UPJOKE

### Three pieces of string walk into a bar.

String 1 asks for a drink for himself and one for each of his friends.

The barman says, ‘We don’t serve pieces of string here.’

So, string 1 goes back to his friends and says, ‘They don’t serve strings here’.

Then string 2 tries but gets the same result.

So string 3 gets...

### A sailor walks into a bar

'I've just run ashore. Can you help me toe my boat up?'

'Sorry, I'm a frayed knot.'

### A rope walks into a bar

He walks up and takes a seat at the bar stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender tells him, "Sorry we don't serve ropes around here". So the rope leaves and tries a second place. He takes a seat and once again is told that the place doesn't serve ropes. Frustrated the rope cuts himsel...

### How to become a The Fray fan in easy steps -

Step 1: You say, "We need to talk..."

### Two strings walk into a bar, bartender says “Hey we don’t server your kind here, get out.” Outside one of the strings says “ I have an idea, here help me”

the string proceeds to tie himself up and then dishevels the threads at the top of his head and at his feet. The string then walks back into the bar and orders a drink, bartender looks and says “hey aren’t you that string I just threw out?”

String says “ No , I am a frayed knot!”

### There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy.

Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.

Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within...

### 3 pieces of string walk up to a bar

3 pieces of string walk up to a bar. The first piece of string says I am going to get a drink. He walks up to the bartender and says " Bartender give me a drink!" The bartender replies, "Are you a piece of string?" and the string replies, "Yes I am!" The bartender says "Get outta here, we don't ser...

### Linear Prejudice

Three ropes hanging around outside a bar and decide they’re thirsty. The first one goes in, comes back out, and says, “They don’t serve ropes here.”

Second rope says, “Huh! Lemme try.”
He goes in and comes back out a minute later and says, “Nope. They sure don’t.”

The third rope s...

### What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?

One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but I'm afraid so!

### A string walks into a bar.

The bartender goes, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." The string walks out all sad and defeated, then has a great idea. He ties himself in a bow, cuts off his ends to look all pretty, and struts back into the bar.

The bartender looks at him and goes, "Hey, aren't you that string I turned ...

### A string walks into a bar

The bartender says, “we don’t serve strings!” The string says, “cmon man I’ve had a rough day can I just get a drink and lay low?” The bartender says, “no way!” And the string leaves the bar.

The next day the string comes back to the bar. The bartender yells at him, “get the hell out of my ba...

### The Last Fight

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. They saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

With their dwindling energy, they let out another strained cry for battle, and l...

### A Piece Of String Walks Into A Bar...

He quickly notices a sign that says, "No String Allowed, We do not serve pieces of String."

Before anyone notices, he rushes to the bathroom and hides in a stall.

He messes himself up, makes himself look rough and tattered. Then he contorts his body into a twisted and uncomfortable pos...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

### A piece of string walks into a bar...

The string gets sloppy drunk, barfs all over the bar, so the bar tender kicks him out. "You're banned!"

The next night, the string wants to get back in, so he ties a not near one end and frazzles up the fibers sticking out, then walks into the bar.

The bartender yells "Aren't you that ...

### Three ropes walk into a bar...

They all sit down at a table and one of the ropes says “you guys stay here, I’ll go order the drinks.”

That rope then goes to the bar and the bartender says to him “It’s company policy to not serve ropes here.”

The rope then reruns to the table dejected and tells his buddies “Sorry g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Hillbilly Stripper

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He t...

### A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender points at him and says, "Hey! We don't serve your kind around here. Get out! "

The rope calmly exits the building, twists himself up, parts his hair, and goes back inside a few minutes later.

The bartender sees him again and asks angrily, "Aren't you that rope I just kick...

### A length of rope walks into a bar

The bartender looks at him and says “get out, we don’t serve ropes in here!”

The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends.

He walks back into the bar and the bartender says “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

### 2 "walks into a bar" jokes

1. So A dislexic kid walks into a bra...

2. A peice of rope walks into a bar, the bartender says "we dont serve your kind here". The rope walks out of the bar and unties the knot on his head, he walks back in and the bartender asks, "are you the same rope that was in here a minute ago?" And...

### So this hem walks into a bar and orders a beer

The bartender says "We don't serve stitchery in here; you'll have to leave." The hem doesn't move from his stool, so the bartender throws him out. After landing on the sidewalk, the hem finds a broken bottle and decides he's going to get his revenge. He's so angry he doesn't even bother to neaten...

### 3 strings walk into a bar and sit down at a booth.

The first string goes up to the bar and asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender says “We don’t serve strings here, you should leave.”

The string goes back to his buddies and tells them the bad news. The second string is furious, and approaches the bar, and demands 3 beers with his money...

### From one kind to another

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"We don't serve STRINGS here," the bartender sneers. "Get out!"

Dejected, the string leaves and walks to the corner. Then - he gets an idea! He twists around, fluffs his hair, and walks back into the bar.

The bartender looks up, na...

### Three Strings Walk Into a Bar

They all get a table and one of the strings says he’ll buy them drinks.

He goes up to the bar and says “Three beers please.” The bartender looks at him and says “Sorry, we don’t serve strings here.” The string says “What? You’re joking. No strings?” The bartender says “That’s right. Sorry”. T...

### A piece of rope walks into a bar.

After very inappropriate behaviour, the bartender asks the rope to leave.

The rope leaves and gives itself a makeover by unravelling himself at the top and tying himself into a knot.

It returns the next day and the bartender asks “Aren’t you the same guy yesterday?”

It says: “I’...

### Two strings walk into a bar.

The bartender yells " Get out we don't serve strings" and has the bouncer throw them out.
The first string is dejected and sadly heads home.

The second string stands up, dusts himself off and decides he is gonna try again. He bends over backwards turns to the side and pushes his head and ...

### Three shoelaces are walking down the sidewalk when they come across a bar

A sign sits in front of the bar which reads, “no shoelaces aloud” the first shoelace says, “no sign can stop me!” And makes his way into the bar, the barkeeper notices the shoelace, and says, “hey! You’re a shoelace, no shoelaces are aloud in my bar!” And he grabs the shoelace by the neck, and throw...

### A rope walked into a bar...

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."

### A piece of string walks into a bar and sits next to the bartender. He asks for a drink, but the bartender says apologetically, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here."

Confused, the string leaves and goes home. A few days later, he returns to the bar, this time sitting at a different end of the bar. He asks for a drink and the bartender responds,"Hey, aren't you that string from the other day? I told you, we don't serve strings here."

Dejected, the string l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### There are these three ropes, and they are the best of friends

Every Friday, they go to the bowling alley to hang out and play a few games. However, when they got there on Friday, there was a sign that said, "No ropes allowed". They decided it must be a mistake, so one of the ropes goes in to ask about it, but gets kicked out. The second one goes in to try his ...

### How to beat a Tibetan monk

A Tibetan monk and his young subordinate arrive in a small town in medieval England to challenge it's men to fight.

The town sheriff tells his best fighter to step up to the challenge, but the smug monk beats him down with a single, well placed blow.

The sheriff sends in two more men,...

### String prejudice

Three strings are walking down the street and pass a bar that has a sign that says "No Strings Allowed! "

The first string says this is BS and walks into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "you're a String" and throws him out.

This makes the second string mad AF, so he g...

### I am a fried nut

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all tie...

### Super cheesy joke my dad told me over the holiday

Three ropes walk into a bar.
The first rope walks up to the bar and orders three drinks. The bartender gruffly says, "We don't serve your kind here!"
Walking back to his friends, the rope relays the news. The second rope says, "Let me give it a try."
Upon reaching the bar he's also quickly...

### Three pieces of strings walk into a bar

One string walks toward the bartender and asks for three drinks, for himself & his friends. The bartender says they don’t serve strings and refuses their order. The second string does the same thing, and also get turned down similarly.

The third string thinks for a while, and ties himsel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### I didn't make this 4 years ago. This might not be the worst joke. I'm posting again for the ones who read the original by the original poster...this is my version to pay homage

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-known porn star, and the other is a lazy ass. Lazy ass doesn't have a job and just likes to sit around the house. One Sunday, the porn star is angry and thirsty. He decides to make the brother do something useful....

### Found this one at the end of the Sim City 2000 credits

These 3 strings walk into a bar. The first one goes to the bartender and says, "gimme a drink" and the bartender says "I'm sorry but we don't serve strings here."

So the second string thinks that maybe if he asks nice the bartender will give him a drink. So the second string says to the bart...

### How old guys pick up women.

I am getting on in years and not the best looking
guy anymore.

Some would even say I'm a little frayed around
the edges. But, I have a nice car, a little money
and I spend most of my time casually traveling
from place to place and enjoying life.

I met a nice looking girl in...

### A rope walks into a bar

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says "We don't serve your kind 'round 'ere!" and tosses him out.

The rope, really in need of a drink since his main string just left him for a lasso, ties himself in a knot over sorrow, throws himself on the ground, and rolls do...

### A piece of string walks into a bar...

The bartender, pointing to the sign behind him says, "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here." So the string walks outside, where a man is smoking a cigarette.

The string asks him, "Hey buddy, do you mind helping me out by tying me in a knot and fraying my ends a bit?" The man, a bit ...

### A piece of string walk into a bar...

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely, 'Sorry but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!'

The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help. 'Please,' he s...

### Three ropes are lost in the desert.

The group of ropes find a town, and find the bar. They run in and ask for water.
Ropes: can we have some water!?
Bar keep: didn't ya see the sign, no ropes! Get out!
And the bar keep kicks them out. The first rope has an idea: what if two of us stack up so that we look like a pers...

### Two friends had just finished fishing...

...and were rowing their boat back to the docks. When they arrived, the first friend got out and started to tether the boat to the nearest wooden pole. As he was doing so, he noticed that the rope was well-worn and had the potential to snap any moment. For the time being, he decided to tie up the bo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A piece of Rope walks into a bar

A piece of rope walks into the bar and calls for the bartender and says

"Hey bartender, give me a drink"

The bartender acknowledges the rope, but as he's handing him the drink, stops suddenly and says

"Get out of my bar! We don't serve your kind here!"

So the piece of rop...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### It was a fine day out on the sea...

when a young sailer prepared to set sail on his first voyage. Before he boarded the vessel, he came across an old pirate sitting drunkenly on the docks.

"Hey, old-timer," he began, "you look like you've seen your fair share of sea. Could you spare some advise for a young sailer?"

"Gar...

### Not very good, but I haven’t forgotten it in a few years. Hope you like it.

Three strings walked into a bar. When they sat down, the bartender said “I’m sorry. We don’t serve strings here.” Disappointed, the strings left.

Not long after, the strings wanted to all go back to the bar. One of them had the idea of undoing the tip of his hair. They all did the same.
...

### A string walks into a bar

A string walks into a bar, approaches the bartender and says, “Excuse me sir, I’d like a beer.”

The bartender says gruffly, “We don’t serve strings here,” and kicks the string out.

The string goes home and thinks, “What I need is a disguise.” So he twists himself around and around, tea...

### A two ropes walk into a bar...

*twist on old joke*

As they order bartender shakes his head, "Can't you read?" as he gestures to a sign that says ,"We don't like dopes and don't serve Ropes!"

The rope is floored, but his mother warned him that some people didnt like ropes. So he and his buddy left.

Outside his...

### Three pieces of string enter a bar...

The first string approaches the counter and says, "Beer, please." The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here, get out." The second string goes up to the bartender and says, "Bloody Mary, please." The bartender says, "Didn't you hear what I told your friend? We don't serve strings here. Get out...

### A rope walked into a bar

The rope asked the bartender: "can I get a
Bud Lite?"

The bartender responded: "Sir, we don't serve ropes"

The rope went into the bathroom with a knife and frayed himself, then went back to the bar

The rope asked again: "Can I get a Bud Lite?"

The bartender responded:...

### A string walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender replys,
“Sorry, we don’t serve strings here”
The string then leaves the bar

Another string walks into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender now a little annoyed says,
“Hey I don’t serve string here, please leave”
The string l...

### The Tailor

Tailor: problem?

Customer: Frayed sew

Tailor: Sew its seems!

### A string walks into a bar

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender glares at him and rudely tells him,
"Get to going strang! We don't serve your kind 'round here!"

The string gets up and leaves, but makes his way into an alley. He loops his body around and tugs his body together, and then he mus...

### A rope walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Get out of here! We don't serve ropes here!"

So the rope heads around the block, walks up to a stranger and says "Hey, can you tie me in a knot?" Stranger shrugs and does it.

The rope hangs out a little longer, till a lady walks by and he asks "Hey, could you fray ...

### String of Cheese Jokes

Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.

They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.

He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of chee...

### A piece of string breaks out of prison.

Just one mile out from crossing state lines, the piece of string sees a checkpoint up ahead.

Frantic and worried that he will be recognized, the bit of string hatches an idea for a disguise.

He starts by rolling around on the ground, to the point he becomes dirty and tattered.
Ne...

### A string is walking home from work one Friday evening after a long week at work.

And so the string decides that he shall stop at his favorite Pub and treat himself to a pint before going home to the wife. But after a decent walk he arrives at the pub to find a new sign on the door that reads " No Strings Allowed".

The string becomes infuriated. "How dare they" he thinks t...

### Is old rope good enough for a hanging?

Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose.

### A string walks into a bar..

The string takes a seat at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, "We don't serve to strings in this bar, you'll have to see yourself out."
The string, feeling dejected, walks out and stumbles upon two rugged strings in an alley. The shady looking thugs stop the st...

### A group of strings go on a night out

They walk up the the first bar and ask for a pint of guinness and 2 carlsbergs. The barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string says yes. The barman tells the string "we dont serve string here". So the group walk away in a huff. The second string walks up to another bar and asks for the same...

### Two pieces of string walk into a bar

Two pieces of string walk into a bar. One of them sits down while the other goes up to the bar and says, "two pints of Guinness, please." The barman looks the piece of string up and down and says, "Sorry, but we don't serve pieces of string here."

So the piece of string goes back to his frie...

### A man gets drafted into a war

He lines up with the other men who got drafted. The quarter master hands him his uniform and a broom stick. What's the broom for sir? We ran out of guns just point it at enemies and yell bangitty bangitty bang.

He finally end up in a battle and he does what any other man would do stuck in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A sailor walks into a bar

He orders a drink and notices there's a mean, weather beaten pirate next to him at the bar. The pirate has a hook, a peg leg, and an eye patch. After a few drinks the sailor gets the courage to ask the pirate how he lost his leg.

The pirate tells him, "We were in the midst of a raging storm,...

### Three Strings Walk Into a Bar...

Three pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve strings here." So the pieces of string walk outside again.

They're sitting on the curb outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an ...

### A piece of string wanted to get into a club

A piece of string wanted to get into a club that didn't let in pieces of string. So he twisted himself up, and frayed his top end.
The bouncer asked "Hey, aren't you a piece of string ?"
The piece of string said "No, I'm a frayed knot"

### We don't serve string.

Two pieces of string, walking down the street on a hot summer's day. They walk past a bar, one string says to the other, "Hey let's duck into this bar real quick, get a cold beer" ... They go in, sit down, the bar tender walks over, drying off a glass with a towel, "Sorry fellas, we don't serve stri...

### A string walks into a bar...

The tender goes 'Jackass, we don't serve strings here.'
The string leaves the bar and twists and pulls and deforms himself, ruffles his hair a bit and struts back in, incognito.
The tender goes 'Hey, aren't you that string I just kicked out?'
The string answers, 'Frayed knot.'

"Frayed Sew"!

### A rope walked into a bar

After a long, hard day of work, a piece of rope walked into a bar looking to relax and have a drink. As he walked in, he noticed several of the patrons eyeing him. He made his way to the bar, sat down, and motioned to the bartender. The bartender walked down to where the rope was sitting and lowered...

### A piece of string walks into a bar

The bartender glares at him. "We don't serve pieces of string like you here."

"What? I just want a drink!" the string says.

"Get the hell outta here!"

The string leaves, dejected. On the street, he runs into another piece of string.

"Did you just get thrown out of that ba...

### A string walks into a bar...

So a shoelace walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. The bartender looks at him and responds: "We don't serve shoelaces here, leave."

The shoelace, rather put out, exits the establishment, and proceeds to tie himself into a knot. He then returns to the bar and, again, orders a sco...

### Three strings are going out for a night on the town.

The strings go to a popular bar and the first string walks up to the bar and says to the bartender, "Hey, barkeep! Three beers, please!"
The bartender starts to pour three beers when he turns to the string and says, "Wait just a minute. Are you a string? We don't serve your kind here!"
So the...

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