I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Alabama is the stupidest country in the world.

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!"


Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at ...

My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective...

...and that "we should split up" "Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"

My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it.

I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.

I’m so sick of hearing friction jokes...

If I hear one more, I won’t let it slide

I'm sick of the double standard…

When I burn a dead bodies at the mortuary, I'm doing a good job. When I burn dead bodies at home, I'm destroying evidence.

Her : I'm leaving . I'm sick of you wearing a different t-shirt every hour .

Me : Wait . I can change .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Couples Therapy] Her: I am sick of him being literal all the time!

Therapist: I see. And how do you feel?

Him: With my hands.

Her: I’m leaving. I’m sick of your constant mansplaining. I’m surprised you didn’t see the writing on the wall.

Me: It’s called graffiti, Karen.

I'm getting sick of people misspelling their homynyms

We should round them up and leave them in a dessert

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of people telling me what I can and can't eat.

So fuck you , silica packets.

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts...

They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

I am sick of this pandemic and the 2 meter distancing.

I can't wait until its over so I can go back to my usual 15 meter distancing.

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of all these double standards... (NSFW)

When a dog licks his balls in public, nobody batts an eye... but when I do it, people are like "what the hell are you doing to your dog?"

I'm sick of this sub

I should have gone with the soup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of the incorrect assumption that us rednecks are always fucking our sisters

Mine hasn't put out in 6 months

I got sick of being an assasin; so I hired myself to off me.

Now my work is literally killing me.

Really sick of seeing so much infighting in the short community

We should really be lifting each other up

I'm so sick of my friends not being able to handle their alcohol

Last night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me home

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sick of all the comments I get when I wear my daisy dukes..

“Why are your legs so hairy” and “Sir, your penis is hanging out”

I’m sick of martial arts.

I have kung flu.

(Brought to you by my 8 year old)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am sick of being handsome.

It hurts my hands, that’s why I want to try threesome or foursome.

I'm so sick of gravity.

It always brings me down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of being surrounded by assholes everyday

I should stop practicing proctology.

A group of robed people stopped me whilst I was shopping the other day and were really persistently trying to convince me to join the fight for good bacteria, eventually I got really sick of them, looked em in the eyes and said.. .

I'm not interested in Yakult

Are you sick of lawyers trying to sell you stuff on tv?

You might be entitled to compensation.

As we were sitting down for dinner, my girlfriend told me, “I think we need to see other people... For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.”

I said, “Ok. And for the main course?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible

. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up...

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

I'm getting sick of all these terrible jokes, and to be frank.....

I'd have to change my name

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm done. Guys, I'm fucking sick of this. I'm almost 20 and haven't been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast food joint.

What makes it worse is that I live in a small town, so business is pretty limited and where I work is the only place that'll hire high school graduates.

I'd get the hell out of this town if I could actually drive too, but I've failed every damn test I've ever taken.

I'm socially awkwa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets sick of it all and joins a monastery

He travels to Nepal, hikes high into the mountains and finds a monastery. The head monk informs him that they would accept him if he dresses the part, does his work, and learns the ways of peace and meditation. The man agrees. The head monk tells him, "one last thing, you must take a vow of silen...

I'm sick of being accused of gold-digging.

It just so happens I get turned on by liver spots.

After getting sick of my dad jokes, my wife locked me out of the house

I texted her, " oh pun the door! "

My wife told me she's sick of using the broom all day

I told her she should take the car

I’m already sick of hearing about Corona Virus

I would trade 2% of the earth’s population right now to never hear about it again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simon the prawn is sick of being chased by the other creatures in the lagoon.

He prays to god to make him into a fierce shark and turn the tables on his enemies.


The next day simon has been turned into a Great white shark and has great fun chasing all his enemies round, but soon starts to enjoy bullying all the other creatures too.

After a few days the no...

Three women are sick of their boss always leaving work early on a Tuesday

One Tuesday, they all agree to wait 20 minutes after the boss has left, then sneak out themselves - their boss would never know.



The brunette left and decided to go shopping.



The redhead decided to hit the gym before meeting some friends for drinks.



The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of the violent society today.

Picture this: I'm there minding my own business when this scruffy kid comes up and says "Hey mister, you want decking or something?". Cheeky twat, I smacked him one straight away but I shouldn't have to, know what I mean?

Also apparently I'm now "banned from the garden centre" or some such bu...

I am sick of people claiming that white people can't dance

Have they never heard of Michael Jackson?

I'm getting so sick of these double standards...

Burn a body at a mortuary and 'you're doing your job', do it at home and you're "Destroying evidence"





P.s wasn't sure to post this to /r/jokes or /r/funny

I’m getting sick of all these stupid Republican jokes.

All 195 of them.

My girlfriend says she’s sick of me treating her like a child...

So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.

I’m sick of my wife complaining about me sitting around all day.

I’m not going to stand for it.

A woman was sick of her husband always farting in bed...

she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one C...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John was a very fat guy who was sick of being ridiculed all the time.

So he decided to do something to reduce his weight. Next morning he found an advertisement in the newspaper claiming to help him lose weight quickly. Intrigued, he called them and asked for the plans available.
The operator told him that there are three plans
"10 pounds in a week"
"20 po...

I so sick of russian dolls

they are full of themselves

I'm sick of all these World War II jokes on here!

Anne Frankly, they're terrible!

I'm sick of seeing movies that say they are set in the "Present Day."

Just call it Christmas!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of these goddamn racists and their glowing swastika tattoos.

Damned Neon-Nazis.

I'm so sick of film spoilers.

If anyone tells me what happens in the new Ted Bundy film I'm going to kill them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us Nazis to shoot again.

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit.

I think it's time to make a stand.

Got sick of rubbing my wife's feet so the last time she asked I finally told her no, and let me tell you...

...hell hath no fury like a woman's corns.

Im sick of all these immigration jokes

They're really crossing the line

I'm so sick of hearing necrophelia jokes

They've all been done to death.

My girlfriend told me she is sick of me quoting movies all the time

I said quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn

My wife just told me, “I’m sick of your word play jokes. Why don’t you write a book instead?”

Me: That’s .....a novel idea.

I got sick of that annoying noise in my car

So I opened the door and pushed her out

My wife said she was sick of me singing Backstreet Boys.

I said, "Tell me why..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometime I get so sick of my large intestine.

It always gives me shit.

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

Everyone says they are sick of my Linkin Park references...

But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

The wife told me she's sick of me pushing her around and talking behind her back.

I said "Well you are in a wheelchair"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend who was sick of my jokes says

"How about you stop sitting on your ass all day coming up with terrible puns, and start writing a book or something!"

Me: "Now that.... is a novel idea!!!!"

My Wife told me she was sick of my OCD

I soon put her in her place.

I'm sick of my wife treating me like a piece of meat

She's a vegetarian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decided he was sick of city life and moved to the country.

After getting situated, he decided he needed some animals on the farm. He searched the local ads and found a farmer willing to relinquish some livestock for a fee.

He promptly goes to the farmers home and begins his inquiry.

First is the chicken coop and he finds the most beautiful roo...

I'm sick of these undercover cops always trying to bait me with online female personas.

Nice try f/bi.

I am getting real sick of these Anti-Vaxx memes

But that's because I wasn't Vaccinated.

My ex-wife used to drink a lot. One night I got sick of seeing her stagger around the backyard.

That’s when I decided to shoot her a second time.

I'm sick of these people milking the EA conflict for karma!

I hope it at least gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

A guy with one arm is sick of life.....

A guy with one arm is sick of life, he tries to get a job but no one hires him. He can't get himself a girl friend. Everyone he knows picks on him and laughs at him. He feels really down. Eventually he decides enough is enough and decides to take his own life.

He goes to the roof of the tall...

"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time."

Said the Malaysian shark.

That's it, I have had enough of this holiday cheer! I am sick of it, I will never help anyone again. Ever! Done.

Either I'm too kindhearted, or I'm too stupid. Last night it was so cold out (-36C / -33F), that my heart ran away with me once again. I took a man into our home out of pity, and the kindness of my heart.

He was just sitting by the road, literally freezing to death. I felt sorry and got worri...

Two guys in an asylum decide one night they're sick of living there, and decide to escape. They make their way to the roof, and just across this tiny gap are the rooftops of the town, glowing in the moon light. Freedom The first guy jumps right across but his pal didn't dare for fear of falling.

However, the first guy has an idea...
He says "Hey! I got my flashlight! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!"

The second guy just shakes his head and says: "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn off the light when I was halfw...

LPT: If you are sick of hearing duplicate tracks on Spotify's stand-up comedy playlists,

Just delete all of the Amy Schumer material, and it should flow a lot smoother.

My girlfriend got sick of my self esteem issues and ran off with my best friend.

The worst part is they were both imaginary.

I'm sick of all these passive-aggressive posts.

You know who you are.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im getting sick of destroy dick december..

Still waiting for jerk-off january and fap febuary

I'm getting sick of spending time with my Scottish family and their Scottish cows...

Wee kin, wee cow

I'm sick of telling my parents that my name is Richard.

It's Richard with "ch", not a "t"

I'm sick of people telling me that I'm more likely to get mugged in London than New York.

What do they expect? I don't live in New York.

Getting real sick of all the Dragon Ball Z references...

Just Saiyan...

My girlfriend said she is sick of me treating her like a pet.

Hopefully I'll have her put down soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of everyone telling me that Jesus saves.

Why the fuck should I care what some Mexican dude does with his money?

You know what? I'm sick of following my dreams!

I'm just going to ask where they're going, and catch up with them later.

--RIP Mitch Hedberg

I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...

My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.

I'm getting really sick of all this hate for Donald Trump.

It isn't nice to make fun of mentally ill people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After years of complaints, a mother finally gets sick of cooking dinner.

She makes a new family rule: whoever complains about dinner has to cook the next night. After a few rounds, dinner duty falls to the husband. But by now, everyone is sick of having to cook, so they all decide to stop complaining. Weeks go by. The dad is sick of cooking, but nobody complains about hi...

The whole "Pavlov's Dog Experiment" is such a load of bunk I'm sick of people bringing it up...

...at this point just *hearing* the name "Pavlov" makes me mad.

I'm sick of these complicated Gillette 3 and 4 blade razors with vibrating heads, "cooling" technology, and pivoting heads etc...

...But I've always been a firm believer in Occam's razor.

I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed.

If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me.

I'm so sick of all the Irish stereotypes...

As soon as I put down this beer, I'm going to punch someone!

I'm sick of my mate Adam.

He walks round like he's gods gift to women.

A concerned person is sick of all the corruption and injustice in the world and decides they want to expose it by becoming a journalist.

Only 3 weeks later they were caught trying to reveal corruption by some high ranking officials and were put to death.

You could say, they chose the wrong Korea.

I'm sick of people using up-arrow notation

eKnuth is eKnuth guys

An Irishman is sick of people thinking he's stupid.

Because in England the Irish are stupid, Scottish tight fisted and the French smell. So he goes to have elocution lessons. Spends six weeks intensively saying 'how now brown cow' and 'Hark I hear the canons roar. Is it the king approaching.' And he cracks it.

The day after he finishes his cou...

I know everyone is getting sick of these United jokes but

We won't stop beating this dead horse until it volunteers to get off the plane

I'm so sick of all these unfunny dad joke reposts.

"Hi, So Sick of All These Unfunny Dad Joke Reposts. I'm Dad!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of these people turning up at my door, telling me they're my saviours and if I don't listen I'll burn.

Fucking firemen.

I keep making jokes about my dads new Thai bride. He's getting pretty sick of them.

My dads getting sick of them too.

I'm so sick of seeing so many lazy abortion jokes on here

Like can we just cut it out already?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy gets sick of the rat race and...

....moves to the country. After about six months, he gets a little lonely for company so he's happy when a nearby farmer comes over.
They're sitting on the porch having a couple beers when the farmer asks,

*"Would you like to come to a party at my house next friday?"*


Guy say...

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