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my gf was dropping hints and leaving jewelry/ring catalogues around

I got so fed up I bought her a magazine organiser

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Holly Gennaro was angry with me for dropping her wristwatch when I saved her at Nakatomi Plaza. But what could I do?

My Hans slipped.

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You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in water.

If they float, they're boy-ant.

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my constant celebrity name dropping...

David Beckham warned me that this might happen.

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Six Lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

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Dwarf with a speech impediment wants to buy a horse

A dwarf walks into a feed store and starts a conversation with the owner, it comes up that he’s looking to buy a horse. The owner tells him about his friend who owns a horse ranch just outside of town. The owner calls up his friend and says "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He ...

Taylor Swift is dropping albums like I’m dropping pounds

Only two, but still more than anyone expected.

Gynecologist appointment

A woman has an appointment with her gynecologist, but oversleeps and wakes up 30 minutes before her morning appointment.

She has to drop her daughter at school first, so she runs to the bathroom and quickly wipes her neither regions with a flannel lying on the side of the bath and runs out th...

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A maid worked at the house of a very rich couple

One day, she was peacefully sweeping the floor when the phone rang. She answered it:

"Hello, who am I talking to?"

"It's me, the boss. Is my wife already home?"

"What...? I mean, yes, she's here, sir, but why are you calling? Aren't you here too?"

"What do you mean? I'm a...

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In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

Name dropping

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Keanu Reeves and I are good friends," he brags to the bartender. "Just not with each other."

A child psychologist had twin boys

one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games.

In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings. That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying. “What’s wr...

Dropping a load on the washer

Has a totally different meaning if you have an appliance fetish.

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A guy walks up and takes a seat at the bar.

He says to the bar tender "I got a bet for you"..."You see that glass way over there?"
The guy points all the way to the other end of the bar.

Well i bet you i can piss from here all the way over there into that glass without spilling a single drop. Bartender just says "that's bullshit!!...

A squad of potatoes is engaged in a firefight after being sent to secure several important roads...

Gunfire and explosions are raining down on the group of potatoes until it's only the sergeant on his radio and a couple of others standing over the crispy skins of their fallen comrades. The General's voice suddenly blares from the radio...
"Sergeant, come in! What is your status, are the route...

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Professor of Logic: Norm Macdonald

Just the other week I had someone move next to me. Original neighbor died of cancer about a three month ago. So as the great neighbor I am I go to greet my new neighbor I say “Hey there uhh neighbor just dropping by to say hello, say what do you do for a living?”

He says “Nice to meet you. Im...

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Once upon a time, in the Wild West….

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the ...

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