I went to the optician today because I keep seeing the world fall apart.

He said I have 2020 vision.

Why did the pharaohs marriage fall apart?

Pyramid Scheme

Why did the USSR fall apart so quickly?

Because they're always Russian out there.

It’s ok if you fall apart sometimes.

Tacos fall apart and we still love them.

A school robotics team made an ultimate weapon, and needed ammo that makes everything fall apart.

That’s why they used common core standards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer John and his wife Mary lived on a big piece of land in the middle of Ohio.

They did pretty well for themselves, but as all affluent farmers will know, farming is not easy money. After a few years of living together and working very hard, their marriage started to fall apart. Being just as determined to keep their marriage together as they were to keep their farm running, t...

What do my life and my sandwich have in common

They both fall apart right in front of my eyes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the strongest glue in the world?

Semen. Have you ever seen a baby fall apart?

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.

Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round...

Police: TURN AROUND!!

Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is a lot like Jenga

If you don’t pull out correctly, everything can fall apart

What's the difference between IKEA and Theresa May?

A cabinet designed by IKEA doesn't fall apart so easily.

I have a joke about leprosy...

But it would probably fall apart at the end.

Why are leprosy jokes hard to tell?

Because the delivery tends to fall apart.

3 years ago during my first reservists training

I am from Singapore and all relatively healthy males need to serve the army for 2 years and 10 reservist cycles

During my first reservists, many of our combat boots start to fall apart due to the adhesive hardening up and breaking apart, thus many of us have to walk to the store to purchase ...

This was deemed "pretty bad" by my friends...

I'm not really good at writing stories so bear with me.

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New motorcycle

Credit to Bob Zany (I believe). I heard this on the Bob and Tom show this morning. This won't be exactly how he told it but it should be close.

A guy buys a himself a motorcycle from his neighbor. The neighbor tells him that he needs to rub Vaseline over the motorcycle before it rains or it w...

A blond girl walks in to a restaurant

While she was there, she met a man who worked as a server. They both fell in love at first sight. At the end of his shift, the girl Safari and the server met up and decided to start dating. Both were passionate about their relationship. After a while, they decided to get married. To make sure that t...

Boys are like bras..

They are cute and supportive until you use them too long and then they fall apart...

...also that's when the support ends

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God and Satan were talking together one day...

One day, eons and eons ago, in a rare moment of free time for them both, God and Satan were talking together. The discussion turned to how difficult it was to communicate back and forth between heaven and hell.

Eventually, they decided that a bridge would be built between the two kingdoms. ...

A Polish guy walked into a bar...

... in Poland. He announced that he had withdrawn his entire fortune, 100,000 zlotys, from the bank, invested it in gold bars, and put them into a safe in his house.

This was back when a zloty was worth something, so the other patrons immediately started to argue with him:

"You're an ...

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