Life is decay

so be a fungi

My dentist told me I'm right on the brink of having tooth decay

He said the situation was precarious.

I was doing a lab on nuclear decay and at first it worked like expected, but when 3/4 of the material had decayed it suddenly stopped

It seems like there will never be a half life 3

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Frustrated by a world of moral decay, a man decided that he wanted a pure, innocent woman for his wife.

So he went to church in the hope of finding someone who had not been corrupted by modern society. After two weeks, he met a charming girl and took her back to his place for the ultimate test. Whipping out his manhood, he asked her: ‘What’s this?’

‘A cock,’ she replied.

Disappointed by ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is a Geiger counter like mature porn?

You get a lot of clicks when your junk's decaying.

There was a horrible smell coming from my vehicle and I discovered a decaying parsnip in the boot...

I took it to the mechanic and he said it appears to be a carrot

Why does cesium decay into barium and not the other way around?

Because once you barium you can’t cesium anymore!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

Three women die and go to heaven

There are ducks everywhere on the ground and floors. St. Peter tells them: "This is Heaven, you can do anything you like, as long as you don't step on a duck. If you step on a duck, you will be punished."

The first woman tries very carefully to not step on a duck, but slips up and accidentall...

When you die, which part of your body will decay last?

Your pupils... because they die late.

My friend just sent me a phenomenal joke and I’m mad at her for being funnier than I am. Suffer with me.

Two guys are walking through the debris of a terrible accident. There are decaying bodies all around. The air is heavy and foreboding. The stench is putrid.

One of them starts having a coughing fit because the smell is so overwhelming. The other guy goes, “hey are you alright? What’s with al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

Two corpses are lying in a grave and one turns to the other and says,”Dude, why are you rotting?”

The other turns to him and says, “I decay.”

What animal is endangered by tooth decay?

Molar bears!

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

Ever wonder what happened to the last 10 years?

Decayed

I gave my wife some flowers, as a symbol of our love...

Decaying husks of once vibrant things that wither more and more as days go by.

Wanna hear a joke about radioactive isotopes?

Sorry, it just decayed.

What do you call a hipster who turns into a skeleton?

Urban Decay!

I did not originally think of this, I heard it from a friend

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kids will be kids

So a kid is eating this bag of candy his dad gave him. Just going to town on it. This stranger walks up to him and says: “hey kid - eating that much candy is bad for you...it can lead to obesity and tooth decay to name a few things.”

The kid unimpressed looks at him and says: “it’s funny you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the beginning of time two schools were created.

One was Matter High, the other Antimatter High. Each was tasked with creating the fundamental laws that would define the growth and existence of the universe.

Students at Matter High developed Gravitation, Strong Attraction, Weak Attraction, and Electromagnetism.

Students at Antimatt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A king hired a professional thief

The king wants to steal the national treasure of the neighboring kingdom, something that, if he owns, he'll have the right to rule BOTH countries. He sent out a call across the land for the best, sneakiest, and most ruthless assassins, thieves, brigands, and highwaymen and stated their crimes would ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another great salesman

One day the manager of a door-to-door toothbrush sales business calls in his three new employees.

He asks the first guy, "how much did you sell today?"

"Well, I sold 30 toothbrushes."

"That's not bad for your first day," replies the manager, "what was your sales technique?"
<...

Joe and his friends went to the costume party...

Joe and his friends went to the costume party and were really enjoying themselves.

Then a woman came in. She was wearing nothing at all, but was body-painted in white from head to toes.

The guys struggled to guess what that meant but after few drinks Joe gathered courage and went to as...

Text response from a confused carcass:

I decay.

I'm agnostic. What happens to me when I die?

Idk. (I decay)

There was a contest to see who can...

...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.

The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.