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Likely Jokes

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

You have to be alive to have autism.

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.

Non-vaccinated children are less likely to have autism

Because autism is rarely diagnosed before the age of 3

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got voted "Least Likely To Succeed" by my high school class...

Fuck, I hate being a teacher.

People are 63% more likely to believe a made up stat if you say it confidently

This increases to 78.47 if you add a decimal

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

If your urine looks like beer, you are likely dehydrated.

But if it looks like bud light, you're good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Military is cutting staff (repost most likely)

The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points ...

Which angle are you most likely to ask out on a date?

Acute angle.

I read earlier that the person who is most likely to kill you, is yourself

But not if I kill him first

They say in every friend group, 1 person is likely to commit murder.

It’s ok though, I killed them before they could cause any harm.

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

The unvaccinated die before they get the chance

You know why vaccinated children are more likely to have autism?

They live past the age of three

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