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Decay Jokes

Life is decay

so be a fungi

what do you call a decayed coconut?

a coconot

I was doing a lab on nuclear decay and at first it worked like expected, but when 3/4 of the material had decayed it suddenly stopped

It seems like there will never be a half life 3

My dentist told me I'm right on the brink of having tooth decay

He said the situation was precarious.

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Frustrated by a world of moral decay, a man decided that he wanted a pure, innocent woman for his wife.

So he went to church in the hope of finding someone who had not been corrupted by modern society. After two weeks, he met a charming girl and took her back to his place for the ultimate test. Whipping out his manhood, he asked her: ‘What’s this?’

‘A cock,’ she replied.

Disappointed by ...

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

Why does cesium decay into barium and not the other way around?

Because once you barium you can’t cesium anymore!

When you die, which part of your body will decay last?

Your pupils... because they die late.

There was a horrible smell coming from my vehicle and I discovered a decaying parsnip in the boot...

I took it to the mechanic and he said it appears to be a carrot

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

Yo mama so stupid

When she gives someone a piece of her mind, it's considered particle decay.

Three women die and go to heaven

There are ducks everywhere on the ground and floors. St. Peter tells them: "This is Heaven, you can do anything you like, as long as you don't step on a duck. If you step on a duck, you will be punished."

The first woman tries very carefully to not step on a duck, but slips up and accidentall...

Two corpses are lying in a grave and one turns to the other and says,”Dude, why are you rotting?”

The other turns to him and says, “I decay.”

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Another great salesman

One day the manager of a door-to-door toothbrush sales business calls in his three new employees.

He asks the first guy, "how much did you sell today?"

"Well, I sold 30 toothbrushes."

"That's not bad for your first day," replies the manager, "what was your sales technique?"
<...

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Why is a Geiger counter like mature porn?

You get a lot of clicks when your junk's decaying.

My friend just sent me a phenomenal joke and I’m mad at her for being funnier than I am. Suffer with me.

Two guys are walking through the debris of a terrible accident. There are decaying bodies all around. The air is heavy and foreboding. The stench is putrid.

One of them starts having a coughing fit because the smell is so overwhelming. The other guy goes, “hey are you alright? What’s with al...

Wanna hear a joke about radioactive isotopes?

Sorry, it just decayed.

What do you call a hipster who turns into a skeleton?

Urban Decay!

I did not originally think of this, I heard it from a friend

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Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

Text response from a confused carcass:

I decay.

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Kids will be kids

So a kid is eating this bag of candy his dad gave him. Just going to town on it. This stranger walks up to him and says: “hey kid - eating that much candy is bad for you...it can lead to obesity and tooth decay to name a few things.”

The kid unimpressed looks at him and says: “it’s funny you ...

I'm agnostic. What happens to me when I die?

Idk. (I decay)

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If you have the time, here is Norm Macdonald's moth joke as presented in his book, "Based on a True Story".

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist says. What's the problem?

The moth says, where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vasilovich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one ...

Joe and his friends went to the costume party...

Joe and his friends went to the costume party and were really enjoying themselves.

Then a woman came in. She was wearing nothing at all, but was body-painted in white from head to toes.

The guys struggled to guess what that meant but after few drinks Joe gathered courage and went to as...

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

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At the beginning of time two schools were created.

One was Matter High, the other Antimatter High. Each was tasked with creating the fundamental laws that would define the growth and existence of the universe.

Students at Matter High developed Gravitation, Strong Attraction, Weak Attraction, and Electromagnetism.

Students at Antimatt...

There was a contest to see who can...

...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.

The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks ...

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