejected look on his face a couple of hours later. Everyone asks "What happened? Did you kill them?"

He answers "No. The line was even long...

I'm fed up with

being the only one who cleans the house, cooks every meal, does the dishes, the laundry and pays the bills.

I mean I live by myself, but still.

What does a Canadian Eskimo say when he’s fed up?

“I’ll have Nunavut!”

A dwarf with a lisp goes to visit a stud farm.

"I'd like to buy a horth"

He says to the owner of the farm.

"What sort of horse?"

Said the owner.

"A female horth"

The dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a lovely mare.

"Nithe horth."

Says the dwarf,

"Can I thee her eyeth?"

So ...

What do you call someone who’s fed up with people?

A cannibal.

I got so fed up with my wife complaining about my sense of direction

I packed my stuff up and right.

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Three women were fed up with their husbands

They agree that the best way to get their husbands to help with cleaning, is to stop doing it themselves. A week later, they meet again to discuss how it went.

The first one said: 'My Harry never did the laundry. I was sick of it. I told him: 'Harry, you lazy ass, I'm not doing your laundry a...

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A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up.

A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her
first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another
woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her
sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds:
Wanted: A good looking, single guy wh...

A blond is fed up with her life

A blond woman is fed up with life, so she goes out into the woods and hangs herself. A man walks through the woods, and sees the woman hanging from her waste on a rope tied to a tree.

"What are you doing?" - He asks.

"Hanging myself," she replies.

"Shouldn't the rope be aroun...

A teacher was getting fed up with one of her student’s bad hand writing-

She said “Your hand writing is absolute chicken scratch! I can barely read it. How are you going to get a job if your employer can’t read what you write?”

He said “Don’t worry, Miss. I’m going to be a doctor.”

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Two monkeys, one is lucky and the other is not...

Everyday they go to a banana farm and the lucky one climbs a tree and throws the bananas to the other one. And everyday, the farm owner gathers the farmers and catch the unlucky monkey and beat him.

One day, the unlucky monkey is fed up with the beating and tells the lucky monkey to w...

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again...

Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to rep...

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A man is about to walk into a bar, when a num holding a sign that reads "alcohol is evil" stops him.

The nun tells him about the evils of alcohol, "alcohol is evil! Alcohol is the devils tool!

Then, the nun says something that really effected the man. "What would your parents think!" The man explains how both his parents have passed away, and how he's not sure what they would think.

T...

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A husband goes to an ENT doctor, fed up with his wife's hearing problem.

Husband: Doctor, I am frustrated with my wife's hearing or lack there of. It feels like I am talking to myself all the time. Please help.

Doctor: Where is your wife?

Husband: I called her many times, she didn't respond. I angrily left my home to meet you.

Doctor: Since she is no...

A young man grew fed up with modern life

A young man grew fed up with modern life and decided to leave the big city and become a shepherd, spending months in the seclusion of the distant mountains alone with his thoughts and sheep. So he went up the high mountains where he found three older shepherds with a big flock of sheep, and asked th...

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Nasa scientists became fed up of jokes on Uranus and decided to change it's name

It's now called Urrectum

My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.

So tonight I’m going to make it up to her.

I’ve got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.

When she gets in from work I’m going to order her favorite takeaway which we’ll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.

Then afterwards I’m going ...

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A woman is fed up with her love life...

...so she puts an ad in the newspaper.

'What is wrong with men? I have had no luck. My first boyfriend was abusive and I had to leave him out of fear. My second relationship was going great until one day he inexplicably left. My last guy was kind and wanted to be with me forever, but he...

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So the Belgians are pissed...

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "meh, we will build...

My girlfriend left me because she's fed up of me referencing the The Big Lebowski all the time

She's entering a world of pain!

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A Vegan King is fed up of all the greens he has eaten so far

So he decrees that anyone who can introduce a new fruit or vegetable to him will be given 1,000 gold coins. However, if they bring up a fruit or vegetable that the king is familiar with, the same produce will be shoved up their butthole.

Excited for the prize, the common folk form a line outs...

I’m getting totally fed up with people whinging about the prices of things.

£1.25 for a Tea, £1.75 for a Coffee, £2 for a slice of cake and £2.50 for car parking.

Any more complaints and I will stop inviting people round to my house.

I used to think cannibals must have gotten fed up eating the same thing over and over again

but then I realized they have all of the same options as we do, Mexican, Italian, Chinese..

A wife is getting fed up with her husband always acting like a detective.

They get into a huge fight about it and she finally says “I think we need to split up”

The husband replies “That’s a great idea we can cover more ground that way”

(Sorry if this has been posted before I only heard it today)

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,

we were having a drink and I said to him

"Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?

He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

A woman is fed up with receiving lame birthday presents from her husband...

So, two weeks before her birthday, she tells her husband "You always get me the worst presents when my birthday rolls around. Well, this year had better be different. When I wake up in two weeks, there had better be something in the driveway that will go from O to 200 in less than 60 seconds!"
...

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A blonde was fed up with all the jokes being made about her...

A ventriloquist was at a local bar. With the dummy on his knee, he was going through his normal jokes, many of which included "Dumb Blonde" jokes. After many of these jokes, a blonde in the crowd stood up and started yelling at the ventriloquist. "I AM SO TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID JOKES MAKING FU...

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A lady is standing on the top a ledge over a canyon

She’s about to jump when a homeless guy runs over and says ..

“I know what you’re about to do !”

“How would you like to have sex one last time before you go?”

The lady says, “Typical! You’re just like every other guy…

trying to talk me into having sex instead of jumping o...

The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had...

Communist president is fed up with his life and wants to die as a hero

He has a long speech at the next 1st May celebration in front of a huge crowd of people who all have to cheer and applaud every few seconds "Long live the president! Workers of the world unite!". He's getting really fed up and decides that best death for him will be to be torn to pieces by a wild cr...

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So Quasimodo is fed up of being the bell ringer of Notre Dame and wants to quit...

He puts an ad out in the newspaper,

"NEW BELL RINGER NEEDED FOR NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL, TRIALS THIS SUNDAY AT THE BELL TOWER".

Sunday comes around and Quasimodo is waiting patiently at the base of his tower. No one has turned up and he's losing faith that anyone will before the Sunday s...

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus...

A king was fed up by the constant jokes about the men in his kingdom being afraid of their wives.

He wanted to find a man who wasn't afraid of his wife and give him public honors and lavish him with gifts so other men may follow suit.

After some brainstorming in the court the king announced to his subjects that " if a man comes forward and publically say that he is NOT AFRAID of his wife...

My wife was fed up watching me play with walkie talkie everytime. So she said , "Our relationship is over"

I replied, "our relationship is what?". Over.

Two bald guys talking. One says, ”I’m fed up of being bald.” The other says, “Why don’t you have a transplant?"

The first guy says, "I’d look even worse with a liver on my head."

I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood...

The alarm system was of no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch.
Instead, I've Planted a Syrian, Afghanistan, Yemeni and Iranian flag in four corners of my front garden.
Now, The city police, The National Security Bureau, MI-5, MI-6, The CIA And...

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I just told my boss I'm fed up of working in a shit hole: the toilets are never cleaned, there's mould in the fridge, there's never any hot water and the place hasn't been hoovered once

Apparently he can't do anything about it if I work from home

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work...

And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgi...

I met few cannibals the other day and they all said the same thing.

They are fed up with people.

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

I'm fed up hearing about people mugging O.A.P's for a couple of pounds.

Pensioners should be made to carry a tenner at least.

People of USA are fed up of the current Presidential candidates and decided to hold a mass boycott

As Americans hated all the candidates so much, that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: A literal presidential race.

The three candidates would run a lap around the ...

What did Putin say when he was finally fed up with Boris Nemtsov?

I'm putin' that guy to sleep

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Completely fed up a coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded.

"So,” the coach continued "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all ...

Fed up with all the denouncements, God finally decides to appear in front of an atheist...

To show that he is the Allmighty and omnipotent and put the heretic to his place, God asks the atheist for one wish that he *will* grant.

Atheist, after a careful consideration, replies:

"Erase my memory of this incident."

Fed up with with the prices at the grocery store, a housewife finds the nearest employee and screams " YOU CAN TAKE THIS $12 PINEAPPLE, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

The grocery clerk said "I'm sorry Ma'am but I can't. I already have an $18 chicken, a $6 gallon of milk, and 3 avocados up there"

Bernie Sanders is so fed up with the BS in politics that he is changing his name.

He's changing it to Ernie Anders.

A teacher got fed up with a student for procrastinating so she presented him with a study showing how putting things off can be harmful.

He responded “Thanks. I’ll read it tomorrow”

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says: “Hey, I’m Jesus Christ!”

The priest says: “No son, you’re not.”

So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says: “Man, I’m Jesus Christ!”

Then the priest says: “No son, you’r...

A doctor was fed up with his job. A patient walked in with a terrible sore on his mouth. He asked the doctor what he should take. The doctor said

“Aleve. The doors over there.”
*(credit: gf)*

A husband and wife were having a bad day.

They were arguing a lot until the wife got fed up and said to just write her a note if he really wanted to talk to her. He agreed, so for the rest of the day they passed notes here and there.

At night the husband left a note on the table saying “please wake me up at 6 A.M, I have to wake up e...

Friend told me this one today. Fed Ex and UPS

Did you hear Fed-Ex and UPS joined together and made a conglomerate?They called it fed up.

My wife was fed up with me, so she packed my things and told me to get out. As I walked out she yelled, "And I hope you die a long, slow, and very painful death."

“So you want me to stay then? I replied.

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The guy that messed with a drug lord

(sorry if anything sounds weird, original is from Brazil)

This guy is chilling at home, when a big party starts at the neighboring mansion. It is a sweet sixteen party, with lots of guests and very loud music. At 1AM the guy is fed up and calls the cops to end with the nuisance. What he didn'...

I came up with this joke about a month ago, just remembered to post it.

A young woman had a real big problem, all her life it took her forever to go pee. Sometimes she would be sitting on the toilet for several minutes of agony before she could squeeze out a drop. It also made her so self-conscious that she was scared to date, despite being a fairly attractive woman....

What did the cannibal say to the other cannibal?

You know what Tony... I'm fed up with people.

One day John asks his friend Arty to borrow a dollar

Of course Arty obliged and lent his friend the money without a second thought.

A few weeks had passed by and everytime Arty asked John if he could have his dollar back he would reply "no worries mate, I'll have it next time I see you." This went on for sometime until one day Arty passed John...

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Dwarf with a speech impediment wants to buy a horse

A dwarf walks into a feed store and starts a conversation with the owner, it comes up that he’s looking to buy a horse. The owner tells him about his friend who owns a horse ranch just outside of town. The owner calls up his friend and says "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He ...

my gf was dropping hints and leaving jewelry/ring catalogues around

I got so fed up I bought her a magazine organiser

A man gets mugged every 30 seconds in New York City

He is starting to get really fed up.

An Arabic joke I translated

So, there used to be a cruel man who would lock his children into a dark room in order to punish them. Fortunately for them, there was a hole in the wall they could barely escape through.

One day he's fed up of this and gets his wife and stands on her shoulders so he can reach the hole and se...

An unhappy couple go to a marriage counselor

He tries to work with them, but they absolutely refuse to talk about anything in front of each other. The counselor gets fed up, gets his bass out, and starts playing it.

The couple sit there looking at each other dumbfounded. The counselor keeps playing. After several minutes of this, the c...

Mother of Five

A father was very happy that his wife had given him five children. So proud in fact he called her Mother of Five wherever they went. As one might imagine the mother was not so keen on this nickname. One evening they were leaving a party and as his usual, the father called to his wife "Are you ready ...

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv."

Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and...

I'm divorcing my wife...

"I've had enough, I'm going to leave her."

"Why?"

"She's out every night, going to the bars in town way past mightnight and I'm fed up with it".

"What's she doing?"

"She's looking for me!"

A man comes home from work...

..., sits in his lazyboy in front of the TV and rudely tells his wife, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.'
She gives him his beer.
About 15 minutes later, he says again, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.'
She does.
A few minutes later, he asks again for a beer.
The wife says, 'Don't you th...

Why do all dads have a dad bod?

Because we are all fed up

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?

He was fed up with the hole business.

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This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies...

But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb fuck, a cunt, and several other names.

The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing.

Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer.

Even from in there, he hears him cussing him ou...

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A man inherited a massive sum of money from his great aunt, but it came with a catch...

As part of the terms of the inheritance, he was required to care for her cherished grey parrot. The executor told him if anything should happen to the bird, or if he ever chose not to take care of it, he would have to forfeit the inheritance and estate.

At first, this seemed simple enough, bu...

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A scrawny man with a funny-looking yellow dog walks into a bar.

He sits right next to a great big guy with a great big dog and orders a beer. The big guy takes one look at the funny-looking dog and bursts out laughing! The scrawny guy doesn't say anything, so he says "that's the funniest-looking dog I've ever seen!"

"yep, sure is," the scrawny guy admitte...

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A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar, who is blatantly drunk. He walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says "Sorry bud we don't serve drunks. So the man gets out of his chair and walks out the side door and then goes back in the front door. He orders another drink. Bartender...

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My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

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Two boys, 8 and 10 constantly swear...

One evening, when the boys are fighting, the mother gets fed up and decides she is done.

She tells the boys " I've had enough of your potty mouths! The next time I hear you cuss, I'm going to slap you!! Now get to your rooms!!!"

The next morning she is in the kitchen when the boys co...

In a small town there was a poor Christian old lady. She was always asking the God to bring her groceries. One day her not Christian neighbor went out and secretly bought the lady groceries…

As the lady saw the groceries she rejoiced and thanked the lord. The neighbor was fed up and told the old lady that God did not bring her groceries he did. She yelled thank you Lord for bringing me groceries and making the devil pay for them.

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