This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

The guy who created cough drops died last week.

There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste

What does a French man say when he drops an egg on the ground?

Oeuf

What do you get when you drop a piano into an coal mine?

A Flat Minor

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy walking on the street ran into this pretty woman and said. "I bet I can drop $500 on the ground and have sex with you before you can pick it up".

The woman calls her friend to tell her about it. The friend says "set him up when he drops the money just pick it up and run". So the woman tells the guy, "The bet is on". A few minutes go by and the girls friend calls her back to find out how did it go. The woman says, "The asshole didn't tell me h...

Why was the ink drop crying?

Because his mom was in the pen and didn’t know how long the sentence was.

A pun walks into the bar and 10 people drop dead

Pun in, ten dead.

What do you get when you drop a waffle on a beach in California?

A Sandy Eggo

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is a young female and drop dead gorgeous.

I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don't worry, I am a professional. I've seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I'll check it out." I said, “My wife thinks that my dick tastes funny”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don’t vampires suck cock?

Oh wait… Twilight

A green onion shouts "Yo, drop the beet!"

Quite the rapscallion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it...

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

Did you hear about the drop in Amazon's stock?

It was caused by rumors of mass fires.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Jesus drop in his toilet?

Holy shit!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a forest, and in this forest is a river and hovering above this river is a fly and and looking at this fly is a fish and the fish is looking at this fly and is thinking: you know what, that fly drops six inches, i'm gonna go up there, get that fly and have myself a really nice meal.

What the fish didn't realize was that there was a bear looking at the fish looking at the fly. The bear is thinking: you know what, that fly drops six inches, that fish gets that fly and i'm gonna go in then get that fish i'm gonna have myself a really nice meal.

What the bear didn't reali...

I wish I could drop my body off...

at the gym and pick it up back when its ready.

Got this friend who always drops french fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They're dropping like fries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guest dining in a classy restaurant drops his spoon before finishing his soup. (Nsfw)

Before he could reach down to pick it up, a server was already standing next to him holding a replacement.
"Wow! That was tremendously fast. The service here is impeccable. How did you do that?."
"Well, all of the servers here have an extra piece of cutlery on their tray at all times just...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be paranoid when I jerked off. I would draw the curtains, open private browsing, lock the door, get excuses ready and everything else, but I overcame that and now I can masturbate at the drop of a hat.

Get kicked out of a lot of hat stores, though

"How much does a drop of petrol cost?"

"A drop?" *shrugs* "Nothing."

"Great. Drip this full please."

What do you get when you drop a nuclear bomb over Paris?

French fries.

Yesterday I saw a guy drop all his scrabble letters on the road

I asked him what’s the word on the street

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex ed drop outs

Three little boys are walking home from school on report card day and one says "I can't believe that bitch failed us in health class, we should kidnap her and tie her up"

The second one says 'yeah and rip off all her clothes"

The third one says "yeah and then suck her dick"

Drops

Technically, eye drops are “blinker fluid”

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Sam looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

They draw straws. Lester, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

Why did the fat kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunting tale

There’s a fly flying above a stream and there’s a fish watching the fly and it’s thinking “if that fly drops 6 inches I’m gonna have a great meal.” Meanwhile, there’s a bear on the bank watching the fish thinking, “if that fly drops 6 inches that fish is gonna get the fly and I’m gonna have a great ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate having to break up with Japanese women

You have to drop the bombshell twice before they get the point

Passing through his son’s college town late one night, a father decides to drop in and pay his kid a visit.

The father knocks on the fraternity house door. No one answers. He knocks louder, but still no answer. He begins to bang angrily on the door. Finally, a head pops out of a window on the second floor. “You need something, pal?” a frat brother asks from the window.



“Yes, does Billy Powe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British pilot was shot down behind enemy lines...

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground.

He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my...

A man sees a girl in the bar and decides to drop a pickup line

Him: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only Ten-I-See!

Her: Are you from Alabama? Cause I’m your sister.

Why did the kid drop his Icecream?

Because he got hit by a train while crossing the rails.
#staybehindtheyellowline

An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”



“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”



He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard of the new eye-drops made by Viagra?

They make you look hard.

The first Person to drop a Nokia made a discovery-

A groundbreaking one

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her.

As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus.


So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"


She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too.


As I walked to the back o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you drop your medication?

Viagra Falls

After long consideration, my wife and I have decided we do not want to have children.

If anybody here does want children, just leave your contact info and we'll drop them off tomorrow

What kind of cough drops do pigs take?

Reeeeeecola

Why does police hit percentage start to drop in the later time of the day?

Because they can't see the black guy

If you drop your phone in water you should place it in a bowl of rice.

Asian people are attracted to the rice and are very good at repairing electronic devices.

NB. Thanks for being good sports Asian people!

Necrophiliacs are only interested in women that are drop dead gorgeous.

That’s all.

What does Linus Torvalds get when he drops his popcorn?

Kernel panic.

Why did the music note drop out of college?

Because it couldn’t pick a major

Did you hear about the Mexican gangster who had to drop out of university?

Says he couldn't handle all the essays.

I was at the store yesterday and I saw a lady drop her steak

I guess it became ground beef

Why did the potato drop his girlfriend?

She was hot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What if a fly drops 2 inches?

A fish was looking out of its river and saw this fly and thought 'if that fly drops 2 inches, I'll be able to jump out and eat it.' Then there was a bear looking at the fish that was looking at the fly and thought 'if the fly drops 2 inches the fish will jump up to get the fly and I'll get the fish'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

A blonde drops her car off at a garage and then pops off to the bar. When she comes back she says "whasmatter wi ma car?"

"Piston broke"
"Okay, don't worry, I'll write you a cheque"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dropped my swear jar

About a hundred motherfuckers escaped.

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

The Washington Redskins finally decided to drop their offensive name.

Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The Redskins." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheat...

I took my wife to the beach today and now she’s mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.

After all, I could’ve sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo commie con.

What has six legs, green fur, red balls, and can kill you if it drops on you from a tree?

A snooker table.

I have an idea for a brand of eye-drops.

I’ll call it moist-your-eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would tell you guys a long-winded tale involving the singers of "It Wasn't Me" and "Drop It Like It's Hot"...

...but I don't think you guys would have time to read yet another Shaggy/Dogg story.

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"

"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"





**Bang**



"Okay, what do I do now?"

Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...

Are you moved and impressed?

What do you call it when you drop something heavy on your toes?

Crushing da-feet.

The man who invented the cough drop passed away last week

He decided not to have a coffin at his funeral

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date

When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her,

"How about a blowjob?"

"What! Are you crazy!"

"Dont worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.

"No! Someone might see us..."

"Its just a sm...

A doctor comes out to the maternity ward waiting room holding a newborn baby and suddenly drops him to the floor.

Seeing the father's shocked face, he laughs and says: "Haha, got you. Don't worry, he was born dead".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drop dead my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose

And said "No one does that to a girl............not on my watch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When the fly drops 4 inches

Picture a mountain stream and there is bear that is trying to catch a fish and there is a fly that is buzzing over the stream.

The fish inside the stream is looking up at the fly, and is thinking if this fly would just drop 4 inches then I could jump out of the water and have a snack.
...

Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a condom. Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said

"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."

My stripper friend drops her kid off at my place when she goes to work.

Easiest job I ever had.

It’s like taking a baby from a Candi.

If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun..

I'd have toucans.

Why did Frosty the Snowman drop his pants?

He heard that the snowblower was coming

Why was the little ink drop crying?

His mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his hea...

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

*A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.*

Daughter: God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.

Dad: why did you say that?

Daughter: I don't know, I just felt like saying it.

*The next day, grandpa drops ...

Why did America drop crates of combs for Germany during WW2?

To get rid of the knotsies.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.