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Dropping Jokes

Taylor Swift is dropping albums like I’m dropping pounds

Only two, but still more than anyone expected.

I was furious at my English teacher for dropping me down to a B for missing just a single period.

However, I'm sure he'll be worried enough to increase it to an A after I inform him that I've actually missed three periods.

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You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water. If it sinks: girl ant....

If it floats: boy ant.

Someone keeps dropping off random Lego blocks in front of my door every morning.

I …don’t know what to make of it.

I’m making a movie about dropping the F-bomb.

Gonna call it Effenheimer.

Protip for women : if a guy you met doesn't seem to leave you despite dropping hints,do the following

1. Talk about your horoscope

2. Talk about your cat

3. Talk about your cat's horoscope if he is still around ..

Why do you have to be careful when trees start dropping feathers instead of leaves?

It could be your down-fall

Despite constantly dropping the ball...

Gravity is pretty reliable

Name dropping

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Keanu Reeves and I are good friends," he brags to the bartender. "Just not with each other."

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

my gf was dropping hints and leaving jewelry/ring catalogues around

I got so fed up I bought her a magazine organiser

In Las Vegas people can tithe by dropping casino chips into the offertory.

And at the end of each weekend, there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He's the Chip Monk.

At church one Sunday, a teenager made a contribution to the collection plate by dropping in a coin from his pocket.

As he passed the plate along, someone behind him tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a $20 note. Impressed by the person's generosity, the teenager added the $20 to the collection plate.

But then he received another tap on his shoulder and heard a whisper, "Son, that was your $20. It fe...

I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children."

I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex.

Dropping a load on the washer

Has a totally different meaning if you have an appliance fetish.

I've been dropping a lot of things lately...

It's really getting out of hand

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When a fly drops 5 inches

A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly, dropping five inches each time. A fish sees it and decides it will jump and catch it when it drops.
A bear sees the fish and decides it will get the fish when it jumps.
A hunter with a cheese sandwich in his pocket sees the bear and waits for...

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight gue...

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An attractive blonde is dropping her dress off to be cleaned.

She hands the dress to the clerk who says thank you.

As the blonde walks out the clerk says "come again!"

The blonde turns and says "it's toothpaste this time you bitch!"

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:

1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather ...

My girlfriend said she is leaving me because of my constant name dropping

David Beckham warned me this might happen...

The cost of dropping your phone on the floor

If you drop your iPhone on the floor the cost of getting the phone repaired is 149$.

If you drop your HTC on the floor the cost of getting the phone repaired is 200$.

If you drop your Nokia on the floor the cost of getting the floor repaired is 2000$.

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Holly Gennaro was angry with me for dropping her wristwatch when I saved her at Nakatomi Plaza. But what could I do?

My Hans slipped.

Matt’s wife has been dropping hints about her birthday gift for weeks.

Now, on the day before, Matt asks, “So what do you think you’re getting for your birthday?”



His wife responds, “All I know is that it better be in the driveway and it better go from zero to 200 in under six seconds.”



“Oh, it will,” Matt responds, “and it does.”

<...

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What's the difference between Tony Blair & a chef who keeps dropping his pancakes?

Nothing, they're both useless tossers...

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

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Arrested for being too good in bed!

My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"


After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

Even though the trans womens club is thriving

Members are dropping off

What did the dad say after dropping his son off at Yellowstone National Park?

Bison!

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People who take phone calls while dropping a deuce...

...Are real shit-talkers.

When it comes to dropping food on the floor, I use the 5 second rule.

Only problem is I have 2 second dogs.

Two newfies are robbing a house

Two newfies (guys from Newfoundland) are robbing a house.

One of them is upstairs, and after dropping a big lamp, he hears the home's owner get up to investigate the noise. As he gets close, the robber goes "Miiaaowwww" imitating a cat, then he hears the guy grubling "God damn it, stupid cat"...

How do you stop pro-life protesters from dropping their phones?

Stop roundhouse kicking them.

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Little Bobby was running through the woods

Little Bobby was running through the woods behind his house when the urge to go #2 struck. Bobby did his business behind a tree and carried on his way. The next day, Bobby was out behind his house again when he saw a swarm of flies circling yesterday's droppings. Intrigued, Bobby dropped his pants a...

What do you yell before dropping a piano in a mineshaft?

See sharp or be flat miner

TIFU by mistakenly dropping edibles in tonight's dinner, and my wife has a very important meeting...

I have no idea how high the steaks are...

Dropping your trousers is a terrible way to begin a job interview.

I learned that many moons ago.

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So I heard that the stock prices of fertilizer companies around the world started dropping about two months ago.

Apparently it has something to do with donald trump becoming the world‘s leading supplier of bullshit.

Dropping off a Cat

A man hated his wife's cat and wanted get rid of it. He drove 2 miles from home and dropped off the cat.

The cat was already walking up their driveway as he got back to their house.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 6 miles away but the same thing happened.

He kept on in...

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